The end of an era

Haley built a bear today for her baby brother.
When you squeeze his hand, you hear her sweet two year old voice yell, "I wuv you, Jake!!"

It occurred to me yesterday, that if I had volunteered to deliver Jackson via c-section due to his breech position, his birthday would have been yesterday. I could have been holding my new tiny baby yesterday morning. And yet, he's still tucked away inside...crazy!! With each passing day, the reality is sinking in that we will truly have two, TWO, precious children in our home in likely a matter of days. As exciting as that is, I'm finding myself in an unexpected state of grief...

For nearly three years, it's been just me and Toby and Haley. The last three years have been an adventure, to say the least. When Haley was nine weeks old, we packed up all my 4Runner could hold and moved to Tennessee...ridiculous, if you ask me now, but at the time it seemed like a good idea. We spent two wonderful months in a little furnished apartment in Knoxville. We didn't know a soul. We didn't have any obligations or busy schedules to attend to. Toby worked hard during the day, Haley and I would drive around town finding our way around. The evenings and weekends held nothing but sweet, uninterrupted family time. We spent 8 weeks simply loving on our new baby girl.

Around Christmas of that year we closed on our house, moved in and started making friends at our new church. The friendships that God blessed us with were incredible. In fact, there were about five babies born within six weeks of Haley in my mommy group. God knew I needed that circle of friends. Haley and I spent our days piddling around the house, grocery shopping, and visiting friends. She had her baby years in that house and each room is packed with memories.

Last summer God moved us back to Mobile and again it felt like it was just me and Haley against the world while Toby was at work during the day. We took trips to the park and worked diligently to make this house our home. So I guess I'm trying to say that Haley has kind of been my "best friend" over the last three years. Don't misunderstand, Toby will always, always be my best friend and know and understand me better than anyone else on this planet, but I feel like Haley's been my play buddy and now all of that is going to change once her little brother comes on the scene.

I can not wait to see his sweet face and share all of these memories and milestones with him as he grows. I know Haley will be a wonderful big sister and I'm excited to watch her interact with him and teach him all kinds of things. A whole new season of memories lie in wait.

As I've pondered the end of this era, our little family of three, I've taken special measures to freeze frame the moments. We have cuddled together and watched movies on the sofa. We've drawn pictures together and built towers with blocks. We pulled out the famous bean box that's been in hiding for months. We have baked goodies together...although she much prefers to splash in the sink while I do the cooking. We've had special time to just talk...mommy and Haley. Her little heart is so precious and she understands far more than I give her credit. Jesus, please protect her from any sense of jealousy or isolation related to Jake's arrival. Give me the patience, wisdom and energy to show extra love and affection toward Haley in the coming weeks. Seal their bond from the day he's born, so that they will be close from that day forward. Thank you for my sweet, precious babies and the new season we are entering. Help me to cherish each day and treasure each milestone.

For those of you who are curious...Jake is still breech, but we are still believing for a miracle. Three nights ago I sat on the couch and watched him almost turn all the way around. I KNOW he will do it, he's just not ready yet. My patience grows and my faith stretches with each passing day. I know we will have an amazing story to tell of God's goodness on the other side of this miracle!