My, my blogger friends...so much to update you on and my apologies for my delay in keeping you all up to speed. Toby and I are rocking along and are thrilled about the path God has put us on. Our lives are full.
Let's take it back a few...years...When we moved back to Alabama from Tennessee, we knew that God had called Toby to go back to school to earn his theology degree and that He wanted us to "work in a church." That was about all the guidance we were given at the time, so we worked at it as best we could. After four or five months, God led us to South Coast Church...the perfect family of believers for our little family. The relationships, encouragement and purpose we have found there are incredible and could only be ordained by sweet Abba's plan. When we first moved back to Mobile we were looking for a pastor job, looking for someone to give us authority. After all, God did say He wanted us to work in a church, so we did everything in our power to make that happen...including cold calling random churches on a Google search asking for a job. While we did get some interesting responses, there was nothing down that road but closed doors. Once we surrendered that our plan wasn't getting us anywhere, a new verse became our focus:
"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 14:11
So, when we landed at South Coast we decided to do it God's way...novel idea. We decided not to pursue a "job" or even a position of influence, but to sit back and let God open doors for us. The church was meeting in an elementary school gym at the time and we started helping wherever we could. We showed up for set up on Saturday nights and cleaned toilets, set out chairs, and scraped goo off the gym floor. After a while, our pastor John asked Toby if he would help collect the offering. Later they asked me to man the first time visitor table, then they asked Toby to help count the offering and eventually to present the welcome chat before the sermon. We never once asked for authority, but actively chose to take the position of servant. We kept our eyes open for any opportunity to help...to take the trash out, to tear down the service on Sunday afternoons, to help with the kids during meetings. And wouldn't you know, God's way works. Over time, Toby and I were asked to take on more and more responsibility and we found such great purpose and thrill in being able to serve in that way. Eventually, we were asked to coordinate the small groups for the church and we have LOVED it. We love getting to know people, calling people into leadership and seeing them stretch themselves beyond what they think they are capable of. We love watching people's lives change. We have seen people exposed to the truth of who God is, some for the first time, have their entire perspective on life shift, and then immediately bring their friends and family to hear the good news. We have been so honored to serve the Lord and the family of South Coast Church.
Most recently we have been given even greater assignments. In the fall of 2012 our pastors, and dear friends, came to have dinner with us one night. We had no idea that would change it all for us. Before they left for the evening, we had been prompted with the next step on our journey. Over the following months, Toby accepted the position of Executive Pastor and was ordained by the church, and I began serving as the church accountant. Keep in mind that Toby is also still working a full time job as an engineer, but our paths and direction were made so clear at this crossroad. God had used nearly 10 years of education, training and experience to prepare us for this next step. Toby has received countless hours of training and experience in running large organizations, developing and growing teams, teaching leadership skills, and motivating others...all necessary skills for an executive pastor. I was a CPA before I chose to stay home when Haley was born. Now all of the skills I learned in bookkeeping, auditing, and management are coming into play for His Kingdom.
We are thrilled to work together for the advancement of the Kingdom of God and are so humbled and honored to walk the path that God has spent years preparing for us. And just so you know, Toby has no plans to leave his engineering job in the near future and only lacks his thesis on his Master's Degree. We are trusting God to provide all that we need (including time management) and are following His guidance one day at a time.
So what about the kids? Our sweet babies, Haley (4) and Jake (1) have always been home with me. It is a gift I will treasure for all of my days. In this season where I am easing back into the "working" world, Abba has been so, so good to all of us. My work schedule is incredibly flexible, and I am free to work whenever I can. God has provided the world's greatest nanny to love on my kids at home two days a week. She adores them, they adore her, they play outside, and go for walks. She even does some laundry and dishes. She is a God-send...literally! This season has been a good transition for the summer when they will both attend a Moms Day Out program three days a week. Haley is thrilled, and I know they will do great. Haley starts big kid school in August. I had to lay down my homeschool world and surrender that God knows me and my family better than I do, and He has led us to the most amazing school. There is still no news to report on the adoption, but thank you to all of you who have prayed and asked about it.
So that's the latest and greatest on our family and for now, here's a little peak into our world...
The Locklar Family | A Day In The Life from Hampton Road Studios on Vimeo.
Thank you to Matt and Ashley Hampton at Hampton Road Studios for capturing this season of our lives so beautifully. This video will be a treasure to me forever!
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Sunday, August 12, 2012
From pew warmer to freedom walker
My heart is so heavy today. There is so much I want to share, so much life I want others to have, so much sadness that they don't even know what they're turning down. Today I will share a piece of my heart, a piece of my journey. Hopefully it will help others to see that YES, THERE IS MORE!
I grew up in church with a mom who prayed for me and read me Bible stories. The church thing stuck. I even went so far as to pursue church attendance when I moved out on my own. Sadly, my motives were a bit skewed. I went to church because that's just what you did, that's what was expected, and my mom would be disappointed if I didn't. So in each new city I found myself, I searched out a church. I even started teaching Sunday School at one of them. How's that for gold stars, huh?!? So this went on for years...and years. But secretly, I was dying. I would ask myself, is this really it? Is what I'm living the great joy that God promises and that I've heard preached about all the time? Because frankly, it's really not all that great. I don't mind following the "rules" too much, I'm not really a rebel at heart anyway, but if this is the greatest way to live life, I must be missing something. And here's where I ran into my biggest problem..."Um, yeah, I know I'm a Sunday School teacher and all, but I don't really get it. What's the big deal? I don't have this overflowing joy that the Bible tells me I'll have and quite frankly, I'm a bit tired of keeping up the act, checking my religion box, and going through the motions." I felt stuck. How do I admit to knowing nothing about what I was teaching? Sure I knew all the "right" things to say, but at the end of the day they were just the rules, the dos and the don'ts...I'd mastered those, but nothing penetrated deeper than that. Just so we're clear, this facade went across the board to every aspect of my life...my coworkers, my friends at church, my family, my husband and myself. I pretended to all of them. I pretended to "be in love with Jesus" to all of them, and for a while I tried to convince myself I had it all figured out, but in my secret places I knew it just wasn't true. I didn't even know what that meant, much less how to get there, but it sounded good. It's what was expected of me, so I kept it up. But when you've had enough pretending to have it all together, how do you get out? I didn't know, so I kept my doubts to myself and eventually God took me to a new place. A place where nobody knew my name, nobody knew what I had "taught" before and I didn't have any act to keep up. I could just start fresh. I could admit that I didn't know as much about this God stuff as I had led on. I could ask questions without expecting an appalling, shocked look in return. The details of the day that changed everything for me are here, but now I have to tell you what I've learned on the other side...
If you find yourself in a similar place, the biggest thing I can tell you is that the ball is in your court. It's your move.
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13
"I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me." Proverbs 8:17
"But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29
"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Luke 11:10, Matthew 7:8
This word "seek" means "to search out in worship or prayer, to strive after, to beg, to desire." It requires me to take the first step. I have to want to find Him. I have to want to know what He has to say. I have to want to do what He asks. This was my hang up for years. I would go through the motions, read my Bible on occasion, talk the talk, but deep down in the quiet, secret places of my gut I didn't really want to find Him. I knew what He was going to say and I didn't like it. He was going to tell me that I was wrong for carrying on like I had been. I didn't read my Bible often enough. I didn't talk about Him enough to my coworkers. I didn't pray for people when I told them I would. Yeah, I knew the dos and don'ts and I could point a finger at you, but I didn't follow them all the way through. God was going to be disappointed with me, so I chose not to give Him a chance to talk. I didn't really want to find Him. Even though I knew something was missing, I'd rather live without that missing piece than face His finger in my face for all the things I had not done good enough.
Sweet friend, I am here to tell you that's the place I lived in for so many years...stuck and no idea what to do about it. But the fear of God's pointing finger turned out to be a lie from the pit of hell. I've since learned that those fears and those words of condemnation and accusing fingers only come from the enemy. Paul tells us that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1. If you don't want to look for God because you're afraid you'll get a finger in your face, you need to address that head on...that is NOT Jesus' sweet voice of love, that is Satan's voice holding you in captivity, keeping you locked up in yourself, and you have the power to call his bluff. You have the power to tell him to shut up and turn your face to what God has to say.
So what does He have to say? If I decide to give Him a chance to talk, what will He say to me? I remember that day very clearly. Toby was at work, Haley was napping and I climbed onto my bed with my journal and my Bible. I had seen other women in Tennessee with something I didn't have. They threw their heads back and spun like children in worship to our God. They were so free and full of life. Their eyes sparkled and danced when they talked about God. I knew that whatever they had, I didn't, but I wanted it. So I sat on my bed and decided that I would give Him a chance to talk. I would hear Him out. I wanted to know how to hear His voice. During the prayer time that changed everything for me, He said, "Carey, I see you. Not only do I 'know how many hairs are on your head' and did I 'knit you together in your mother's womb' but I see you today. I know what's going through your head today. I know that you're stuck. I know that you want a way out, and I want to show you how. I am trustworthy."
So, "seek and you will find." You have to ask yourself...Do you really want to find Him? Do you really want to know what He has to say? Really? In the deep, quiet places of your gut...are you willing to give Him a chance to speak? Until you can honestly look for Him with everything you have, you won't find Him. You won't find the great joy and peace He talks about. You won't be able to feel His presence and hear His voice. All of your efforts will just be motions, religion, and a facade. I can tell you, He's trustworthy. He does not have a finger waiting on you. He is not ready to bring up a list of all the places you've failed. He is waiting for a chance to tell you how much He loves you, how much he thinks about you. He wants to show you the joy and peace He has to offer. He wants to lavish you with beautiful gifts, greater than you can imagine. Are you ready to hear Him out?
I grew up in church with a mom who prayed for me and read me Bible stories. The church thing stuck. I even went so far as to pursue church attendance when I moved out on my own. Sadly, my motives were a bit skewed. I went to church because that's just what you did, that's what was expected, and my mom would be disappointed if I didn't. So in each new city I found myself, I searched out a church. I even started teaching Sunday School at one of them. How's that for gold stars, huh?!? So this went on for years...and years. But secretly, I was dying. I would ask myself, is this really it? Is what I'm living the great joy that God promises and that I've heard preached about all the time? Because frankly, it's really not all that great. I don't mind following the "rules" too much, I'm not really a rebel at heart anyway, but if this is the greatest way to live life, I must be missing something. And here's where I ran into my biggest problem..."Um, yeah, I know I'm a Sunday School teacher and all, but I don't really get it. What's the big deal? I don't have this overflowing joy that the Bible tells me I'll have and quite frankly, I'm a bit tired of keeping up the act, checking my religion box, and going through the motions." I felt stuck. How do I admit to knowing nothing about what I was teaching? Sure I knew all the "right" things to say, but at the end of the day they were just the rules, the dos and the don'ts...I'd mastered those, but nothing penetrated deeper than that. Just so we're clear, this facade went across the board to every aspect of my life...my coworkers, my friends at church, my family, my husband and myself. I pretended to all of them. I pretended to "be in love with Jesus" to all of them, and for a while I tried to convince myself I had it all figured out, but in my secret places I knew it just wasn't true. I didn't even know what that meant, much less how to get there, but it sounded good. It's what was expected of me, so I kept it up. But when you've had enough pretending to have it all together, how do you get out? I didn't know, so I kept my doubts to myself and eventually God took me to a new place. A place where nobody knew my name, nobody knew what I had "taught" before and I didn't have any act to keep up. I could just start fresh. I could admit that I didn't know as much about this God stuff as I had led on. I could ask questions without expecting an appalling, shocked look in return. The details of the day that changed everything for me are here, but now I have to tell you what I've learned on the other side...
If you find yourself in a similar place, the biggest thing I can tell you is that the ball is in your court. It's your move.
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13
"I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me." Proverbs 8:17
"But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29
"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Luke 11:10, Matthew 7:8
This word "seek" means "to search out in worship or prayer, to strive after, to beg, to desire." It requires me to take the first step. I have to want to find Him. I have to want to know what He has to say. I have to want to do what He asks. This was my hang up for years. I would go through the motions, read my Bible on occasion, talk the talk, but deep down in the quiet, secret places of my gut I didn't really want to find Him. I knew what He was going to say and I didn't like it. He was going to tell me that I was wrong for carrying on like I had been. I didn't read my Bible often enough. I didn't talk about Him enough to my coworkers. I didn't pray for people when I told them I would. Yeah, I knew the dos and don'ts and I could point a finger at you, but I didn't follow them all the way through. God was going to be disappointed with me, so I chose not to give Him a chance to talk. I didn't really want to find Him. Even though I knew something was missing, I'd rather live without that missing piece than face His finger in my face for all the things I had not done good enough.
Sweet friend, I am here to tell you that's the place I lived in for so many years...stuck and no idea what to do about it. But the fear of God's pointing finger turned out to be a lie from the pit of hell. I've since learned that those fears and those words of condemnation and accusing fingers only come from the enemy. Paul tells us that "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1. If you don't want to look for God because you're afraid you'll get a finger in your face, you need to address that head on...that is NOT Jesus' sweet voice of love, that is Satan's voice holding you in captivity, keeping you locked up in yourself, and you have the power to call his bluff. You have the power to tell him to shut up and turn your face to what God has to say.
So what does He have to say? If I decide to give Him a chance to talk, what will He say to me? I remember that day very clearly. Toby was at work, Haley was napping and I climbed onto my bed with my journal and my Bible. I had seen other women in Tennessee with something I didn't have. They threw their heads back and spun like children in worship to our God. They were so free and full of life. Their eyes sparkled and danced when they talked about God. I knew that whatever they had, I didn't, but I wanted it. So I sat on my bed and decided that I would give Him a chance to talk. I would hear Him out. I wanted to know how to hear His voice. During the prayer time that changed everything for me, He said, "Carey, I see you. Not only do I 'know how many hairs are on your head' and did I 'knit you together in your mother's womb' but I see you today. I know what's going through your head today. I know that you're stuck. I know that you want a way out, and I want to show you how. I am trustworthy."
So, "seek and you will find." You have to ask yourself...Do you really want to find Him? Do you really want to know what He has to say? Really? In the deep, quiet places of your gut...are you willing to give Him a chance to speak? Until you can honestly look for Him with everything you have, you won't find Him. You won't find the great joy and peace He talks about. You won't be able to feel His presence and hear His voice. All of your efforts will just be motions, religion, and a facade. I can tell you, He's trustworthy. He does not have a finger waiting on you. He is not ready to bring up a list of all the places you've failed. He is waiting for a chance to tell you how much He loves you, how much he thinks about you. He wants to show you the joy and peace He has to offer. He wants to lavish you with beautiful gifts, greater than you can imagine. Are you ready to hear Him out?
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Haley's heart
My heart overflowed yesterday with it's sweetest moment to date...
My daughter, Haley, and I were headed to her room for quiet time and she started pretending there was a crocodile chasing us down the hall, like in her Little Einsteins movie. I played along and we ran fast into her room and I quickly shut the door behind us. We ran and jumped on her bed and I told her that she was safe on the bed...the crocodile couldn't get to her if she was on the bed. I felt the Spirit pushing me...
"Haley, can you say this? 'Do not fear...for I am with you.' " Her sweet voice repeated each phrase. I asked her, "Do you know who said that?" She just looked at me, a little confused. I told her, "Jesus said that!" We've talked a lot lately about how much Jesus loves us and how He's always with us. She started patting her chest and said, "Jesus is in my heart." I think this statement may be a twist on what I had taught her earlier...Jesus talks to us, but we can't hear Him with our ears, we hear Him with our hearts.
"You know what, Haley? Jesus can live in your heart. Do you want Him to?" To which I received an enthusiastic, "YEAH" as she rolled back on her bed. I said, "Ok, repeat after me...Jesus...please come live in my heart...and love me forever...and I will love you forever." I pray that in all of my days, I never forget the sound of those sweet words coming out of her mouth!
I recognize that she's only 2 1/2 and that there is much she doesn't understand, but I also think these little people understand far more than we give them credit for. So as the years roll on, we will continue to worship Jesus, to love well, to read scripture and incorporate it into every aspect of our lives, and I will hold fast to the promise my God made..."Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Prov 22:6)
Thank you, Jesus, for loving Haley so much! I recognize that she is not mine, she is Yours. You have entrusted her to me and Toby to teach her, love her and lead her to You. I pray protection over her sweet heart and blessings over her life as Your remarkable plan for her life gets under way...even now, at 2 years old!!
My daughter, Haley, and I were headed to her room for quiet time and she started pretending there was a crocodile chasing us down the hall, like in her Little Einsteins movie. I played along and we ran fast into her room and I quickly shut the door behind us. We ran and jumped on her bed and I told her that she was safe on the bed...the crocodile couldn't get to her if she was on the bed. I felt the Spirit pushing me...
"Haley, can you say this? 'Do not fear...for I am with you.' " Her sweet voice repeated each phrase. I asked her, "Do you know who said that?" She just looked at me, a little confused. I told her, "Jesus said that!" We've talked a lot lately about how much Jesus loves us and how He's always with us. She started patting her chest and said, "Jesus is in my heart." I think this statement may be a twist on what I had taught her earlier...Jesus talks to us, but we can't hear Him with our ears, we hear Him with our hearts.
"You know what, Haley? Jesus can live in your heart. Do you want Him to?" To which I received an enthusiastic, "YEAH" as she rolled back on her bed. I said, "Ok, repeat after me...Jesus...please come live in my heart...and love me forever...and I will love you forever." I pray that in all of my days, I never forget the sound of those sweet words coming out of her mouth!
I recognize that she's only 2 1/2 and that there is much she doesn't understand, but I also think these little people understand far more than we give them credit for. So as the years roll on, we will continue to worship Jesus, to love well, to read scripture and incorporate it into every aspect of our lives, and I will hold fast to the promise my God made..."Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Prov 22:6)
Thank you, Jesus, for loving Haley so much! I recognize that she is not mine, she is Yours. You have entrusted her to me and Toby to teach her, love her and lead her to You. I pray protection over her sweet heart and blessings over her life as Your remarkable plan for her life gets under way...even now, at 2 years old!!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
We finally have a home!
When we moved to Mobile in August of last year, it was clear that our assignment was to visit as many churches as we could...to come out of our corner, to see how the rest of the body loves Jesus. Our intention was not to find a home, but to learn. Knowing that we have been called into the ministry, at some level at some point in time, we acknowledged that once we do get plugged into a church, we will be obligated to be there each Sunday, so now was our chance to visit around and see the rest of the body.
We visited everything from conservative Southern Baptist to Church of Christ to dancing in the isles and speaking tongues charismatic. It was an awesome season...and a hard season. We were stretched and taught in so many ways. We were blessed to learn about how others worship, pray and teach. It was beautiful to see different sections of the body loving my Jesus. It was hard in other ways...not having a home base or anybody who knew our names, and being faced with things we didn't like or understand. In some cases we could immediately put our finger on something and say, "this is not something we want to duplicate." Other situations or teachings stretched our understanding and forced us to dig, research and lean in to the Spirit's leading. As we entered our fourth month of this season, both Toby and I were becoming hungry for a home...a place to plug in, a place to love others and be loved, a place where encounters with the Spirit would be matched with healthy, grounded Biblical teaching. The problem arose that most of the churches we visited were either one extreme or the other. Any that we had visited that displayed some sort of balance were not home...Papa had not given His peace.
As I shared a while ago, along with our church hopping last fall, came a good bit of loneliness and depression. The day after I let all of that anger and mess go, I happened to have my radio tuned to the Christian radio station...a rarity in my world as I am normally held captive by Psalty, the Singing Songbook. Anyway, I caught the tail end of a blip on the radio for South Coast Church. Because I had become accustomed to seeking out new churches over the last few months, I made a mental note to look it up later. At home I pulled up the website and was drawn in by what I read. The mission and vision statement caught my attention..."At SCC we believe the stronger the foundation the further the reach. In order to accomplish the Great Commission given by our Lord Jesus Christ, we must teach people to live by the Word of God, be led by the Spirit of God, and to reach out to others with the love of God." That was it...the balance of Spirit and Truth we've been looking for! (John 4:24) I shared it with Toby that night, and I just couldn't shake it over the next few days.
Please feel free to check out their website to learn more...South Coast Church of Mobile.
So I hear this blip on the radio on Monday. On Tuesday, I was going out of my way to get Haley a Wendy's frosty before making a long trip across town. On our way to Wendy's I noticed a yard sign out of the corner of my eye...South Coast Church. I had to do a double take! We live in a little community just north of Mobile, so I was really surprised to see somebody in our neighborhood that was associated with this church that God had just brought across my radar screen.
On Sunday morning we visited for the first time, totally expectant that God was going to show us something big. We ran into a sweet lady just inside the front door. We told her how we had heard about the church and how we had visited many others in the previous months. Her reply was prophetic..."Well, I think you've found your home." As we found our seats Toby and I looked at each other thinking, that was odd. During the last few days I had searched out a new worship song, but downloaded a different one by mistake..."Your love never fails." I didn't mean to download it, but God's in control of even these little things. I quickly latched on to this new song and listened to it repeatedly throughout the week. So worship started up and what was the first song in the set? Of course, "Your love never fails." It was fairly new then and we hadn't heard it played in a service before...I stood there, stunned. My heart was so overwhelmed and held such a peace that I spent the rest of the worship set literally on my face in the center isle. I felt the months of despair falling off and hope start growing! Could this be our home?
Toby and I walked away from that service with a sense of belonging and an excitement for what God was doing with this body. They were holding a new member type class that evening and I felt compelled to attend...partly out of nosiness, partly out of obedience. Toby stayed home with Haley and I went alone. The pastor spoke about the essentials that a Christian should have in their life and he briefly touched on the foundation and direction of the church. I couldn't argue with one thing that came out of his mouth. We were in complete agreement. He mentioned a womens bible study that would be forming soon and would be led by his wife, so after the meeting I made my way to her. She was busy talking with others, so I ended up talking with another mom I had met that morning. After a 30 minute chat, I discovered that it was her yard sign, 20 miles away, that I had seen earlier that week! We ended our conversation, I had given up on waiting for the pastor's wife, and was getting ready to say goodbye when she opened her arms and pulled me into the sweetest hug. Now, I'm a plenty huggy person myself, so this didn't bother me. What caught me off guard was that she initiated this hug. I melted right there...in the arms of this total stranger! As she embraced me, I felt the Spirit's voice...I know what you need. You will find love here. I walked to my car in an almost out of body experience. That was my first day on that campus and yet I felt like I'd been there for years. In this moment, my soul was more settled than it had been in months. I called Toby from my car..."I think we've found our home."
Toby and I continued to discuss and dream about what kind of ministry God would place us in or what goals and doctrine would be associated with it. After these conversations, it would never fail that our pastor would address the exact issue in his sermon the next Sunday! Toby and I would always glance at each other and exchange an amazed chuckle. This happened, not just once, but at least four or five times. Our God is so good!
In the coming weeks we met with the pastor and his wife, talked with many people in the congregation and leadership, and attended the new member classes. Turns out, this awesome, growing church with God's favor written all over it...it's six months old! Two years ago, this couple was running a very successful aviation company in Tulsa, OK when God asked them to sell their business, return to Mobile (the pastor's hometown) and plant a church...so they did. With their 5 teenagers in tow and great trust and obedience they pulled into Mobile last summer and launched South Coast Church in September 2010. Six months later, we are still seeing lots of new faces every Sunday with an average attendance around 150. I am continually amazed at His faithfulness!
In the months that followed, God has repeatedly brought to mind some wisdom shared with us. Just before we left Tennessee, we met with our pastor and his wife for dinner. While they both shared tons of invaluable advice and wisdom, one statement stands out..."Look for a little church that's just getting started. Get in on the ground floor so you can see all areas of ministry. If you jump on board with a mega church, they're going to put you in charge of left-handed, 7th grade boys and that's all you'll get to see." The accuracy of this statement almost makes me laugh. Our new church home is 6 months old, with one couple running the whole show without pay. I'm not sure how much more "ground floor" we could get! I've found myself telling people, "This is the church we would have planted had we planted it ourselves."
God is good...all the time. I know He had a purpose for the hard months we spent without a home. Some lessons we have already learned, others will come out in due time. But for now, we are thrilled to join forces with this awesome church family and can not wait to see what God has in store for us as a family, for us as a church family, and for the city of Mobile. If you're in the Mobile area and are not settled with a church home, we would love for you to join us! Even if it's strictly out of curiosity...He's not afraid or intimidated by your curiosity, nosiness or questions. C'mon and see what God is doing!
We visited everything from conservative Southern Baptist to Church of Christ to dancing in the isles and speaking tongues charismatic. It was an awesome season...and a hard season. We were stretched and taught in so many ways. We were blessed to learn about how others worship, pray and teach. It was beautiful to see different sections of the body loving my Jesus. It was hard in other ways...not having a home base or anybody who knew our names, and being faced with things we didn't like or understand. In some cases we could immediately put our finger on something and say, "this is not something we want to duplicate." Other situations or teachings stretched our understanding and forced us to dig, research and lean in to the Spirit's leading. As we entered our fourth month of this season, both Toby and I were becoming hungry for a home...a place to plug in, a place to love others and be loved, a place where encounters with the Spirit would be matched with healthy, grounded Biblical teaching. The problem arose that most of the churches we visited were either one extreme or the other. Any that we had visited that displayed some sort of balance were not home...Papa had not given His peace.
As I shared a while ago, along with our church hopping last fall, came a good bit of loneliness and depression. The day after I let all of that anger and mess go, I happened to have my radio tuned to the Christian radio station...a rarity in my world as I am normally held captive by Psalty, the Singing Songbook. Anyway, I caught the tail end of a blip on the radio for South Coast Church. Because I had become accustomed to seeking out new churches over the last few months, I made a mental note to look it up later. At home I pulled up the website and was drawn in by what I read. The mission and vision statement caught my attention..."At SCC we believe the stronger the foundation the further the reach. In order to accomplish the Great Commission given by our Lord Jesus Christ, we must teach people to live by the Word of God, be led by the Spirit of God, and to reach out to others with the love of God." That was it...the balance of Spirit and Truth we've been looking for! (John 4:24) I shared it with Toby that night, and I just couldn't shake it over the next few days.
Please feel free to check out their website to learn more...South Coast Church of Mobile.
So I hear this blip on the radio on Monday. On Tuesday, I was going out of my way to get Haley a Wendy's frosty before making a long trip across town. On our way to Wendy's I noticed a yard sign out of the corner of my eye...South Coast Church. I had to do a double take! We live in a little community just north of Mobile, so I was really surprised to see somebody in our neighborhood that was associated with this church that God had just brought across my radar screen.
On Sunday morning we visited for the first time, totally expectant that God was going to show us something big. We ran into a sweet lady just inside the front door. We told her how we had heard about the church and how we had visited many others in the previous months. Her reply was prophetic..."Well, I think you've found your home." As we found our seats Toby and I looked at each other thinking, that was odd. During the last few days I had searched out a new worship song, but downloaded a different one by mistake..."Your love never fails." I didn't mean to download it, but God's in control of even these little things. I quickly latched on to this new song and listened to it repeatedly throughout the week. So worship started up and what was the first song in the set? Of course, "Your love never fails." It was fairly new then and we hadn't heard it played in a service before...I stood there, stunned. My heart was so overwhelmed and held such a peace that I spent the rest of the worship set literally on my face in the center isle. I felt the months of despair falling off and hope start growing! Could this be our home?
Toby and I walked away from that service with a sense of belonging and an excitement for what God was doing with this body. They were holding a new member type class that evening and I felt compelled to attend...partly out of nosiness, partly out of obedience. Toby stayed home with Haley and I went alone. The pastor spoke about the essentials that a Christian should have in their life and he briefly touched on the foundation and direction of the church. I couldn't argue with one thing that came out of his mouth. We were in complete agreement. He mentioned a womens bible study that would be forming soon and would be led by his wife, so after the meeting I made my way to her. She was busy talking with others, so I ended up talking with another mom I had met that morning. After a 30 minute chat, I discovered that it was her yard sign, 20 miles away, that I had seen earlier that week! We ended our conversation, I had given up on waiting for the pastor's wife, and was getting ready to say goodbye when she opened her arms and pulled me into the sweetest hug. Now, I'm a plenty huggy person myself, so this didn't bother me. What caught me off guard was that she initiated this hug. I melted right there...in the arms of this total stranger! As she embraced me, I felt the Spirit's voice...I know what you need. You will find love here. I walked to my car in an almost out of body experience. That was my first day on that campus and yet I felt like I'd been there for years. In this moment, my soul was more settled than it had been in months. I called Toby from my car..."I think we've found our home."
Toby and I continued to discuss and dream about what kind of ministry God would place us in or what goals and doctrine would be associated with it. After these conversations, it would never fail that our pastor would address the exact issue in his sermon the next Sunday! Toby and I would always glance at each other and exchange an amazed chuckle. This happened, not just once, but at least four or five times. Our God is so good!
In the coming weeks we met with the pastor and his wife, talked with many people in the congregation and leadership, and attended the new member classes. Turns out, this awesome, growing church with God's favor written all over it...it's six months old! Two years ago, this couple was running a very successful aviation company in Tulsa, OK when God asked them to sell their business, return to Mobile (the pastor's hometown) and plant a church...so they did. With their 5 teenagers in tow and great trust and obedience they pulled into Mobile last summer and launched South Coast Church in September 2010. Six months later, we are still seeing lots of new faces every Sunday with an average attendance around 150. I am continually amazed at His faithfulness!
In the months that followed, God has repeatedly brought to mind some wisdom shared with us. Just before we left Tennessee, we met with our pastor and his wife for dinner. While they both shared tons of invaluable advice and wisdom, one statement stands out..."Look for a little church that's just getting started. Get in on the ground floor so you can see all areas of ministry. If you jump on board with a mega church, they're going to put you in charge of left-handed, 7th grade boys and that's all you'll get to see." The accuracy of this statement almost makes me laugh. Our new church home is 6 months old, with one couple running the whole show without pay. I'm not sure how much more "ground floor" we could get! I've found myself telling people, "This is the church we would have planted had we planted it ourselves."
God is good...all the time. I know He had a purpose for the hard months we spent without a home. Some lessons we have already learned, others will come out in due time. But for now, we are thrilled to join forces with this awesome church family and can not wait to see what God has in store for us as a family, for us as a church family, and for the city of Mobile. If you're in the Mobile area and are not settled with a church home, we would love for you to join us! Even if it's strictly out of curiosity...He's not afraid or intimidated by your curiosity, nosiness or questions. C'mon and see what God is doing!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Wishy washy (Judges)
"In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes." Judges 21:25
The book of Judges runs about 350 years from 1400BC-ish to 1043BC-ish, but I can clearly see our American culture and even my own personal behavior interwoven into these scriptures. This brings to mind a mantra from my days with my precious Boothmakers, "For I, the Lord, do not change" (Mal 3:6) and therefore...We the people, do not change! It's almost sad to think that after thousands of years, we people are still making the same mistakes over and over and over...no wonder Satan's still in business. His bag of five tricks still applies and we fall for them all the time!
The Israelites were miraculously released from Egypt after 400 years of oppressive slavery. God maintained them for an entire generation as they wandered, homeless. He handed them city after city for their possession, and now Joshua has gone on to be with the Lord and they were left without a leader. Over and over and over Moses told them in Deut to REMEMBER what the Lord has done for you! Talk about it all the time, tell your children about it, take time each week and several times a year to reflect on the miracles and great mercy God has shown you and offer your thanks and praise for His undeserved love. This attitude of humility and gratitude was sure to keep them on course, but they chose to go their own way instead.
In some ways, this book was painful to read. Israel went in a vicious circle over and over again and could never seem to remain steady. Their command when taking the Promised Land was "you shall not leave alive anything that breathes...so that they may not teach you to do according to all their detestable things which they have done for their gods, so that you would sin against the Lord your God." (Deut 20:16,18) That seems pretty clear, and it's obvious God had good reason for the command He gave. He knew the effect disobedience would have on Israel...it would draw them away from Him, and He knew that HE was what was best for them. After Joshua passes, there was still a lot of land left to be taken, but Israel chose not to finish well. "Manasseh did not take possession..., Ephraim did not drive out..., Zebulun, Asher, Naphtali did not drive out the inhabitants." (Jud 1:27-33) In many cases the Israelites put the Canaanites to forced labor, but this was not their command. They had been commanded to destroy. So why didn't they follow through? I don't know. Maybe they grew compassionate toward the Canaanites, maybe they were unable to rally the military without Joshua, maybe they were simply tired of fighting and didn't want to put forth the effort any more, maybe they thought what they had already accomplished was good enough? Either way, this first generation after Joshua dropped the ball. They did not obey the Lord in battle, they did not obey Moses' commands to remember His goodness, and as a result, "all that generation also were gathered to their fathers; and there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) That statement frightens me...could that be said of my generation?
And so the see saw begins. Because Israel chose to live among the Canaanites instead of destroy them as they were commanded, their self seeking idol worship became appealing and lured in Israel until "the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals, and they forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods from among the gods of the peoples who were around them, and bowed themselves down to them; thus they provoked the Lord to anger." (Jud 2:11-12) The Lord sold them into slavery (Jug 3:8). It took eight years for the oppression to finally get through to Israel. Like the prodigal son, they finally remembered that they have a Father who can help them and the cried out to Him. This "cried out" is za-aq in Hebrew meaning to shriek from anguish or danger, to assemble, to gather together. Mercifully, the Lord raised up a deliverer, the first Judge, Othniel. This "deliverer" is yasha in Hebrew and it means to be open, wide, free, to be safe. This same word is often used to describe God himself in the Psalms (Ps 18:2, 40:17, 70:5, 144:2). So the Spirit of the Lord came on Othniel and he led Israel to victory over their oppressors "and the land had rest forty years" (Jud 3:11). But as soon as Othniel died, the cycle started again...Isreal "did evil in the sight of the Lord" then they cried out (za-aq) then God provided a deliverer (yasha). Over and over and over they repeated this cycle for 350 years! Some stretches of peace were longer than others, but it never fails that they end up back in the cycle.
Somehow, I feel like we're still in this cycle today...as a culture. If you look back through world history, there are periods of great revival and periods of great darkness. Even in our own century you can see the cycle...the "Roaring 20s," the Great Depression, the conservative 50s, the free love 60s and 70s. The question is, where are we in this cycle today? On we on our way toward God or are we pulling away from Him? I think the answer to this varies, depending on your perspective...are you a half empty or half full kind of person? It would be easy to point out the climbing divorce rate, the growing (awareness) of the sex trade, the failing morals of our culture, the number of abortions being performed and say that we have slapped God in the face. In a lot of ways, I agree. Our culture, as a whole, has told God that we are not interested in His "intolerant" ways. However, Toby and I intentionally choose not to immerse ourselves in our country's media, but to rather investigate what God is doing today around the world. God is on the move today, people! Hearts are coming alive for Him all over our planet! Yes, there is great oppression and moral decline to compete with, but people are crying out, they are za-aq, they are shrieking out for God to help them. And He is just as faithful today as He was thousands of years ago. He is showing mercy and bringing life to any and all who call on Him!
So how can we stop this cycle?
Moses told us the keys waaaay back a few generations ago...
REMEMBER
"Give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons." (Deut 4:9)
KNOW AND DO MY WAYS, TEACH THEM TO YOUR CHILDREN
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deut 6:5-9)
HE WILL POUR OUT BLESSINGS FOR THOSE WHO SEEK HIM
"Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments." (Deut 7:9)
As a parent, this hits me square in the face! Not only am I to pursue Christ with everything I have, but I am to teach these things to my children. In the very next verse after Joshua dies, we read "there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) It is critical that we pass on these things to our children, and not just head knowledge and the ability to recite felt board stories. Our children need to know (yada - to ascertain by seeing, familiar friend, kinsmen) the Lord Jesus. They need to be able to recognize His voice and understand His Word for themselves. They need to know who they are...they are sons and daughters of the most High God! They are eligible for great blessings and anointings, and should live a life expecting amazing things from our God. Are we teaching them that? Or are we teaching them happy Bible stories, and that it's rude to be disobedient, and that good Christians go to church on Sundays? What a challenge! About a year ago, I heard a parenting speaker say, "You can't expect your children to be something you're not." In other words, how can I expect Haley to walk in a manner worthy of God's anointing when I don't do that myself? It is up to me to live that way now, to model it for her, and to teach her His ways as she grows. I don't want her to grow up and be a mini-Carey. I want her to grow up and be like Jesus, so that is who I need to be modeling for her!
Today I heard it said, "You will only pass along one of two things to your children...God's promises or your fears." I don't want to communicate my fears or doubts to my children. I want them to see me stand firm in the promises of God and for them to see, with their own two eyes, how our God is faithful to meet those promises! That is what will build their faith. That is what will keep them grounded in our Jesus when they go off to college, and that is what will turn our culture to the greater stage of this cycle. Will we become a nation that cries out...ZA-AQ...will we shriek in anguish for God to come heal our land and make His name famous?!? Or will we continue with the status quo and our box checking religion? We have the power to turn this cycle...will we?
Sweet Jesus, Your endless patience and mercy are beyond anything I can comprehend and we are so unworthy of the outpouring of love You offer to us. Please help us to put ourselves aside, open our eyes to the truth of the state of our culture. Give us a hunger for You and a desire to see You sweep across our nation and our world. Give us the wisdom and the boldness to go after the things that matter to You and pass by the things of no eternal significance. Help us to teach our children about You. Reveal Yourself to them and help us equip them to continue the battle we are beginning now. Thank you for your new mercy every morning...a new chance to do it over and make it better. Thank you for allowing us to work for Your kingdom! Give us the wisdom and the grace to love well all of those You put in our path, so that they will feel Your love and turn to You.
The book of Judges runs about 350 years from 1400BC-ish to 1043BC-ish, but I can clearly see our American culture and even my own personal behavior interwoven into these scriptures. This brings to mind a mantra from my days with my precious Boothmakers, "For I, the Lord, do not change" (Mal 3:6) and therefore...We the people, do not change! It's almost sad to think that after thousands of years, we people are still making the same mistakes over and over and over...no wonder Satan's still in business. His bag of five tricks still applies and we fall for them all the time!
The Israelites were miraculously released from Egypt after 400 years of oppressive slavery. God maintained them for an entire generation as they wandered, homeless. He handed them city after city for their possession, and now Joshua has gone on to be with the Lord and they were left without a leader. Over and over and over Moses told them in Deut to REMEMBER what the Lord has done for you! Talk about it all the time, tell your children about it, take time each week and several times a year to reflect on the miracles and great mercy God has shown you and offer your thanks and praise for His undeserved love. This attitude of humility and gratitude was sure to keep them on course, but they chose to go their own way instead.
In some ways, this book was painful to read. Israel went in a vicious circle over and over again and could never seem to remain steady. Their command when taking the Promised Land was "you shall not leave alive anything that breathes...so that they may not teach you to do according to all their detestable things which they have done for their gods, so that you would sin against the Lord your God." (Deut 20:16,18) That seems pretty clear, and it's obvious God had good reason for the command He gave. He knew the effect disobedience would have on Israel...it would draw them away from Him, and He knew that HE was what was best for them. After Joshua passes, there was still a lot of land left to be taken, but Israel chose not to finish well. "Manasseh did not take possession..., Ephraim did not drive out..., Zebulun, Asher, Naphtali did not drive out the inhabitants." (Jud 1:27-33) In many cases the Israelites put the Canaanites to forced labor, but this was not their command. They had been commanded to destroy. So why didn't they follow through? I don't know. Maybe they grew compassionate toward the Canaanites, maybe they were unable to rally the military without Joshua, maybe they were simply tired of fighting and didn't want to put forth the effort any more, maybe they thought what they had already accomplished was good enough? Either way, this first generation after Joshua dropped the ball. They did not obey the Lord in battle, they did not obey Moses' commands to remember His goodness, and as a result, "all that generation also were gathered to their fathers; and there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) That statement frightens me...could that be said of my generation?
And so the see saw begins. Because Israel chose to live among the Canaanites instead of destroy them as they were commanded, their self seeking idol worship became appealing and lured in Israel until "the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals, and they forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods from among the gods of the peoples who were around them, and bowed themselves down to them; thus they provoked the Lord to anger." (Jud 2:11-12) The Lord sold them into slavery (Jug 3:8). It took eight years for the oppression to finally get through to Israel. Like the prodigal son, they finally remembered that they have a Father who can help them and the cried out to Him. This "cried out" is za-aq in Hebrew meaning to shriek from anguish or danger, to assemble, to gather together. Mercifully, the Lord raised up a deliverer, the first Judge, Othniel. This "deliverer" is yasha in Hebrew and it means to be open, wide, free, to be safe. This same word is often used to describe God himself in the Psalms (Ps 18:2, 40:17, 70:5, 144:2). So the Spirit of the Lord came on Othniel and he led Israel to victory over their oppressors "and the land had rest forty years" (Jud 3:11). But as soon as Othniel died, the cycle started again...Isreal "did evil in the sight of the Lord" then they cried out (za-aq) then God provided a deliverer (yasha). Over and over and over they repeated this cycle for 350 years! Some stretches of peace were longer than others, but it never fails that they end up back in the cycle.
Somehow, I feel like we're still in this cycle today...as a culture. If you look back through world history, there are periods of great revival and periods of great darkness. Even in our own century you can see the cycle...the "Roaring 20s," the Great Depression, the conservative 50s, the free love 60s and 70s. The question is, where are we in this cycle today? On we on our way toward God or are we pulling away from Him? I think the answer to this varies, depending on your perspective...are you a half empty or half full kind of person? It would be easy to point out the climbing divorce rate, the growing (awareness) of the sex trade, the failing morals of our culture, the number of abortions being performed and say that we have slapped God in the face. In a lot of ways, I agree. Our culture, as a whole, has told God that we are not interested in His "intolerant" ways. However, Toby and I intentionally choose not to immerse ourselves in our country's media, but to rather investigate what God is doing today around the world. God is on the move today, people! Hearts are coming alive for Him all over our planet! Yes, there is great oppression and moral decline to compete with, but people are crying out, they are za-aq, they are shrieking out for God to help them. And He is just as faithful today as He was thousands of years ago. He is showing mercy and bringing life to any and all who call on Him!
So how can we stop this cycle?
Moses told us the keys waaaay back a few generations ago...
REMEMBER
"Give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons." (Deut 4:9)
KNOW AND DO MY WAYS, TEACH THEM TO YOUR CHILDREN
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deut 6:5-9)
HE WILL POUR OUT BLESSINGS FOR THOSE WHO SEEK HIM
"Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments." (Deut 7:9)
As a parent, this hits me square in the face! Not only am I to pursue Christ with everything I have, but I am to teach these things to my children. In the very next verse after Joshua dies, we read "there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) It is critical that we pass on these things to our children, and not just head knowledge and the ability to recite felt board stories. Our children need to know (yada - to ascertain by seeing, familiar friend, kinsmen) the Lord Jesus. They need to be able to recognize His voice and understand His Word for themselves. They need to know who they are...they are sons and daughters of the most High God! They are eligible for great blessings and anointings, and should live a life expecting amazing things from our God. Are we teaching them that? Or are we teaching them happy Bible stories, and that it's rude to be disobedient, and that good Christians go to church on Sundays? What a challenge! About a year ago, I heard a parenting speaker say, "You can't expect your children to be something you're not." In other words, how can I expect Haley to walk in a manner worthy of God's anointing when I don't do that myself? It is up to me to live that way now, to model it for her, and to teach her His ways as she grows. I don't want her to grow up and be a mini-Carey. I want her to grow up and be like Jesus, so that is who I need to be modeling for her!
Today I heard it said, "You will only pass along one of two things to your children...God's promises or your fears." I don't want to communicate my fears or doubts to my children. I want them to see me stand firm in the promises of God and for them to see, with their own two eyes, how our God is faithful to meet those promises! That is what will build their faith. That is what will keep them grounded in our Jesus when they go off to college, and that is what will turn our culture to the greater stage of this cycle. Will we become a nation that cries out...ZA-AQ...will we shriek in anguish for God to come heal our land and make His name famous?!? Or will we continue with the status quo and our box checking religion? We have the power to turn this cycle...will we?
Sweet Jesus, Your endless patience and mercy are beyond anything I can comprehend and we are so unworthy of the outpouring of love You offer to us. Please help us to put ourselves aside, open our eyes to the truth of the state of our culture. Give us a hunger for You and a desire to see You sweep across our nation and our world. Give us the wisdom and the boldness to go after the things that matter to You and pass by the things of no eternal significance. Help us to teach our children about You. Reveal Yourself to them and help us equip them to continue the battle we are beginning now. Thank you for your new mercy every morning...a new chance to do it over and make it better. Thank you for allowing us to work for Your kingdom! Give us the wisdom and the grace to love well all of those You put in our path, so that they will feel Your love and turn to You.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Hope is Rising
In order to give God all the due credit for the changes He's made in my heart, I have to give you some gory details of where I've been over the past few months. God moved us to Mobile from Tennessee in August of last year for Toby to begin his Masters in Theology in pursuit of full time ministry...someday. Miracle after miracle confirmed that this was truly His plan for us and not some hairbrained idea we cooked up.
Because we lived in Mobile for three and a half years before moving to Tennessee, I guess I assumed we would pick up our friendships where they left off when we moved back. We had done a fair job of keeping in touch with our Mobile friends while we were in Tennessee, but I'm sure we could have done better. So we moved back in August and started to meet up with a few people for dinner or to watch a football game, but all in all we ended up on our own most of the time. At first I chalked this up as everyone being busy with their own schedules or us living a fair distance from the area where most of our friends live. But after a while, we came to the realization that most of our "friendships" we had established before were really just acquaintances with common situations and we found ourselves basically alone, starting over in a new city yet again. Toby and I have moved to three cities during our six years of marriage, so starting over wasn't a new concept to us. I guess I had just assumed that since we'd been here before it would be easier this time.
We tried to make friends in our neighborhood or invite Toby's coworkers over for dinner, but plans always seemed to fall through. As I started focusing on the reality of our situation, I allowed loneliness, hurt and fear to creep in. Eventually this hurt and anger festered into bitterness and isolation. I found myself isolating myself from the few relationships we did have, from Toby and often even from my sweet Jesus. I just wanted to sit and cry or better yet sleep and forget it all. I would almost say that the beginning stages of depression were closing in on me. I knew it, and I allowed it. I didn't have any strength or reason to fight it off...or so I thought. There have been so many days over the last few months when I would put Haley down for a nap and retreat to my room and simply sob...over my loneliness, my fear of what our life in Mobile would turn into, grief over missing my friends in Tennessee, and the truth over what I'd allowed my life to become. I'm sure on the outside everything still looked peachy and happy, but I was dying inside. I had never known loneliness and isolation like this before. And I'm sure my raging pregnancy hormones only added fuel to the fire.
Because I was fully aware of my poor attitude and the power to change it was in my hands, I avoided my sweet Jesus. I didn't want to hear what I knew He wanted to say...but that didn't stop Him. For months I didn't sleep well. I often woke up at strange hours of the night and would be wide awake. Because I normally sleep like a log, I knew this was Him begging me to please come to Him...but I resisted. Somehow I liked being angry. It gave me some sick purpose and I wasn't ready to give it up yet. Yes, I know I'm stubborn...it's in my blood. Christmas was actually a welcome distraction. The busyness and family time offered me a convenient excuse to pretend like I was too busy for them and it took the edge off of Jesus' absence. But as soon as the holidays were over, the family had gone home and life returned to normal, the emptiness started to eat me alive.
I wrestled with it in my mind all the time and my poor Toby took the brunt of it. My short and hurtful words and attitude toward him were evidence that things weren't ok, but he did a great job of sticking it out and not fighting back, even though he had no idea what was wrong or how to fix it. Finally, finally I gave in last week. Knowing that things would only get worse, I would only fall farther from my sweet Jesus, and I was missing out on His blessings every day that I pushed Him away...I had to fess up. I sat on my bed and journaled for the first time in weeks. I poured out the truth about my loneliness, hurt, anger and bitterness and oh man, it's one thing to know the truth, but it's quite another to confess it to the One who loves you the most. That was a hard pride pill to swallow, but by His grace I did it.
After I poured my thoughts out on paper I picked up where I left off reading in Judges and fell across the theme verse for the book, "Every man did what was right in his own eyes" (Jdg 17:6) I couldn't get past this verse. I read it over and over and over again. Knowing He had something to add, I forced myself to be open to what the Spirit wanted to say. "You don't have community. You felt like you could get away with this (i.e. anger) and look where it's gotten you - You're bitter and separated from me. Satan is dragging you from the herd to destroy you." I knew He was right and all I could do was cry out for Him to save me...to draw me back under His safe wings of protection...to change my heart. I felt as though a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders.
The change wasn't immediate, but hour by hour and day by day I could feel the heaviness lifting. He would put a scripture or a person in my path that would push me in the right direction. Now, a week later I have allowed forgiveness to cleanse my soul and I can finally breathe easier!
The amazing thing about how much my Jesus loves me is that as soon (and I do mean "as soon") as I confessed this ugliness and asked Him to heal me, He immediately began to pour out healing and answered my prayers. The next day I attended the first meeting of a new women's bible study...a time that I have desperately missed since leaving my beloved Boothmakers in Tennessee. While I didn't establish any huge friendship bonds that day, simply being able to talk about my Jesus with a group of women brought so much healing to my weathered soul. The next day I attended a MOPS meeting for the first time since before Christmas. I had seen these women for months in MOPS, but again just spending time with other moms who understand my world was so refreshing! Then, I got off my butt and invited a MOPS friend to lunch. Our families met at a restaurant for lunch and I so enjoyed the company and the new friendships that were forming, not just with me and my new friend, but also between our husbands and children. Toby had also invited a coworker to dinner, so they came over that evening with their new baby and we enjoyed the beginnings of possibly another new relationship. On Sunday morning, we visited yet another new church, but something felt different about this one and so I left Toby to put Haley down for bed and attended their Sunday night meeting. The people were so genuinely sweet and interested in me and my story that I felt right at home. Afterwords I ended up in a conversation with another young mom. After a thirty minute conversation I discovered that we have tons in common and she lives just around the corner from us! At the end of our conversation, I told her I was glad to have met her and enjoyed our talk and she instinctively opened her arms and gave me a huge hug. It wasn't awkward or weird for a stranger to reach out to hug me (I'm a hugger myself), but I knew those were my sweet Jesus' arms wrapped around me. Tears came over me as I walked to my car and He told me, "I see you. I know what you need and I love you so much. We're going to make it through this."
As I've thought about where I allowed myself to go, I have to admit that I am no better than the stupid Israelites I so easily make fun of. They watched the ten plagues fall on Egypt. They saw the Red Sea part as they crossed on dry land. They ate food from heaven day in and day out and yet days after all of these miraculous events they started whining about BEING HUNGRY, of all things, and they wanted to go back to Egypt! What idiots, I would think to myself. Well, here I am...God worked out every single obstacle in our way...He bought our house, He gave us a well paying job in Mobile, He even gave us movers to move our things, and I am whining about being lonely and pouting about wanting to go back. There is absolutely no difference in my story and theirs. I turned my back on Him just as quickly as they did, but the good news is that our God is rich in mercy and grace. He is quick to forgive my selfishness and disobedience and tucks me under His wing as soon as I let down my guard. I will never understand the depths of His love for me, but man am I grateful.
As part of my healing process last week, I finally allowed myself to worship with Toby. We turned on worship from Bethel through the internet and I spent most of the hour in tears, and then almost numb as I felt His healing wash over me like a soothing balm. At the end of the night, Toby, still not know the half of what was going through my mind at the time, handed me his bible with a verse underlined and said, "this is what I got for tonight" ..."Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him." (Is 30:18) I read through the first part of the chapter and wouldn't you know that it talks about how Israel had run off to Egypt for help without God's permission or instruction. They had taken matters into their own hands out of fear, but He was still full of grace and compassion for them. Thank you Jesus for the exact words I needed to hear on that night, for restoring my heart, for forgiving all of my mess, and for loving me enough to pick me up right where I am and keep on going. You are far more wonderful than anything I deserve.
Because we lived in Mobile for three and a half years before moving to Tennessee, I guess I assumed we would pick up our friendships where they left off when we moved back. We had done a fair job of keeping in touch with our Mobile friends while we were in Tennessee, but I'm sure we could have done better. So we moved back in August and started to meet up with a few people for dinner or to watch a football game, but all in all we ended up on our own most of the time. At first I chalked this up as everyone being busy with their own schedules or us living a fair distance from the area where most of our friends live. But after a while, we came to the realization that most of our "friendships" we had established before were really just acquaintances with common situations and we found ourselves basically alone, starting over in a new city yet again. Toby and I have moved to three cities during our six years of marriage, so starting over wasn't a new concept to us. I guess I had just assumed that since we'd been here before it would be easier this time.
We tried to make friends in our neighborhood or invite Toby's coworkers over for dinner, but plans always seemed to fall through. As I started focusing on the reality of our situation, I allowed loneliness, hurt and fear to creep in. Eventually this hurt and anger festered into bitterness and isolation. I found myself isolating myself from the few relationships we did have, from Toby and often even from my sweet Jesus. I just wanted to sit and cry or better yet sleep and forget it all. I would almost say that the beginning stages of depression were closing in on me. I knew it, and I allowed it. I didn't have any strength or reason to fight it off...or so I thought. There have been so many days over the last few months when I would put Haley down for a nap and retreat to my room and simply sob...over my loneliness, my fear of what our life in Mobile would turn into, grief over missing my friends in Tennessee, and the truth over what I'd allowed my life to become. I'm sure on the outside everything still looked peachy and happy, but I was dying inside. I had never known loneliness and isolation like this before. And I'm sure my raging pregnancy hormones only added fuel to the fire.
Because I was fully aware of my poor attitude and the power to change it was in my hands, I avoided my sweet Jesus. I didn't want to hear what I knew He wanted to say...but that didn't stop Him. For months I didn't sleep well. I often woke up at strange hours of the night and would be wide awake. Because I normally sleep like a log, I knew this was Him begging me to please come to Him...but I resisted. Somehow I liked being angry. It gave me some sick purpose and I wasn't ready to give it up yet. Yes, I know I'm stubborn...it's in my blood. Christmas was actually a welcome distraction. The busyness and family time offered me a convenient excuse to pretend like I was too busy for them and it took the edge off of Jesus' absence. But as soon as the holidays were over, the family had gone home and life returned to normal, the emptiness started to eat me alive.
I wrestled with it in my mind all the time and my poor Toby took the brunt of it. My short and hurtful words and attitude toward him were evidence that things weren't ok, but he did a great job of sticking it out and not fighting back, even though he had no idea what was wrong or how to fix it. Finally, finally I gave in last week. Knowing that things would only get worse, I would only fall farther from my sweet Jesus, and I was missing out on His blessings every day that I pushed Him away...I had to fess up. I sat on my bed and journaled for the first time in weeks. I poured out the truth about my loneliness, hurt, anger and bitterness and oh man, it's one thing to know the truth, but it's quite another to confess it to the One who loves you the most. That was a hard pride pill to swallow, but by His grace I did it.
After I poured my thoughts out on paper I picked up where I left off reading in Judges and fell across the theme verse for the book, "Every man did what was right in his own eyes" (Jdg 17:6) I couldn't get past this verse. I read it over and over and over again. Knowing He had something to add, I forced myself to be open to what the Spirit wanted to say. "You don't have community. You felt like you could get away with this (i.e. anger) and look where it's gotten you - You're bitter and separated from me. Satan is dragging you from the herd to destroy you." I knew He was right and all I could do was cry out for Him to save me...to draw me back under His safe wings of protection...to change my heart. I felt as though a boulder had been lifted from my shoulders.
The change wasn't immediate, but hour by hour and day by day I could feel the heaviness lifting. He would put a scripture or a person in my path that would push me in the right direction. Now, a week later I have allowed forgiveness to cleanse my soul and I can finally breathe easier!
The amazing thing about how much my Jesus loves me is that as soon (and I do mean "as soon") as I confessed this ugliness and asked Him to heal me, He immediately began to pour out healing and answered my prayers. The next day I attended the first meeting of a new women's bible study...a time that I have desperately missed since leaving my beloved Boothmakers in Tennessee. While I didn't establish any huge friendship bonds that day, simply being able to talk about my Jesus with a group of women brought so much healing to my weathered soul. The next day I attended a MOPS meeting for the first time since before Christmas. I had seen these women for months in MOPS, but again just spending time with other moms who understand my world was so refreshing! Then, I got off my butt and invited a MOPS friend to lunch. Our families met at a restaurant for lunch and I so enjoyed the company and the new friendships that were forming, not just with me and my new friend, but also between our husbands and children. Toby had also invited a coworker to dinner, so they came over that evening with their new baby and we enjoyed the beginnings of possibly another new relationship. On Sunday morning, we visited yet another new church, but something felt different about this one and so I left Toby to put Haley down for bed and attended their Sunday night meeting. The people were so genuinely sweet and interested in me and my story that I felt right at home. Afterwords I ended up in a conversation with another young mom. After a thirty minute conversation I discovered that we have tons in common and she lives just around the corner from us! At the end of our conversation, I told her I was glad to have met her and enjoyed our talk and she instinctively opened her arms and gave me a huge hug. It wasn't awkward or weird for a stranger to reach out to hug me (I'm a hugger myself), but I knew those were my sweet Jesus' arms wrapped around me. Tears came over me as I walked to my car and He told me, "I see you. I know what you need and I love you so much. We're going to make it through this."
As I've thought about where I allowed myself to go, I have to admit that I am no better than the stupid Israelites I so easily make fun of. They watched the ten plagues fall on Egypt. They saw the Red Sea part as they crossed on dry land. They ate food from heaven day in and day out and yet days after all of these miraculous events they started whining about BEING HUNGRY, of all things, and they wanted to go back to Egypt! What idiots, I would think to myself. Well, here I am...God worked out every single obstacle in our way...He bought our house, He gave us a well paying job in Mobile, He even gave us movers to move our things, and I am whining about being lonely and pouting about wanting to go back. There is absolutely no difference in my story and theirs. I turned my back on Him just as quickly as they did, but the good news is that our God is rich in mercy and grace. He is quick to forgive my selfishness and disobedience and tucks me under His wing as soon as I let down my guard. I will never understand the depths of His love for me, but man am I grateful.
As part of my healing process last week, I finally allowed myself to worship with Toby. We turned on worship from Bethel through the internet and I spent most of the hour in tears, and then almost numb as I felt His healing wash over me like a soothing balm. At the end of the night, Toby, still not know the half of what was going through my mind at the time, handed me his bible with a verse underlined and said, "this is what I got for tonight" ..."Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; How blessed are all those who long for Him." (Is 30:18) I read through the first part of the chapter and wouldn't you know that it talks about how Israel had run off to Egypt for help without God's permission or instruction. They had taken matters into their own hands out of fear, but He was still full of grace and compassion for them. Thank you Jesus for the exact words I needed to hear on that night, for restoring my heart, for forgiving all of my mess, and for loving me enough to pick me up right where I am and keep on going. You are far more wonderful than anything I deserve.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
One bad dude (Joshua)
I've told you a million times that I grew up in church and have heard Bible stories all my life, but HELLO, they were holding out on me! Most of my knowledge (to date) of the Old Testament was gained through popular memory verses, the occasional OT sermon, or happy Sunday School stories, aka the felt board. If you have ever stepped foot in a third grade, Southern Baptist Sunday school class, you know what I'm talking about. As I read through the pages of Joshua over the last few weeks, I was blown away at how skewed my understanding was of the Promised Land...whoa baby, hold on to your hats!
At the end of Deut, Moses taps Joshua to lead the Israelites on his way to be with Jesus. From my calculations Joshua was pushing 90 and boy was this geezer handed a big assignment! It was time to bust into the Promised Land. The land God had been talking about for generations, hundreds of years. It was finally time to stop talking about it and start taking it and a 90 year old man was just the man for the job.
Joshua had lots of military experience...funny how God prepares us along the way, isn't it? In fact, we first met Joshua when Moses charged him with leading the battle against the Amalekites, not long after they crossed the Red Sea. As Joshua fought, Moses stood atop a hill and held the staff of God high. When his hands were raised the Israelites prevailed, when they lowered the Amalekites prevailed. Remember, Moses was no spring chicken by this time, so naturally his arms got tired. (Don't judge, you try standing there with your arms up for hours on end...P90X's got nothing on that workout!) Anyway, Aaron and Hur came to his rescue...they brought him a rock to sit on and they each held up an arm...all, day, long. At the end of the day, Israel won and I'm sure Moses was one exhausted dude. But anyway, this was Joshua's first taste God's military faithfulness (as far as we know anyway). (Exodus 17)
Next, Joshua was included in an elite group that got to meet with God. No, no, I'm not talking about a Tuesday night prayer meeting...MEET. WITH. GOD! "and they saw the god of Israel; and under His feet there appeared to be a pavement of sapphire, as clear as the sky itself. Yet He did not stretch out His hand against the nobles of the sons of Israel; and they saw God, and they ate and drank." (Ex 24:10-11) Now, I would like to think physically seeing the God of the universe and sharing a meal with Him would have some kind of lasting impact on a person. God knew what He was doing, Joshua was being shaped and molded for the enormous task that lay decades ahead. Joshua had a taste of the real thing, and he couldn't get enough. "Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses returned to the camp, his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, would not depart from the tent." (Ex 33:11)
Later, Joshua was selected as one of twelve men sent on a spy mission to check out the Promised Land. The men came back and reported to the people of the amazing land they had seen, but they quickly coward and were afraid of the strong people and fortified cities. Joshua and Caleb were the only two of the twelve confident that God would provide what He promised..."The land which we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land. If the Lord is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us - a land which flows with milk and honey. Only do not rebel against the Lord; and do not fear the people of the land, for they will be our prey. Their protection has been removed from them, and the Lord is with us; do not fear them." (Num 14:7-9) Can't you just hear the dun, dun, dun drama music? I wonder if Joshua had any idea that he would be the one to fulfill those words...40 years later.
So, here we are. Israel has wandered, seemingly aimlessly, throughout the wilderness for four decades. Their beloved Moses has just passed on and Joshua has been tapped to take them in. It's about 1400BC. Just a side note here, I was curious as to what else was going on in the world around this time and it just so happens that King Tut died about 60 years later in 1343BC. Now, why do we hear so much about the young king and his bling and rarely hear about one of the greatest military conquests in all of history? I wonder if Tut had heard of Joshua's conquests? After all, it was just one generation later and you know how a good story will last. Nowadays, people are still talking about where they were the day Pearl Harbor was bombed. Hmm...food for thought.
Anyway, back to the story. The book starts with Joshua's charge. God tells Joshua, "Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." (Josh 1:5) Then He told Joshua to "be strong and courageous" not just once, but four times in the first chapter. Um, hello? Is there something scary ahead?
The first targeted city is Jericho, just to the west of the Jordan River. Joshua sends two spies to check it out and report back to him. Somehow they meet up with a harlot (that's Bible for prostitute) named Rahab who takes them in and hides them. Now, let's think about this. Why did they need hiding? Did they stand out that badly? I suppose forty years of wilderness wandering would leave one without the current fashion, not to mention the nation of Israel may have had distinguishing physical features. Either way, Rahab spotted them but then protected them? Well, why did she do that? Word had traveled through these cities about the Israelites. (Josh 2:8-11) How God dried up the Red Sea, how they had amazingly defeated the Amorites and Og (I'm sorry, I think the phrase was "utterly destroyed"), and that God had given their land to them and now they were coming for it. Funny...how did they know all that? Well first, it's probably not too difficult to spot nearly 2 million people wandering, especially after they'd passed by a few times. Also, I'm guessing the Israelites traded with or interacted with people over their 40 year stay in no man's land, either directly with these residents or with traveling traders or such. Just a hunch, but either way word had gotten around, Rahab had heard it and had accepted that theirs was the one true God. Long story short, Rahab hides the spies and helps them get away, Israel spares her and her family during the attack, and she, a harlot and a foreigner, is blessed by being added to Jesus' lineage...talk about an inclusive God! (Matt 1:5).
The spies return to camp with the necessary information and Israel packs up to head that way. One problem...there's a huge river between point A and point B, and no Golden Gate bridge waiting to assist them. So God, for the second time, dries up a massive body of water for the entire nation, livestock and all, to cross. And mind you, Joshua and Caleb were the only ones who got to see the Red Sea split first hand. The rest of the nation had heard about it all their lives and now they were seeing their own miracle. Pretty cool. So why does God perform these miracles, even today, (besides the physical need of crossing said major water system)? "that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever." Joshua 4:24 (Uh huh, so that they will know that I am God...sound familiar?)
They set up camp a few miles from their target city, Jericho, and received the battle plan from the Lord...march in circles around the city, blow your horns and the walls will fall down. Really? Seriously? That's your big plan? You see, cities during this time had enormous walls all the way around them and often only had one gate for people to go in and out. These walls would be several stories high and many, many feet thick. We're not talking about a center block retaining wall here. This was a fortress. And God told them to yell at it and it would fall...riiight. But Joshua never wavered, never questioned or doubted. He followed God's instructions to a T because he'd seen Him do great things before and he had absolute confidence that He would come through again.
So here's where my felt board education has failed me. My vision of this event climaxed with 25 men standing outside the huge city gate, they gave a yell, "Ah," more like a football cheer than a battle cry and the walls fell and everybody came out with their hands up. Well, close but not quite...actually, not close at all. I need a visual. Have you ever seen the movie Troy?
The great war between Troy and Sparta (Helen of Troy, Trojan horse, you with me?) happened around 1200BC. Joshua took Canaan around 1400BC. Troy was a great fortified city with a massive wall surrounding it, much like Joshua's first target, Jericho. Being only 200 years difference in ancient history, I'm guessing the military equipment and tactics were fairly similar. God told Joshua to strategically circle the city in silence over the course of seven days. We're talking thousands of warriors marching around the city walls. Jericho was already petrified of Israel and had closed themselves inside the city. On the seventh day, the warriors followed the priests carrying the ark of the covenant, not once, but seven times around the city. At the end of the seventh lap, the priest blew the rams' horns, all of the warriors shouted and the massive walls of this fortified city came crashing down.
Ok, so Joshua didn't have soldiers facing him outside the city, but get a load of those walls!
Now, let's talk about this shout. I always pictured an enthusiastic yell, but that's so wrong. First of all, we're talking about thousands of warriors. In these battles, there were no snipers or computerized spy planes or fly by missiles for cover. This was man to man combat. Kill or be killed. Swords flying, blood flinging, men dropping like flies and being stepped over by a thousand others. The adrenaline pumping through their veins was incredible. Israel had marched around Jericho for six days in silence...talk about intimidation. On the seventh day, they circled the city seven times. That's a long time to get phyched up! By the time they heard the ram's horn, they were lit! The roar that came out of their mouths was more likely beast than man in full on survival mode.
The walls of Jericho fell, each man plowed straight ahead into the city and they "utterly destroyed everything in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox and sheep and donkey, with the edge of the sword." (Josh 6:21) Later the city was burned. The silver, gold, bronze and iron were put into the Lord's treasury and only Rahab and her family survived. (Joshua 6)
Joshua continued from Jericho, strategically taking one city after another. His command was "you shall not leave alive anything that breathes" (Deut 20:16). Several cities banded together to fight Israel, but they too fell and were utterly destroyed. Throughout these battles, God continues to remind Joshua to not be afraid...no doubt renewing his strength. Remember, we're talking about a 90 year old man here! But never once, did Joshua question or doubt God's instruction! He obeyed the Lord to the letter, fully expecting God to make good on His word...and He did, every time. At the end of the day (well, likely years), Joshua and his army had defeated thirty-one kings (Josh 12:24). Each one a complete victory. No easy undertaking, but with God all things are possible!
Now, here's where a lot of people struggle with our "all loving" God and make claims against the "mean God of the Old Testament." I too have questioned, how could such a loving God so brutally wipe out so many people? Well, we'll have to look a little closer at these people to understand this. The Canaanites (general term for many nationalities who previously occupied the Promised Land), were a sick and twisted group of people. In fact, when we get all in a tissy about how the world is "going to hell in a hand basket" these days, we need to take a look back at these guys. In a lot of ways, we've come a long way. (Now, don't get all worked up...of course there are MANY things that need to change in our world, but that's not the point here.) God clearly reminds Israel before they ever even crossed the Jordan that they were not receiving this land as a reward for anything they had done. He is giving them this land out of faithfulness to the promise He made to Abraham and because of the extreme evilness in those cities. (I can't find the reference...it's late and I'm tired, but I know it's there...I'll get back to you on that.) These people not only tolerated, but actively worshiped their imaginary gods. Said "worship" included child sacrifices of the most disturbing order and disgusting sexual activities, among many other things. Wiping them off the planet was actually an act of mercy. As if God stepped in front of Satan and yelled, "NO MORE! You can not have one more child or torment one more woman. ENOUGH!" For the children in that society to be killed and sent to the arms of the Lord was far more merciful than allowing them to be tortured, abused and murdered by their own parents. God did not wipe out the Jones' or Leave it to Beaver...these were some sick, nasty people. Whew, that was rough, but needed to be said. So, please do not think of God as "mean and vengeful" in the Old Testament. He has never and will never change. He was the same loving God then as He is now. Remember, He showed great mercy and blessing to Rahab simply because she trusted Him to be the true God. That offer was available to any other Canaanite who wanted to take it...too bad there weren't many others.
After the land was given rest from war, Israel divided up the land between the 12 tribes. Two and a half of the tribes chose to have land east of the Jordan (conquered earlier) so they returned home, and the other nine and half tribes began setting up house in their new diggs..."land on which you had not labored, and cities which you had not built, and you have lived in them; you are eating of vineyards and olive groves which you did not plant." (Josh 24:13)
After many years of battle and faithful service, Joshua prepares his last words to Israel...primarily a strong warning to remember what God had done for them and to always serve and obey Him. Despite his desperate pleadings, Joshua knew they would eventually turn their backs on the Lord. I can't imagine the pain that must
have caused him. He gave them one last charge, "choose for yourselves today whom you will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the rivers, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Josh 24:15) Joshua is saying that we were all made to worship something. We will all devote our attention and our affections to something...that's how we were designed. Today we could rephrase this verse, "choose for yourselves today whom you will serve; whether your job and your bank account; or your football team and your social status; or you can choose to serve the Lord."
We were all made to worship something. Joshua worshiped and served the Lord with everything he had at every opportunity he was given. What an incredible example of radical pursuit of the Lord...the only one worthy of our praises!
At the end of Deut, Moses taps Joshua to lead the Israelites on his way to be with Jesus. From my calculations Joshua was pushing 90 and boy was this geezer handed a big assignment! It was time to bust into the Promised Land. The land God had been talking about for generations, hundreds of years. It was finally time to stop talking about it and start taking it and a 90 year old man was just the man for the job.
Joshua had lots of military experience...funny how God prepares us along the way, isn't it? In fact, we first met Joshua when Moses charged him with leading the battle against the Amalekites, not long after they crossed the Red Sea. As Joshua fought, Moses stood atop a hill and held the staff of God high. When his hands were raised the Israelites prevailed, when they lowered the Amalekites prevailed. Remember, Moses was no spring chicken by this time, so naturally his arms got tired. (Don't judge, you try standing there with your arms up for hours on end...P90X's got nothing on that workout!) Anyway, Aaron and Hur came to his rescue...they brought him a rock to sit on and they each held up an arm...all, day, long. At the end of the day, Israel won and I'm sure Moses was one exhausted dude. But anyway, this was Joshua's first taste God's military faithfulness (as far as we know anyway). (Exodus 17)
Next, Joshua was included in an elite group that got to meet with God. No, no, I'm not talking about a Tuesday night prayer meeting...MEET. WITH. GOD! "and they saw the god of Israel; and under His feet there appeared to be a pavement of sapphire, as clear as the sky itself. Yet He did not stretch out His hand against the nobles of the sons of Israel; and they saw God, and they ate and drank." (Ex 24:10-11) Now, I would like to think physically seeing the God of the universe and sharing a meal with Him would have some kind of lasting impact on a person. God knew what He was doing, Joshua was being shaped and molded for the enormous task that lay decades ahead. Joshua had a taste of the real thing, and he couldn't get enough. "Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend. When Moses returned to the camp, his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, would not depart from the tent." (Ex 33:11)
Later, Joshua was selected as one of twelve men sent on a spy mission to check out the Promised Land. The men came back and reported to the people of the amazing land they had seen, but they quickly coward and were afraid of the strong people and fortified cities. Joshua and Caleb were the only two of the twelve confident that God would provide what He promised..."The land which we passed through to spy out is an exceedingly good land. If the Lord is pleased with us, then He will bring us into this land and give it to us - a land which flows with milk and honey. Only do not rebel against the Lord; and do not fear the people of the land, for they will be our prey. Their protection has been removed from them, and the Lord is with us; do not fear them." (Num 14:7-9) Can't you just hear the dun, dun, dun drama music? I wonder if Joshua had any idea that he would be the one to fulfill those words...40 years later.
So, here we are. Israel has wandered, seemingly aimlessly, throughout the wilderness for four decades. Their beloved Moses has just passed on and Joshua has been tapped to take them in. It's about 1400BC. Just a side note here, I was curious as to what else was going on in the world around this time and it just so happens that King Tut died about 60 years later in 1343BC. Now, why do we hear so much about the young king and his bling and rarely hear about one of the greatest military conquests in all of history? I wonder if Tut had heard of Joshua's conquests? After all, it was just one generation later and you know how a good story will last. Nowadays, people are still talking about where they were the day Pearl Harbor was bombed. Hmm...food for thought.
Anyway, back to the story. The book starts with Joshua's charge. God tells Joshua, "Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you." (Josh 1:5) Then He told Joshua to "be strong and courageous" not just once, but four times in the first chapter. Um, hello? Is there something scary ahead?
The first targeted city is Jericho, just to the west of the Jordan River. Joshua sends two spies to check it out and report back to him. Somehow they meet up with a harlot (that's Bible for prostitute) named Rahab who takes them in and hides them. Now, let's think about this. Why did they need hiding? Did they stand out that badly? I suppose forty years of wilderness wandering would leave one without the current fashion, not to mention the nation of Israel may have had distinguishing physical features. Either way, Rahab spotted them but then protected them? Well, why did she do that? Word had traveled through these cities about the Israelites. (Josh 2:8-11) How God dried up the Red Sea, how they had amazingly defeated the Amorites and Og (I'm sorry, I think the phrase was "utterly destroyed"), and that God had given their land to them and now they were coming for it. Funny...how did they know all that? Well first, it's probably not too difficult to spot nearly 2 million people wandering, especially after they'd passed by a few times. Also, I'm guessing the Israelites traded with or interacted with people over their 40 year stay in no man's land, either directly with these residents or with traveling traders or such. Just a hunch, but either way word had gotten around, Rahab had heard it and had accepted that theirs was the one true God. Long story short, Rahab hides the spies and helps them get away, Israel spares her and her family during the attack, and she, a harlot and a foreigner, is blessed by being added to Jesus' lineage...talk about an inclusive God! (Matt 1:5).
The spies return to camp with the necessary information and Israel packs up to head that way. One problem...there's a huge river between point A and point B, and no Golden Gate bridge waiting to assist them. So God, for the second time, dries up a massive body of water for the entire nation, livestock and all, to cross. And mind you, Joshua and Caleb were the only ones who got to see the Red Sea split first hand. The rest of the nation had heard about it all their lives and now they were seeing their own miracle. Pretty cool. So why does God perform these miracles, even today, (besides the physical need of crossing said major water system)? "that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever." Joshua 4:24 (Uh huh, so that they will know that I am God...sound familiar?)
They set up camp a few miles from their target city, Jericho, and received the battle plan from the Lord...march in circles around the city, blow your horns and the walls will fall down. Really? Seriously? That's your big plan? You see, cities during this time had enormous walls all the way around them and often only had one gate for people to go in and out. These walls would be several stories high and many, many feet thick. We're not talking about a center block retaining wall here. This was a fortress. And God told them to yell at it and it would fall...riiight. But Joshua never wavered, never questioned or doubted. He followed God's instructions to a T because he'd seen Him do great things before and he had absolute confidence that He would come through again.
So here's where my felt board education has failed me. My vision of this event climaxed with 25 men standing outside the huge city gate, they gave a yell, "Ah," more like a football cheer than a battle cry and the walls fell and everybody came out with their hands up. Well, close but not quite...actually, not close at all. I need a visual. Have you ever seen the movie Troy?
The great war between Troy and Sparta (Helen of Troy, Trojan horse, you with me?) happened around 1200BC. Joshua took Canaan around 1400BC. Troy was a great fortified city with a massive wall surrounding it, much like Joshua's first target, Jericho. Being only 200 years difference in ancient history, I'm guessing the military equipment and tactics were fairly similar. God told Joshua to strategically circle the city in silence over the course of seven days. We're talking thousands of warriors marching around the city walls. Jericho was already petrified of Israel and had closed themselves inside the city. On the seventh day, the warriors followed the priests carrying the ark of the covenant, not once, but seven times around the city. At the end of the seventh lap, the priest blew the rams' horns, all of the warriors shouted and the massive walls of this fortified city came crashing down.
Ok, so Joshua didn't have soldiers facing him outside the city, but get a load of those walls! Now, let's talk about this shout. I always pictured an enthusiastic yell, but that's so wrong. First of all, we're talking about thousands of warriors. In these battles, there were no snipers or computerized spy planes or fly by missiles for cover. This was man to man combat. Kill or be killed. Swords flying, blood flinging, men dropping like flies and being stepped over by a thousand others. The adrenaline pumping through their veins was incredible. Israel had marched around Jericho for six days in silence...talk about intimidation. On the seventh day, they circled the city seven times. That's a long time to get phyched up! By the time they heard the ram's horn, they were lit! The roar that came out of their mouths was more likely beast than man in full on survival mode.
The walls of Jericho fell, each man plowed straight ahead into the city and they "utterly destroyed everything in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox and sheep and donkey, with the edge of the sword." (Josh 6:21) Later the city was burned. The silver, gold, bronze and iron were put into the Lord's treasury and only Rahab and her family survived. (Joshua 6)
Joshua continued from Jericho, strategically taking one city after another. His command was "you shall not leave alive anything that breathes" (Deut 20:16). Several cities banded together to fight Israel, but they too fell and were utterly destroyed. Throughout these battles, God continues to remind Joshua to not be afraid...no doubt renewing his strength. Remember, we're talking about a 90 year old man here! But never once, did Joshua question or doubt God's instruction! He obeyed the Lord to the letter, fully expecting God to make good on His word...and He did, every time. At the end of the day (well, likely years), Joshua and his army had defeated thirty-one kings (Josh 12:24). Each one a complete victory. No easy undertaking, but with God all things are possible!
Now, here's where a lot of people struggle with our "all loving" God and make claims against the "mean God of the Old Testament." I too have questioned, how could such a loving God so brutally wipe out so many people? Well, we'll have to look a little closer at these people to understand this. The Canaanites (general term for many nationalities who previously occupied the Promised Land), were a sick and twisted group of people. In fact, when we get all in a tissy about how the world is "going to hell in a hand basket" these days, we need to take a look back at these guys. In a lot of ways, we've come a long way. (Now, don't get all worked up...of course there are MANY things that need to change in our world, but that's not the point here.) God clearly reminds Israel before they ever even crossed the Jordan that they were not receiving this land as a reward for anything they had done. He is giving them this land out of faithfulness to the promise He made to Abraham and because of the extreme evilness in those cities. (I can't find the reference...it's late and I'm tired, but I know it's there...I'll get back to you on that.) These people not only tolerated, but actively worshiped their imaginary gods. Said "worship" included child sacrifices of the most disturbing order and disgusting sexual activities, among many other things. Wiping them off the planet was actually an act of mercy. As if God stepped in front of Satan and yelled, "NO MORE! You can not have one more child or torment one more woman. ENOUGH!" For the children in that society to be killed and sent to the arms of the Lord was far more merciful than allowing them to be tortured, abused and murdered by their own parents. God did not wipe out the Jones' or Leave it to Beaver...these were some sick, nasty people. Whew, that was rough, but needed to be said. So, please do not think of God as "mean and vengeful" in the Old Testament. He has never and will never change. He was the same loving God then as He is now. Remember, He showed great mercy and blessing to Rahab simply because she trusted Him to be the true God. That offer was available to any other Canaanite who wanted to take it...too bad there weren't many others.
After the land was given rest from war, Israel divided up the land between the 12 tribes. Two and a half of the tribes chose to have land east of the Jordan (conquered earlier) so they returned home, and the other nine and half tribes began setting up house in their new diggs..."land on which you had not labored, and cities which you had not built, and you have lived in them; you are eating of vineyards and olive groves which you did not plant." (Josh 24:13)
After many years of battle and faithful service, Joshua prepares his last words to Israel...primarily a strong warning to remember what God had done for them and to always serve and obey Him. Despite his desperate pleadings, Joshua knew they would eventually turn their backs on the Lord. I can't imagine the pain that must
have caused him. He gave them one last charge, "choose for yourselves today whom you will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the rivers, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Josh 24:15) Joshua is saying that we were all made to worship something. We will all devote our attention and our affections to something...that's how we were designed. Today we could rephrase this verse, "choose for yourselves today whom you will serve; whether your job and your bank account; or your football team and your social status; or you can choose to serve the Lord."
We were all made to worship something. Joshua worshiped and served the Lord with everything he had at every opportunity he was given. What an incredible example of radical pursuit of the Lord...the only one worthy of our praises!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Jesus with skin on
This weekend we were in the thick of potty training with Haley and Toby offered to stay home with her so I could go to church. After being closed up in the house with her for three days straight he figured the time away with Jesus would do me good...boy, was he right! (We've since abandoned the potty training, given the chaos our life is currently in, but that's another story in itself.)
On Saturday I received an email from a friend in Tennessee about a revival happening here in Mobile. Strange, I'm really out of touch with the happenings of my own city, but I checked out the website anyway and saw that the revival and their Sunday service was held at the Convention Center. So Sunday morning I got ready to go and was thinking, it's probably going to be cold in there because those places are always cold, but I don't have anything warm to wear. When we left Tennessee five weeks ago, we thought we would be back in ten days to get the rest of our belongings so I only packed summer clothes in preparation for the 99 degree weather Mobile offers. I have this great, black hoodie sweater that zips...it's my favorite and I layer it over everything. It too was still in Tennessee, but I thought, if I had that sweater, that would be perfect for today.
So I arrived at the Convention Center about a half hour early and as I waited for an elevator from the parking deck to the arena, I made small talk with some other early birds. When I mentioned that this was my first time visiting this church, one lady got all excited and came over to me to give me a huge hug. And it was a real hug too...not one of those "polite, I don't really want to touch you but I feel obligated" hugs...it was a good squeeze. And then her husband came over for a hug. Their over the top welcome caught me off guard, but it felt good. Once inside I asked this friendly lady about childcare and she directed me to one of the ushers. After I had discussed it with him, I turned to see her waiting for me. Then we chatted for a bit and she made sure I found what I needed. Isn't this how Christians are suppose to act? Full of Jesus' abundant love for everyone He puts in our path? So why was I so taken aback by this welcome and genuine interest in me?
The arena was divided into a front and back section and I chose to sit in the back so I could have an isle seat. (I have a big wingspan and often take more than my designated chair space during worship.) An usher quickly asked me to fill the front section first and I reluctantly obliged and found a seat kind of close to an isle with several empty seats on either side...in the front section. Soon after worship began a group of ladies came and asked if they could sit in the empty seats on my row. When I told them the seats were free, they sat right next to me, even though there were still several seats empty on the other side of their group. Am I the only one that feels the need for a little space sometimes?
Ok, so I know this is a lot of detail. But hey, I am a woman, and hang with me...these details are important.
So worship was wonderful and full of His sweet spirit. His presence was beautiful, thick and refreshing. The preaching was great, although fairly lengthy. As I predicted, about 3/4 of the way through the service I found myself freezing...I was so cold I could barely concentrate, but I pushed it aside and forced myself to focus. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with this sweet body of believers, but the purpose for my being at this place at this time, was just around the corner. At the conclusion of the service, the pastor said, "We haven't done this in a really long time, but I feel led to do this today. Turn to the person next to you and pray for them." Specifically he asked us to pray for the three points he focused on in his sermon. Since there was nobody to my immediate left, I turned to the little lady to my right...the one sitting right next to me.
She was older, maybe early 60s, and quite a bit shorter than me. I learned later that her name is Leigh. At some point we held hands, even though I don't remember who initiated that or when it happened. Because there were hundreds of other people praying aloud in this arena, I bent down to her ear so she could hear me as I prayed for her...following the three points as we were instructed. Then came that awkward moment of, um...so...are you going to pray for me now? In an effort to bridge the awkwardness, I said, "I really like your sweater." I've found that compliments are always good conversation starters. She said "thank you" and then seemed to dismiss it as she began to pray for me. I bent down so I could hear her and the words that flew out of her mouth with confidence and conviction did not follow the three points we were assigned...she prayed bold things like, "The Lord has given you a vision, a dream...He is opening doors for you...He is putting people in your path and wants you to building relationships with them..." Just as God gave me the cookies for the 5 houses in my neighborhood, I feel like God gave me a vision last week of my next assignment. All during this woman's prayer I had flashes of this vision. When she finished, I was so stunned at how these words hit me square in the face that I was speechless for a second. As I stared at her, she began to take off her sweater, handed it to me, and said, "Jesus told me to give you my sweater." Again...shock...and tears! Normally, when someone offers you a gift like this, we're raised to respond with the "Oh no...that's very sweet...but I couldn't...thank you for offering..." But this, this was somehow different. I knew in my gut that this was Jesus and when Jesus hands you something like that, you just take it, say thank you, and treasure it. So I did. I began to cry harder as I looked at it. It was identical to my favorite black sweater (only this one is green) that I left in Tennessee...the one I would have worn that day if I had brought it to Alabama. Through my tears I told Leigh that we had just moved to Mobile and I didn't have many warm clothes with me. With the kindest voice, she said, "Jesus knew that."
As I'm weeping, Leigh starts digging through her purse saying, "I have a tissue for you"...dig, dig, dig..."here it is." I'm, of course, expecting a kleenex, but she hands me a cloth, hand embroidered hankie and says, "here you go, you can have it." Again, all I could muster was "thank you." Since most others around were still deep in prayer, I decided it would be more natural to chat than sit next to each other in awkward silence while we waited. Assuming she was a church member, I asked, "How long have you been going here?" Leigh quickly corrected me, "Oh, we're going home today. We were just here for the revival." "Oh, where are you from" ...."Knoxville, Tennessee." What? Seriously? What are the odds? After hearing about this church for the first time only 24 hours earlier, being moved from the back section to the front, having this stranger sit right on top of me, and the pastor asking us to pray for our neighbor for the first time in a long time, and...she's from Knoxville? The very same place I moved from just five weeks ago! Again, I'm speechless. The past five minutes have held too many amazing occurrences for this to be anything other than a beautiful, divine appointment for my Jesus to remind me of His nearness! He put me and Leigh in those seats yesterday morning for a specific purpose. There was no accident there. My Jesus had things to tell me and He knew that Leigh has an attentive ear to His voice and she would be faithful and obedient to relay His message for me. Don't you see? Nothing is by accident! Every single person and situation that crosses my path goes through a God filter first...He is soooo in control!
Given this amazing connection with this woman, I began to share details of my life with this stranger. Strange how the spirit works that way...making us feel so comfortable, like I've known them forever? I friend told me once, "Spirit recognized Spirit." Now I fully understand what she meant. So I tell Leigh about this vision I've had, something I've only shared with Toby and the other person involved, and she looks at me and says, "That's wonderful! All of those things I prayed for you...they were from the Lord. He wanted you to know that. You will prosper in this, because of your obedience. This thing will prosper." Leigh is one of those people that is oozing with the Holy Spirit and I just want to sit next to her for hours and just listen to her talk...knowing that the words coming out of her mouth are straight from the throne of grace, intended only for my heart. I hope you've met one of those people. They are such a gift. Anyway, as I was leaving she said one more encouraging thing, "You are so pretty. On the outside, but on this inside too. I can see it in your eyes...so pretty...so pretty...so pretty." Her voice was like honey and I resisted the urge to beg for more sweet words from my Jesus out of fear that would be awkward. But looking back now, I wish I had.
I said goodbye and walked away, knowing full well I'll likely never see her again, but I will carry her with me in my heart forever. Never have I met a stranger so full of Jesus' love in my life. For her to literally give me the sweater off her back, without hesitating or thinking twice. It was truly a privilege for her to give it to me. Jesus, thank you for this encounter with you. Please bless Leigh beyond measure for her obedience to You, and please help me to be more like her so that others will see You in me in every conversation You put before me.
On Saturday I received an email from a friend in Tennessee about a revival happening here in Mobile. Strange, I'm really out of touch with the happenings of my own city, but I checked out the website anyway and saw that the revival and their Sunday service was held at the Convention Center. So Sunday morning I got ready to go and was thinking, it's probably going to be cold in there because those places are always cold, but I don't have anything warm to wear. When we left Tennessee five weeks ago, we thought we would be back in ten days to get the rest of our belongings so I only packed summer clothes in preparation for the 99 degree weather Mobile offers. I have this great, black hoodie sweater that zips...it's my favorite and I layer it over everything. It too was still in Tennessee, but I thought, if I had that sweater, that would be perfect for today.
So I arrived at the Convention Center about a half hour early and as I waited for an elevator from the parking deck to the arena, I made small talk with some other early birds. When I mentioned that this was my first time visiting this church, one lady got all excited and came over to me to give me a huge hug. And it was a real hug too...not one of those "polite, I don't really want to touch you but I feel obligated" hugs...it was a good squeeze. And then her husband came over for a hug. Their over the top welcome caught me off guard, but it felt good. Once inside I asked this friendly lady about childcare and she directed me to one of the ushers. After I had discussed it with him, I turned to see her waiting for me. Then we chatted for a bit and she made sure I found what I needed. Isn't this how Christians are suppose to act? Full of Jesus' abundant love for everyone He puts in our path? So why was I so taken aback by this welcome and genuine interest in me?
The arena was divided into a front and back section and I chose to sit in the back so I could have an isle seat. (I have a big wingspan and often take more than my designated chair space during worship.) An usher quickly asked me to fill the front section first and I reluctantly obliged and found a seat kind of close to an isle with several empty seats on either side...in the front section. Soon after worship began a group of ladies came and asked if they could sit in the empty seats on my row. When I told them the seats were free, they sat right next to me, even though there were still several seats empty on the other side of their group. Am I the only one that feels the need for a little space sometimes?
Ok, so I know this is a lot of detail. But hey, I am a woman, and hang with me...these details are important.
So worship was wonderful and full of His sweet spirit. His presence was beautiful, thick and refreshing. The preaching was great, although fairly lengthy. As I predicted, about 3/4 of the way through the service I found myself freezing...I was so cold I could barely concentrate, but I pushed it aside and forced myself to focus. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with this sweet body of believers, but the purpose for my being at this place at this time, was just around the corner. At the conclusion of the service, the pastor said, "We haven't done this in a really long time, but I feel led to do this today. Turn to the person next to you and pray for them." Specifically he asked us to pray for the three points he focused on in his sermon. Since there was nobody to my immediate left, I turned to the little lady to my right...the one sitting right next to me.
She was older, maybe early 60s, and quite a bit shorter than me. I learned later that her name is Leigh. At some point we held hands, even though I don't remember who initiated that or when it happened. Because there were hundreds of other people praying aloud in this arena, I bent down to her ear so she could hear me as I prayed for her...following the three points as we were instructed. Then came that awkward moment of, um...so...are you going to pray for me now? In an effort to bridge the awkwardness, I said, "I really like your sweater." I've found that compliments are always good conversation starters. She said "thank you" and then seemed to dismiss it as she began to pray for me. I bent down so I could hear her and the words that flew out of her mouth with confidence and conviction did not follow the three points we were assigned...she prayed bold things like, "The Lord has given you a vision, a dream...He is opening doors for you...He is putting people in your path and wants you to building relationships with them..." Just as God gave me the cookies for the 5 houses in my neighborhood, I feel like God gave me a vision last week of my next assignment. All during this woman's prayer I had flashes of this vision. When she finished, I was so stunned at how these words hit me square in the face that I was speechless for a second. As I stared at her, she began to take off her sweater, handed it to me, and said, "Jesus told me to give you my sweater." Again...shock...and tears! Normally, when someone offers you a gift like this, we're raised to respond with the "Oh no...that's very sweet...but I couldn't...thank you for offering..." But this, this was somehow different. I knew in my gut that this was Jesus and when Jesus hands you something like that, you just take it, say thank you, and treasure it. So I did. I began to cry harder as I looked at it. It was identical to my favorite black sweater (only this one is green) that I left in Tennessee...the one I would have worn that day if I had brought it to Alabama. Through my tears I told Leigh that we had just moved to Mobile and I didn't have many warm clothes with me. With the kindest voice, she said, "Jesus knew that."
As I'm weeping, Leigh starts digging through her purse saying, "I have a tissue for you"...dig, dig, dig..."here it is." I'm, of course, expecting a kleenex, but she hands me a cloth, hand embroidered hankie and says, "here you go, you can have it." Again, all I could muster was "thank you." Since most others around were still deep in prayer, I decided it would be more natural to chat than sit next to each other in awkward silence while we waited. Assuming she was a church member, I asked, "How long have you been going here?" Leigh quickly corrected me, "Oh, we're going home today. We were just here for the revival." "Oh, where are you from" ...."Knoxville, Tennessee." What? Seriously? What are the odds? After hearing about this church for the first time only 24 hours earlier, being moved from the back section to the front, having this stranger sit right on top of me, and the pastor asking us to pray for our neighbor for the first time in a long time, and...she's from Knoxville? The very same place I moved from just five weeks ago! Again, I'm speechless. The past five minutes have held too many amazing occurrences for this to be anything other than a beautiful, divine appointment for my Jesus to remind me of His nearness! He put me and Leigh in those seats yesterday morning for a specific purpose. There was no accident there. My Jesus had things to tell me and He knew that Leigh has an attentive ear to His voice and she would be faithful and obedient to relay His message for me. Don't you see? Nothing is by accident! Every single person and situation that crosses my path goes through a God filter first...He is soooo in control!
Given this amazing connection with this woman, I began to share details of my life with this stranger. Strange how the spirit works that way...making us feel so comfortable, like I've known them forever? I friend told me once, "Spirit recognized Spirit." Now I fully understand what she meant. So I tell Leigh about this vision I've had, something I've only shared with Toby and the other person involved, and she looks at me and says, "That's wonderful! All of those things I prayed for you...they were from the Lord. He wanted you to know that. You will prosper in this, because of your obedience. This thing will prosper." Leigh is one of those people that is oozing with the Holy Spirit and I just want to sit next to her for hours and just listen to her talk...knowing that the words coming out of her mouth are straight from the throne of grace, intended only for my heart. I hope you've met one of those people. They are such a gift. Anyway, as I was leaving she said one more encouraging thing, "You are so pretty. On the outside, but on this inside too. I can see it in your eyes...so pretty...so pretty...so pretty." Her voice was like honey and I resisted the urge to beg for more sweet words from my Jesus out of fear that would be awkward. But looking back now, I wish I had.
I said goodbye and walked away, knowing full well I'll likely never see her again, but I will carry her with me in my heart forever. Never have I met a stranger so full of Jesus' love in my life. For her to literally give me the sweater off her back, without hesitating or thinking twice. It was truly a privilege for her to give it to me. Jesus, thank you for this encounter with you. Please bless Leigh beyond measure for her obedience to You, and please help me to be more like her so that others will see You in me in every conversation You put before me.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
One week down
We have made it through our first week in Mobile and I have to say that God has done a huge work in my heart over the last seven days. We hadn't been in town 24 hours before reality hit and homesickness settled in. Thanks to all of you who prayed for my heart, it only took another 24 hours before my sweet Jesus started to change my perspective...
Toby's job seems to be getting better and better. Every day he came home with more great news...there is hunting property attached to the plant (he loves to hunt, but rarely gets to), his boss has encouraged him to take off as much time as we need to move our furniture, he is clearly valued and they are excited to have him, and on and on. In fact, we met with a contractor this week who said, "There's a long line of people wanting to work at that place. The fact that they hired you says a lot about you." I say, Nah, it says a lot about how amazing, generous, and powerful my Jesus is!
Toby's first night of class was Tuesday night and for the next six weeks he will study the Mission and Message of Jesus. Being a christian university, this is a required course for all UM students so most of his classmates are business, education or nursing students. He is the only student in this class from the theology department. When asked to share a brief introduction in class, most people responded that they're only there because they have to be. Toby shared our story in a nutshell..."I was an engineer in Tennessee and God called us into ministry, so I quit my job, moved to Mobile, started a new job yesterday and tonight is my first class." He said most of the room held blank stares of disbelief. Already God is giving us a platform to proclaim His goodness and share our journey! The professor is a pastor who teaches on the side and it quickly became clear that his interest is not in tests and papers, but in sharing the gospel with these students. His goal is to make sure each student that passes through that campus knows who Jesus is and what He taught. Toby was so excited and blown away by the teaching that his enthusiasm was contagious and instantly brought me out of my funk when he got home. His excitement helped me to refocus...to take my attention off of me and my pity party and to remember why we're here. We are here to love on the people of Mobile, to proclaim His goodness and love, and to learn as much as we possibly can!
Most of my week was spent gathering materials for the massive house project list. When we did the work on this house three years ago, we cut a lot of corners and put in the cheapest possible stuff we could in order to save a buck. Now that we're living here, there's a lot that has to be addressed...funky wiring with the light switches, leaky plumbing in the bathrooms, etc, etc. We have also decided to put in some extras to maximize space like a new closet system in the master bedroom, a new cabinet in the master bathroom and a larger sink in the kitchen. Haley was such a trooper as we trekked across town and made endless trips to Wal-Mart and Lowe's this week. Toby's dad has come into town to visit and help with some of these projects, and after an incredibly productive weekend, this little house is feeling more like home every day. My favorite project this week, has definitely been Haley's new big girl bed! A friend in Knoxville had this bed for his son and when he outgrew it he graciously passed it on to us. She loves it! She is doing so well with her new big girl bed and is so proud of herself. Her excitement and ability to adjust to all of these changes has made this transition that much easier.
As the week has progressed, I have been able to focus a little more clearly on the people of Mobile. Sweet Jesus has put so many smiling faces in my way...kind words from a lady at the laundromat, Jesus talk from a contractor, and friendly chat at the store. All are simple reminders of Jesus' love for me and evidence that He is the God who sees. He sees me going through each day and wants to remind me that He is here, making a path for me and pouring out His love.
He has impressed on us that the coming months are to be a season of learning. Not just Toby's learning from school, but for both of us to learn as much as possible about full time ministry. In doing so, it is our goal to visit as many churches as possible and experience as many worship styles and teaching as possible. With church planting impressed on our hearts, we want to gather the best aspects from the body of Christ. We do not want denominational traditions to stand in the way of learning from other parts of the body. That being said, we scoured the internet for churches to visit. Through a series of circumstances, we ended up at a new church this morning and square in the presence of the Lord. We had never set foot in this church before, but as soon as the music began the Spirit fell thick and heavy!! We saw a few people heading to the open area in the front of the room and as the lyrics grew, so did the number of people and their praises. I stared in amazement as grown men in suits jumped up and down with their hands raised as their extravagant praises overwhelmed them! It didn't take but a few seconds for the Spirit to capture my heart and take me away to a place of beautiful praise. Lost in His presence, I felt Toby wrap his arm around me..."look over there." When I opened my eyes and looked to the side of the auditorium, I saw flags flying...beautiful banners waved in glorious praise to our Jesus. At the front of the alter was another set of flags. You have to know that I had never seen (or heard of) banners and flags being used in worship until that life changing women's retreat in Feb 2009. That was one of the things that began my journey to entering His presence with physical praise. Seeing those flags this morning was a sweet, precious gift from my Jesus as He proclaimed to me..."I am here and I am doing beautiful things here in Mobile. Come, and be part of it!" This congregation was like none I had ever seen before. We saw old, white haired people, young punk-looking kids, African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, suits, tshirts, preppy dresses and pearls. We heard people speaking in tongues, freely shouting His praises, and dancing in His presence. The two hours we spent in that place this morning is something I will treasure always. While we're not looking for a church home to plug into right now, that was a wonderful start to give us hope that Jesus beat us to Mobile in bringing glorious life to this city! I can't wait to see how we will fit into His revival here!
So what now? How do we start making new friends, sharing our story and our Jesus, and establishing a routine? The church we visited today just so happens to have a MOPS group (mothers of preschoolers). Because I was on the leadership team for this ministry at our church in Tennessee, this immediately caught my attention. Their first meeting of the year is this week and I am planning to attend. Also, many months ago God gave me five neighbors, houses all visible from my front door. He has told me to start there. We met the first neighbor two days ago...a sweet, retired grandmother who has lived here for years, but never met any other neighbors. This is confirmation that it will be our job to bring these people together. To build relationships right here on our street and pour out Jesus' love in any way we can. We'll start by delivering a plate of cookies and a smile and just wait to see where Jesus takes us from there...
It would be easy for me to get lost in my endless to do list and projects around the house...Satan would love for me to do that...to keep to myself and keep silent. But I know that God brought us here with a message...a message of love and hope that this city is in desperate need of hearing. The coming weeks will require huge steps for me to come out of my comfort zone and step into the awesome power of Jesus. To boldly knock on the front door of a stranger and share Jesus' love. It just so happens that I ran across this quote this morning...
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God! Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
So my challenge to you...and me...is to step out and let your light shine! If you are a child of the Most High God, who can stand against you?!? If you are not sure where to start or what to say, simply reflect on what you have experienced and what God has taught you. Nobody can take away your experiences. Proclaim the love and mercy you have experienced with confidence! As you take those steps of faith, know that I will be doing the same this week. I can't wait to share with you how it goes and I'd love to hear your story, too! Please feel free to leave a comment or email me with your experiences...So that they will know that HE is God!
Toby's job seems to be getting better and better. Every day he came home with more great news...there is hunting property attached to the plant (he loves to hunt, but rarely gets to), his boss has encouraged him to take off as much time as we need to move our furniture, he is clearly valued and they are excited to have him, and on and on. In fact, we met with a contractor this week who said, "There's a long line of people wanting to work at that place. The fact that they hired you says a lot about you." I say, Nah, it says a lot about how amazing, generous, and powerful my Jesus is!
Toby's first night of class was Tuesday night and for the next six weeks he will study the Mission and Message of Jesus. Being a christian university, this is a required course for all UM students so most of his classmates are business, education or nursing students. He is the only student in this class from the theology department. When asked to share a brief introduction in class, most people responded that they're only there because they have to be. Toby shared our story in a nutshell..."I was an engineer in Tennessee and God called us into ministry, so I quit my job, moved to Mobile, started a new job yesterday and tonight is my first class." He said most of the room held blank stares of disbelief. Already God is giving us a platform to proclaim His goodness and share our journey! The professor is a pastor who teaches on the side and it quickly became clear that his interest is not in tests and papers, but in sharing the gospel with these students. His goal is to make sure each student that passes through that campus knows who Jesus is and what He taught. Toby was so excited and blown away by the teaching that his enthusiasm was contagious and instantly brought me out of my funk when he got home. His excitement helped me to refocus...to take my attention off of me and my pity party and to remember why we're here. We are here to love on the people of Mobile, to proclaim His goodness and love, and to learn as much as we possibly can!
Most of my week was spent gathering materials for the massive house project list. When we did the work on this house three years ago, we cut a lot of corners and put in the cheapest possible stuff we could in order to save a buck. Now that we're living here, there's a lot that has to be addressed...funky wiring with the light switches, leaky plumbing in the bathrooms, etc, etc. We have also decided to put in some extras to maximize space like a new closet system in the master bedroom, a new cabinet in the master bathroom and a larger sink in the kitchen. Haley was such a trooper as we trekked across town and made endless trips to Wal-Mart and Lowe's this week. Toby's dad has come into town to visit and help with some of these projects, and after an incredibly productive weekend, this little house is feeling more like home every day. My favorite project this week, has definitely been Haley's new big girl bed! A friend in Knoxville had this bed for his son and when he outgrew it he graciously passed it on to us. She loves it! She is doing so well with her new big girl bed and is so proud of herself. Her excitement and ability to adjust to all of these changes has made this transition that much easier.
As the week has progressed, I have been able to focus a little more clearly on the people of Mobile. Sweet Jesus has put so many smiling faces in my way...kind words from a lady at the laundromat, Jesus talk from a contractor, and friendly chat at the store. All are simple reminders of Jesus' love for me and evidence that He is the God who sees. He sees me going through each day and wants to remind me that He is here, making a path for me and pouring out His love.He has impressed on us that the coming months are to be a season of learning. Not just Toby's learning from school, but for both of us to learn as much as possible about full time ministry. In doing so, it is our goal to visit as many churches as possible and experience as many worship styles and teaching as possible. With church planting impressed on our hearts, we want to gather the best aspects from the body of Christ. We do not want denominational traditions to stand in the way of learning from other parts of the body. That being said, we scoured the internet for churches to visit. Through a series of circumstances, we ended up at a new church this morning and square in the presence of the Lord. We had never set foot in this church before, but as soon as the music began the Spirit fell thick and heavy!! We saw a few people heading to the open area in the front of the room and as the lyrics grew, so did the number of people and their praises. I stared in amazement as grown men in suits jumped up and down with their hands raised as their extravagant praises overwhelmed them! It didn't take but a few seconds for the Spirit to capture my heart and take me away to a place of beautiful praise. Lost in His presence, I felt Toby wrap his arm around me..."look over there." When I opened my eyes and looked to the side of the auditorium, I saw flags flying...beautiful banners waved in glorious praise to our Jesus. At the front of the alter was another set of flags. You have to know that I had never seen (or heard of) banners and flags being used in worship until that life changing women's retreat in Feb 2009. That was one of the things that began my journey to entering His presence with physical praise. Seeing those flags this morning was a sweet, precious gift from my Jesus as He proclaimed to me..."I am here and I am doing beautiful things here in Mobile. Come, and be part of it!" This congregation was like none I had ever seen before. We saw old, white haired people, young punk-looking kids, African Americans, Asians, Hispanics, suits, tshirts, preppy dresses and pearls. We heard people speaking in tongues, freely shouting His praises, and dancing in His presence. The two hours we spent in that place this morning is something I will treasure always. While we're not looking for a church home to plug into right now, that was a wonderful start to give us hope that Jesus beat us to Mobile in bringing glorious life to this city! I can't wait to see how we will fit into His revival here!
So what now? How do we start making new friends, sharing our story and our Jesus, and establishing a routine? The church we visited today just so happens to have a MOPS group (mothers of preschoolers). Because I was on the leadership team for this ministry at our church in Tennessee, this immediately caught my attention. Their first meeting of the year is this week and I am planning to attend. Also, many months ago God gave me five neighbors, houses all visible from my front door. He has told me to start there. We met the first neighbor two days ago...a sweet, retired grandmother who has lived here for years, but never met any other neighbors. This is confirmation that it will be our job to bring these people together. To build relationships right here on our street and pour out Jesus' love in any way we can. We'll start by delivering a plate of cookies and a smile and just wait to see where Jesus takes us from there...
It would be easy for me to get lost in my endless to do list and projects around the house...Satan would love for me to do that...to keep to myself and keep silent. But I know that God brought us here with a message...a message of love and hope that this city is in desperate need of hearing. The coming weeks will require huge steps for me to come out of my comfort zone and step into the awesome power of Jesus. To boldly knock on the front door of a stranger and share Jesus' love. It just so happens that I ran across this quote this morning...
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God! Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
So my challenge to you...and me...is to step out and let your light shine! If you are a child of the Most High God, who can stand against you?!? If you are not sure where to start or what to say, simply reflect on what you have experienced and what God has taught you. Nobody can take away your experiences. Proclaim the love and mercy you have experienced with confidence! As you take those steps of faith, know that I will be doing the same this week. I can't wait to share with you how it goes and I'd love to hear your story, too! Please feel free to leave a comment or email me with your experiences...So that they will know that HE is God!
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