The making of our miracle - Part 2

If you haven't had a chance to read the background, please take a minute to do so by clicking here. I want you to see the full scope of how amazing my God is!

Tuesday, June 28: Toby came to me this evening and mentioned that he felt like he should fast for Jake to turn. I had a similar inkling the previous Sunday, but didn't mention it to him. I agreed that would be a good idea. Obviously, being nine months pregnant, fasting food was not wise for me, but after some prayer Jesus led me to fast Facebook. It seems silly, I know, but instead of absent-mindedly reading other people's posts throughout the day, I would use that time to pray for my son. For Toby, the idea was similar. Instead of snacking throughout the day or taking a lunch break, he took that time to pray and read scripture. I had been on a roller coaster emotionally and spiritually, so for those days I clung to this scripture, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting." Matt 17:20-21 Being days away from my due date and my son had made little effort to turn head down, I felt this to be a mountain. And so we fasted and prayed for Tuesday and Wednesday and by Wednesday evening, God had broken through.

As Toby and I laid in the bed Wednesday night, we were praying for Jake as usual but Toby threw in a new twist..."God we will submit to Your will. We will trust You, even if this delivery doesn't turn out like we want." In the natural, I agreed, not wanting to explain my heart to Toby. In my spirit, I was angry. NOOO, THIS is what we have prayed for. I will not entertain an alternative. I will not allow those words, spoken aloud, to damage my faith! Despite my anger, I had to entertain the idea...What if God's will is different than mine? How could that be? Why wouldn't He want me to deliver my children naturally? I don't want to be angry with God on the other side of this birth.

Tuesday, July 5, 11:51pm: I woke up with a strong pain in my pelvis. I was convinced that Jake had finally settled down in my pelvis. The way he had been laying the past few weeks had given me so much hope in that he had not settled down into my pelvis yet, so he was still free to turn. Now, that hope was gone. I got up and went to the restroom and came back to bed and did my hang upside down exercises in hopes of getting him back out. After 4 or 5 minutes I gave up and laid back down. A few minutes later, it was back...sharp pressure. C'mon Jake, please move so I can go back to sleep. After about a minute it went away and I started to get comfortable again. Wait! Could it be? Uhhh...I don't know!?! I never went into labor with Haley, so I had never experienced contractions with her. Is this it? The last two "pains" had been about 10 minutes apart, so I laid there and waited. I didn't want to wake up Toby yet out of fear of panic on his end and false alarm on mine. So I pulled up my Contraction Master app on my iPhone (crazy, I know) and waited. About 10 minutes later, there it was again. I took deep breaths through it for about a minute until it passed. While the contractions were intense, they didn't hurt. It was a crazy feeling. I knew this was it, but it was nothing like Hollywood portrays natural childbirth. We had researched and prayed about this experience...we were believing for a pain free labor and at this point it seemed like we were getting it!

After an hour of this my contractions were about 8-9 minutes apart and lasting about 60 seconds each. This was it, it was time to wake up Toby. My midwife, Cindy, told me that if I were to go into labor and I knew Jake hadn't turned, that I shouldn't labor at home, but go ahead and come in to the hospital. So I woke up Toby and we agreed it was time to call Cindy. I explained where we were and her words are still with me..."I'm so sorry, Carey." I knew exactly what she meant. I was going to have a c-section despite all of my desperate prayers and efforts. Delivering a breech baby vaginally with a previous c-section was risky. As much as I hated the idea, a section would be safer. After I got off the phone with Cindy, I mourned my dream for a few minutes with Toby until my sweet Jesus gave me peace in my heart about it and allowed me to focus on the task at hand. It was time to gather our things, head to the hospital and meet our son!

We checked into the hospital at exactly 3am. They got me settled and hooked up to monitors and then Cindy walked in the room with an unexpected excitement. She said, "Ok, here's what we're going to do. We're going to prep you for the section, anesthesia and all, and then we'll see if the OB will do a version (manually turn him) in the operating room. If he turns, you can delivery him, if not then you'll be ready for the c-section." It sounded good to me. From what I could tell we didn't have anything to loose. Before she left, Cindy checked me and I was 4cm dilated, after only 3 hours of contractions. To be honest, I was a bit proud of that progress. From that point forward my contractions got dramatically closer together. Within an hour they were coming about a minute apart and getting even stronger. The amazing this is, they were completely bearable. They were strong and required my full attention, but I wouldn't describe them as painful. Cindy returned a bit later. Her excitement a little deflated..."He won't do it." And with that, my last hope was gone. We were headed to the operating room.

As I sat on the side of the table receiving my anesthesia, the reality came crashing down. For the brief moment I was allowed to look at Toby, all I could verbalize was, "I don't want this. It wasn't suppose to go like this." Toby was then instructed to sit on the other side of the room, out of my line of vision. Tears began to fall but I fought my grief to be deadly still as they were putting needles in my back. However, my tears hitting the floor concerned my nurse and anesthesiologist and they started to panic, "What's the matter? What's wrong? What hurts?" I couldn't speak. At this point my sweet Cindy was able to step in and explain, "most of it's just disappointment." Her presence in the operating room was a sweet gift from my Jesus.

The surgery began and before long one of the nurses told Toby, "You may want to stand up and look if you want to see them pull him out." She continued, "Remember, he's breech so they'll pull out his bottom first." Toby stood and peered over the drape blocking my view. He watched as they pulled him from my womb. At 5:02am, the surgeon pulled him up by his hips. His head and abdomen hanging down to reveal his cord wrapped, not once, but twice around his tiny neck. Toby asked the surgeon in disbelief, "Was his cord around his neck?" The surgeon quickly dismissed his question, waving his hand as if to say "Don't say that where she can hear you. It will upset her." I vaguely heard the question, but it took a few seconds for those words to sink in. I turned to Toby and said, "Was his cord around his neck?!?" His words were so gentle, "Yeah, it was." At that moment, we heard our tiny son release his first cry. It was absolutely the sweetest sound I had ever heard! In a moment, Abba revealed why He hadn't granted my plea. If Jake had turned head down in my womb, his wrapped cord and the demands of a vaginal labor would have likely choked him to death. To think that we could have so easily lost him...it was enough to do me in. I lost it there on the operating table. The reality was sinking in and my emotions overcame me...thanksgiving pouring out. The anger that I expected was nowhere to be found. I had nothing but shear awe and gratitude that my Jesus did not grant my prayers. Again, Cindy was a wonderful gift in being able to verbalize my emotional breakdown to the medical team.

Jake was examined, wrapped up, and brought to me for my first glance and snuggle. He was perfect. The most beautiful baby boy I'd ever seen. They finished my surgery and wheeled me into recovery. Cindy had taken charge of Jake so he was able to stay in the operating room with me and was allowed to go to the recovery room before making a trip to the nursery. I was able to nurse him there and he did beautifully...an answered prayer.

Hours before I went into labor, Toby pulled our prayer requests off the bathroom mirror. I had written them up weeks earlier and posted them in our bathroom and at my kitchen sink. These are the things we were asking God for:
Jake to be delivered on or before his due date, July 8 - He arrived on July 6.

Jake to turn head down, face down soon and stay down - I did everything in my power to make this happen, but my Jesus knew better.

Labor to begin on its own and to be as pain free as possible - My body began contracting at home and while they were strong, my contractions were not painful.

To know when to go to the hospital - Our phone call to Cindy was all the prompting we needed. We were able to take our time gathering the rest of our things, and have a light-hearted time as we headed to the hospital. We even joked with each other about the amount of stuff we hauled inside. We looked like we were ready for a European vacation.

Little to no medical interventions, including pain medication, episiodomy, c-section and pitocin - I had to surrender this one.

No complications concerning:
Carey's blood pressure - I had preeclamsia with Haley, but my BP stayed perfectly stable the entire time I was in the hospital.

Carey's asthma - There were no problems or concerns with this.

Jake's position or size - My perfect baby boy was 6 lb, 3 oz at birth.

Jake's heart rate - This is a common indicator of problems during a VBAC delivery. Since we didn't VBAC, it wasn't a major factor, but he was deemed healthy from the start.

Jake's breathing - There were no problems or concerns with this.

Uterine rupture - This is the major risk involved with a VBAC. My fear in multiple c-sections was excessive scar tissue from previous sections limiting the number of pregnancies I could carry. Just after this surgery began, the surgeon volunteered, "Wow, you have very little scar tissue." That knowledge was a sweet bonus from my Jesus.

No tearing or stitches needed - With the c-section, this became obsolete.

Jake to breastfeed quickly and easily - Thanks to Cindy, he was able to nurse during recovery, and he did wonderfully. He's done great ever since.

Carey to recover quickly with no postpartum complications - While a section recovery is always difficult, this one has been dramatically easier than Haley's recovery. Not only have I had no complications, but we were able to leave the hospital a day early.

Toby to have confidence and wisdom in all decision making - Toby was a rock through the entire process. Beginning when I woke him after my first hour of labor, he never panicked. He remained calm and light-hearted at all times and was always a rock for me.

So you see, outside of the c-section, Abba answered every one of my requests. Some even beyond what I had hoped for.

Cindy had mentioned weeks before that there were two possibilities for Jake not turning. First, a short cord, which turned out to be the case. Most of his cord was wrapped around his neck. Second, the possibility of a "heart shaped uterus." If Jake had grown up into one side, there would be a septum in the middle preventing him from turning. Because I now had carried two breech babies, Cindy asked the surgeon to look for this. After delivering Jake, the surgeon examined my uterus and concluded that I, indeed, had a bicornuate uterus, even though the OB who delivered Haley noted that it was "normal." Cindy informed me later that if a baby were to implant on the small side, it likely wouldn't survive...the baby wouldn't have enough room to grow and I would have a stillborn, possibly never knowing the cause. As I just googled this word "bicornuate" for its spelling, I stumbled on my first piece of research. It states, "Several studies show that women with a bicornuate uterus have about a 60% success rate in delivering a living child." I have carried to full term and delivered TWO perfectly healthy babies! With the exception of breech presentation, these babies had zero complications either inside or outside the womb. All praise to my God for the life of these children! Yes, He is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals!

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
A few short weeks ago, I thought the desire of my heart was to experience a pain free, supernatural childbirth. My sweet Jesus knows me better. He knew that the desire of my heart was for Him to be glorified and for me to bring home a perfect, healthy baby boy.

A few weeks before Jake was born I had a few quiet moments with my Jesus. He said, "I know this man. He will do great things for me." His use of the word "man" caught me off guard. Jake wasn't a man. He was a baby. A "boy" at most, but Abba saw him as a man. "'For I know the plans that I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.'" Jeremiah 29:11 So you see, Abba already has plans for my son...beginning with the day he was born. He will be able to go through his life knowing that God saved his life on day 1. His life has a purpose. I'm just honored to be able to watch it all play out.

At the end of the day, I did not get to experience the supernatural birth I so desperately wanted. About a week before he was born, I surrendered in the quiet places of my spirit, I will trust you. I didn't dare say it outloud, but it was enough to save my son. Thank you Jesus, for knowing what is best for me, better than I do. Thank you for seeing the bigger picture when my vision gets so narrow. Thank you for protecting my son and for the gift that he and Haley are. Their simple existence is proof enough that YOU ARE GOD!!