Tomato Pie

Ok, so I'm not really a tomato person. I'm a bit picky about them. I don't want them on my sandwich or my burger...they make the bread soggy...eww. I don't care for them all on their own either. Gritty tomatoes are not appealing to me. But good, ripe, juicy summer tomatoes...I could eat my weight in those.

Anyway, a few summers ago I was introduced to this pie and HAD to figure it out. So I've tweaked with it for a while, and I think I'm about happy with it now. Thanks to some wonderful tomatoes from a friend's garden, we dished it up tonight and it was delicious! Let me know what you think!


*warning - measurements are approximate...I just eyeball it*

3-4 ripe tomatoes
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream
1/2 cup shredded cheese (mozzarella or Italian blend)
salt and pepper
1 tsp garlic, minced
1/2 onion, finely diced
1 tsp basil
3 oz real bacon bits
prepared pie crust (in the cookie dough section)

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Slice tomatoes 1/4" to 1/2" thick and let sit between layers of paper towels for 30 minutes to drain juice. Spread pie crust out on greased pie pan. Spread 1/4 cup of shredded cheese over the bottom of the pie crust (this will help keep the tomato juice from getting your pie crust too soggy). Layer the tomatoes in the pie crust, spreading salt and pepper on each layer, mounding the tomatoes toward the middle. In a separate bowl combine mayo, sour cream, salt and pepper, garlic, onion, basil and bacon bits. Spread this mixture over the tomatoes, working it into the holes between tomato slices. Sprinkle the top generously with cheese and bake for 20 minutes. You may choose to then broil on low for a minute or two to brown the cheese. Let the pie sit for a few minutes before slicing.

A mid night encounter and a miracle in progress

As has become custom in the last few weeks, my eyes popped open at 2am this morning, my body exhausted but my mind wide awake. Running non stop through my head were a compilation of songs and scriptures of His pursuit of me..."He is jealous for me...Come back to me, my beloved...more numerous than the sands are Your thoughts toward me..." His pursuit is beautiful, it is endless, and it is worth giving in to...even at the cost of much needed sleep.

I talked with my Jesus for a while, and then begged for sleep to come. When it didn't I awakened enough to write these things in my journal...hoping this documentation would satisfy His longing to spend time with me, but to no avail...He had more to tell me. So as usual, I started asking "Where do you want me to read?" The Psalms are always a good place for me to start during an encounter like this. Being so many to choose from, chapter 1 sounded promising. "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night...And in whatever he does, he prospers." Psalm 1:2-3 So this is me, I want to prosper in all that I do and meditate on His word day and night. Well, we've got the night part covered for now. As I read these few verses over and over, I heard the echo of "130." Out of curiosity I scrolled to Psalm 130 on my iPhone...yep, that's the one...

"Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications." v.1-2
Our greatest prayer in the past few weeks has been for our new son, Jake, set to arrive any time now. As was the case with my first pregnancy, we received news about 10 days ago that Jake is breech...crushing my dreams of an amazing vaginal delivery. We have indeed cried out and many of our friends and family, including many of you, have lifted him up in prayer in the last few weeks. Through this and other trials recently, God has pasted a scripture on our hearts (and bathroom mirror and kitchen sink)..."Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Phil 4:6. This word "supplication" was new to me and I have asked Abba to show me what it means...prayer, request, beg. That was it...beg. If this is truly a great desire, then I will not casually request, but I will beg, without hesitation. Now here it is again in Psalm 130...He hears my begging and He wants me to bear my heart to Him.

"If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared." v.3-4
For the briefest time, I listened to Satan's lie that Abba had not yet answered my prayer to turn my breech baby because my faith was not strong enough and because my works proved too little and unworthy of such a miracle. Here, You tell me that it's not about those things. I will not receive what I deserve based on my works. My God is abundant in grace and mercy and finds joy in bringing me into His family and blessing me, even when my works deserve eternal condemnation. Abba, I still do not understand this great love, but I am forever grateful!

"I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope." v.4
Oh dear, do we know something about waiting! During our six month journey from Knoxville to Mobile, "wait" seemed to be a constant, recurring theme. God taught us so much during that season, including the value of waiting on His timing. It's funny that this would come up again so soon. Without any prompting from me, I had a friend send me a message lately. She had been praying for us and for Jake and the Lord gave her a verse for us..."Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Ps 27:14 This is one of the verses we were parked on for six months. This Hebrew word "wait" means to bind together by twisting; patiently, tarry, to expect. Toby and I have committed to bind ourselves to Him and trust in His word and believe for our miracle and amazing birth! I've had many days of doubt and regret that I've entertained the idea of Nevermind, let's just schedule a c-section and be done with it. But somewhere in my gut, I've known for many, many months that God is going to give us the amazing birth I've prayed for, and He will do it in a way that brings Him ALL the glory...up to and including turning my breech baby at just the last minute. And so, for His glory I will wait.

"My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning." v.6
This is almost comical to me. As I've mentioned many times before, sleep is my best friend. Outside of pregnancy and tiny babies, it is next to impossible to rouse me from a good slumber. It's simply one of the greatest joys I have on this earth, and I don't sacrifice it for much. But for my Jesus, I will (sometimes gladly) surrender it. So I want this, this miracle and miraculous birth and sweet words from my Jesus, more than I want my precious sleep. Proof...I'm typing this at 4:45am...a miracle in itself.

But also on this note, my many mid night wakings lately have led to crazy thoughts. You know that place half way between awake and asleep. You know you're not asleep, but you realize later that you weren't thinking quite straight. That's where I've been most nights between 2 and 4 am over the last few weeks. I will wake up to Jake's playtime and somehow convince myself that he's turned. Perhaps if I don't move, he'll stay that way. But inevitably I have to pee and as soon as I stand and come to consciousness I feel his little head just under my ribcage and my hopes fall flat. So I have strangly come to look forward to these wakings in some hope that maybe, just maybe this will be the night that he turns, and if I stay in just the right position then he won't move again. I told you, not quite thinking straight. But as I was reading and chatting with my Jesus tonight, I began to have these same, familiar thoughts again. I started to dismiss it as false hope, just as I felt a kick at the TOP of my belly! Of course, fearful of moving I laid there for a long while paying close attention to his movements and trying desperately to decipher an arm from a leg from a knee. My hope grew as Abba reminded me that Jake has been spending less and less time with his head in my ribcage over the last few days. Now, where he has been, I'm not sure...but it's not with his head up straight. So I will continue to hold on to this prayer and wait for His timing of our miracle!

"O Israel, hope in the Lord; for with the Lord there is lovingkindness, and with Him is abundant redemption. And He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities." v.7-8
Such irony...this hope means to wait patiently. Lovingkindness includes so many things...mercy, beauty, favor. And He not only offers redemption, but He offers it abundantly! What wonderful news! Abba, I will chose to wait patiently for ALL that You have for me. I will claim Your mercy and beauty and favor over my life and I will continue to believe for our miracle...down to the moment of delivery if necessary. Please give Toby and me an increased measure of faith to walk this out over the next few weeks and give us opportunities to shout Your glories and Your lovingkindness to all who will listen on the other side of this miracle!


*Note, my name truly is Carey, but I have changed the names of my husband and children for their privacy. I apologize for any confusion to those who know us personally.

My God is bigger than...my car

Toby's parents bought a Toyota 4Runner brand new in 1998. They have always taken very good care of their vehicles and I was shocked when they gave it to us as a wedding present when we got married in 2004. In my mind, this is a wonderful, luxury vehicle...after all, it's a brand new 4Runner! Then I climb into my car and sit on the tacky cloth seat covers that are way too big for my front leather seats, despite the huge tear in the driver's seat. I crank the car to hear the incredibly loud antenna motor running in a diligent effort to raise the antenna that's been stuck in the down position for months. I adjust the air vents to feel the cool air...oh wait, that one's been broken for about a year and got permanently frozen in it's position several years ago after some orange juice splash into it. And what time is it? I'm not sure...the clock hasn't worked in years. BUT, in my mind, this is an awesome car and I am so thrilled to have it! So I guess on occasion I have to remind myself that my luxury car is in fact 13 years old now, but I've been known to proudly boast of God's goodness in that it is paid for and it's never given us any problems...

A few days ago, I picked up Haley from a friend's house and noticed my radio seriously struggling more than usual to get going. Hmm...I briefly thought, Oh well, I guess I'll just be stuck listening to CDs...no biggie. As I pulled out of the driveway, a strange dashboard light caught my eye...it was orange and in the shape of the battery. Ah, that's what's wrong with the radio...the battery is struggling. About that time, I noticed my RPM gauge flopping around, even when I pressed the accelerator. It would either shoot up or lay dead at 0. Now, I'm not ashamed to admit that I know very little about cars. "Very little" = I know how to fill it with gas and windshield wiper fluid and I'm aware that it needs new oil on occasion. Outside of that, I'm clueless, but here...a floppy RPM gauge...nah, that's not right.

About this time we stopped at a red light and two lanes over is a car sitting on top of a wrecker. Having never seen this new sight, Haley starts asking questions. I explained to her that the car on top is broken and won't drive on it's own, so the big truck it taking it to the car shop to get fixed...I failed to see the irony coming my way.

I called Toby who was just beginning a huge lunch with a bunch of guys from work and explained the situation. From my very technical description, he concluded that the problem was likely with the battery or the alternator. He asked if I had planned to make any stops on the way home...of course I had, we've been out of printer ink for over a week and it's killing me! "Go straight home! If you turn the car off, it probably won't start again." Boo. As badly as I wanted that printer ink, I wanted less to be stranded in the Staples parking lot! So off I went, singing and chatting with Haley. It's about a 40 minute drive from my friend's house to home and for the next few minutes, I didn't think anything of my floppy gauges or strange light again...until I left all civilization and felt my car slip into a coast mode. Forcing myself to fight off a huge wave of panic, I pretended that didn't happen...flop goes the speedometer. Oh dear...we have a problem. The road began to take a slight, and I do mean slight slope uphill, but it was just enough to realize I was about to be in huge trouble. I started looking around the road for a place to pull off as I wondered how my brakes might function. Just as I felt the panic start to rise, an office building (literally in the middle of nowhere) appeared on my left. My car was getting slower and slower and pushing the accelerator did no good. I could see the traffic getting tighter in on my bumper behind me. When I had nearly run out of steam, I made a left turn and coasted downhill into the parking lot. Whoa...I'm ok, I'm ok. Haley is oblivious to the near crisis.

My car was still running with the cool air blowing as I called Toby to report our status. I fought the urge to panic and calmly explained our situation, but I felt his panic rising as I described where I was. While we were on the phone, Toby had me turn the car off to see if it would crank again...um, didn't you already tell me not to do that? I chose not to argue but sure enough, it was dead...not even the slightest effort to run, and now I'd lost my a/c in the squelching 93 degree heat...nice.

I got off the phone with Toby and calmly called the Toyota dealership who gave me the number to a wrecker service they use. Surprised by my calm nature over the situation, I made the necessary phone calls and within minutes we had a tow truck heading our way. There were two trucks parked at this office building where I happened to land, but all the lights inside seemed to be out, even though it was mid day. A closer look at the front door revealed an 8x11 sign that read "Closed Wednesday afternoons." Great! As the temperature in my car was quickly rising, I desperately tried the front door in hopes that this Wednesday would be the exception. It was locked. Just as I was getting myself pumped up to sweat out the next 45 minutes waiting for our tow truck, I saw the front door open out of the corner of my eye. As I walked back to the door, an older gentleman held out his hand and said, "Want some crackers and mayonnaise?" I was completely taken off guard, but he was indeed having a snack of saltine crackers with mayonnaise slathered on top...I'd never heard of such. Despite his odd snack choice, his demeanor was warm and friendly and I was quickly put at ease. I declined his "generous" offer and explained why we were camping out in his parking lot. He let us come in to sit in the lobby, with the much appreciated a/c, and quickly offered me some water and gave Haley a chocolate popsicle. By this time, Haley is asking all kinds of questions about where we are and why we're here, but in the end she didn't care because she had ice cream. God is so good.

Our tow truck arrived and he was a crazy nice guy, too. Turns out he has four kids of his own and the youngest is 3, just a bit older than Haley. We loaded up the car seat in the backseat of the tow truck and Haley had a blast watching him load our car on top of his big truck. The driver offered Haley his honey bun from his lunch box. I was really touched by his sacrifice and Haley was super excited about some sugar. All in all the honey bun made for a much more pleasant, and quiet, ride to the dealership.

Haley in the back seat of the tow truck watching the exciting action out the back window.

All through this process I'm thinking in my mind about our car. It's 13 years old and Toby and I have talked about getting a newer car next spring. So I'm trying to run numbers in my head, How much is it worth and how much are we willing to put into this car if we know we want to get rid of it in 9 months or so anyway? Should we just count our losses now and get a newer car now? But we don't have the cash now for a newer car, we'd have to finance it...*wave of nausea* Oh sweet Jesus, I don't need this on my plate at 37 weeks pregnant!

We made it to the dealership and bid our friendly tow truck driver goodbye. The service guy that checked us in said the problem sounds like the alternator. "Ok, so about how much would a new alternator be?" He gave me a figure that was far less than I had imagined in my head...remember, I know zero about car mechanics. At the end of the day, we left the car there for them to repair and Toby picked us up and we headed home. As an important side note...I did learn that the alternator is needed to help get the battery going. Our battery was fine. Don't ask me any more...that's all I know.

While I had hoped to spend the entire afternoon resting my 37 week self on the sofa, it didn't turn out that way. The afternoon's events, while totally unforeseen by me, were totally in the control of my Jesus! First and foremost, I didn't panic...a huge blessing given my history with previous minor car hiccups and my exaggerated hormonal state. Second, we were able to get off the road safely without any problems or causing delays or collisions to any surrounding vehicles. Third, God put us somewhere with a kind man willing to help us and offer a/c, water and chocolate...far more than was asked or expected. Also, our tow truck driver was not the creepy kind that you see in movies...just a nice guy. Haley was such a trooper and even though she was exhausted, she thought we were on some great adventure! The repairs were far less than the horrid number I had cooked up in my head and now my 4Runner is back on it's feet and running great. And lastly, since Toby left work a little early to rescue us, Haley and I got to spend some extra time with him that afternoon. So all in all, thank you Jesus for showing Yourself mighty and in control of an unexpected and undesirable turn of events! You see me all through the day and care about even the smallest of details!

Peanut butter bars

More than a peanut butter cookie ever dreamed of being...quite possibly the world's most perfect dessert...

I may have mentioned before that this pregnancy has launched me into Martha Stewart mode, so when I noticed a friend's adventures in making homemade soft pretzels the other day, I had to check it out. She sent me the link to the website where she found the recipe and I've loved poking around.

A few days ago, I stumbled on her recipe for peanut butter honey bars and my mouth started watering. Since I've been instructed to consume 60 grams of protein a day in an effort to ward off preeclampsia, (Do you know how hard it is to eat 60 grams a day?!?) so I thought this might be a step in the right direction. My first batch was nearly as she instructed. They were wonderful, but I thought they could be better, so I did some tweeking on the second batch and Oh My Heavens...I'm gonna have to say mine are better than hers. These are incredible!!! Enjoy!

Peanut Butter bars
adapted from Heavenlyhomemakers

1/4 cup flour
1 cup crunchy peanut butter
1/2 cup honey
1 egg
1/4 tsp vanilla
1/4 cup chocolate chips (optional, but very delicious)

Mix all ingredients well and pour into greased 8x8 pan. (Tip: Spray your measuring cup before measuring out the peanut butter and honey for easier clean up...I'm all about easier clean up.) Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes. Allow to cool completely before slicing. Pour a glass of milk and force yourself to be nice and share with others!

Needing a miracle for our miracle

Our sweet boy at 35 weeks
Profile shot with his hand up by his mouth. He has Haley's little nose.

We were thrilled to learn about our son's arrival last fall and from the very beginning I had a huge goal of delivering him vaginally. Due to preeclampsia and her breech position, Haley was delivered by c-section at 38 weeks. While this wasn't my first choice, her birth came on so quickly that I accepted whatever was necessary to keep both of us safe and healthy.

This time around I wanted it to be different. I started doing lots of research and talking with other moms about a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). In fact, we even changed doctors at 30 weeks because we were not comfortable with our current physician and her experience taking on this higher risk delivery. I knew from the start that there was a chance that my dream wouldn't come true, but I didn't want to throw in the towel before ever giving it a try.

"Why bother?" you say, "Why not just schedule another c-section and be done worrying about it?" I've received this question what seems like a million times! First, my recovery from Haley's delivery was horrible. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I certainly don't want to endure it again myself. Second, while there are risks associated with a VBAC, the recovery is significantly easier than that of major abdominal surgery. Also, this is how God designed my body to work. I want to follow His design as long as medical interference wasn't truly necessary. And I suppose most importantly, Toby and I have a great desire for a big family, with both biological and adopted children. Multiple c-sections would leave me vulnerable to massive scar tissue and ending my ability to carry more children. Of course, there's no way to know how my body would react regarding future surgeries and excessive scar tissue, but I don't want to take that chance if it's not necessary. I understand that not all women share these opinions, and that is perfectly fine, but this is my heart.

For many months now, Toby and I have been believing for a beautiful vaginal delivery, free from all complications. Well, today we were thrown our first curve ball. My midwife was feeling around for the baby's position and she reluctantly shook her head and said, "I think that's the head right there" as she felt just beneath my ribs. I felt the wind knock out of me, but thought maybe she's just wrong. Maybe he's just lying funny. After all, he has been laying low in my belly the whole pregnancy and his heartbeat and hiccups have always felt low. Surely she's just mistaken.

We left her office and headed to get an ultrasound to confirm this guess. The technician looked at my belly and took one glance at the screen and said, "Yep, that baby's breech" almost as if she were proud of herself for figuring it out so quickly. She continued to look him over, head to toe and concluded that he is measuring 5 lb, 6 oz and is perfectly healthy...just laying upside down. While I will continue to praise God for this baby's health, I felt almost as if this were some kind of death sentence...like I were grieving for babies I would never carry. I know that's not very realistic, but I think that's where the sadness came from.

The next few hours were incredibly difficult and I felt like I'd been defeated. All of my prayers and hopes were for nothing and now it's over. While I recognize that a scheduled procedure without my previous medical complications would yield an entirely different result, I was heartbroken. I moved through my remaining errands with sporadic tears, but was comforted by my sweet Haley from the back seat, "It's alright, Mommy. Don't be sad." How do you explain this to a two year old?

Later in the afternoon, I got a message from a friend who shared the story of one of her friends. Their breech baby had turned as she was being prepped for a c-section. She said, "Don't give up on your miracle." Thank you Brandi, those were exactly the words I needed to hear! With each passing minute, I felt my spirits begin to lift. And so I've made a decision. I'm not going to give up on my miracle! We still have three weeks for our son to turn around before we have to schedule a c-section, and that's plenty of time for my Jesus to show His glory! At my midwife's advise I will be doing "exercises" (basically standing on my head) and spending lots of time in the pool to help him turn around. I will also go to my first ever chiropractor appointment next week in an effort to move the process along. In the mean time, I will pray that my God knows my heart and will come through on this miracle, so that all will know that He is God!

Already this afternoon I have felt him trying to turn...my faith is growing and we won't give up yet. Will you pray with us and believe with us, that God will grant us this miracle?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6