May 2009...The recruiter had reported that no one was hiring in Mobile. He'd called all of his contacts and there simply were no engineering jobs to be had. Strangely, this wall started to wear on Toby's confidence. Even though he was very well qualified for nearly any job available, the lack of options was hard to accept. However, the internship opportunity turned into a meeting with the executive pastor, so we eagerly loaded up and headed south. While we were in town we planned to install blinds and paint the kitchen and Haley's room. I was shocked at how far that work took the flip house from being some vacant property to our home. Suddenly I could visualize us living here and raising our family here.
Toby was scheduled to meet with the executive pastor on Sunday and on the Friday before he received a call from the recruiter while we painted. There was an opening for a job in Pensacola and they were eager to meet him. This was thrilling news and a huge boost for Toby. Although it would mean a two hour commute each day, it was a job that would support us and something in us just couldn't let that idea go.
Toby's meeting with the executive pastor went wonderfully. He left there very encouraged about the opportunity. He would serve in and be exposed to many different areas of ministry and gain valuable experience. He left the meeting having heard, "the job's yours if you want it." The only downside was that it was a 20/hr a week job earning minimum wage. Hmm...that's not quite going to cut it. We would need additional income from somewhere and the logical answer was for me to return to work as an accountant. Knowing the Pensacola company wanted an interview, we asked for a month to pray and think things through and the pastor graciously obliged. So we waited...
We waited nearly a month before the promised interview in Pensacola rolled around. In the meantime I approached my former CPA firm about the possibility of returning part time. Because I'd left on such great terms when Haley was born, I arrogantly assumed I could go back whenever I wanted. None the less we continued to pray for God to close doors He didn't want us walking through. After a week of waiting and a partners meeting, I received word that the firm simply didn't have enough work to hire on any additional staff at the time. A strange sense of peace came over me during that phone call. That's a pretty firmly closed door and so there's really nothing to say but accept the closed door and wait for God's explanation.
So we continued to wait...some times more patiently than others...
This was probably the hardest part of this entire journey for me. Being a "type A" planner, I really need to know what we're getting into and how to prepare for it. But God just doesn't seem to work on my schedule sometimes. Go figure? There were so many days that I felt like we had waited so long and had come so far, yet we really didn't know any more than we did on day 1. People would excitedly ask us how things were going and what was happening, and often I was embarrassed to say, "Nothing new...still waiting." On several occasions I would have breakdowns about how all of this was going to turn out. I honestly didn't care what He asked us to do for a living (engineering, internship, accounting, or waiting tables), I just wanted to fast forward six months to where everything was laid out and we were settled in our new life. I was tired of not knowing how to plan and prepare. I felt helpless and without any answers. I know now, at the end of this season, that there was a purpose to the waiting and He had a lot He still wanted me to learn before the "big reveal". During that time, He gave me several verses to cling to...
"Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day" Psalm 25:5
"Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You." Psalm 25:21
"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14
This word, wait, is "qavah" in Hebrew and it means to bind together by twisting, patiently, tarry, to expect. I think my heart is best expressed in an excerpt from my journal: "As we wait for answers, I want to bind myself to You. I want to be patient and not jump ahead of Your timing, and I want to be expectant for what amazing thing You are working on. Help me to remember and understand that You do not operate on this world's time table and Your ways are not my ways - they are higher and they are far better."
In the end, I know there was a purpose for the waiting. Toby and I both had to be willing, truly willing in the depths of our gut, to do whatever God asked us to do and with a smile on our faces. Even if it meant skimping by on minimum wage. Once we came to that place of total surrender, He lowered His hands to say, "Now, let me show you what I want to give you..."
Friday, July 30, 2010
Selling a house in a stalled market...no easy task
Our third mountain was selling our house in Tennessee. Strangely, I was never worried about this one, but it's what kept Toby up at night. Even if we did land a great part time job in Mobile, we wouldn't be able to support two mortgages without his engineering salary. Fully expecting to be scrimping by in Mobile and still needing to pay for Toby's tuition, the obvious choice (in our minds, at least) was to sell our house "by owner" and avoid the hefty 6% realtor commission. On a Wednesday I made cute little flyers and prepared to buy a sign and flyer box for the yard the next day.
Thursday morning my eyes flew open and for the first time since the detour began I was overwhelmed by stress. I don't know anything about selling a house!! What were we thinking? Sure, I had planned to scour the Internet for information and tips, but the paperwork and legal jargon alone scared me. Ignoring my instincts, I plowed ahead with the day's to-do list. My first stop of the day was a leadership meeting for a moms group I served on. We hadn't told many people about our detour at this point, but this morning I was set to announce we were leaving and to share the excitement with my friends. Teary out of the reality of leaving the relationships we'd built, I shared every detail we had to date. They were shocked, but excited and supportive. Just then, a realtor friend sitting across from me grabbed my hand and asked, "Have you listed your house yet?" I don't know how to tell you that I don't want to pay your fat commission... I mustered, "Not yet." Her eyes lit up and she said, "Let me list it for you. I will put it on MLS...and I won't charge you a commission." Silence. I just stared at her, my mind racing in a million different directions, I couldn't verbalize anything. I simply collapsed in tears. To think hours earlier that the details of selling our house were consuming me and that I hadn't mentioned anything about selling our house by owner, to anyone...Jesus definitely knows where we are and used this friend to speak peace over me and provide an incredible gift! My prayer for her is that God will return the blessing...
Our neighborhood is fairly small with only a few different floor plans. Most of the houses have the same hardwood flooring, the same counter tops and finishes. Within two weeks of putting our house on the market, 5 more flew up in competition. God had specifically given us the list price and it was significantly below the other houses available in our neighborhood. Seeing that the houses were so similar in size and layout, surely we would snag the first buyer! Days after listing our house we had a showing...another showing...and an offer! This is amazing! We waited anxiously for word from our realtor, but she was not nearly as excited as I expected her to be. The offer we received was low...very low. Now we're in quite a pickle. God had been very clear about our list price, but here was a buyer and so quickly. Given the sluggish market, this buyer had to come from God, didn't they? We negotiated back and forth, but in the end decided to hold tight to the list price we were given. It was incredibly difficult to watch this buyer walk away. What if that was our one buyer God sent us, and we were greedy and sent them away?
Over the next 5 months we would entertain only 10 more showings. A painful reality and a stark reminder that this mountain was completely out of our control. We had no choice but to wait on the Lord. In May, two months after we listed our house, I was driving in from errands and saw a "Pending" sign on a neighbor's house. Shock ran through my bones, quickly followed by anger. As I pulled into our garage, I clearly heard Jesus say, "Do you trust me?" He was so clear that I actually looked at the passenger seat in search of the voice. I had to surrender...again. My mantra through this season had become, "I will trust You" and this was simply another facet of trust.
Around that time we sat in church on a Sunday morning and celebrated as our leadership announced another family's calling to serve an orphanage in Jamaica. The husband humbly shared how God had confirmed their calling and the statement that stuck with me was, "God brought us a buyer for our house within two weeks of listing it." Something in my spirit cringed, but Jesus was ready with a reassuring response. Just as clearly as He spoke in my car, He said, "It's not going to be that way for you...it's going to be different." Hmm, my sarcasm snuck in, of course it will be different, we've already been waiting for two months!! I quickly regretted my bad attitude and knew that's not what He meant. But I was just more confused. What does "different" mean? It would be another two months before He defined it...
Thursday morning my eyes flew open and for the first time since the detour began I was overwhelmed by stress. I don't know anything about selling a house!! What were we thinking? Sure, I had planned to scour the Internet for information and tips, but the paperwork and legal jargon alone scared me. Ignoring my instincts, I plowed ahead with the day's to-do list. My first stop of the day was a leadership meeting for a moms group I served on. We hadn't told many people about our detour at this point, but this morning I was set to announce we were leaving and to share the excitement with my friends. Teary out of the reality of leaving the relationships we'd built, I shared every detail we had to date. They were shocked, but excited and supportive. Just then, a realtor friend sitting across from me grabbed my hand and asked, "Have you listed your house yet?" I don't know how to tell you that I don't want to pay your fat commission... I mustered, "Not yet." Her eyes lit up and she said, "Let me list it for you. I will put it on MLS...and I won't charge you a commission." Silence. I just stared at her, my mind racing in a million different directions, I couldn't verbalize anything. I simply collapsed in tears. To think hours earlier that the details of selling our house were consuming me and that I hadn't mentioned anything about selling our house by owner, to anyone...Jesus definitely knows where we are and used this friend to speak peace over me and provide an incredible gift! My prayer for her is that God will return the blessing...
Our neighborhood is fairly small with only a few different floor plans. Most of the houses have the same hardwood flooring, the same counter tops and finishes. Within two weeks of putting our house on the market, 5 more flew up in competition. God had specifically given us the list price and it was significantly below the other houses available in our neighborhood. Seeing that the houses were so similar in size and layout, surely we would snag the first buyer! Days after listing our house we had a showing...another showing...and an offer! This is amazing! We waited anxiously for word from our realtor, but she was not nearly as excited as I expected her to be. The offer we received was low...very low. Now we're in quite a pickle. God had been very clear about our list price, but here was a buyer and so quickly. Given the sluggish market, this buyer had to come from God, didn't they? We negotiated back and forth, but in the end decided to hold tight to the list price we were given. It was incredibly difficult to watch this buyer walk away. What if that was our one buyer God sent us, and we were greedy and sent them away?
Over the next 5 months we would entertain only 10 more showings. A painful reality and a stark reminder that this mountain was completely out of our control. We had no choice but to wait on the Lord. In May, two months after we listed our house, I was driving in from errands and saw a "Pending" sign on a neighbor's house. Shock ran through my bones, quickly followed by anger. As I pulled into our garage, I clearly heard Jesus say, "Do you trust me?" He was so clear that I actually looked at the passenger seat in search of the voice. I had to surrender...again. My mantra through this season had become, "I will trust You" and this was simply another facet of trust.
Around that time we sat in church on a Sunday morning and celebrated as our leadership announced another family's calling to serve an orphanage in Jamaica. The husband humbly shared how God had confirmed their calling and the statement that stuck with me was, "God brought us a buyer for our house within two weeks of listing it." Something in my spirit cringed, but Jesus was ready with a reassuring response. Just as clearly as He spoke in my car, He said, "It's not going to be that way for you...it's going to be different." Hmm, my sarcasm snuck in, of course it will be different, we've already been waiting for two months!! I quickly regretted my bad attitude and knew that's not what He meant. But I was just more confused. What does "different" mean? It would be another two months before He defined it...
Small details...you know, income and health insurance
March 2009...So we're excited about moving back to Mobile and pursing the path God has laid out for us, but we still need to eat. Since we had sunk most of our savings into keeping the flip house above water over the last two and a half years, we had virtually no savings to our name. Therefore, a job is a must...a quick must. But where do we start?
Being an accountant, of course I ran the numbers and we would need exactly $30,000/yr to pay our bills...and that didn't factor in independent health insurance. Toby and I both have degrees and years of valuable experience...$30k shouldn't be too hard to round up, right? We were perfectly willing to earn the minimum and scrimp by if it meant me staying home with Haley. My time with her over the first 18 months had been such a joy and the thought of putting her in daycare now was heartbreaking. All of that said, we were willing to do whatever it took to fulfill this calling. Even if it meant waiting tables late at night or putting Haley in daycare. We knew that God would provide what we needed. He wouldn't call us to something and then leave us hanging...that's simply not how He works!
On February 5, we'll call that "The Detour", God told Toby to work in a church. Ok, that's a good start. Our first inclination was to inquire about opportunities at the church we served when we lived in Mobile before. Even though there was a vacancy in the youth pastor position, it soon became clear that's not where Toby was going to work. Next we started searching the Internet and calling churches at the Spirit's prompting. Toby made a lot of phone calls and explained our situation to anyone who would listen...usually the volunteer who answered the phones. Several calls led to a discussion with a pastor whose interest had been sparked, but rarely did anything come from these phone calls. But all it takes is one...
After avoiding the prompting for weeks, Toby broke down and called a big church right down from the flip house. They had constantly been on our hearts, but for some reason we hadn't made contact with them. Toby gave his spill to the phone answering volunteer and must have mentioned our work with youth because she mentioned that the youth pastor was available and asked if Toby wanted to speak with him. Obviously, he jumped on the chance and had a great conversation with a young man. The youth pastor mentioned that the executive pastor was looking for an intern and recommended him sending in his resume. When Toby mentioned that all of his experience is in engineering and that he had no idea where to start in writing a resume for the ministry, the youth pastor offered to share his personal resume as a reference. WHAT?!? Who does that? ...Unless they feel like there's something to this joe-blow. So we got the resume, fixed up Toby's and then mentioned to some pastors at our local church in Tennessee about this possible opportunity. One of the pastors mentioned that he used to basically write resumes for a living back in the day before going into the ministry and asked if he could read over it before Toby sent it out. We jumped on the chance and received an incredible resume back. He didn't change the content, but altered the phrasing to more clearly describe our hearts. It was such a sweet gift from Jesus! So Toby sent off the resume to the executive pastor and waited...
Just before the detour, Toby had randomly been in touch with some engineering recruiters. They were not people we had pursued, they had made contact with Toby through a friend of a friend...that sort of thing. Up until the detour we hadn't given them much attention, but now that life was suddenly going in a different direction we decided to look a little more closely at what they had to offer. Discussions with the recruiter left Toby feeling encouraged about his engineering experience and marketability, so the recruiter went off to find him an engineering job in Mobile, and we waited...
All of this to say, we cast a wide net across Mobile. We touched base with old friends and asked them to keep an eye out for jobs. We had calls in to several churches in the area. We had a recruiter searching out the inside track. And there was always our table waiting experience from college to fall back on. Now it was time for Jesus to start closing doors and narrowing our options down to the path He had already laid. Always looming over these employment decisions was health insurance. Most part time jobs do not offer health insurance, or enough income to pay for independent coverage. It was a another mountain we had to lay at Jesus feet. So for now, we wait.....
Being an accountant, of course I ran the numbers and we would need exactly $30,000/yr to pay our bills...and that didn't factor in independent health insurance. Toby and I both have degrees and years of valuable experience...$30k shouldn't be too hard to round up, right? We were perfectly willing to earn the minimum and scrimp by if it meant me staying home with Haley. My time with her over the first 18 months had been such a joy and the thought of putting her in daycare now was heartbreaking. All of that said, we were willing to do whatever it took to fulfill this calling. Even if it meant waiting tables late at night or putting Haley in daycare. We knew that God would provide what we needed. He wouldn't call us to something and then leave us hanging...that's simply not how He works!
On February 5, we'll call that "The Detour", God told Toby to work in a church. Ok, that's a good start. Our first inclination was to inquire about opportunities at the church we served when we lived in Mobile before. Even though there was a vacancy in the youth pastor position, it soon became clear that's not where Toby was going to work. Next we started searching the Internet and calling churches at the Spirit's prompting. Toby made a lot of phone calls and explained our situation to anyone who would listen...usually the volunteer who answered the phones. Several calls led to a discussion with a pastor whose interest had been sparked, but rarely did anything come from these phone calls. But all it takes is one...
After avoiding the prompting for weeks, Toby broke down and called a big church right down from the flip house. They had constantly been on our hearts, but for some reason we hadn't made contact with them. Toby gave his spill to the phone answering volunteer and must have mentioned our work with youth because she mentioned that the youth pastor was available and asked if Toby wanted to speak with him. Obviously, he jumped on the chance and had a great conversation with a young man. The youth pastor mentioned that the executive pastor was looking for an intern and recommended him sending in his resume. When Toby mentioned that all of his experience is in engineering and that he had no idea where to start in writing a resume for the ministry, the youth pastor offered to share his personal resume as a reference. WHAT?!? Who does that? ...Unless they feel like there's something to this joe-blow. So we got the resume, fixed up Toby's and then mentioned to some pastors at our local church in Tennessee about this possible opportunity. One of the pastors mentioned that he used to basically write resumes for a living back in the day before going into the ministry and asked if he could read over it before Toby sent it out. We jumped on the chance and received an incredible resume back. He didn't change the content, but altered the phrasing to more clearly describe our hearts. It was such a sweet gift from Jesus! So Toby sent off the resume to the executive pastor and waited...
Just before the detour, Toby had randomly been in touch with some engineering recruiters. They were not people we had pursued, they had made contact with Toby through a friend of a friend...that sort of thing. Up until the detour we hadn't given them much attention, but now that life was suddenly going in a different direction we decided to look a little more closely at what they had to offer. Discussions with the recruiter left Toby feeling encouraged about his engineering experience and marketability, so the recruiter went off to find him an engineering job in Mobile, and we waited...
All of this to say, we cast a wide net across Mobile. We touched base with old friends and asked them to keep an eye out for jobs. We had calls in to several churches in the area. We had a recruiter searching out the inside track. And there was always our table waiting experience from college to fall back on. Now it was time for Jesus to start closing doors and narrowing our options down to the path He had already laid. Always looming over these employment decisions was health insurance. Most part time jobs do not offer health insurance, or enough income to pay for independent coverage. It was a another mountain we had to lay at Jesus feet. So for now, we wait.....
Monday, July 26, 2010
So now what?
Toby was working hard as an engineer and I was loving every minute of being home with Haley when God completely interrupted our lives and revealed the great detour to us. We were thrilled, so excited to know what He wants us to do with our lives, but now what?
We had a beautiful home in a great part of Tennessee. Toby was earning a comfortable salary with a nice 401(k). He is an incredibly smart and talented chemical engineer and his company was thrilled with his work. They had high hopes for him and said "he could go as far as he wanted with this company." As great as that looked from the outside, it was suddenly no longer enough...not even close. At this stage when God asked us to walk away from it, from everything that we knew to be secure, there was nothing to consider or even grieve over. We knew that what He had waiting for us would be far better!
Now, there's always the practical side...What will do about income? Can we get health insurance? When will our TN house sell? How will we pay for Toby's tuition? These questions quickly became our biggest mountains. Toby was a wonderful, highly qualified engineer, but that's not really going to help him get a job on a church staff, is it? Other than leading small groups and volunteering in various ministries, we're clueless about the administrative aspects of the church world. Maybe he could get an internship somewhere, but would that provide health insurance? With a small child and a desire to have more, good health insurance is absolutely necessary, but could he earn enough to pay for independent coverage? The real estate market is in the toilet...how long will it take to sell our house? And can we afford a realtor? Knowing we're heading into tighter times, 6% is a lot to sacrifice. And what about tuition? We were now desperately trying to live by God's standards and He strongly warns against using debt (Prov 22:7), but we'd sunk all of our savings into keeping the flip house afloat. As you can see, the reality of what God had asked us to do was beginning to set in.
A sweet mentor of mine received a vision from Jesus about our journey...it was Toby and me standing side by side on a path. The path went forward and out of view and all around it and covering it was thick, fog-like smoke. When she asked Jesus about the smoke, He said that was His Spirit. Our path had already been laid (Jer 29:11). Jesus had gone before us and prepared everything and His Spirit would cover us the whole way...through every step. Jesus would use this vision over and over for us as a reminder to stay on the path and keep our eyes focused...all of the hard work and planning had already been done, all we had to do was walk it out.
Despite the mountains of uncertainties, we knew one thing for sure...Toby was suppose to attend the University of Mobile, so within two weeks of the great detour we found ourselves on campus. We met with two deans who each had wonderfully encouraging words for us. However, the greatest confirmation of the day came unexpectedly. Two of our close friends went to campus with us that day. They had each attended UM, were very involved on campus, and watched Haley while we attended meetings. During a quick break, they mentioned that they wanted to pop in Dr. Foley's office for a quick hello. We're thinking, sure, no problem. Oh, did I mention that Dr. Foley is the President of the University?!? Yeah...intimidating! He has a few minutes free up and invites us in for a chat. The kids got restless, so our friends took them outside and Toby and I were left alone with Dr. Foley. He was totally engaged in our story and what God is teaching us and then he tells us some of his journey and about where God is taking the university. After a wonderful 30 minute chat, we got up to leave and he put his hands on our shoulders and said, "I'd like to bless you before you go." I looked at Toby, he looked at me...both of us completely caught off guard. Dr. Foley then launched into a beautiful and powerful prayer of blessing, provision and guidance for our family. I couldn't help but think to myself, Is this really happening? The President of the university is praying for us? We left campus that day with utter confirmation straight from the throne of grace..."Yes, I am that big and yes, you're on the right path."
That was all we needed to keep going on our journey. Even with so many questions still to be answered, we would take one baby step at a time because we knew we were headed in the right direction...
We had a beautiful home in a great part of Tennessee. Toby was earning a comfortable salary with a nice 401(k). He is an incredibly smart and talented chemical engineer and his company was thrilled with his work. They had high hopes for him and said "he could go as far as he wanted with this company." As great as that looked from the outside, it was suddenly no longer enough...not even close. At this stage when God asked us to walk away from it, from everything that we knew to be secure, there was nothing to consider or even grieve over. We knew that what He had waiting for us would be far better!
Now, there's always the practical side...What will do about income? Can we get health insurance? When will our TN house sell? How will we pay for Toby's tuition? These questions quickly became our biggest mountains. Toby was a wonderful, highly qualified engineer, but that's not really going to help him get a job on a church staff, is it? Other than leading small groups and volunteering in various ministries, we're clueless about the administrative aspects of the church world. Maybe he could get an internship somewhere, but would that provide health insurance? With a small child and a desire to have more, good health insurance is absolutely necessary, but could he earn enough to pay for independent coverage? The real estate market is in the toilet...how long will it take to sell our house? And can we afford a realtor? Knowing we're heading into tighter times, 6% is a lot to sacrifice. And what about tuition? We were now desperately trying to live by God's standards and He strongly warns against using debt (Prov 22:7), but we'd sunk all of our savings into keeping the flip house afloat. As you can see, the reality of what God had asked us to do was beginning to set in.
A sweet mentor of mine received a vision from Jesus about our journey...it was Toby and me standing side by side on a path. The path went forward and out of view and all around it and covering it was thick, fog-like smoke. When she asked Jesus about the smoke, He said that was His Spirit. Our path had already been laid (Jer 29:11). Jesus had gone before us and prepared everything and His Spirit would cover us the whole way...through every step. Jesus would use this vision over and over for us as a reminder to stay on the path and keep our eyes focused...all of the hard work and planning had already been done, all we had to do was walk it out.
Despite the mountains of uncertainties, we knew one thing for sure...Toby was suppose to attend the University of Mobile, so within two weeks of the great detour we found ourselves on campus. We met with two deans who each had wonderfully encouraging words for us. However, the greatest confirmation of the day came unexpectedly. Two of our close friends went to campus with us that day. They had each attended UM, were very involved on campus, and watched Haley while we attended meetings. During a quick break, they mentioned that they wanted to pop in Dr. Foley's office for a quick hello. We're thinking, sure, no problem. Oh, did I mention that Dr. Foley is the President of the University?!? Yeah...intimidating! He has a few minutes free up and invites us in for a chat. The kids got restless, so our friends took them outside and Toby and I were left alone with Dr. Foley. He was totally engaged in our story and what God is teaching us and then he tells us some of his journey and about where God is taking the university. After a wonderful 30 minute chat, we got up to leave and he put his hands on our shoulders and said, "I'd like to bless you before you go." I looked at Toby, he looked at me...both of us completely caught off guard. Dr. Foley then launched into a beautiful and powerful prayer of blessing, provision and guidance for our family. I couldn't help but think to myself, Is this really happening? The President of the university is praying for us? We left campus that day with utter confirmation straight from the throne of grace..."Yes, I am that big and yes, you're on the right path."
That was all we needed to keep going on our journey. Even with so many questions still to be answered, we would take one baby step at a time because we knew we were headed in the right direction...
Friday, July 23, 2010
The great detour
The mindset…So here we are,
plugging along learning about Jesus and all, basking in all of His gifts and
blessing, but we still had two major thorns. The culprit…the flip house had not
sold and we were supporting two mortgages on one income. We had a top notch
realtor listing our house and she continually said, “I have no idea why this
house isn’t selling. It’s cute, it’s priced great, and other houses in this
neighborhood are selling…I just don’t understand. God must be saving this house
for somebody really special.” When I probed God about it (mind you, we’ve been
sitting on this vacant house for two and a half years at this point) He would
constantly tell me, “Carey, I know who I want to live in that house, and
they’re not ready yet.” So I’m thinking, “These people haven’t moved to the
area yet” or “maybe they can’t afford to buy a house yet, but they will soon.”
Either way, whoever these people were, they needed to get their act together
because I was tired of paying for their house!
Now, you don’t survive supporting two mortgages on one income without learning how to stretch a buck. From a practical standpoint God has taught us so much about stewarding His money over the last two years. We studied Dave Ramsey’s advice (and put it to practice), cut coupons, used cloth diapers, made baby food, made our own laundry detergent, used the scary, at-home hair color boxes, you name it to save a buck. (I have to pause here and give a shout out and thank you to my friends KT, KJ, and WT for their guidance in this…you gave me the confidence to conquer poopy cloth diapers with courage and save tons of money in the process.) Anyway, in an effort to be responsible with the funds God gave us, Toby and I made a commitment to not have any more children until the flip house sold and we had some breathing room in our finances. You have to know that my desire for life, from the time I was a little girl, is to be a mommy. As an only child, Toby is totally on board with this plan and we’d be thrilled to have our own basketball team. So, agreeing to postpone having more children was a huge sacrifice for us, but we gladly did it in an effort to make a responsible decision for our family.
February 2010…Because our finances were so tight, we were constantly trying to cook up new ways to cut corners. One idea was to refinance the flip house since we were paying unnecessary PMI and a crazy high interest rate. After consulting with a few banks and finance companies things on this path just weren’t working and on a Friday morning I put Haley down for a nap, made a phone call and had another door slammed in my face. I had planned to spend time reading my Bible while Haley napped, but I chose to pitch a fit about the house instead. For the first time in nearly a year, I yelled at God about it…“Why won’t you take this away?!? Haven’t we already learned so much?!? When will you release us from this burden?!?” To be honest, I sat on my bed, crying, pouting and yelling like a two year having a meltdown tantrum. Just like any good parent, my behavior did not result in the answers I wanted. I got nothing…not one single word of comfort or guidance. So I just sat there and sulked and looked out my bedroom window. I guess I came to my senses, tore down my wall and began to read like I had planned because a few minutes into my reading I got a call from Toby. He said, “I have a new perspective on the flip house.” I thought, Perfect, I could use a new perspective. Toby continued, “What if…God has been saving the flip house…for us?” Excuse me? “I was running on the treadmill at lunch and I heard God speak louder and clearer than ever before…in fact, I had to slow down to a walk so I could catch it all. He told me that I am suppose to go to seminary, we are suppose to live in that house, and I’m suppose to work in a church.” Silence…I was caught so off guard that my instinctive smart mouth kicked in, “Well, first of all, there’s no seminary in Mobile.” Toby gently replied, “What about the University of Mobile?” Oh, holy, Jesus...that makes total sense. The University of Mobile is a small, Christian school with a wonderful theology program…and it’s four miles from the flip house. In an instant, the past year flashed through my mind…that’s exactly what we’re suppose to do. Suddenly, all of the people and lessons God had brought in our lives started to line up and make perfect sense. I didn’t have anything else to say than, “Ok.”
After I hung up the phone, I sat on my bed in a complete state of shock. Suddenly, this force came over me and I began to rock as I found myself shaking uncontrollably. Tears were pouring from my eyes as images flashed through my mind. “Don’t you see? This is what I’ve been preparing you for. This is why I taught you this lesson, and this is why I brought this person into your life.” The images continued for the next 24 hours, each one taking my breath away with its clarity. After a few minutes of this trembling, I couldn’t stand to be alone in my shock for another minute, so I called my best friend, Sara, whose husband happens to be in the ministry. The poor thing had just pulled into Target when I unloaded this life changing revelation on her. For 30 minutes I verbalized, to the best of my ability, what Toby and I had discussed and what had been going through my mind. Somehow, saying it out loud made it much more tangible and solid. I needed that. Later, I journaled all of these things and I even asked, “God, is this you?” But even as my pen wrote the question it felt like a waste of energy and I felt Him saying, “Duh, of course it’s me!!” Over the coming months we would receive constant confirmation that this was not our idea, but His. Then I realized that Haley had been napping for nearly four hours, something that was completely unheard of for her. I have chalked that up as sweet Jesus giving me the time I needed that afternoon to process this life changing detour.
By the time Toby got home from work, there was nothing left to say, nothing to discuss, nothing to pray about. God said “go” so now we just need to go. As we laid in the bed that night, we were both wide awake with excitement and I couldn’t help but see Jesus doing a happy dance. As if He’d been working on us and waiting all this time and today He finally got to reveal what He’d been up to. I think He was even more excited than we were! The next morning we called our realtor and asked her to pull the house from the market…we were moving in it! And so the journey began. We had no idea how many lessons we would learn between Knoxville and Mobile, but we know now that each one would be a treasure….
Now, you don’t survive supporting two mortgages on one income without learning how to stretch a buck. From a practical standpoint God has taught us so much about stewarding His money over the last two years. We studied Dave Ramsey’s advice (and put it to practice), cut coupons, used cloth diapers, made baby food, made our own laundry detergent, used the scary, at-home hair color boxes, you name it to save a buck. (I have to pause here and give a shout out and thank you to my friends KT, KJ, and WT for their guidance in this…you gave me the confidence to conquer poopy cloth diapers with courage and save tons of money in the process.) Anyway, in an effort to be responsible with the funds God gave us, Toby and I made a commitment to not have any more children until the flip house sold and we had some breathing room in our finances. You have to know that my desire for life, from the time I was a little girl, is to be a mommy. As an only child, Toby is totally on board with this plan and we’d be thrilled to have our own basketball team. So, agreeing to postpone having more children was a huge sacrifice for us, but we gladly did it in an effort to make a responsible decision for our family.
February 2010…Because our finances were so tight, we were constantly trying to cook up new ways to cut corners. One idea was to refinance the flip house since we were paying unnecessary PMI and a crazy high interest rate. After consulting with a few banks and finance companies things on this path just weren’t working and on a Friday morning I put Haley down for a nap, made a phone call and had another door slammed in my face. I had planned to spend time reading my Bible while Haley napped, but I chose to pitch a fit about the house instead. For the first time in nearly a year, I yelled at God about it…“Why won’t you take this away?!? Haven’t we already learned so much?!? When will you release us from this burden?!?” To be honest, I sat on my bed, crying, pouting and yelling like a two year having a meltdown tantrum. Just like any good parent, my behavior did not result in the answers I wanted. I got nothing…not one single word of comfort or guidance. So I just sat there and sulked and looked out my bedroom window. I guess I came to my senses, tore down my wall and began to read like I had planned because a few minutes into my reading I got a call from Toby. He said, “I have a new perspective on the flip house.” I thought, Perfect, I could use a new perspective. Toby continued, “What if…God has been saving the flip house…for us?” Excuse me? “I was running on the treadmill at lunch and I heard God speak louder and clearer than ever before…in fact, I had to slow down to a walk so I could catch it all. He told me that I am suppose to go to seminary, we are suppose to live in that house, and I’m suppose to work in a church.” Silence…I was caught so off guard that my instinctive smart mouth kicked in, “Well, first of all, there’s no seminary in Mobile.” Toby gently replied, “What about the University of Mobile?” Oh, holy, Jesus...that makes total sense. The University of Mobile is a small, Christian school with a wonderful theology program…and it’s four miles from the flip house. In an instant, the past year flashed through my mind…that’s exactly what we’re suppose to do. Suddenly, all of the people and lessons God had brought in our lives started to line up and make perfect sense. I didn’t have anything else to say than, “Ok.”
After I hung up the phone, I sat on my bed in a complete state of shock. Suddenly, this force came over me and I began to rock as I found myself shaking uncontrollably. Tears were pouring from my eyes as images flashed through my mind. “Don’t you see? This is what I’ve been preparing you for. This is why I taught you this lesson, and this is why I brought this person into your life.” The images continued for the next 24 hours, each one taking my breath away with its clarity. After a few minutes of this trembling, I couldn’t stand to be alone in my shock for another minute, so I called my best friend, Sara, whose husband happens to be in the ministry. The poor thing had just pulled into Target when I unloaded this life changing revelation on her. For 30 minutes I verbalized, to the best of my ability, what Toby and I had discussed and what had been going through my mind. Somehow, saying it out loud made it much more tangible and solid. I needed that. Later, I journaled all of these things and I even asked, “God, is this you?” But even as my pen wrote the question it felt like a waste of energy and I felt Him saying, “Duh, of course it’s me!!” Over the coming months we would receive constant confirmation that this was not our idea, but His. Then I realized that Haley had been napping for nearly four hours, something that was completely unheard of for her. I have chalked that up as sweet Jesus giving me the time I needed that afternoon to process this life changing detour.
By the time Toby got home from work, there was nothing left to say, nothing to discuss, nothing to pray about. God said “go” so now we just need to go. As we laid in the bed that night, we were both wide awake with excitement and I couldn’t help but see Jesus doing a happy dance. As if He’d been working on us and waiting all this time and today He finally got to reveal what He’d been up to. I think He was even more excited than we were! The next morning we called our realtor and asked her to pull the house from the market…we were moving in it! And so the journey began. We had no idea how many lessons we would learn between Knoxville and Mobile, but we know now that each one would be a treasure….
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A new understanding
I grew up in church and constantly sang "Jesus loves me" and the like as a child, but I know now that I didn't really get it back then. I knew that God loved me, kind of like my mom and dad loved me...that was my first problem. I have wonderful parents that love me to the nth degree, but I know now that nobody, not my husband, my parents or my children could possibly love me like Jesus loves me.
I didn't realize it at the time, but I had put God in a box. I'd heard lots of sermons about not "putting God in a box" but it never occurred to me that I had. I felt like since I'd let Him do whatever He wanted with my life (within reason, of course) that I hadn't boxed Him in. What I hadn't realized was that I had "boxed in" my understanding of who He is. Some people have this "bug zapper" mentality of God. He's up there on His big throne just waiting for me to mess up, and then I'll get it! I never thought that way..."Jesus loves me this I know," remember? My idea was a half truth. I fully believed that God's way was best and I was happy to follow that because that way was also easier and much less stressful. For example, "don't have sex outside of marriage"...ok then, I don't want some nasty STD or unwanted pregnancy anyway. "Don't drink under age"...well, it's illegal and I'd rather not end up in jail, or make a complete fool of myself. "Be kind to others"...I get that too, I'd like people to be nice to me, so I might as well be nice first. Simply put, "God's way" just took a lot of unnecessary drama out of life, and I'm perfectly happy going along life's path without ruffling anyone's feathers. I figured, He's the big guy, He can see the big picture, and since He made the world and all, He probably knows best how to weave through this life, so I might as well take Him up on His advice.
I'm sad to say I taught youth and adult small groups from this perspective. Since I hadn't studied the Bible much on my own, I often wouldn't know the Biblical answer to someone's question, so I'd offer them some "advice" from my own theology. It sounded good and was working well for me, so it must be truth, right?
So this is where I was at the womens retreat. I was going about my business, following the rules and being nice to everyone, but in the deepest part of my gut I wondered if there was something more to this. At the time I would have never even considered voicing these thoughts, even to Toby. It's something I kept just to myself. The women I saw and the teaching I heard at the retreat is what set me on a new path. These women had what I was looking for. It was written all over their faces. Over the course of the retreat, the speaker paralleled Jesus and His second coming to Jewish wedding traditions. Ancient Jewish weddings would often include a ketubah, a written document which would stipulate the bride-price and include a promise to return at the end of the engagement period for his bride. My groom, Jesus, came to our earth for me, paid the ultimate bride-price of His life and left His Word (the Bible) as His ketubah in promise of His return. As a bride would cling to her groom's ketubah, study it and anxiously await his return, I suddenly wanted to know what my ketubah said. I had read my Bible, more out of obligation, guilt and box checking, but now was different. This was my groom's love letter to me and I had to know what it said!
After the retreat I journaled and I read and Jesus slowly began changing my understanding of Him. First, He helped me to see how I had limited Him and labeled Him. Then He started to show me truths about who He really is. I now approach all scripture with two filters, God is good (Ps 119:68) and God loves me (1 John 4:8). If I ever read something contrary to these two basic facts, I read it again, and again, and again if I have to until the Holy Spirit shows me the truth. Otherwise my understanding is coming from man and misunderstandings I had been taught before.
Now, "God loves me" how is that different now? It's TOTALLY different now! Before I thought God thinks I'm doing pretty good at following His rules, so He'll hang around...at least until I mess up really big. Now I know that He made me specifically because He wants to spend time with me! ME! Boring, little me! He gets so excited, like a spastic birthday kid, when I choose to spend time with Him! He dances over me, He sings over me (Zeph 3:17), and He's even goofy with me. Since He made me, He knows all about me. He knows all of my history, my baggage, my dreams. He knows my family and all of their baggage. He knows when I get my feelings hurt and why it hurts. I don't have to explain anything. As much as I love Toby, I still have to explain what happened, how I feel about it, how I wish it were different, etc etc and then he's still not going to really get it because he sees life through his worldview, not mine. Jesus is different. I don't have to explain anything...He already knows it all. This understanding alone has taken so much weight off of our marriage. Toby will never be able to meet my deepest needs and desires, he's just a man. His job is to simply be my best friend and go through life with me.
Jesus adores me, and He adores you too. If you will put just a little bit of effort to get to know the real God, He will show you just how amazing He thinks you are!
I didn't realize it at the time, but I had put God in a box. I'd heard lots of sermons about not "putting God in a box" but it never occurred to me that I had. I felt like since I'd let Him do whatever He wanted with my life (within reason, of course) that I hadn't boxed Him in. What I hadn't realized was that I had "boxed in" my understanding of who He is. Some people have this "bug zapper" mentality of God. He's up there on His big throne just waiting for me to mess up, and then I'll get it! I never thought that way..."Jesus loves me this I know," remember? My idea was a half truth. I fully believed that God's way was best and I was happy to follow that because that way was also easier and much less stressful. For example, "don't have sex outside of marriage"...ok then, I don't want some nasty STD or unwanted pregnancy anyway. "Don't drink under age"...well, it's illegal and I'd rather not end up in jail, or make a complete fool of myself. "Be kind to others"...I get that too, I'd like people to be nice to me, so I might as well be nice first. Simply put, "God's way" just took a lot of unnecessary drama out of life, and I'm perfectly happy going along life's path without ruffling anyone's feathers. I figured, He's the big guy, He can see the big picture, and since He made the world and all, He probably knows best how to weave through this life, so I might as well take Him up on His advice.
I'm sad to say I taught youth and adult small groups from this perspective. Since I hadn't studied the Bible much on my own, I often wouldn't know the Biblical answer to someone's question, so I'd offer them some "advice" from my own theology. It sounded good and was working well for me, so it must be truth, right?
So this is where I was at the womens retreat. I was going about my business, following the rules and being nice to everyone, but in the deepest part of my gut I wondered if there was something more to this. At the time I would have never even considered voicing these thoughts, even to Toby. It's something I kept just to myself. The women I saw and the teaching I heard at the retreat is what set me on a new path. These women had what I was looking for. It was written all over their faces. Over the course of the retreat, the speaker paralleled Jesus and His second coming to Jewish wedding traditions. Ancient Jewish weddings would often include a ketubah, a written document which would stipulate the bride-price and include a promise to return at the end of the engagement period for his bride. My groom, Jesus, came to our earth for me, paid the ultimate bride-price of His life and left His Word (the Bible) as His ketubah in promise of His return. As a bride would cling to her groom's ketubah, study it and anxiously await his return, I suddenly wanted to know what my ketubah said. I had read my Bible, more out of obligation, guilt and box checking, but now was different. This was my groom's love letter to me and I had to know what it said!
After the retreat I journaled and I read and Jesus slowly began changing my understanding of Him. First, He helped me to see how I had limited Him and labeled Him. Then He started to show me truths about who He really is. I now approach all scripture with two filters, God is good (Ps 119:68) and God loves me (1 John 4:8). If I ever read something contrary to these two basic facts, I read it again, and again, and again if I have to until the Holy Spirit shows me the truth. Otherwise my understanding is coming from man and misunderstandings I had been taught before.
Now, "God loves me" how is that different now? It's TOTALLY different now! Before I thought God thinks I'm doing pretty good at following His rules, so He'll hang around...at least until I mess up really big. Now I know that He made me specifically because He wants to spend time with me! ME! Boring, little me! He gets so excited, like a spastic birthday kid, when I choose to spend time with Him! He dances over me, He sings over me (Zeph 3:17), and He's even goofy with me. Since He made me, He knows all about me. He knows all of my history, my baggage, my dreams. He knows my family and all of their baggage. He knows when I get my feelings hurt and why it hurts. I don't have to explain anything. As much as I love Toby, I still have to explain what happened, how I feel about it, how I wish it were different, etc etc and then he's still not going to really get it because he sees life through his worldview, not mine. Jesus is different. I don't have to explain anything...He already knows it all. This understanding alone has taken so much weight off of our marriage. Toby will never be able to meet my deepest needs and desires, he's just a man. His job is to simply be my best friend and go through life with me.
Jesus adores me, and He adores you too. If you will put just a little bit of effort to get to know the real God, He will show you just how amazing He thinks you are!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The day my world changed
February 2009...a new friend in Knoxville encouraged me to go to our church's womens retreat. While the opportunity to make new friends sounded appealing the scheduling was not working. Toby had planned a weekend away with some college friends and that had been on our calendar for months. My mom, an accountant, was in the middle of tax season, and we didn't know anyone else in Knoxville and certainly anyone well enough to leave my six month old baby with for an entire weekend. Well, this friend was persistent and on the last Sunday of signups Toby left the church service saying, "You're suppose to go to that retreat. I'll stay home with Haley." Shocked by this change of plans I signed up that day, afraid he'd change his mind.
I went to the retreat knowing my one friend, hoping to meet more and looking for something more meaningful than this box checking religion I was living. Don't get me wrong, I loved Jesus and I knew I was His, but my understanding of Him was limited and I didn't quite know how to get what I saw in other people.
During the opening session on Friday night, I watched women worship Jesus like never before. They were standing, kneeling, bowing, waving flags, dancing and twirling like little girls. I had never seen anything like it. The peace and joy on their faces was foreign to me. I was completely unprepared and overwhelmed. I liked it. While I didn't participate much in this extravagant worship, I watched with hungry curiosity.
On Saturday morning the speaker encouraged us to journal and spend some time writing to the Lord. I decided that now was as good a time as any and I wanted to break through this rut I was in, so I wrote...and wrote...and wrote. I wrote about what I was thinking, what I was afraid of, what I hoped for and so on. Later that afternoon I was scheduled for a listening prayer session. I informed the prayer team that I had never experienced "listening prayer" and that I didn't know what to expect. The team leader explained that they were going to ask the Lord to share words of life and encouragement for me. Still not knowing what to expect I went along with it. After a moment of silence, one team member spoke up...he had a vision of me standing in an intersection and I turned one way and the light was red, so I turned another way and the green light turned red. He said, "I get the sense you're looking for something and don't know which way to go..." I was taken aback by this incredibly accurate description and I began to cry. The words, visions and scriptures continued to come until every single thing I wrote in my journal hours earlier had been addressed. Remember, I've never seen these people before in my life and I hadn't told them anything about me! The information was meaningless to them, as they only knew a piece, but I knew immediately what they were referring to. The only way I can describe it is that God used these people's voices to audibly speak to me. Through this experience, I learned that not only does He know how many hairs are on my head (Matt 10:30), and that He has a plan for me (Jer 29:11), but He said, "Carey, I know you today, I know what you're thinking today, I know what you're afraid of today, I see you. I am here." The floodgates opened and the crying turned to uncontrollable sobs. Never had I felt so close to Jesus and never had He been so real. I was humbled and awed that He would concern Himself with me and my small, insignificant life.
This one encounter led to a hunger and I wanted it again. I wanted more of this closeness and more of His words for me. After the retreat I joined a bible study, called Boothmakers, where I was surrounded by women who are constantly seeking Jesus' presence. I learned how to read and study my Bible (for the first time in my life), I learned how to journal, and more about this extravagant worship. With every passing week, I would spend time in my Bible, journaling, praying, and sharing with these women. This year of growth would transform me and prepare me for the unbelievable detour God was about to take us on...
I went to the retreat knowing my one friend, hoping to meet more and looking for something more meaningful than this box checking religion I was living. Don't get me wrong, I loved Jesus and I knew I was His, but my understanding of Him was limited and I didn't quite know how to get what I saw in other people.
During the opening session on Friday night, I watched women worship Jesus like never before. They were standing, kneeling, bowing, waving flags, dancing and twirling like little girls. I had never seen anything like it. The peace and joy on their faces was foreign to me. I was completely unprepared and overwhelmed. I liked it. While I didn't participate much in this extravagant worship, I watched with hungry curiosity.
On Saturday morning the speaker encouraged us to journal and spend some time writing to the Lord. I decided that now was as good a time as any and I wanted to break through this rut I was in, so I wrote...and wrote...and wrote. I wrote about what I was thinking, what I was afraid of, what I hoped for and so on. Later that afternoon I was scheduled for a listening prayer session. I informed the prayer team that I had never experienced "listening prayer" and that I didn't know what to expect. The team leader explained that they were going to ask the Lord to share words of life and encouragement for me. Still not knowing what to expect I went along with it. After a moment of silence, one team member spoke up...he had a vision of me standing in an intersection and I turned one way and the light was red, so I turned another way and the green light turned red. He said, "I get the sense you're looking for something and don't know which way to go..." I was taken aback by this incredibly accurate description and I began to cry. The words, visions and scriptures continued to come until every single thing I wrote in my journal hours earlier had been addressed. Remember, I've never seen these people before in my life and I hadn't told them anything about me! The information was meaningless to them, as they only knew a piece, but I knew immediately what they were referring to. The only way I can describe it is that God used these people's voices to audibly speak to me. Through this experience, I learned that not only does He know how many hairs are on my head (Matt 10:30), and that He has a plan for me (Jer 29:11), but He said, "Carey, I know you today, I know what you're thinking today, I know what you're afraid of today, I see you. I am here." The floodgates opened and the crying turned to uncontrollable sobs. Never had I felt so close to Jesus and never had He been so real. I was humbled and awed that He would concern Himself with me and my small, insignificant life.
This one encounter led to a hunger and I wanted it again. I wanted more of this closeness and more of His words for me. After the retreat I joined a bible study, called Boothmakers, where I was surrounded by women who are constantly seeking Jesus' presence. I learned how to read and study my Bible (for the first time in my life), I learned how to journal, and more about this extravagant worship. With every passing week, I would spend time in my Bible, journaling, praying, and sharing with these women. This year of growth would transform me and prepare me for the unbelievable detour God was about to take us on...
Uprooted
In August 2008 we welcomed our daughter, Haley, and five weeks later Toby's company asked us to move to Knoxville, Tennessee. Knowing his career would be severely stalled if we said "no" we took a trip to Tennessee, left our flip house vacant and unattended, and four weeks later we found ourselves in an apartment in Tennessee. The transition was quick, unexpected, and overwhelming at times. While I wouldn't recommend moving states with a nine week old baby, the two months we spent in our temporary apartment were some of the sweetest of our marriage to date. Without friends and loads of commitments we were able to enjoy tons of family time and love on our tiny baby. Little did we know our time in Tennessee would be forever life changing...
A little history first...
I married my high school sweetheart, Toby, in 2004 and moved to Mobile, Alabama in 2005. We were a DINK couple (double income, no kids) and thoroughly enjoyed the benefits that came with that status. In 2007, house flipping was all the rage (aka the newest reality TV phenomenon, not that we knew anyone personally who had tackled this successfully) so we decided to jump on that band wagon. With a 95% mortgage on the "flip house" and relying on our home equity line we forged ahead. No biggie, it's just going to be a few months until it sells...right?
The 1,100 square foot house we chose was in foreclosure at the time and the previous owners were not so happy to vacate the premise. There were holes in the walls and doors, cabinets hanging off their hinges, and a horrid commercial blue carpet throughout. For two dreamers with a little vision, this place was a gold mine! We'd change the carpet, patch the holes, toss on some fresh paint, throw it back on the market and walk away with $20 grand...easy as that!
We bought the house in July 2007. Two realtors, endless open houses, numerous price reductions, and one set of destructive renters later, we were still sitting on it in August 2008...
The 1,100 square foot house we chose was in foreclosure at the time and the previous owners were not so happy to vacate the premise. There were holes in the walls and doors, cabinets hanging off their hinges, and a horrid commercial blue carpet throughout. For two dreamers with a little vision, this place was a gold mine! We'd change the carpet, patch the holes, toss on some fresh paint, throw it back on the market and walk away with $20 grand...easy as that!
We bought the house in July 2007. Two realtors, endless open houses, numerous price reductions, and one set of destructive renters later, we were still sitting on it in August 2008...
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