February 2009...a new friend in Knoxville encouraged me to go to our church's womens retreat. While the opportunity to make new friends sounded appealing the scheduling was not working. Toby had planned a weekend away with some college friends and that had been on our calendar for months. My mom, an accountant, was in the middle of tax season, and we didn't know anyone else in Knoxville and certainly anyone well enough to leave my six month old baby with for an entire weekend. Well, this friend was persistent and on the last Sunday of signups Toby left the church service saying, "You're suppose to go to that retreat. I'll stay home with Haley." Shocked by this change of plans I signed up that day, afraid he'd change his mind.
I went to the retreat knowing my one friend, hoping to meet more and looking for something more meaningful than this box checking religion I was living. Don't get me wrong, I loved Jesus and I knew I was His, but my understanding of Him was limited and I didn't quite know how to get what I saw in other people.
During the opening session on Friday night, I watched women worship Jesus like never before. They were standing, kneeling, bowing, waving flags, dancing and twirling like little girls. I had never seen anything like it. The peace and joy on their faces was foreign to me. I was completely unprepared and overwhelmed. I liked it. While I didn't participate much in this extravagant worship, I watched with hungry curiosity.
On Saturday morning the speaker encouraged us to journal and spend some time writing to the Lord. I decided that now was as good a time as any and I wanted to break through this rut I was in, so I wrote...and wrote...and wrote. I wrote about what I was thinking, what I was afraid of, what I hoped for and so on. Later that afternoon I was scheduled for a listening prayer session. I informed the prayer team that I had never experienced "listening prayer" and that I didn't know what to expect. The team leader explained that they were going to ask the Lord to share words of life and encouragement for me. Still not knowing what to expect I went along with it. After a moment of silence, one team member spoke up...he had a vision of me standing in an intersection and I turned one way and the light was red, so I turned another way and the green light turned red. He said, "I get the sense you're looking for something and don't know which way to go..." I was taken aback by this incredibly accurate description and I began to cry. The words, visions and scriptures continued to come until every single thing I wrote in my journal hours earlier had been addressed. Remember, I've never seen these people before in my life and I hadn't told them anything about me! The information was meaningless to them, as they only knew a piece, but I knew immediately what they were referring to. The only way I can describe it is that God used these people's voices to audibly speak to me. Through this experience, I learned that not only does He know how many hairs are on my head (Matt 10:30), and that He has a plan for me (Jer 29:11), but He said, "Carey, I know you today, I know what you're thinking today, I know what you're afraid of today, I see you. I am here." The floodgates opened and the crying turned to uncontrollable sobs. Never had I felt so close to Jesus and never had He been so real. I was humbled and awed that He would concern Himself with me and my small, insignificant life.
This one encounter led to a hunger and I wanted it again. I wanted more of this closeness and more of His words for me. After the retreat I joined a bible study, called Boothmakers, where I was surrounded by women who are constantly seeking Jesus' presence. I learned how to read and study my Bible (for the first time in my life), I learned how to journal, and more about this extravagant worship. With every passing week, I would spend time in my Bible, journaling, praying, and sharing with these women. This year of growth would transform me and prepare me for the unbelievable detour God was about to take us on...
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