Blessings during the waiting

While we waited...and waited, sweet Jesus provided us manna and helped us to feel like we were making forward progress. It seems each week He would give me one task to focus one. One week it would be submitting registration materials for Toby's school, or making contacts about refinancing the little house, or researching local deals in Mobile. Sweet Jesus knows me so well. If He had given me one huge to-do list, I would have panicked.

The biggest assignment He gave us was our yard sale. As part of releasing our security in "stuff" lots of things had to go. Nothing detrimental, but clutter, excess, things we really didn't need and could live without. This project took on a life of its own. Each week I would focus on a different closet or room to clean out. This was my purging time to go through all kinds of junk we'd been moving from city to city. I also began to accumulate a huge pile of stuff that was "yard sale worthy." Not knowing where the funds for our moving expenses or Toby's tuition were going to come from, we sold all kinds of mess in hopes of earning what we needed.

One of my friends knew we were working toward having this sale and brought up a proposition..."We have a bunch of stuff in a storage unit. Will you sell it in your yard sale and you can just keep the money?" Uh, sure...I'll take your junk off your hands...we can use as much help as we can get. When Toby and I showed up at their house to pick up the "junk" I was floored at what was waiting for us...two beds, a slot machine, a curio cabinet, a TV, a chest of drawers, a bookshelf, a bedspread and linens, curtains, a bicycle, a mountain of precious moments figurines, tons of books, and on and on. This pile was not junk. It was very functional and valuable. When we asked why they didn't sell the stuff themselves, the answer was humble, "God told us a long time ago that this stuff was suppose to go to somebody who needed it." We were completely blown away at this gift.

Instead of waiting for the yard sale, we decided to list the big stuff on Craigslist. That alone turned into a full time job, but I welcomed the distraction and somewhere to put my energy. I set up a little photo studio in my garage, posted all the items, managed tons of emails coming in, and met buyers all over town. As a stay at home mom, it felt good to be able to put forth energy to earn money for our family and this calling.

Our best friends from Mobile made the eight hour drive to Knoxville to help us with the yard sale. She is as organized as me, so we worked well together all day on Friday getting ready for the big day. We were up and moving at 4:30AM (a sacrifice in itself) to set up for the early birds, and they showed up on the scene at 6AM on the nose! From that point on, people constantly flowed through our sale and were still coming at 2PM when we started to shut it down. At the end of the day, combined with our Craigslist sales, we had earned over $2,500! God is so good! This would easily pay for a U-Haul and Toby's first semester of tuition! God's mercy and abundance showed up in a huge way that day.



Please do not think that every moment of every day was filled with joy and excitement and hope for a beautiful journey. I think I can say honestly, that most of our journey has been that way, but I certainly had my weak moments. I can't count how many times I found myself in a puddle on the floor weeping for Jesus to just give me the answers! Often these times came when I was alone, but Toby saw a handful of them. Often he was wonderful to simply sit with me and let me cry. He knew he didn't have the answers I wanted. I wanted to know how all of this would end. I wanted to know that everything was going to be okay, we would be able to pay our bills, and have more babies. I wanted to visualize what life might look like six months down the road. At this point, I had no idea other than we would be living in our little flip house. I didn't know where, or if, Toby would be working. I didn't know if I would have to go back to work or what would happen with Haley during the day. And most heartbreaking of all, I didn't know if we would be in a financial position to have any more children soon. My heart has always desired to have a big family and my dream has always been for them to be two years or so apart...Haley was now 20 months and pregnancy was nowhere in sight.

During these moments of helplessness, Jesus often gave me songs to meditate on. I called them my theme songs. I would play them over and over and over as I laid on the floor and stared into space. No matter how helpless I felt, I always walked away from those moments with a few more breadcrumbs to cling to. Jesus always met me there, and like Toby, just let me cry...He never gave me the answers I wanted, but He knew I was sad and wanted nothing more than to comfort me and reassure me that everything would in fact be okay...if for no other reason than He is going with us to Mobile. I have come to understand that His presence is truly all I need. I don't need a big income, or even more children...I just need Him.

Here are some of my "theme songs"
Rita Springer, "Worth it all"
John Waller, "While I'm waiting"
Anthony Skinner, "I will be alright"