Needing a miracle for our miracle

Our sweet boy at 35 weeks
Profile shot with his hand up by his mouth. He has Haley's little nose.

We were thrilled to learn about our son's arrival last fall and from the very beginning I had a huge goal of delivering him vaginally. Due to preeclampsia and her breech position, Haley was delivered by c-section at 38 weeks. While this wasn't my first choice, her birth came on so quickly that I accepted whatever was necessary to keep both of us safe and healthy.

This time around I wanted it to be different. I started doing lots of research and talking with other moms about a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). In fact, we even changed doctors at 30 weeks because we were not comfortable with our current physician and her experience taking on this higher risk delivery. I knew from the start that there was a chance that my dream wouldn't come true, but I didn't want to throw in the towel before ever giving it a try.

"Why bother?" you say, "Why not just schedule another c-section and be done worrying about it?" I've received this question what seems like a million times! First, my recovery from Haley's delivery was horrible. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I certainly don't want to endure it again myself. Second, while there are risks associated with a VBAC, the recovery is significantly easier than that of major abdominal surgery. Also, this is how God designed my body to work. I want to follow His design as long as medical interference wasn't truly necessary. And I suppose most importantly, Toby and I have a great desire for a big family, with both biological and adopted children. Multiple c-sections would leave me vulnerable to massive scar tissue and ending my ability to carry more children. Of course, there's no way to know how my body would react regarding future surgeries and excessive scar tissue, but I don't want to take that chance if it's not necessary. I understand that not all women share these opinions, and that is perfectly fine, but this is my heart.

For many months now, Toby and I have been believing for a beautiful vaginal delivery, free from all complications. Well, today we were thrown our first curve ball. My midwife was feeling around for the baby's position and she reluctantly shook her head and said, "I think that's the head right there" as she felt just beneath my ribs. I felt the wind knock out of me, but thought maybe she's just wrong. Maybe he's just lying funny. After all, he has been laying low in my belly the whole pregnancy and his heartbeat and hiccups have always felt low. Surely she's just mistaken.

We left her office and headed to get an ultrasound to confirm this guess. The technician looked at my belly and took one glance at the screen and said, "Yep, that baby's breech" almost as if she were proud of herself for figuring it out so quickly. She continued to look him over, head to toe and concluded that he is measuring 5 lb, 6 oz and is perfectly healthy...just laying upside down. While I will continue to praise God for this baby's health, I felt almost as if this were some kind of death sentence...like I were grieving for babies I would never carry. I know that's not very realistic, but I think that's where the sadness came from.

The next few hours were incredibly difficult and I felt like I'd been defeated. All of my prayers and hopes were for nothing and now it's over. While I recognize that a scheduled procedure without my previous medical complications would yield an entirely different result, I was heartbroken. I moved through my remaining errands with sporadic tears, but was comforted by my sweet Haley from the back seat, "It's alright, Mommy. Don't be sad." How do you explain this to a two year old?

Later in the afternoon, I got a message from a friend who shared the story of one of her friends. Their breech baby had turned as she was being prepped for a c-section. She said, "Don't give up on your miracle." Thank you Brandi, those were exactly the words I needed to hear! With each passing minute, I felt my spirits begin to lift. And so I've made a decision. I'm not going to give up on my miracle! We still have three weeks for our son to turn around before we have to schedule a c-section, and that's plenty of time for my Jesus to show His glory! At my midwife's advise I will be doing "exercises" (basically standing on my head) and spending lots of time in the pool to help him turn around. I will also go to my first ever chiropractor appointment next week in an effort to move the process along. In the mean time, I will pray that my God knows my heart and will come through on this miracle, so that all will know that He is God!

Already this afternoon I have felt him trying to turn...my faith is growing and we won't give up yet. Will you pray with us and believe with us, that God will grant us this miracle?

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6