One week to go?

I have shared with you and stood firm on God's word to me that He would bring Ty home around Christmas.  Well, here we are, one week before Christmas and no baby...not even a hint of a baby.  At times I feel like Noah - standing on the corner proclaiming this absurd promise from the Lord.  Some days I am confident and hopeful, other days I am full of doubt.  Either way, my God is faithful, He is trustworthy and He is good.  So many of you have been sweet to ask how things are going, but the truth is there's nothing new to share.  Today we are still waiting to be matched with Ty's birthmother.

Should Christmas come and go next week with no sign of a baby, what does that mean?  I don't know.  I wish I had the answers.  Maybe I heard Him wrong.  Maybe I misunderstood.  Maybe His timing is still different.  Maybe we keep waiting.  The one thing I do know is that my God doesn't need me to defend Him.  I am human and I will do my best in hearing Him, loving Him and serving Him.  So today, we continue to wait...hopeful to bring home our sweet baby boy in time for Christmas.  Thank you for your continued prayers.

Related posts:
10/11/12 - Bread crumbs while we wait
9/23/12 - A bump in the road
7/10/12 - Save the adoption credit
6/29/12 - Bezi's Grand Opening
6/22/12 - We're over the first hump
5/21/12 - Out of the mouths of babes
5/13/12 - A far away dream comes near

Bread crumbs while we wait...

Well, we've done it...everything in our power toward Ty's adoption.  Our profile has been completed and distributed and now we just wait on word of a match.

Click here to see our profile in its entirety.

Our agency has advised us to spread the word far and wide that we are adopting, because you never know where that baby will come from. So please keep us in mind if you ever hear mention of adoption. Our social worker's contact information is available on the last page of our profile. We also ask that you please pray with us as we wait out the remaining months and that God will clearly bring us to the path that leads to our son, Ty.

I had the opportunity to share pieces of our stories with some moms this morning, and I told one of them that as I look back over the last five years or so, I can clearly see building blocks.  Each new thing God has asked us to do is a little bit bigger than the thing before.  I feel like I can look back and see a pattern...we chose to be obedient, Abba came through bigger and better than we could have imagined, and our faith and trust in Him grew.  So next time, if He asks us to do something even bigger, we can know without a shadow of a doubt that He's good for it.  Not only has He not ever failed me, but Abba always blows my mind with the outpouring of His goodness.  My Jesus never does anything "good enough" or "oh, that will do."  No way, He gives greater than we can ask, think or imagine!

In that spirit, Abba knows that waiting is not something I'm very good at.  Ok really...who honestly likes waiting in the unknown?  Exactly, point proven.  So anyway, when we were on our journey from Tennessee back to Alabama and I felt at the end of my rope, Jesus would always give me what I called "bread crumbs"...a little nugget to cling to, a reminder that He's working on things that I can not see, and that He never has and never will leave me.  This journey has been no different.  Over the last two weeks He's given us a few bread crumbs to cling to...

Last week I toted the kids back and forth to Office Depot with me while we were working to get our profiles printed.  I told Haley that we were making some books to help us bring baby Ty home.  She wasn't really interested in more detail, but was rather satisfied to climb up and down the boxes of paper and push the buttons on the calculators.  (Yes, on that day, I was that mom.)  So anyway, one night while I was working on dinner, Haley was playing with a toy phone and handed it to Toby, "Here Daddy, it's for you."  Toby almost always plays along, "Who is it, Haley?"  Without skipping a beat or even giving much thought she replied, "It's baby Ty's mommy."  Toby and I froze and stared at each other, Haley had already moved on to the next thing.  I thought to myself, why yes, Haley, we are in fact waiting on a phone call from baby Ty's mommy.  I tell you, children have such a strong connection to the Spirit.  Please encourage that in your children and pay attention to the "random ramblings" that come out of their mouths.  They may unknowingly be the keepers of great secrets!

My second bread crumb came a few days ago at the grocery store.  The kids and I were watching our cashier scan our items when a young family came up to the lane beside us.  One little boy, maybe about 2 or 3, climbed out of the buggy without his parents noticing, came over to my lane and tried to be so helpful by handing my cashier an onion in a produce bag.  He was so cute and so sweet and so confused as to why she wasn't taking it.  We both said hello to him and commented to each other about how cute he was.  Then I heard his father behind me in a strong, commanding voice, "Ty, Ty.  Come here!"  They apologized for him bothering us, but I was still in shock at what I'd just heard.  I asked his mother, "I'm sorry, but what is his name?"  She absentmindedly replied, "Tyrese" while she tried to wrangle her three small children.  His dad called his name at least another 5 times before they pulled out of the line next to me to find a faster cashier.  I couldn't take my eyes off of the sweet little boy, with my boy's name!  I am amazed at the details that had to play out for me to experience those few, precious seconds.  Another sweet gift from my Jesus...a reminder that He hasn't left us and He's still working, even though we can't see it.

From the very beginning of this process, Abba has impressed "Christmas" on my heart.  Ty will be born and will come home around Christmas.  Sometimes I walk in great confidence of that promise, and sometimes I feel like I'm way out in left field, but recently He has been reminding me of that detail...Christmas.  Over and over and over, He's told me..."Christmas."  And lately, He's gotten a bit pushy about it..."I told you Christmas.  You might need to get his space ready for him!!"  Oh, but, uh...that's going to require some movement behind my faith.  To which He replied, "Exactly."  Between you and me...I'm afraid of being wrong.  What if I am way out in left field and Christmas comes and goes with no baby? What then?  If all we've invested is paperwork and prayers then I can blow it off as, "Oh well, I was wrong, we'll just keep waiting."  But if I have an entire nursery set up, waiting for my tiny son to come home in +/- 75 days and then he doesn't...I don't know if I can look at that space.  Will be a painful reminder of a failure?  SO, here's what we're going to do...we're going to be obedient.  Toby and I have CHOSEN to be obedient, even if it seems ridiculous!  I mean, how ridiculous did Noah look building a boat on dry land in a place that had never seen rain?!?  Ok, so I will take a BIG step out there, risk looking totally ridiculous and wait patiently for my God, my King Jesus, to come through on His latest promise..."I will bring you Ty...this Christmas."

As Haley and I have studied Noah over the last few weeks, I have drilled into her head...

GOD ALWAYS KEEPS HIS PROMISES!

Related posts:
9/23/12 - A bump in the road
7/10/12 - Save the adoption credit
6/29/12 - Bezi's Grand Opening
6/22/12 - We're over the first hump
5/21/12 - Out of the mouths of babes
5/13/12 - A far away dream comes near

A bump in the road

We are so grateful to all of you who have been so encouraging on our adoption journey.  I know it's been a while since my last update here, so let me catch you up to speed.

God has been so good, so clear, and provided so much confirmation to us through this process.  This journey started back in March when I thought I was pregnant.  I had the list of symptoms across the board...strange tiredness, nausea, heightened sense of smell, emotional, you name it.  Any woman who's been there knows the emotional roller coaster you ride in your mind until you get clear, medical confirmation.  So I was really disappointed when my first at home test was negative...didn't even tell Toby about that one.  But the symptoms continued for another week, and since I'd gotten a false negative with Jake's pregnancy, I held out hope.  I had done the math, and if I were pregnant, we would have a Christmas baby.  The next week I had shared my thoughts with Toby and I took another test...negative.  I was so bummed and confused and I launched myself into prayer over it for the next few days.  Through many hours of conversation and questions with Abba, many dreams, and lots of time in worship, He revealed something really cool to me..."Carey, you're not pregnant, but your baby has been conceived."  Ha, uh, weird. What am I suppose to do with that?  After more questions and long talks with Toby, we became convinced that our baby was out there, now is the time to start the adoption process and we will bring him home around Christmas.

So we shared all of this with our adoption agency, including the visions Toby and I have had of our little boy.  We've since learned that people don't usually put so many "specifics" on their adopted baby, but because these sweet people love Jesus and have seen Him do amazing things, they simply said, "Wow!  That's incredible!  We can't wait for the ride."  They have been so encouraging and supportive.  So we truck along, get through the challenging application process and are getting ready for our home study.  The day before our first home study visit, a 17 year old girl, matching our description, called the agency.  She was pregnant and wanted to give her baby for adoption.  She was due the second week of January.  As soon as our social worker mentioned this to us, I just knew, that I knew, that this was our baby.  This was him!  How beautiful, how perfect!  We wouldn't even have to prepare a profile of our family - a scrapbook birthmothers will use to "shop" for an adoptive family.  I got attached, really just to the idea since we knew very little else about the birthmother, but in my heart I knew she was carrying our son.  So we prayed for that birthmother and that sweet baby day in and day out, and anxiously awaited the day of her big ultrasound to determine the sex of her baby.  We knew that big day was coming around the end of August, but we didn't hear from our social worker.  I refused the possibility and clung to the hope that this was our baby.

The last Friday morning of August, I was running errands with Haley and Jake in tow when my phone rang.  It was her, the call I'd been waiting on.  She was so sweet and so kind, but she didn't have an excitement in her voice like I'd hoped.  She told me that the birthmother we'd been praying for was healthy, the pregnancy was going well, and she was having a girl.  I was crushed.  I sat in the parking lot of Sam's Club, not really in a state of shock as much as a "what do we do now?" state.  After hanging up the phone, I cried and then cried some more, knowing my sweet Haley wouldn't understand what had just happened.  Seeing that I was sad, she started singing a song she'd made up, "Don't you worry worry, Mommy.  Don't you worry worry, Daddy."  That was it, the whole song, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.   So I pulled myself together and called another member of our agency.  She already knew the news and was waiting on my call.  I asked her, "What do we need to do to prepare our profile?"

So that's where we are.  Our profile is almost finished and then we will begin "marketing" ourselves.  I hate that term, but it's basically what it is.  But I know that we are not just throwing ourselves out there, begging for someone to please choose us.  Our profile will simply be a tool to connect us with the one, perfect birthmother who is carrying my little boy.  Our prayer is for God to show us the path that leads to our son, and I know that He will do it.

Within a matter of days, Abba was able to show me the good in our disappointment.  To be completely honest, I had allowed Satan to whisper lies to me, horrible lies...and I started to believe them.  They were so horrible that I didn't even tell Toby about them.  That's exactly the way Satan wanted it.  As long as the lies were hidden in the dark places of my mind, they held power over me, but as soon as they were released into the light and brought out into the open they were broken!  I would rock Jake at night and these thoughts would come through my mind, "You're not going to love that baby like you do Haley and Jake.  That child will always be different.  You're going to resent raising someone else's kid when he's sick or he turns out to be a heathen.  God didn't tell you to do this.  You made it up and you want people to say 'Oh, look how great Carey is'."  The sad part is that I listened.  I allowed doubt to creep into my mind.  Are we suppose to adopt?  Are we just out in left field here?  The beauty of this disappointment was that I grieved over "loosing" that baby.  If those horrible lies were true, then the knowledge of this baby being a girl would have been a relief, and it was far from it.  God used my grief to help me knock out the lies, remind me of His promise and solidify my heart for this baby.  Now I am more anxious than ever to have him in my arms!

This past Sunday, our confirming God spoke boldly again.  At the end of the service our pastor asked us to hold out our hands and repeat after him.  I hadn't even been focused on our new son that day and was a bit distracted, but decided to buckle down and focus on the words coming out of his mouth..."Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us."  As soon as those last words came out of my mouth, it was as if a sound wave or something had been traveling through the air and it hit me, nearly knocking me back.  I clearly heard Abba's voice, "I will bring you Ty."  And again He impressed Christmas on my heart.  It was so clear, so powerful, and so out of nowhere that I crumpled into tears.  Even now, He is reminding me of His promise and that His timing is perfect.  We are holding onto that as we ride out the rest of our journey in bringing our baby boy home!


Related posts:
7/10/12 - Save the adoption credit
6/29/12 - Bezi's Grand Opening
6/22/12 - We're over the first hump
5/21/12 - Out of the mouths of babes
5/13/12 - A far away dream comes near

From pew warmer to freedom walker

My heart is so heavy today.  There is so much I want to share, so much life I want others to have, so much sadness that they don't even know what they're turning down.  Today I will share a piece of my heart, a piece of my journey.  Hopefully it will help others to see that YES, THERE IS MORE!

I grew up in church with a mom who prayed for me and read me Bible stories.  The church thing stuck.  I even went so far as to pursue church attendance when I moved out on my own.  Sadly, my motives were a bit skewed.  I went to church because that's just what you did, that's what was expected, and my mom would be disappointed if I didn't.  So in each new city I found myself, I searched out a church.  I even started teaching Sunday School at one of them.  How's that for gold stars, huh?!?  So this went on for years...and years.  But secretly, I was dying.  I would ask myself, is this really it?  Is what I'm living the great joy that God promises and that I've heard preached about all the time?  Because frankly, it's really not all that great.  I don't mind following the "rules" too much, I'm not really a rebel at heart anyway, but if this is the greatest way to live life, I must be missing something.  And here's where I ran into my biggest problem..."Um, yeah, I know I'm a Sunday School teacher and all, but I don't really get it.  What's the big deal?  I don't have this overflowing joy that the Bible tells me I'll have and quite frankly, I'm a bit tired of keeping up the act, checking my religion box, and going through the motions."  I felt stuck.  How do I admit to knowing nothing about what I was teaching?  Sure I knew all the "right" things to say, but at the end of the day they were just the rules, the dos and the don'ts...I'd mastered those, but nothing penetrated deeper than that.  Just so we're clear, this facade went across the board to every aspect of my life...my coworkers, my friends at church, my family, my husband and myself.  I pretended to all of them.   I pretended to "be in love with Jesus" to all of them, and for a while I tried to convince myself I had it all figured out, but in my secret places I knew it just wasn't true.  I didn't even know what that meant, much less how to get there, but it sounded good.  It's what was expected of me, so I kept it up.  But when you've had enough pretending to have it all together, how do you get out?  I didn't know, so I kept my doubts to myself and eventually God took me to a new place.  A place where nobody knew my name, nobody knew what I had "taught" before and I didn't have any act to keep up.  I could just start fresh.  I could admit that I didn't know as much about this God stuff as I had led on.  I could ask questions without expecting an appalling, shocked look in return.  The details of the day that changed everything for me are here, but now I have to tell you what I've learned on the other side...

If you find yourself in a similar place, the biggest thing I can tell you is that the ball is in your court.  It's your move. 

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."  Jeremiah 29:13

"I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me."  Proverbs 8:17

"But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul."  Deuteronomy 4:29

"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."  Luke 11:10, Matthew 7:8

This word "seek" means "to search out in worship or prayer, to strive after, to beg, to desire."  It requires me to take the first step.  I have to want to find Him.  I have to want to know what He has to say.  I have to want to do what He asks.  This was my hang up for years.  I would go through the motions, read my Bible on occasion, talk the talk, but deep down in the quiet, secret places of my gut I didn't really want to find Him.  I knew what He was going to say and I didn't like it.  He was going to tell me that I was wrong for carrying on like I had been.  I didn't read my Bible often enough.  I didn't talk about Him enough to my coworkers.  I didn't pray for people when I told them I would.  Yeah, I knew the dos and don'ts and I could point a finger at you, but I didn't follow them all the way through.  God was going to be disappointed with me, so I chose not to give Him a chance to talk.  I didn't really want to find Him.  Even though I knew something was missing, I'd rather live without that missing piece than face His finger in my face for all the things I had not done good enough. 

Sweet friend, I am here to tell you that's the place I lived in for so many years...stuck and no idea what to do about it.  But the fear of God's pointing finger turned out to be a lie from the pit of hell.  I've since learned that those fears and those words of condemnation and accusing fingers only come from the enemy.  Paul tells us that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Romans 8:1.  If you don't want to look for God because you're afraid you'll get a finger in your face, you need to address that head on...that is NOT Jesus' sweet voice of love, that is Satan's voice holding you in captivity, keeping you locked up in yourself, and you have the power to call his bluff.  You have the power to tell him to shut up and turn your face to what God has to say. 

So what does He have to say?  If I decide to give Him a chance to talk, what will He say to me?  I remember that day very clearly.  Toby was at work, Haley was napping and I climbed onto my bed with my journal and my Bible.  I had seen other women in Tennessee with something I didn't have.  They threw their heads back and spun like children in worship to our God.  They were so free and full of life.  Their eyes sparkled and danced when they talked about God.  I knew that whatever they had, I didn't, but I wanted it.  So I sat on my bed and decided that I would give Him a chance to talk.  I would hear Him out.  I wanted to know how to hear His voice.  During the prayer time that changed everything for me, He said, "Carey, I see you.  Not only do I 'know how many hairs are on your head' and did I 'knit you together in your mother's womb' but I see you today.  I know what's going through your head today.  I know that you're stuck.  I know that you want a way out, and I want to show you how.  I am trustworthy." 

So, "seek and you will find."  You have to ask yourself...Do you really want to find Him?  Do you really want to know what He has to say?  Really?  In the deep, quiet places of your gut...are you willing to give Him a chance to speak?  Until you can honestly look for Him with everything you have, you won't find Him.  You won't find the great joy and peace He talks about.  You won't be able to feel His presence and hear His voice.  All of your efforts will just be motions, religion, and a facade.  I can tell you, He's trustworthy.  He does not have a finger waiting on you.  He is not ready to bring up a list of all the places you've failed.  He is waiting for a chance to tell you how much He loves you, how much he thinks about you.  He wants to show you the joy and peace He has to offer.  He wants to lavish you with beautiful gifts, greater than you can imagine.  Are you ready to hear Him out?

Save the adoption credit

First of all, thank you SO MUCH to all of you who have been so supportive through our adoption process so far.  Many of you have inquired of our progress, have offered prayers on our behalf and have supported Bezi's Creations in an effort to help us raise the funds necessary to bring our son home.  As many of you know, adopting a baby is certainly not a "cheap" endeavor.  When God told us to start this process, even before we had the money in the bank, we took a leap of faith and began walking down this road.  One crucial piece to the funding of our adoption is the adoption tax credit available to families, however this credit is set to expire on December 31, 2012.  If this happens, Toby and I will be unable to capitalize on this wonderful opportunity and great aid in bringing our son home.  The following is copied from another blog and I would appreciate the 5 minutes of your time it would require to help ensure the adoption credit gets renewed.  Also, please share this important information with your friends and families via email, FaceBook and the like.  Thank you so much for your continued support! 

Excerpt from Chapters blog:

Advocate for Kids

Before we started the process of adopting LC, we knew jack about adopting period.  As you can imagine, we've learned a lot recently about the ABC's of the adoption process and both how rewarding it can be emotionally and how draining it can be financially.  Please note: I'm not complaining.  Every penny we've spent has been over and over and over again worth it.  But if you are thinking about adoption or know someone who is or has...or just if you can find it in your heart to care at all about all the children who need a family, there's something you need to know. 

There is good news: there is a "adoption assistance" tax credit that, traditionally, has helped offset some (not all) of the costs of adoption.

The bad news: at the end of 2012, if people don't say something, its gone.  In fact, in 2012, it's already been changed from refundable (you get money back) to non-refundable (it just means you might not have to pay so much if you owe income taxes). 

What does that mean?  Or maybe why should you care?

To put it simply, it means good families who want to change a life and/or provide a loving, stable home but don't make quite enough money might not have the income to adopt a child in need.  (Just so you know, adoption can cost anywhere from $13-$40K on average if adopting privately.)

So this credit going away makes me incredibly sad. How many kids in the future are going to stay in the system because families just can't afford adoption?

I wrote my first ever letter to a Representative today and I'm asking if someone (ANYONE) would take the time to copy this letter (below) and click here to send (typically) a web form to your Representative. It will take 10 minutes of your life.  But it could change someone else's forever.

I hope I've made this really, really easy: 

Dear Representative INSERT NAME:

I am writing to ask you to support the adoption tax credit, which is set to expire on December 31, 2012. The adoption tax credit is especially important to me because INSERT REASON (like: you're planning to adopt, you know someone who has adopted, or you think adoption is a worthy cause).

The adoption tax credit is essential to ensuring that as many children as possible are able to find families and that the cost of adoption is not prohibitive to children being raised in loving, caring environments.  I am asking you to take action on behalf of those who have made both a personal and financial sacrifice to support children in our country and in other countries who are in need.

Please use your vote to make sure the adoption tax credit would be permanent, refundable, inclusive of all types of adoption, and remain a “flat” tax for children with special needs.

On behalf of the countless children waiting to be adopted, and the many thousands of families that stand to suffer financially with the loss of the adoption tax credit, thank you for your attention to this important issue.

Sincerely,

NAME

CITY, STATE

EMAIL ADDRESS

PS: Will you consider re-posting to get the word out?

Bezi's Grand Opening

Bezi's Creations is ready for its Grand Opening on Etsy!  Please take a minute to stop by, check things out and pass the word along.  For this weekend only I'm offering free domestic shipping in celebration of our big kickoff.  Simply enter the code "grandopen" during checkout. 

Make sure to check back often as I have tons of new ideas and great new products coming down the pipeline.  I just wanted to get Etsy up and running with what I already have available.  Remember that all proceeds go toward our adoption expenses.  Thanks again for your support! 

If you're on FaceBook, make sure to like our page, www.facebook.com/beziscreations.  Also in celebration of Bezi's Grand Opening weekend we will be giving away a $20 gift card (either to Bezi's or Amazon, winner's choice).  The winner will be chosen by random.org once the FaceBook page reaches 100 likes.  So help spread the word!

Thanks again for all of your prayers, encouragement and support in bringing our baby boy home!!  

We're over the first hump

We have had so many people ask about how the adoption process is coming, so I wanted to drop a quick note to keep everyone in the loop.  A few weeks ago we turned in our mountain of paperwork.  All of it was reasonable, it was just a lot of stuff to collect...certified copies of our birth certificates, marriage certificates and deed on our house, reference letters from friends and family, proof of employment and insurance, letters from our bank confirming our financial assertions, financial records, autobiographies, medical exams, etc etc etc.  So anyway, we finally got through all of that and are on to the next phase.

We met with our social worker last night and were so encouraged by everything she had to share.  We had some concerns regarding the financial "risks" we are undertaking as spelled out in the contract we have to sign with the agency, but she was a great comfort.  She assured us that they do a lot of screening with the birthmothers on the front end, and statistically, once we are matched with a birthmother the chances of everything working out are really good...at least that is this agency's experience.  She also walked us through the next few steps in more detail.  We will begin the home study process this Sunday and will conclude it after the July 4th holiday.  The home study consists of two visits from our social worker to our home.  She will evaluate how we relate to and "manage" our children, the safety and cleanliness of our home, and we will discuss in more detail our parenting styles, childhoods, and motivations and expectations regarding the adoption.  The home study process is a standard event that is required by the state to be considered a suitable adoptive parent, regardless of where the adopted child comes from. 


The home study should be complete around the middle of July at which point we will begin the education phase.  We will have several conferences with a member of our agency who will provide us with information regarding the specific circumstances and needs of adopted children.  This is one of the reasons that we are so happy to be working with this agency, Children of the World.  This is not just business to them.  They are dealing with people's lives and they take very seriously the opportunity they have to minister to us, the birthmother, and the adopted child. 

At this point, we will be ready to receive our son and will begin the waiting process.  There are several ways to "find" our son, many of which we will investigate further when that time comes.  Once we are matched with a birthmother through a mutual selection process, the majority of our expenses will come due.  The birthmother's individual situation will determine how much financial help she needs from us regarding her basic needs as well as assistance from the agency.  The more help she needs, the more it will cost us.  The agency estimates a maximum expense of around $18,000.  To be honest, we do not have $18,000 sitting in our bank accounts today.  All we know is that God told us to start this process several months ago.  He told me specifically then that He will provide what we need, when we need it, to trust Him and begin the process...even before the money is sitting in the bank.  So here we are.  We have a saved a good bit that will get us started and I have started Bezi's Creations in an effort to raise some of the funds, but we are taking one step at a time...confident that He will make good on His promise, just like He always does! 

On the Bezi's front, I am getting ready to open a shop on Etsy in the next week or so.  I am so excited about all that God has shown me through this business and I hope you will take a minute to check it out.  The FaceBook page will stay up to keep you posted on our adoption progress, to display new products, and to offer promotions. 

Thank you so much to all of you that have been so encouraging.  Please continue to pray for us, our son, and his birthmother.  Please pray for God's guidance as we all make decisions and for all things to play out in His perfect timing.  As always, we are humbled and honored to be used in expanding His Kingdom and spreading His love.

Chop, chop

We had a big day today.  Everybody got a big haircut!  Well, everybody except Toby...he doesn't have much to spare.  For those of you who know me personally, you know that my hair has been growing...and growing.  So much so that the first comment I receive from anybody who doesn't see me on a regular basis is, "Wow. Your hair has gotten so long!"

It all started back when we moved to Tennessee right after Haley was born.  I had a really short stack back then...I mean, really short.  Being a new stay at home mom and landing in a new city without a trusted hair stylist, I just got lazy and let it grow.  By the time we made it back to Alabama almost two years later, it was pretty long.  Then I thought, "Well, I've let it go this long so I might as well just grow it for Locks of Love."  Last November I was completely annoyed with the mass of hair on my head and went to my stylist, Sandy, to have it chopped off...I was done.  She said, "Locks of Love?  Oh honey, you've got at least three more months left."  I was devastated.  Three months finally came and I made my appointment to have it chopped off. The Sunday before my big appointment, a sweet friend at church came up and randomly said, "Your hair is so pretty, Ms. Carey."  *sigh*  The day before my appointment I chickened out and cancelled it. 

Well, here we are.  It's another three months later, my hair is approaching my waistline, it's a miserable 90 degrees outside everyday and Toby just called me a "tree huggin', homeschool mom."  I guess it's time to let it go.  Since I was heading in anyway I took a long look at my little ones.  I'm pretty embarrassed that they were looking pretty shaggy themselves.  So off we went!

Jake had a shaggy do that covered his ears and one rockin' rat tail goin' on.  He did great with his first hair cut, although he was far more interested in what Sandy was up to than sitting still for her. 

Haley had to have a pep talk and luckily we avoided the freakout that came with her last haircut.  We whacked off about 5 inches and I can't believe how big she looks!

I had to take one last breath before my 14" ponytail got chopped off, but I made it through with only a little second guessing.  As Sandy was blow drying my now super short hair, I was a bit disappointed.  But as usual she kept working, thinned it out some more and it began to take shape.  As the afternoon wore on I began to get used to it.  In the end, I'm pretty happy with my new do and so glad that crazy wad is gone! 

My ponytail will go to Locks of Love.  Hopefully sooner rather than later because it's kind of creepy to see it laying on the counter. If you're not familiar with this organization, they do wonderful work.  They receive hair donations and produce hairpieces for children with permanent or long term hair loss.  These hairpieces retail for thousands of dollars but are given away for free to children in need.  Their website says that 80% of their donors are children.  I love the idea of children helping other children, and I'm thrilled to be able to help.

A start up business...doing it right

So I told you a few weeks ago that I felt God leading me to start a business, Bezi's Creations.  Crazy, right?  The goal is to raise money for our adoption and things are coming together. I can see the ball start to move.  Word is getting out and I've landed several encouraging orders.  Now, I'm a CPA by trade and I love the accounting of small businesses (weird, I know) so I was determined to do the business side right.  At least until I started investigating...sales tax at 9%, business licenses, fees for a business checking account, and on and on.  I'm just a little guy and these start up expenses were really discouraging.  Then I started making excuses..."If I'm discreet, I'm not likely to get a sales tax audit.  My proceeds are going toward a great cause.  Surely I can get away without having a business license."  I mean, the City of Mobile business license is $130 alone.  That's a huge investment at this level.  Ok, so as I'm writing this out it's becoming obvious how embarrassing this is to admit.  Just know that I'm being transparent here.

Anyway, I was taking Haley to gymnastics a few weeks ago and noticed a sign on a local bank advertising "Free Business Checking."  Ok, that sounds promising, I thought.  Considering every other bank I looked at had some kind of monthly fee tied to it, just for the privilege of having a business account open.  I opted to pursue this one.  Besides I couldn't justify using a "personal" checking account for my business...felt deceitful.  (Funny to be worried about that after my previous confessions.)  So I went to open my free account the next week while Haley was in gymnastics, only to have the process halted with the question, "Do you have a business license?"  Ugh.  They wouldn't open the account without a business license, so I started stewing over it.  As I drove back home I was truly on the fence.  I called my mom and Toby desperate for one of them to push me one way or the other.  On the one hand, I really felt like I should do this right, but on my frugal hand $130 just seemed like a huge investment.  Of course, neither my mom nor Toby answered their phones.  I was left to take my question to Jesus.  Funny, that's what I should have done in the first place, but I had already decided that I didn't like the answer I knew He'd give me.  All afternoon I'd been hearing "do it right, do it right" in my spirit.  It was like a broken record and I was running from it.  When faced with nobody else to talk to about it, and started whining, "But God, after the business stuff and the start up product it will be like $500 to even get it off the ground!!!  That's $500 we could put straight toward the adoption!"  Immediately, as clear as if Jesus were sitting in my passenger seat I heard, "Do you trust me to multiply that?"  Long sigh....Ok, I guess I will.  I steered my car toward City Hall.

About this time, my mom called me back.  She's also a CPA and has a niche in helping small businesses.  Her words were further confirmation, "Yeah, you probably should do it right.  It's hard, but this is why so many small businesses don't make it.  There's just so much investment on the front end."  I made it to downtown and made about two or three laps around before finding a parking spot.  I had made up my mind, I was going to do this RIGHT all the way around.  As I was circling downtown a church tour bus pulled out in front of me.  On it's rear in huge writing was further confirmation, "'But all things must be done properly and in an orderly manner.' 1 Corinthians 14:40"  Ha!  I couldn't help but laugh.  Ok, God.  I get it.  I'm going to do it right.  I later looked up that verse in another translation where "properly" was translated as "honestly"...figures. 

So I load up Jake in the stroller and arm myself with snacks, the iPod, and entertainment for Haley and head into the government building.  As we walked inside Toby returned my call.  He had run an errand during his lunch break and had a few minutes to spare in the car on the way back to work.  Having not been privy to my previous hour's thoughts, he launched into a list of pros and cons and questions regarding the business checking account and the business license.  I couldn't get a word in, so I listened as the kids and I circled the giant lobby.  Suddenly, Toby stopped mid-sentence.  "Carey, this bus just pulled out in front of me!  You're not going to believe what it says on the back!  'But all things must be done properly and in an orderly manner.' 1 Corinthians 14:40".  I was floored!!!  "Oh, my Jesus!  Toby, I just saw that same bus, not 15 minutes ago!!"  I don't know how much more BILLBOARD you can get in instructions from God.

The scripture I've been soaking in lately is, "Your ears will hear a word behind you, 'This is the way, walk in it.' whenever you turn to the right or to the left."  Isaiah 30:21.  I don't think I can deny that in this case, I've been given my marching orders.  So, I paid my $130 for my city business license, finished opening my checking account, obtained my county license and paid my first round of sales tax.  All that's left is state sales tax and I'm working on that.  I WILL do this right and will trust His leading.  How can I dare ask Him to bless my time and my efforts if I'm going to cheat on step 1 of starting a business?  Ridiculous!

Wouldn't you know that a week to the day when this snowball started I got a big order.  An order for triplets!  An order to more than recoup my business license expense.  Ha!  I will trust, I will walk and I will tell of His faithfulness!  

I would love for you to stop by my FaceBook page and see what I have available.  Also, if you'd be so kind as to pass the word along and share this page with your friends, that'd be great, too.  Thanks for your help!
www.facebook.com/beziscreations

Out of the mouths of babes

Last night I was cleaning the kitchen before bed and had some rare alone time.  I used it to launch into prayer for friends and family and eventually our adoption.  The prayers came freely for our baby boy, his birth mother and the entire adoption process.  The mountains in front of us just seem so big sometimes.  There's the paperwork and the waiting, the fundraising, actually finding this sweet baby, possible health concerns at birth, bringing home a new baby, the adjustment for my other two kids, and the support or lack there of from our family.  In the end, I begged Abba for another sign of confirmation.  I just needed to be reassured that we are on the right path.  This is a life altering decision that will forever effect our little family, our extended family, and our generations to come.  I don't want to be anywhere but right in step with Him. 

Toby and I have not shared anything with Haley about the adoption.  Being only 3 years old, there's so much she won't understand.  There will be lots of waiting, likely some disappointment, and of course the never ending questions.  So we haven't discussed it with her at all and I guess we thought we'd wait until we were further along in the process before bringing her on board.  Well, Abba beat me to it. 

This morning as I was changing Jake's diaper after his morning nap, Haley came into his room carrying two naked baby dolls.  She handed one to Jake and the other to me and she said, "This baby's for you cause you're going to have another baby."  I froze.  I looked at her and said, "What did you just say, sweetie?"  She repeated herself, "You're going to have another baby."  Not believing what I was hearing I asked, "What do you mean by that?"  She was totally confident in her answer, "Jesus loves you.  He's going to give you another baby."  I sat there stunned.  I'd call that "confirmation."  So I shared a little about the road we are starting on.  I asked her how she felt about have two baby brothers and she immediately got excited.  She is the absolute best big sister to Jake and I know she will be to this new baby as well.

By the way, I had a physical done three days ago as part of the adoption process.  My doctor ran a pregnancy test just to be sure...it was negative. 

Thank you, Jesus, for my confirmation.  Thank you for reminding me that You are in control of all things, that you hear me when I call to You, and You love me enough to answer the hard questions in my soul in a way that I cannot mistake.  I know that You will walk us through every, single step of this season.  The ones that will take us through valleys and the ones that will take us to mountain tops.  You will be there, right in front of us, leading the way and we will give You ALL glory for each and every step. 

A far away dream comes near

As long as Toby and I have been together...all the way back to high school, we've dreamed about one day adopting a baby.  For me, that's just what it's been...a dream.  I've always thought that someday it would be nice to entertain that idea, but for now it still seemed pretty far off.   Toby, however, was on another page.  A few weeks after Jake was born in July, Toby said, "I think we should adopt our next one."  Hmm.  We both want to have a big family, but I was fresh off of new baby hormones and not so interested in the idea.  I gave him a half-hearted response, "Huh.  Sure.  Let's talk about it later."  And with that the idea of adoption stayed a far away dream.

As the months wore on, Toby was relentless.  Every few weeks he would bring up the idea, and when it came up again at the first of the year we were in the throws of selling, buying and moving.  Again I brushed him off, "Let's get moved and settled before we launch into another life altering process."  So, here we are.  We've moved.  We're settled.  I'm out of excuses...and it came up again.  Finally, I agreed to start praying about it.  I asked Abba that if adopting a child was really in His plan for our near future then to change my heart and confirm this path.  Wouldn't you know, He did just that.  As I prayed over this for a few weeks I became more and more certain that this was something we should investigate.  Adoption was suddenly in my face everywhere I turned.  I got a call out of the blue from a Tennessee friend.  They were in the middle of the adoption process and wanted some advice and prayer.  On a rare date night out, Toby and I ended up at the movie theater watching October Baby.  (Shameless plug - If you haven't seen October Baby, you need, need to see it.  It has such great perspective and healing from so many angles.  End shameless plug.)  Toby and I had endless conversations about the idea and within a matter of weeks adoption went from a "nice idea for later" to me identifying a hole in my heart.  Through these weeks of prayer I have become convinced that my baby is out there and I am not whole because he is not home with me.  The best way to describe it is that I miss him.  One of my babies is missing.  Abba has His protective hand on my baby boy until we are able to meet him and bring him home.  You see, this isn't about doing some good charity deed.  In my heart I know that we are searching for this one child that has been earmarked for our family.  I'm already attached to this baby I've never even met. 

I suppose Toby's passion for our adoption started years ago.  God gave him a vision and in it he saw he and I walking away.  I was holding his hand and in his other hand was a two year old little boy.  We know that Jake is not the boy he saw.  During my weeks of prayer and searching I had a similar vision during worship at church one weekend.  I saw my Jesus holding the sweet hand of my little boy.  He was about two years old at the time and had the most adorable little face.  His eyes were bursting with joy and the sight of him was so real that I felt like I could reach out and touch him.  That was my baby.  I just know it.   Also during this time I was reading through my Bible and a name jumped off the page at me.  It stayed in my head for days and I couldn't get away from it.  It was my little boy's name.  The name Abba gave him means "chance" and "fortunate."  Rather fitting, I thought.   

Now it's just a matter of following God's leading to the path that will take us to our son.  We have contacted several different adoption avenues in Mobile and decided on Children of the World out of Fairhope, Alabama.   We had our first lengthy visit with our social worker this past week and are so thrilled to be working with them.  The people of this agency truly love the Lord and they love their jobs.  They are deeply compassionate and caring people.  We have received glowing references and love that they take their birthmothers under their wing and minister to them before and after the adoption.  We are now working on our final application for the State of Alabama and are gathering lots of paperwork in preparation for our home study.

A few months back, before I began entertaining the idea of adoption, Jesus gave me specific instructions one Sunday morning.  Our pastor was preaching a series on miracles and as he got started that morning, I found myself thinking, "We've seen so many miracles.  I wonder where we're going next."  Immediately Jesus responded to my spirit, "Adoption.  I want you to start the process even before you have the funds sitting in the bank."  Hmm...seemed random at the time.  So we recognize that adoption is not only a great emotional investment, but it will require a great financial investment as well.  In light of this, my Jesus graciously showed me where some of these funds will come from during a 4am feeding with Jake a few weeks ago.  It was like a light had gone off in my head and everything clicked perfectly in place.  I had been complaining to Toby just days earlier that I felt like I needed somewhere to focus my energy...outside of running our home.  I mean, let's face it...you can only get so much satisfaction and sense of accomplishment out of 14 loads of laundry.  I also have been dabbling in some new creative outlets and had wondered if maybe I could sell some of my creations.  When the goal was extra spending cash it just didn't seem to make sense and the pieces just didn't seem to line up, but now there was a specific goal to strive for.  I would use the skills I've been working on and the creativity He's been working to reveal to bring in the funds we would need to support the adoption.  And just like that Bezi's Creations was born!  Bezi comes from Bezalel in the Bible.  God gave Bezalel the supernatural ability to envision and build all of the items for the tabernacle when the Isrealites were wandering the wilderness.  This guy has just stuck out to me ever since I studied this with my Boothmakers a few years back.  Mind you, I'm a CPA and have never thought myself to be crafty, so any time I come up with anything even remotely unique or cute I claim a "Bezalel moment."  So anyway, Bezi's Creations will offer handpainted furniture (a new, super fun hobby) as well as styles and accessories for little ones including bibs and onesies with neck ties or pearls, month by month onesies to capture your baby's first year, and hooded towels great for snuggling up a freshly cleaned baby or wrapping up a toddler after a fun day at the beach or in the pool.

I am so excited for this new season, even though it will be chalked full of stuff to accomplish.  My prayer over the last few days has been for God to show me how to manage my time, how to structure my day so that I can spend quality time with Him and my family and still take care of our home, gather the needed adoption papers, and get a business up and running.  I tell you, my days of vegging out in front of the TV are long gone.  But it's all good.  I wouldn't change a thing.  He has answered my prayers and so far all systems are running smoothly. 

So, will you help us in this?  Will you join with Toby and me in prayer that God will guide our steps and give us wisdom and discernment as we walk the road that will take us to our son?  Will you pray for protection over our baby and his birthmother?  And will you help me get the word out about Bezi's Creations?  I have started a FaceBook page and would love for you to "like" it and spread the word by sharing it with your friends.  My products will be available for sale on the FaceBook page and also I will have my first sale this coming Saturday.  I'm so excited to get things going!  Thank you in advance for all of your support in this season.  I know my Jesus has some amazing blessings lined up for so many in the coming months.  It's going to be an awesome adventure!

A new normal

We've been in our new house for two months now and many people have asked us if we're settled yet.  I guess the answer is yes and no.  Nearly all of our boxes are unpacked and we are functioning "normally" but there is still much to be done.  For example, the bonus room is home to many of Haley's toys.  We've never had a bonus room before and therefore, we have no bonus room furniture...thus Haley's toys are scattered all over the floor with no place to be put away.  By the way, that's about to drive me nuts, so we'll be getting some bookshelves, at least, in the near future.

Toby is itching to hang pictures on every wall of the house.  Somehow I can't get him to realize that it's not quite that simple.  While I agree that having our art or photos on the walls would do wonders in making our space feel more homey, there are several steps ahead of hanging pictures.  For instance, our bedroom has been burgundy and gold for the eight years we've been married, and I'm ready for something different.  Which means a new bedspread and curtains.  Also our bedroom here is so much larger, so we are saving up for additional furniture like a seating area...all of which must be established before said pictures can be hung.

So anyway, in answer to your question about "are we settled yet?"...we're getting there.  Toby and I both still have days where we just walk around and laugh at our house.  It feels like we're living in somebody else's home, or at least some fancy hotel.  Not a day goes by that we don't look around in awe and amazement of the gift God has given us in this home. 

Another new aspect of "normal" is the addition of MiMi and Pop just 13 houses down.  Yes, that's right.  After they had their house on the market, on and off, for three years, my Jesus finally sold their house (in His timing) and moved them to my neighborhood!  I can see their front door from my driveway...it's amazing!  They've taken the kids while I do housework, I've dropped the littles off so I can browse the grocery store isles in peace, and we've eaten many meals at their table.  Having never lived in such close proximity to family, this is taking some time to get used to...I don't have to do everything on my own all the time!  I have help!  This is such a blessing and I'm loving every minute of it!

I would say that my biggest adjustment since the move has been managing my time.  As any stay at home mom of little ones will tell you, raising, feeding, educating, and caring for the little guys is a full time job that demands lots of attention.  Throw the household chores like laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and bill paying on top and you've got your hands full.  So I've been juggling all of that for three years, but now I've got this big house to furnish also.  Unfortunately, my littles are not too crazy about running errands all over town in search of rugs, lamps and sofas...it's just not their thing.  So I had a bit of a break down a few weeks ago as I explained to Toby that I felt like I was treading water, just trying to keep things moving, even as the laundry was about to eat me alive.   As always, our God is so practical and He is helping me to find my balance.  I have several new goals.  Two of which are to make my kids belly laugh every day and to accomplish one thing each week toward the furnishing of the house.  So far, so good.  Decorating this house will be a marathon, but the dreaming, planning and bringing it to life is the fun part.  I'm thrilled to be able to turn this house into our home, even if it does take years to do it.

On my most overwhelming day a few weeks ago, I landed on a wonderful phone call from a friend, Tracy.  She has five teenagers, so I know that she knows exactly what I'm talking about.  She offered such wonderful advice, "You know, you've got to cut yourself some slack.  Once I feel like I've got my normal under control and we get in a rhythm, somebody goes and changes all the rules."  Every season and every stage will have it's own set of challenges and "normals," so I guess now is as good of a time as any to start rolling with the punches.

It's a good thing too because I know we've got another new normal just around the corner...

The goods just keep on comin'

"Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." Luke 6:38

We've had an amazing week! In the past 24 hours we sold our little house and became the proud owners of our new home. As with anything my Jesus does, He has offered beautiful confirmation and blessing upon blessings.

We know, that we know that our little home in Saraland is going to the perfect couple, hand picked by my Abba. On Friday, January 27 our little house went live on MLS and on Saturday morning I went to Toby and said, "Something's going to happen today...4 o'clock." He didn't know what I was talking about. I said, "Something's going to happen today at 4. A showing. Elaine's going to call around lunchtime and tell us that she wants to show the house at 4." He shrugged, "Ok, we'll see." Well, 4 o'clock came and went and there was no showing. As we were climbing into bed, Toby said, "Well, I guess you were wrong about the 4 o'clock thing?" Totally confident, I replied, "Nope. Something significant happened today at 4. Just not sure yet what it was."

The next day, we met a sweet young couple in front of our house. We started chatting with them and instantly fell in love with them. It was one of those awesome "spirit recognizes spirit" type things. She loves my Jesus...I could tell by her eyes. With the excitement of a new bride she mentioned that they just got engaged the day before. A few weeks later Toby had a chance to chat with Ben and asked him an almost awkward question, "So you got engaged the day before we met you. About what time was that?" HA!! You guessed it..."I picked her up about 4 O'CLOCK for a date and I proposed around 5:30." I knew it! I love how my sweet Jesus gives us those little glimpses into his planning and scheming...confirmation to my heart that we are indeed smack in the middle of His will!

Yesterday we closed on the little house and I was given one more chance to hug Kristy's sweet neck and tell her how excited I am for her to have such a sweet house to start her marriage. I know Abba is going to bless them beyond measure. He has been preparing our home for them. The new stainless appliances, the beautiful marble shower in the master bathroom...those things weren't for us. They only went in six weeks ago. They were for Ben and Kristy! He loves us, all of us, so much!

Today we closed on our new, big house and God's sweet goodness continues to overflow. First, we had the funds wired from yesterday's closing to today's closing agent. I had run the numbers in the last few days based on good faith estimates and fully expected to bring another $500 or so to closing to cover the difference we needed to buy our new house. In search of the exact amount I needed to bring, I repeatedly called the mortgage company. I finally got an answer to my question. We didn't need to bring any money to closing. I had miscalculated and we were going home with a refund check!

While we were signing the mountain of papers in front of us, we came to the breakdown on our monthly mortgage payment. I had to do a double take. Our monthly payment was a full $100 less than what had been estimated! Toby and I sat down a few weeks ago and planned out our budget based on the higher number...this lower payment is just bonus!

And...when we came to an agreement on our contract a few weeks ago, we negotiated for the builder to add a fridge. (We had already agreed to leave our fridge in the little house for Ben and Kristy...another gift for them.) Not paying attention to detail, the builder offered to give us the standard fridge. Toby learned later that a bigger fridge was available for an additional $150. On a "side deal" we brought the builder's agent a check for $150 in exchange for him ordering the bigger fridge instead. Today's closing agent handed us our check back. I was confused as to how she got it and why she was giving it back to us. Basically, because we didn't include the "deal" in the contract, the additional $150 wasn't properly included in the sales price. Turns out the builder didn't feel like adjusting the sales price all the way through the paperwork for a measly $150, so they just gave it back to us. In essence, we got the bigger fridge for free. My sweet Jesus is so full of bonuses!

I did some quick number crunching tonight. I added up everything we'd "sunk" into the little house...purchase price, 3 rounds of renovations, and 3 years of mortgage payments on it when it was vacant. Wouldn't you know that God gave back all that we thought we had lost with the steal we got on our new house. If we were to build our exact house today, it would cost an arm and a leg more than we're having to pay. He does, indeed, restore all that was lost...and then some. Not only did He restore, but we're getting back more. More financially, and more of Him. We are entering the next season of our lives with more intimacy with Him and greater wisdom than what we would have had if we hadn't made the "mistake" of buying our little flip house back in 2007. "He works all things together for good..." Romans 8:28.

Haley and Jake

The fun part is, Toby and I are nothing special. We have simply decided to follow Him in all things and He has been faithful to pour out Himself and His blessings. He is no respecter of persons. He would love to do all of this for you. Do your dreams blow your mind? Are you believing for the impossible? If not, I'm going to challenge you to dream bigger! He is BIG and He wants to give BIG, so put yourself out there and prepare to receive!

"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." 2 Chronicles 16:9

Thank you Jesus for this amazing gift of our new home. Please help us to always remember that it is YOURS and to steward all of Your blessings well. Help us to never forget all that You have done and to never miss an opportunity to share Your goodness!

Haley and Jake enjoying the small things in life

Immeasurably more

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

We have been riding on a glory cloud for the last three weeks. My mind can scarcely keep up and comprehend all that has happened. At God's prompting, we listed our little house on the market and ten days later we had an offer. Now we just need a place to go.

At the beginning of this season, God gave Toby a quadrant in town where He wanted us to live. Toby and I started searching the internet for available homes in the area and ran across several builders putting up new construction in this quadrant. After talking with several friends who had built homes with these builders and running the numbers, it became apparent that we may be able to build what we wanted at a cost equal to buying an existing home. We have resigned that we are likely not leaving Mobile any time in the near future. We are finally putting down roots and hope to find the "perfect" home that will fit our family's needs. A home we can grow into. We started scouring through floor plans and touring model homes. We would love to have a large family and we're hoping to have a bedroom for boys and a bedroom for girls (they'll bunk up), a nursery for new babies, a guest room for our family and friends, a space for entertaining and loving on anyone who pops by, and a space for homeschooling our children. We sat down with the base price lists and started narrowing down our options...this one's too small, this one's too expensive, etc. These details became exciting and our fantasizing became consuming. Once again, we were getting ahead of God.

Sunday, January 22
Yes, before we even listed our house on the market. I was visiting my mom in Montgomery and attended her church that morning. In Sunday School, through an impromptu discussion, in my spirit I heard loud and clear, "All things work together..." It was a piece of a popular verse from Romans. It was so loud that I thought maybe I was suppose to share it with the group, but for whatever reason I kept it to myself. Later that morning during worship we sang a wonderful praise song, Your Love Never Fails. If you're familiar with this song, you know that the bridge is a one liner that repeats over and over..."You make all things work together for my good." My sweet Jesus met with me during worship, "I know what you want and what you need. I am working on something great...even more amazing than what you have imagined...something that's not even on your radar. Your job now is to focus on the task at hand...sell your house." And with that, all anxiety and confusion vanished. My job was to work on my little house, clean it well, and present it to buyers to the best of my ability. So I returned home, we listed our house that week and I focused all of my attention on selling and left the house shopping up to God.

On Sunday, Feb 5, we received an offer on our little house and extended a counter offer. By Wednesday we still had not heard back from the buyers, but decided to take a peek at some houses, at Elaine's prompting. Over Toby's lunch break we knocked out six houses and then Elaine and I saw another five or so that afternoon. Toby and I are fast shoppers, so I knew we'd be able to make a decision quickly. We looked at several existing homes, but ruled them out knowing we could build exactly what our family needed. We went out on a limb and decided to look at one monster house, way out of our price range. Honestly, I'm just nosy and wanted a peek inside the big house...it had everything we wanted and then some. In the back of our minds we knew that this house was a new construction and had sat vacant since it's completion for over 9 months. Maybe, just maybe the builder would be motivated to let it go without much of a fight. We went home on Wednesday, cautiously excited about the slim possibility of such a nice house. And so we prayed, and waited...

Friday afternoon we finally received the call we'd been waiting for. We had a contract on our little house. We had less than three weeks before closing and we knew exactly which house we wanted to go after. Our sermon series this month has been "Immeasurably more" focusing on how our God can, does, and loves to blow our minds with His goodness. I think this situation fits perfectly...we were asking for a house that was immeasurably more than anything we ever thought we would ever own. It was beautiful, it was spacious, but it was expensive. My mottos had become, "All they can say is 'no'" and "You have not because you ask not." Prayers in hand, we made an offer (a very low offer) on the monster house. Not only did we offer a crazy low selling price, but we asked for the builder to add a privacy fence, a fridge, and pay some of our closing costs. When we were nearly finished writing up our offer, it occurred to me that we forgot to ask for blinds. Ugh...there are lots of windows...25 to be exact. Toby sheepishly asked, "Is it too late to add blinds?" The listing agent hesitated, "I'm gonna be honest with you. You're really close to the line here." We let the blinds drop. In fact, our offer was so low that Elaine asked the listing agent, "What do you think the chances are of this going through...1 to 10?" He really, really didn't want to answer. After several stutters and lots of hesitation, he answered with a, "Um, maybe a 3 or 4." At first I was a bit disappointed, but the more I thought about it, a "3 or 4" was just more room for God to show His power...to open doors that man can't. And so we waited...

Over the weekend we prayed constantly. At one point I broke down, overwhelmed and humbled by the possibility of living in this beautiful home...the perfect home for my family to grow into. When I begged, almost in disbelief, "Can we please have this house for our low offering price?" His answer was consistent time after time..."Trust me." His words were firm. Solid enough for me to rest on.

After a long 48 hours, we finally got an answer on Sunday afternoon. They had countered. They agreed to our extras, but wanted a higher selling price. Toby and I discussed and prayed. We took in some counsel, prayed some more and slept on it. Monday morning we put in another counter offer. We met them in the middle on price and asked that they throw in blinds. They accepted. *insert Jesus' happy dance* The monster house was ours! I was lost and dizzy with shock. God had really given us this house. Really! I was amazed! When we headed over that afternoon to sign the final papers and show the house to our kids, the listing agent was as shocked as we were. He kept saying, "I've never seen this before...I can't believe they took that...I'm as shocked as anybody." A door that man couldn't open was no match for my Jesus!


We will close on both houses on February 29, but the excitement far outweighs the stress. I've collected lots of boxes and have a good jump start on packing up our stuff. At the time of this writing, we've got 12 days to go!

In hind sight, I am so grateful for our 18 month detour in the flip house. Had we moved straight from Tennessee into this big house, we would be tempted to take the credit...a successful career, the next step toward the American dream. This way, God clearly showed us that He is in control and He is the giver of good things. We never, never thought we would ever own a home of this size or caliber. In fact, "not on our radar" remember...we had marked this floorplan off during our initial search. It was simply too expensive to even entertain. We never considered it. My Jesus not only opened the door, but gave us immeasurably more than anything we deserve. We will boast in Him and share this story with all who enter our new house.

Speaking of "not on our radar"...Toby's parents have a house in California and have wanted desperately to live close to my kids. In fact, their house has been on and off the market for two years with little activity. They listed it again in September and once things started shaking in our world a month ago, Toby set forth a challenge for them...get on your face and with thanksgiving, present your request to God. We settled the contract on our new house on Monday. On Tuesday, they received an offer on theirs. Coincidence...of course not! In the last week, they have come to an agreement with their buyer and put in an offer on a house in West Mobile....in our neighborhood! MiMi and Pop will no longer be a plane ride away, on the other side of the country. They will be a red wagon ride away! We are all thrilled to live close to them, but more than that we are excited to watch God reveal His great power and His great love in their lives. They have a front row seat in an amazing adventure.

The last three weeks have been almost too much to bear. My mind is still spinning with all of the changes happening so quickly, but I know He's not through yet. We're holding on and waiting for the next big reveal!

Fimiliar territory...unfamiliar result

Those of you who have been following me from the beginning know that we are living in a little house that my sweet Jesus has turned into our home. You can read the full story here. We bought this house almost five years ago in hopes of getting rich quick. That, of course, backfired as it sat on the market sucking us dry for three, long years until finally God put us in it. It's all a crazy story. I moved in kicking and screaming, but 18 months later I've become a little attached to the place.

We live in Saraland, a little town outside of Mobile, Alabama. It's at least a 30 minute drive to get anywhere, but it's just become normal. We have grown into a rhythm and our small floor plan works well for my little ones. In fact, I assumed we'd be here at least until Toby finished school in a few years. This past Christmas we had lots of family visiting and things were cramped, but we all made due. I was caught off guard when Toby came up behind me as I was working feverishly to entertain our family and whispered, "Next Christmas we'll be in a new house." What? What are you talking about. I actually like it here now. I'm not sure I want to move yet. The idea fell away as I was still convinced we were going to be here for at least another year. After all, we'd just put in new stainless appliances and a beautiful master shower.

During the month of January our church spent 21 days in prayer and fasting. On the first Monday of this season, Toby drove down to West Mobile for an hour of prayer before driving on to work. After leaving the chapel, it took him a beautiful 15 minutes to get to work...he was thrilled. He called me that morning, excited about the day we would move to West Mobile. I dismissed the thought with an absent minded, "Yeah, that will be nice." Toby's pattern continued all week...drive to West Mobile early in the morning, prayer for the people of Mobile, short drive to work. Each day his heart broke a little more for the people of West Mobile and each evening he came home more excited about what God was teaching him and showing him.

By the second week of prayer and fasting, Toby was convinced that it was time to move to West Mobile. Not completely sold on the idea, I agreed to pray over it and be open. After a few days I began to get a little excited myself...being close to our church, our friends, and Toby's work. It was definitely appealing, but a piece of me didn't want to leave our little house that I had come to love. At the end of the second week, I came to Toby with my response, "If it were up to me, we'd stay here. However, I know that you have spent countless hours with Jesus in the last two weeks, and as the head of our household, I will trust and support whatever decision you make." He was so sweet about controlling his excitement until he knew I was on board, and so we prayed through the weekend. From there, my Jesus took over at lightning speed...

Wednesday, January 25
We met with our realtor, Elaine, to list the house. We gave her pictures of my pretty house, signed the necessary paperwork, and prayed for God to be glorified through this process.

Friday, January 27
Our little house went live on MLS for all the world to see. Now we just wait...

Sunday, January 29
NOON - Our prayer for our house changed from "let it sell quickly" to "let it sell quickly to the perfect buyer." We envisioned "perfect" as a sweet family who loved Jesus, would take good care of our home, and would love on our neighbors.

2:30pm - On my way to the car I noticed a red mustang sitting in front of the house. It was an awkward moment...I see you, you see me, do I pretend you're not there?, you're not driving away...uh... So, being the nosy person that I am, I decided to walk over and say hello. After all, if I were looking for a house, I'd love a chance to chat with the owners. Inside this shiny, red mustang was a sweet, young couple. We'll call them Ben and Kristy. They had just gotten engaged the day before and were driving around looking at houses after church. Kristy commented on our South Coast Church sign in the yard and asked about our pastor...by name. Weird. She then told me that they were actively involved with a church here in Saraland and they knew our pastor's brother, who is on staff at their church. Huh, small world. They were clearly in love with each other and my Jesus and seemed interested in seeing more of the house.

5:30pm - We got a call from Elaine. Ben and Kristy wanted to see the inside!

Tuesday, January 31
I worked until after midnight the night before...cleaning, scrubbing and straightening. God had made it clear that my job in this season was to work on selling our house and I wanted to do it to the best of my ability. Two hours before our first showing I put apples sprinkled with cinnamon in the oven and oh how they smelled delicious! At 3:50 I loaded the kids in the car and off we went. At 5:00 we drove through the neighborhood, only to find that they were still touring our home and had called Ben's dad over to see the place. Elaine told me later that the first time Kristy walked onto my back patio and saw the inscription, she was sold. Our Jesus is so good! They stayed until after 6:00 and prayed with Elaine in the front yard before going home. They promised to call the next day.
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
Toby and I checked our phones every ten minutes...willing it to ring. But Elaine didn't call. There was no word from Ben and Kristy. Honestly, I was bummed. But what are you going to do? You can't force somebody to love your house. We'd been here before. The real estate market is one of those things that we have no control over...only my Jesus does.

Another showing was scheduled for Saturday afternoon, but just a bit before their appointment the buyers cancelled. He had been called into work. The waiting continued...

Sunday, February 5
This is the two year anniversary of when God stopped us in our tracks and called us back to Mobile. A fork in the road for the rest of our days. If you haven't already, I hope you'll take a minute to read about that day here...it was amazing! We went to our Sunday service with an excitement and celebration over all that God had done in two years. We also thought it no coincidence that our house was in limbo again on this very day. He's so fun like that.

1:00pm - Elaine called and, as usual, my heart skipped a beat at the sight of her name on my caller ID. Another showing was scheduled for later that afternoon. Initially I thought it was the couple who had cancelled from the day before, but after making Elaine repeat herself three times I finally understood...it was Ben and Kristy! They wanted to see the house, "just one more time." Ahh, the excitement was crazy. Toby and I did a huge happy dance...and then promptly rushed home to pick up the toys, clothes, and dishes that were littered all over our house. Oh, and we baked some more apples...couldn't hurt. :)

6:00pm - Elaine calls again, "Where would you like to meet to discuss this offer?" NO WAY!! Jesus gave us an offer ON our two year anniversary of the fork in the road and after only one buyer and 10 days on the market! How big is He?!? He's bigger than the real estate market...that's for sure. So we met with Elaine that night, made a counter offer and went home floating in God's faithfulness.

Friday, February 10
Yes, FRIDAY! We heard nothing back all week and I was so frustrated and so anxious. Anyway, just after lunch Toby's phone finally rang. Ben had been really busy with work that week and extended another counter offer. Toby accepted it and it was done!! We had a contract!

The selling of our home is not only a blessing and answered prayer for me and Toby, but it's a beautiful blessing for Ben and Kristy and for our neighbors. We had prayed for God to give our house to someone who loves Him, someone who would continue to love on our neighbors and I know they will. Through this process my Jesus gave a sweet gift of confirmation to Kristy. During their second visit to our home, Kristy and Elaine were standing in the kitchen chatting. Kristy shared that they had set their wedding date for June and she's already picked out the flowers she would carry...white hydrangea. Elaine said, "You mean like those?" as she pointed to the fresh, cut flowers on my kitchen table. I love fresh flowers and made a special trip to Fresh Market to pick the perfect ones for my table. I debated between the hydrangea and a bouquet of mixed flowers. In the end, I remembered carrying white hydrangea in my wedding and thought that was special, so I went with them. Little did I know that my Jesus would use those same flowers as a sweet gift of love for our buyers...He cares about the little things and knows just how to speak to our hearts.

My sweet Jesus laid a move on our hearts and in a month our house was sold. We were forced to watch our house sit on the market for three, long years when we tried to sell it in our own strength and with our plan. But when God says, "Move" you better start packing! And packing we have started. Ben and Kristy want to close by the end of the month. Hooray! But wait...where are we going? We've got three weeks to find a house, close on it, pack, and move. We may be a little worried, but He's not pressed for time. I can't wait to tell you what He's got up His sleeve...

A hard lesson in grace

A hard day...a hard lesson...a good reminder...

This afternoon the kids and I had to leave the house for a few hours, so we took a drive. (More details on that to come later.) After a good hour and we were still not able to return home, sweet Jake was over the car seat. Haley had a movie going, so she was content as could be, but not knowing how long we'd be I knew Jake had to get out of the car. It was a little after 5:00, so I thought we'd grab an early dinner.

Now, I never attempt to eat in a restaurant alone with two children. Any mom with small children knows that is just asking for trouble, but when you're desperate you do what you have to do. So we pulled into a local chicken finger joint. I hauled myself, my 6 month old in carrier, the diaper bag and 3 year old across the parking lot, into the small restaurant, and to an empty table. In a moment of genius I decided to put Jake in a high chair. He's recently mastered sitting up and I figured he'd be happier there than in his car seat...and a happy baby makes for a happy dinner, for everyone.


It turns out that Jake, indeed, liked the high chair. In fact, he liked it so much that he was ecstatic in expressing his excitement...in loud, shrill screams. This squeal is a new skill, so he was thrilled to practice it...over and over. I, on the other hand, was mortified. I do not want to be that mom with out of control kids, disrupting everybody else's meal. But what am I to do? I did everything I could think of...shoved snacks in his mouth, jingled toys in front of his face, even pulled up a cartoon on You Tube on my phone. Oh, he was happy with all my efforts...too happy. I patted his mouth as he screamed in an effort to quiet him, but that just encouraged him on. For once, Haley was sitting in her seat, eating away and being incredibly well behaved.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a young couple sitting next to us watching Jake. I looked over and apologized, but she sweetly laughed and started playing with him. Whew. I continue shoveling in an effort to get us out of there as quickly as possible when an older gentlemen appeared at my side. When I looked up at him he started talking to Jake, "How does such a loud noise come out of such a small body? You are so cute..." he continued and chatted with Haley before saying goodbye.

A few minutes later another gentlemen came to our table. I looked up to him, anticipating another nice compliment about my cute kids. "Will you please do a better job to keep him under control? That noise is really painful." I'm not sure if I replied. I brought my eyes down and they met those of the young woman next to me. I think she was as shocked as I was. I didn't know what to do. Haley and I still had a considerable amount of dinner to finish. I considered going to sit at a table outside, but it was getting cold and I didn't have jackets for the kids. So I shoveled faster and pushed Haley to eat quickly, not wanting to be a bother to anyone else and knowing that eyes were peering at me. After I finished a few more bites, I sacrificed the rest of my salad, asked for a to-go container, boxed up the rest of Haley's food, scrounged to pack up our belongings and loaded my family up to leave. As we walked away from our table, the gentlemen had his back to us, but I was able to make eye contact with his wife. I mouthed, "I'm sorry." She nodded with a "you should be" look on her face and then returned her attention to her food. In the parking lot I did my best to explain the situation to Haley, but she still didn't understand why someone was rude ("mean," in her words) and that we had to leave before we were finished.

Sweet Toby called my cell phone as I pulled out of the parking lot. It just so happened that he was on his way to class and we passed at the red light in front of the restaurant. He had good news, but I couldn't concentrate on it, much less celebrate it. When I told him what had happened at the restaurant, he quickly asked for the man's description. Not wanting to cause a scene and fearful that maybe I just overreacted or was being too sensitive, I hesitated. He was insistent, I described the man, and he said, "I've gotta go" ...click.

About fifteen minutes later my phone rang again. "That man wanted to apologize and says that he didn't mean to upset you." Still hurt, I didn't care, but was touched that Toby took interest in my pain. Here's Toby's side of the story...

As soon as he walked in, he looked around and the young couple that had been sweet to me knew exactly who he was. They whispered to each other and put their heads down. Toby declined an invitation from a friend to join his table and responded, "Thanks man, but I'm not here for food." He found the offender and his wife and helped himself to seat at their table. He began, "First of all, I am very sorry if my family disrupted your evening." At this, the man put the pieces together and started to stutter. Toby is no small fry. He continued, "However, that was my family and I don't appreciate the way you spoke to my wife. She left here very upset and there was no reason for it." The man replied, "Look, I didn't mean to upset her. (His wife added her agreement.) I've had a hard day and a headache..." The man wore a uniform for a local plant...a similar work environment to Toby's job. My sweet husband answered, "I know what kind of job you do, sir, and I understand that days can be tough, but my wife has had a challenging day as well." "Yes, we've raised children and grandchildren." "Good, then you know that sometimes you can't do much to control a six month old. She was doing her best to deal with two kids on her own and she rushed her own dinner so she wouldn't disrupt others. Next time, maybe you could offer to help a mom who's struggling instead of being critical."

As Toby left the restaurant he ran into the young couple in the parking lot. They cheered him on. In a sigh of relief, Toby said, "Man, if I didn't love Jesus, I'd of said a whole lot more." The young guy jumped in, "Hey, I love Jesus and I'd of let him have it!"

I am by no means looking for pity or attempting to make myself a victim. I have no doubt that my baby was a distraction and unpleasant presence for most everyone else in that restaurant. For that, I apologize. But I will always remember this evening as a reminder to show grace to others...even when they're unpleasant. You never know what someone else is going through.

Jesus, when I find myself annoyed by someone else, please help me to be a blessing and not hurtful. Help me to remember how powerful my words are...they can build up or they can easily tear down. Show me how to extend your love, even when it's difficult.

Toby, you will never know what your actions tonight did for my soul. You fought for my honor. You are my hero and I love you all the more!