Another round on the roller coaster

We are now three weeks after Christmas, and I'm sad to report that no, Ty did not make it home before the holiday.  At my last post, there was no news and then suddenly...a glimmer of hope!  On Friday, December 21 my phone rang. It was our social worker, Teresa.  We were 4 days before Christmas and my heart stopped at the sight of her name on my caller ID...could this be the call we've been waiting for?  She said, "Carey, I've run across a situation, but we haven't talked about it before so I wanted to see what you thought.  I've found a baby boy in the foster system in Missouri.  He is 11 months old today...and his name is Tai'Vone." (pronounced Ty - Von).  I asked her to repeat his name, just to make sure I heard her right.  She said she had limited information and in order to learn more about him we had to submit our homestudy, but she needed our permission to do so.  I didn't know what to say.  I've envisioned a newborn in my mind for the last year, so I didn't know what to do with this twist.  I called Toby and he said without hesitation, "Yes, let's learn more about him."

With that, Teresa sent the necessary paperwork and requested more information on baby Tai'Vone.  I just knew in my heart that if I could see a picture of his little face, I would know if he was mine or not.  Teresa cautioned us that it would probably be after the first of the year before we heard anything, so we waited and prayed. Day after day the idea grew on me.  This Tai and Jake would be 5 months apart...a great challenge now to manage two one year olds, but how fun to have a best buddy to grow up with.  I quickly became attached to the idea and waited not so patiently for business to resume in the new year.  Days and then weeks passed with no word.  We prayed for Abba to fling the doors wide open or slam them shut as we proceeded with this child.

Today, January 21 is Tai'Vone's first birthday.  Secretly, I had hoped that we would somehow get to celebrate this day with him.  He has been removed from the available child registry where Teresa first found him and we have not received a single response from his social worker.  Perhaps this is a closed door.

So what does this mean?  Did my God fail me?  Did He let me down on His promise?  There are many things that I don't know, but I do know that my God ALWAYS keeps His promises...always.  It is most likely that I misunderstood the original "deadline" of Christmas or maybe I was overly eager.  Whatever the truth is, my God is still good.  He is the one who planted the love for Ty in my and Toby's hearts and He will be the one to bring him home in His timing.  Above all else, I know that Abba loves me, He sees and understands my hurt and impatience, and He has amazing things planned for me and my family...inlcuding Ty.

Toby and I are nearing the end of 21 days of prayer and fasting.  My greatest plea is for Ty to come home during this window.  This may or may not happen and that is ok.  We are now praying for direction as we near the one year mark of this adoption journey.  Do we continue to pursue a domestic adoption?  Do we investigate international adoption?  Do we put off adoption for now and have more biological children?  I have so many questions and so few answers today, but I know that Abba has a plan...a great plan.  And when He's ready, He'll tell us which road to take.

I have been so touched by the many, many people who have asked about Ty and have prayed for him.  You will never know the depth of gratitude that comes from this mama's heart to hear of others who love my baby boy and are standing with us to see God's faithfulness.  I know He'll come through...He always does.

Related posts:
12/18/12 - One week to go...
10/11/12 - Bread crumbs while we wait
9/23/12 - A bump in the road
7/10/12 - Save the adoption credit
6/29/12 - Bezi's Grand Opening
6/22/12 - We're over the first hump
5/21/12 - Out of the mouths of babes
5/13/12 - A far away dream comes near

One week to go?

I have shared with you and stood firm on God's word to me that He would bring Ty home around Christmas.  Well, here we are, one week before Christmas and no baby...not even a hint of a baby.  At times I feel like Noah - standing on the corner proclaiming this absurd promise from the Lord.  Some days I am confident and hopeful, other days I am full of doubt.  Either way, my God is faithful, He is trustworthy and He is good.  So many of you have been sweet to ask how things are going, but the truth is there's nothing new to share.  Today we are still waiting to be matched with Ty's birthmother.

Should Christmas come and go next week with no sign of a baby, what does that mean?  I don't know.  I wish I had the answers.  Maybe I heard Him wrong.  Maybe I misunderstood.  Maybe His timing is still different.  Maybe we keep waiting.  The one thing I do know is that my God doesn't need me to defend Him.  I am human and I will do my best in hearing Him, loving Him and serving Him.  So today, we continue to wait...hopeful to bring home our sweet baby boy in time for Christmas.  Thank you for your continued prayers.

Related posts:
10/11/12 - Bread crumbs while we wait
9/23/12 - A bump in the road
7/10/12 - Save the adoption credit
6/29/12 - Bezi's Grand Opening
6/22/12 - We're over the first hump
5/21/12 - Out of the mouths of babes
5/13/12 - A far away dream comes near

A bump in the road

We are so grateful to all of you who have been so encouraging on our adoption journey.  I know it's been a while since my last update here, so let me catch you up to speed.

God has been so good, so clear, and provided so much confirmation to us through this process.  This journey started back in March when I thought I was pregnant.  I had the list of symptoms across the board...strange tiredness, nausea, heightened sense of smell, emotional, you name it.  Any woman who's been there knows the emotional roller coaster you ride in your mind until you get clear, medical confirmation.  So I was really disappointed when my first at home test was negative...didn't even tell Toby about that one.  But the symptoms continued for another week, and since I'd gotten a false negative with Jake's pregnancy, I held out hope.  I had done the math, and if I were pregnant, we would have a Christmas baby.  The next week I had shared my thoughts with Toby and I took another test...negative.  I was so bummed and confused and I launched myself into prayer over it for the next few days.  Through many hours of conversation and questions with Abba, many dreams, and lots of time in worship, He revealed something really cool to me..."Carey, you're not pregnant, but your baby has been conceived."  Ha, uh, weird. What am I suppose to do with that?  After more questions and long talks with Toby, we became convinced that our baby was out there, now is the time to start the adoption process and we will bring him home around Christmas.

So we shared all of this with our adoption agency, including the visions Toby and I have had of our little boy.  We've since learned that people don't usually put so many "specifics" on their adopted baby, but because these sweet people love Jesus and have seen Him do amazing things, they simply said, "Wow!  That's incredible!  We can't wait for the ride."  They have been so encouraging and supportive.  So we truck along, get through the challenging application process and are getting ready for our home study.  The day before our first home study visit, a 17 year old girl, matching our description, called the agency.  She was pregnant and wanted to give her baby for adoption.  She was due the second week of January.  As soon as our social worker mentioned this to us, I just knew, that I knew, that this was our baby.  This was him!  How beautiful, how perfect!  We wouldn't even have to prepare a profile of our family - a scrapbook birthmothers will use to "shop" for an adoptive family.  I got attached, really just to the idea since we knew very little else about the birthmother, but in my heart I knew she was carrying our son.  So we prayed for that birthmother and that sweet baby day in and day out, and anxiously awaited the day of her big ultrasound to determine the sex of her baby.  We knew that big day was coming around the end of August, but we didn't hear from our social worker.  I refused the possibility and clung to the hope that this was our baby.

The last Friday morning of August, I was running errands with Haley and Jake in tow when my phone rang.  It was her, the call I'd been waiting on.  She was so sweet and so kind, but she didn't have an excitement in her voice like I'd hoped.  She told me that the birthmother we'd been praying for was healthy, the pregnancy was going well, and she was having a girl.  I was crushed.  I sat in the parking lot of Sam's Club, not really in a state of shock as much as a "what do we do now?" state.  After hanging up the phone, I cried and then cried some more, knowing my sweet Haley wouldn't understand what had just happened.  Seeing that I was sad, she started singing a song she'd made up, "Don't you worry worry, Mommy.  Don't you worry worry, Daddy."  That was it, the whole song, but it was exactly what I needed to hear.   So I pulled myself together and called another member of our agency.  She already knew the news and was waiting on my call.  I asked her, "What do we need to do to prepare our profile?"

So that's where we are.  Our profile is almost finished and then we will begin "marketing" ourselves.  I hate that term, but it's basically what it is.  But I know that we are not just throwing ourselves out there, begging for someone to please choose us.  Our profile will simply be a tool to connect us with the one, perfect birthmother who is carrying my little boy.  Our prayer is for God to show us the path that leads to our son, and I know that He will do it.

Within a matter of days, Abba was able to show me the good in our disappointment.  To be completely honest, I had allowed Satan to whisper lies to me, horrible lies...and I started to believe them.  They were so horrible that I didn't even tell Toby about them.  That's exactly the way Satan wanted it.  As long as the lies were hidden in the dark places of my mind, they held power over me, but as soon as they were released into the light and brought out into the open they were broken!  I would rock Jake at night and these thoughts would come through my mind, "You're not going to love that baby like you do Haley and Jake.  That child will always be different.  You're going to resent raising someone else's kid when he's sick or he turns out to be a heathen.  God didn't tell you to do this.  You made it up and you want people to say 'Oh, look how great Carey is'."  The sad part is that I listened.  I allowed doubt to creep into my mind.  Are we suppose to adopt?  Are we just out in left field here?  The beauty of this disappointment was that I grieved over "loosing" that baby.  If those horrible lies were true, then the knowledge of this baby being a girl would have been a relief, and it was far from it.  God used my grief to help me knock out the lies, remind me of His promise and solidify my heart for this baby.  Now I am more anxious than ever to have him in my arms!

This past Sunday, our confirming God spoke boldly again.  At the end of the service our pastor asked us to hold out our hands and repeat after him.  I hadn't even been focused on our new son that day and was a bit distracted, but decided to buckle down and focus on the words coming out of his mouth..."Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us."  As soon as those last words came out of my mouth, it was as if a sound wave or something had been traveling through the air and it hit me, nearly knocking me back.  I clearly heard Abba's voice, "I will bring you Ty."  And again He impressed Christmas on my heart.  It was so clear, so powerful, and so out of nowhere that I crumpled into tears.  Even now, He is reminding me of His promise and that His timing is perfect.  We are holding onto that as we ride out the rest of our journey in bringing our baby boy home!


Related posts:
7/10/12 - Save the adoption credit
6/29/12 - Bezi's Grand Opening
6/22/12 - We're over the first hump
5/21/12 - Out of the mouths of babes
5/13/12 - A far away dream comes near

Save the adoption credit

First of all, thank you SO MUCH to all of you who have been so supportive through our adoption process so far.  Many of you have inquired of our progress, have offered prayers on our behalf and have supported Bezi's Creations in an effort to help us raise the funds necessary to bring our son home.  As many of you know, adopting a baby is certainly not a "cheap" endeavor.  When God told us to start this process, even before we had the money in the bank, we took a leap of faith and began walking down this road.  One crucial piece to the funding of our adoption is the adoption tax credit available to families, however this credit is set to expire on December 31, 2012.  If this happens, Toby and I will be unable to capitalize on this wonderful opportunity and great aid in bringing our son home.  The following is copied from another blog and I would appreciate the 5 minutes of your time it would require to help ensure the adoption credit gets renewed.  Also, please share this important information with your friends and families via email, FaceBook and the like.  Thank you so much for your continued support! 

Excerpt from Chapters blog:

Advocate for Kids

Before we started the process of adopting LC, we knew jack about adopting period.  As you can imagine, we've learned a lot recently about the ABC's of the adoption process and both how rewarding it can be emotionally and how draining it can be financially.  Please note: I'm not complaining.  Every penny we've spent has been over and over and over again worth it.  But if you are thinking about adoption or know someone who is or has...or just if you can find it in your heart to care at all about all the children who need a family, there's something you need to know. 

There is good news: there is a "adoption assistance" tax credit that, traditionally, has helped offset some (not all) of the costs of adoption.

The bad news: at the end of 2012, if people don't say something, its gone.  In fact, in 2012, it's already been changed from refundable (you get money back) to non-refundable (it just means you might not have to pay so much if you owe income taxes). 

What does that mean?  Or maybe why should you care?

To put it simply, it means good families who want to change a life and/or provide a loving, stable home but don't make quite enough money might not have the income to adopt a child in need.  (Just so you know, adoption can cost anywhere from $13-$40K on average if adopting privately.)

So this credit going away makes me incredibly sad. How many kids in the future are going to stay in the system because families just can't afford adoption?

I wrote my first ever letter to a Representative today and I'm asking if someone (ANYONE) would take the time to copy this letter (below) and click here to send (typically) a web form to your Representative. It will take 10 minutes of your life.  But it could change someone else's forever.

I hope I've made this really, really easy: 

Dear Representative INSERT NAME:

I am writing to ask you to support the adoption tax credit, which is set to expire on December 31, 2012. The adoption tax credit is especially important to me because INSERT REASON (like: you're planning to adopt, you know someone who has adopted, or you think adoption is a worthy cause).

The adoption tax credit is essential to ensuring that as many children as possible are able to find families and that the cost of adoption is not prohibitive to children being raised in loving, caring environments.  I am asking you to take action on behalf of those who have made both a personal and financial sacrifice to support children in our country and in other countries who are in need.

Please use your vote to make sure the adoption tax credit would be permanent, refundable, inclusive of all types of adoption, and remain a “flat” tax for children with special needs.

On behalf of the countless children waiting to be adopted, and the many thousands of families that stand to suffer financially with the loss of the adoption tax credit, thank you for your attention to this important issue.

Sincerely,

NAME

CITY, STATE

EMAIL ADDRESS

PS: Will you consider re-posting to get the word out?

Bezi's Grand Opening

Bezi's Creations is ready for its Grand Opening on Etsy!  Please take a minute to stop by, check things out and pass the word along.  For this weekend only I'm offering free domestic shipping in celebration of our big kickoff.  Simply enter the code "grandopen" during checkout. 

Make sure to check back often as I have tons of new ideas and great new products coming down the pipeline.  I just wanted to get Etsy up and running with what I already have available.  Remember that all proceeds go toward our adoption expenses.  Thanks again for your support! 

If you're on FaceBook, make sure to like our page, www.facebook.com/beziscreations.  Also in celebration of Bezi's Grand Opening weekend we will be giving away a $20 gift card (either to Bezi's or Amazon, winner's choice).  The winner will be chosen by random.org once the FaceBook page reaches 100 likes.  So help spread the word!

Thanks again for all of your prayers, encouragement and support in bringing our baby boy home!!  

Out of the mouths of babes

Last night I was cleaning the kitchen before bed and had some rare alone time.  I used it to launch into prayer for friends and family and eventually our adoption.  The prayers came freely for our baby boy, his birth mother and the entire adoption process.  The mountains in front of us just seem so big sometimes.  There's the paperwork and the waiting, the fundraising, actually finding this sweet baby, possible health concerns at birth, bringing home a new baby, the adjustment for my other two kids, and the support or lack there of from our family.  In the end, I begged Abba for another sign of confirmation.  I just needed to be reassured that we are on the right path.  This is a life altering decision that will forever effect our little family, our extended family, and our generations to come.  I don't want to be anywhere but right in step with Him. 

Toby and I have not shared anything with Haley about the adoption.  Being only 3 years old, there's so much she won't understand.  There will be lots of waiting, likely some disappointment, and of course the never ending questions.  So we haven't discussed it with her at all and I guess we thought we'd wait until we were further along in the process before bringing her on board.  Well, Abba beat me to it. 

This morning as I was changing Jake's diaper after his morning nap, Haley came into his room carrying two naked baby dolls.  She handed one to Jake and the other to me and she said, "This baby's for you cause you're going to have another baby."  I froze.  I looked at her and said, "What did you just say, sweetie?"  She repeated herself, "You're going to have another baby."  Not believing what I was hearing I asked, "What do you mean by that?"  She was totally confident in her answer, "Jesus loves you.  He's going to give you another baby."  I sat there stunned.  I'd call that "confirmation."  So I shared a little about the road we are starting on.  I asked her how she felt about have two baby brothers and she immediately got excited.  She is the absolute best big sister to Jake and I know she will be to this new baby as well.

By the way, I had a physical done three days ago as part of the adoption process.  My doctor ran a pregnancy test just to be sure...it was negative. 

Thank you, Jesus, for my confirmation.  Thank you for reminding me that You are in control of all things, that you hear me when I call to You, and You love me enough to answer the hard questions in my soul in a way that I cannot mistake.  I know that You will walk us through every, single step of this season.  The ones that will take us through valleys and the ones that will take us to mountain tops.  You will be there, right in front of us, leading the way and we will give You ALL glory for each and every step. 

A far away dream comes near

As long as Toby and I have been together...all the way back to high school, we've dreamed about one day adopting a baby.  For me, that's just what it's been...a dream.  I've always thought that someday it would be nice to entertain that idea, but for now it still seemed pretty far off.   Toby, however, was on another page.  A few weeks after Jake was born in July, Toby said, "I think we should adopt our next one."  Hmm.  We both want to have a big family, but I was fresh off of new baby hormones and not so interested in the idea.  I gave him a half-hearted response, "Huh.  Sure.  Let's talk about it later."  And with that the idea of adoption stayed a far away dream.

As the months wore on, Toby was relentless.  Every few weeks he would bring up the idea, and when it came up again at the first of the year we were in the throws of selling, buying and moving.  Again I brushed him off, "Let's get moved and settled before we launch into another life altering process."  So, here we are.  We've moved.  We're settled.  I'm out of excuses...and it came up again.  Finally, I agreed to start praying about it.  I asked Abba that if adopting a child was really in His plan for our near future then to change my heart and confirm this path.  Wouldn't you know, He did just that.  As I prayed over this for a few weeks I became more and more certain that this was something we should investigate.  Adoption was suddenly in my face everywhere I turned.  I got a call out of the blue from a Tennessee friend.  They were in the middle of the adoption process and wanted some advice and prayer.  On a rare date night out, Toby and I ended up at the movie theater watching October Baby.  (Shameless plug - If you haven't seen October Baby, you need, need to see it.  It has such great perspective and healing from so many angles.  End shameless plug.)  Toby and I had endless conversations about the idea and within a matter of weeks adoption went from a "nice idea for later" to me identifying a hole in my heart.  Through these weeks of prayer I have become convinced that my baby is out there and I am not whole because he is not home with me.  The best way to describe it is that I miss him.  One of my babies is missing.  Abba has His protective hand on my baby boy until we are able to meet him and bring him home.  You see, this isn't about doing some good charity deed.  In my heart I know that we are searching for this one child that has been earmarked for our family.  I'm already attached to this baby I've never even met. 

I suppose Toby's passion for our adoption started years ago.  God gave him a vision and in it he saw he and I walking away.  I was holding his hand and in his other hand was a two year old little boy.  We know that Jake is not the boy he saw.  During my weeks of prayer and searching I had a similar vision during worship at church one weekend.  I saw my Jesus holding the sweet hand of my little boy.  He was about two years old at the time and had the most adorable little face.  His eyes were bursting with joy and the sight of him was so real that I felt like I could reach out and touch him.  That was my baby.  I just know it.   Also during this time I was reading through my Bible and a name jumped off the page at me.  It stayed in my head for days and I couldn't get away from it.  It was my little boy's name.  The name Abba gave him means "chance" and "fortunate."  Rather fitting, I thought.   

Now it's just a matter of following God's leading to the path that will take us to our son.  We have contacted several different adoption avenues in Mobile and decided on Children of the World out of Fairhope, Alabama.   We had our first lengthy visit with our social worker this past week and are so thrilled to be working with them.  The people of this agency truly love the Lord and they love their jobs.  They are deeply compassionate and caring people.  We have received glowing references and love that they take their birthmothers under their wing and minister to them before and after the adoption.  We are now working on our final application for the State of Alabama and are gathering lots of paperwork in preparation for our home study.

A few months back, before I began entertaining the idea of adoption, Jesus gave me specific instructions one Sunday morning.  Our pastor was preaching a series on miracles and as he got started that morning, I found myself thinking, "We've seen so many miracles.  I wonder where we're going next."  Immediately Jesus responded to my spirit, "Adoption.  I want you to start the process even before you have the funds sitting in the bank."  Hmm...seemed random at the time.  So we recognize that adoption is not only a great emotional investment, but it will require a great financial investment as well.  In light of this, my Jesus graciously showed me where some of these funds will come from during a 4am feeding with Jake a few weeks ago.  It was like a light had gone off in my head and everything clicked perfectly in place.  I had been complaining to Toby just days earlier that I felt like I needed somewhere to focus my energy...outside of running our home.  I mean, let's face it...you can only get so much satisfaction and sense of accomplishment out of 14 loads of laundry.  I also have been dabbling in some new creative outlets and had wondered if maybe I could sell some of my creations.  When the goal was extra spending cash it just didn't seem to make sense and the pieces just didn't seem to line up, but now there was a specific goal to strive for.  I would use the skills I've been working on and the creativity He's been working to reveal to bring in the funds we would need to support the adoption.  And just like that Bezi's Creations was born!  Bezi comes from Bezalel in the Bible.  God gave Bezalel the supernatural ability to envision and build all of the items for the tabernacle when the Isrealites were wandering the wilderness.  This guy has just stuck out to me ever since I studied this with my Boothmakers a few years back.  Mind you, I'm a CPA and have never thought myself to be crafty, so any time I come up with anything even remotely unique or cute I claim a "Bezalel moment."  So anyway, Bezi's Creations will offer handpainted furniture (a new, super fun hobby) as well as styles and accessories for little ones including bibs and onesies with neck ties or pearls, month by month onesies to capture your baby's first year, and hooded towels great for snuggling up a freshly cleaned baby or wrapping up a toddler after a fun day at the beach or in the pool.

I am so excited for this new season, even though it will be chalked full of stuff to accomplish.  My prayer over the last few days has been for God to show me how to manage my time, how to structure my day so that I can spend quality time with Him and my family and still take care of our home, gather the needed adoption papers, and get a business up and running.  I tell you, my days of vegging out in front of the TV are long gone.  But it's all good.  I wouldn't change a thing.  He has answered my prayers and so far all systems are running smoothly. 

So, will you help us in this?  Will you join with Toby and me in prayer that God will guide our steps and give us wisdom and discernment as we walk the road that will take us to our son?  Will you pray for protection over our baby and his birthmother?  And will you help me get the word out about Bezi's Creations?  I have started a FaceBook page and would love for you to "like" it and spread the word by sharing it with your friends.  My products will be available for sale on the FaceBook page and also I will have my first sale this coming Saturday.  I'm so excited to get things going!  Thank you in advance for all of your support in this season.  I know my Jesus has some amazing blessings lined up for so many in the coming months.  It's going to be an awesome adventure!

The goods just keep on comin'

"Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." Luke 6:38

We've had an amazing week! In the past 24 hours we sold our little house and became the proud owners of our new home. As with anything my Jesus does, He has offered beautiful confirmation and blessing upon blessings.

We know, that we know that our little home in Saraland is going to the perfect couple, hand picked by my Abba. On Friday, January 27 our little house went live on MLS and on Saturday morning I went to Toby and said, "Something's going to happen today...4 o'clock." He didn't know what I was talking about. I said, "Something's going to happen today at 4. A showing. Elaine's going to call around lunchtime and tell us that she wants to show the house at 4." He shrugged, "Ok, we'll see." Well, 4 o'clock came and went and there was no showing. As we were climbing into bed, Toby said, "Well, I guess you were wrong about the 4 o'clock thing?" Totally confident, I replied, "Nope. Something significant happened today at 4. Just not sure yet what it was."

The next day, we met a sweet young couple in front of our house. We started chatting with them and instantly fell in love with them. It was one of those awesome "spirit recognizes spirit" type things. She loves my Jesus...I could tell by her eyes. With the excitement of a new bride she mentioned that they just got engaged the day before. A few weeks later Toby had a chance to chat with Ben and asked him an almost awkward question, "So you got engaged the day before we met you. About what time was that?" HA!! You guessed it..."I picked her up about 4 O'CLOCK for a date and I proposed around 5:30." I knew it! I love how my sweet Jesus gives us those little glimpses into his planning and scheming...confirmation to my heart that we are indeed smack in the middle of His will!

Yesterday we closed on the little house and I was given one more chance to hug Kristy's sweet neck and tell her how excited I am for her to have such a sweet house to start her marriage. I know Abba is going to bless them beyond measure. He has been preparing our home for them. The new stainless appliances, the beautiful marble shower in the master bathroom...those things weren't for us. They only went in six weeks ago. They were for Ben and Kristy! He loves us, all of us, so much!

Today we closed on our new, big house and God's sweet goodness continues to overflow. First, we had the funds wired from yesterday's closing to today's closing agent. I had run the numbers in the last few days based on good faith estimates and fully expected to bring another $500 or so to closing to cover the difference we needed to buy our new house. In search of the exact amount I needed to bring, I repeatedly called the mortgage company. I finally got an answer to my question. We didn't need to bring any money to closing. I had miscalculated and we were going home with a refund check!

While we were signing the mountain of papers in front of us, we came to the breakdown on our monthly mortgage payment. I had to do a double take. Our monthly payment was a full $100 less than what had been estimated! Toby and I sat down a few weeks ago and planned out our budget based on the higher number...this lower payment is just bonus!

And...when we came to an agreement on our contract a few weeks ago, we negotiated for the builder to add a fridge. (We had already agreed to leave our fridge in the little house for Ben and Kristy...another gift for them.) Not paying attention to detail, the builder offered to give us the standard fridge. Toby learned later that a bigger fridge was available for an additional $150. On a "side deal" we brought the builder's agent a check for $150 in exchange for him ordering the bigger fridge instead. Today's closing agent handed us our check back. I was confused as to how she got it and why she was giving it back to us. Basically, because we didn't include the "deal" in the contract, the additional $150 wasn't properly included in the sales price. Turns out the builder didn't feel like adjusting the sales price all the way through the paperwork for a measly $150, so they just gave it back to us. In essence, we got the bigger fridge for free. My sweet Jesus is so full of bonuses!

I did some quick number crunching tonight. I added up everything we'd "sunk" into the little house...purchase price, 3 rounds of renovations, and 3 years of mortgage payments on it when it was vacant. Wouldn't you know that God gave back all that we thought we had lost with the steal we got on our new house. If we were to build our exact house today, it would cost an arm and a leg more than we're having to pay. He does, indeed, restore all that was lost...and then some. Not only did He restore, but we're getting back more. More financially, and more of Him. We are entering the next season of our lives with more intimacy with Him and greater wisdom than what we would have had if we hadn't made the "mistake" of buying our little flip house back in 2007. "He works all things together for good..." Romans 8:28.

Haley and Jake

The fun part is, Toby and I are nothing special. We have simply decided to follow Him in all things and He has been faithful to pour out Himself and His blessings. He is no respecter of persons. He would love to do all of this for you. Do your dreams blow your mind? Are you believing for the impossible? If not, I'm going to challenge you to dream bigger! He is BIG and He wants to give BIG, so put yourself out there and prepare to receive!

"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His." 2 Chronicles 16:9

Thank you Jesus for this amazing gift of our new home. Please help us to always remember that it is YOURS and to steward all of Your blessings well. Help us to never forget all that You have done and to never miss an opportunity to share Your goodness!

Haley and Jake enjoying the small things in life

Immeasurably more

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

We have been riding on a glory cloud for the last three weeks. My mind can scarcely keep up and comprehend all that has happened. At God's prompting, we listed our little house on the market and ten days later we had an offer. Now we just need a place to go.

At the beginning of this season, God gave Toby a quadrant in town where He wanted us to live. Toby and I started searching the internet for available homes in the area and ran across several builders putting up new construction in this quadrant. After talking with several friends who had built homes with these builders and running the numbers, it became apparent that we may be able to build what we wanted at a cost equal to buying an existing home. We have resigned that we are likely not leaving Mobile any time in the near future. We are finally putting down roots and hope to find the "perfect" home that will fit our family's needs. A home we can grow into. We started scouring through floor plans and touring model homes. We would love to have a large family and we're hoping to have a bedroom for boys and a bedroom for girls (they'll bunk up), a nursery for new babies, a guest room for our family and friends, a space for entertaining and loving on anyone who pops by, and a space for homeschooling our children. We sat down with the base price lists and started narrowing down our options...this one's too small, this one's too expensive, etc. These details became exciting and our fantasizing became consuming. Once again, we were getting ahead of God.

Sunday, January 22
Yes, before we even listed our house on the market. I was visiting my mom in Montgomery and attended her church that morning. In Sunday School, through an impromptu discussion, in my spirit I heard loud and clear, "All things work together..." It was a piece of a popular verse from Romans. It was so loud that I thought maybe I was suppose to share it with the group, but for whatever reason I kept it to myself. Later that morning during worship we sang a wonderful praise song, Your Love Never Fails. If you're familiar with this song, you know that the bridge is a one liner that repeats over and over..."You make all things work together for my good." My sweet Jesus met with me during worship, "I know what you want and what you need. I am working on something great...even more amazing than what you have imagined...something that's not even on your radar. Your job now is to focus on the task at hand...sell your house." And with that, all anxiety and confusion vanished. My job was to work on my little house, clean it well, and present it to buyers to the best of my ability. So I returned home, we listed our house that week and I focused all of my attention on selling and left the house shopping up to God.

On Sunday, Feb 5, we received an offer on our little house and extended a counter offer. By Wednesday we still had not heard back from the buyers, but decided to take a peek at some houses, at Elaine's prompting. Over Toby's lunch break we knocked out six houses and then Elaine and I saw another five or so that afternoon. Toby and I are fast shoppers, so I knew we'd be able to make a decision quickly. We looked at several existing homes, but ruled them out knowing we could build exactly what our family needed. We went out on a limb and decided to look at one monster house, way out of our price range. Honestly, I'm just nosy and wanted a peek inside the big house...it had everything we wanted and then some. In the back of our minds we knew that this house was a new construction and had sat vacant since it's completion for over 9 months. Maybe, just maybe the builder would be motivated to let it go without much of a fight. We went home on Wednesday, cautiously excited about the slim possibility of such a nice house. And so we prayed, and waited...

Friday afternoon we finally received the call we'd been waiting for. We had a contract on our little house. We had less than three weeks before closing and we knew exactly which house we wanted to go after. Our sermon series this month has been "Immeasurably more" focusing on how our God can, does, and loves to blow our minds with His goodness. I think this situation fits perfectly...we were asking for a house that was immeasurably more than anything we ever thought we would ever own. It was beautiful, it was spacious, but it was expensive. My mottos had become, "All they can say is 'no'" and "You have not because you ask not." Prayers in hand, we made an offer (a very low offer) on the monster house. Not only did we offer a crazy low selling price, but we asked for the builder to add a privacy fence, a fridge, and pay some of our closing costs. When we were nearly finished writing up our offer, it occurred to me that we forgot to ask for blinds. Ugh...there are lots of windows...25 to be exact. Toby sheepishly asked, "Is it too late to add blinds?" The listing agent hesitated, "I'm gonna be honest with you. You're really close to the line here." We let the blinds drop. In fact, our offer was so low that Elaine asked the listing agent, "What do you think the chances are of this going through...1 to 10?" He really, really didn't want to answer. After several stutters and lots of hesitation, he answered with a, "Um, maybe a 3 or 4." At first I was a bit disappointed, but the more I thought about it, a "3 or 4" was just more room for God to show His power...to open doors that man can't. And so we waited...

Over the weekend we prayed constantly. At one point I broke down, overwhelmed and humbled by the possibility of living in this beautiful home...the perfect home for my family to grow into. When I begged, almost in disbelief, "Can we please have this house for our low offering price?" His answer was consistent time after time..."Trust me." His words were firm. Solid enough for me to rest on.

After a long 48 hours, we finally got an answer on Sunday afternoon. They had countered. They agreed to our extras, but wanted a higher selling price. Toby and I discussed and prayed. We took in some counsel, prayed some more and slept on it. Monday morning we put in another counter offer. We met them in the middle on price and asked that they throw in blinds. They accepted. *insert Jesus' happy dance* The monster house was ours! I was lost and dizzy with shock. God had really given us this house. Really! I was amazed! When we headed over that afternoon to sign the final papers and show the house to our kids, the listing agent was as shocked as we were. He kept saying, "I've never seen this before...I can't believe they took that...I'm as shocked as anybody." A door that man couldn't open was no match for my Jesus!


We will close on both houses on February 29, but the excitement far outweighs the stress. I've collected lots of boxes and have a good jump start on packing up our stuff. At the time of this writing, we've got 12 days to go!

In hind sight, I am so grateful for our 18 month detour in the flip house. Had we moved straight from Tennessee into this big house, we would be tempted to take the credit...a successful career, the next step toward the American dream. This way, God clearly showed us that He is in control and He is the giver of good things. We never, never thought we would ever own a home of this size or caliber. In fact, "not on our radar" remember...we had marked this floorplan off during our initial search. It was simply too expensive to even entertain. We never considered it. My Jesus not only opened the door, but gave us immeasurably more than anything we deserve. We will boast in Him and share this story with all who enter our new house.

Speaking of "not on our radar"...Toby's parents have a house in California and have wanted desperately to live close to my kids. In fact, their house has been on and off the market for two years with little activity. They listed it again in September and once things started shaking in our world a month ago, Toby set forth a challenge for them...get on your face and with thanksgiving, present your request to God. We settled the contract on our new house on Monday. On Tuesday, they received an offer on theirs. Coincidence...of course not! In the last week, they have come to an agreement with their buyer and put in an offer on a house in West Mobile....in our neighborhood! MiMi and Pop will no longer be a plane ride away, on the other side of the country. They will be a red wagon ride away! We are all thrilled to live close to them, but more than that we are excited to watch God reveal His great power and His great love in their lives. They have a front row seat in an amazing adventure.

The last three weeks have been almost too much to bear. My mind is still spinning with all of the changes happening so quickly, but I know He's not through yet. We're holding on and waiting for the next big reveal!

Fimiliar territory...unfamiliar result

Those of you who have been following me from the beginning know that we are living in a little house that my sweet Jesus has turned into our home. You can read the full story here. We bought this house almost five years ago in hopes of getting rich quick. That, of course, backfired as it sat on the market sucking us dry for three, long years until finally God put us in it. It's all a crazy story. I moved in kicking and screaming, but 18 months later I've become a little attached to the place.

We live in Saraland, a little town outside of Mobile, Alabama. It's at least a 30 minute drive to get anywhere, but it's just become normal. We have grown into a rhythm and our small floor plan works well for my little ones. In fact, I assumed we'd be here at least until Toby finished school in a few years. This past Christmas we had lots of family visiting and things were cramped, but we all made due. I was caught off guard when Toby came up behind me as I was working feverishly to entertain our family and whispered, "Next Christmas we'll be in a new house." What? What are you talking about. I actually like it here now. I'm not sure I want to move yet. The idea fell away as I was still convinced we were going to be here for at least another year. After all, we'd just put in new stainless appliances and a beautiful master shower.

During the month of January our church spent 21 days in prayer and fasting. On the first Monday of this season, Toby drove down to West Mobile for an hour of prayer before driving on to work. After leaving the chapel, it took him a beautiful 15 minutes to get to work...he was thrilled. He called me that morning, excited about the day we would move to West Mobile. I dismissed the thought with an absent minded, "Yeah, that will be nice." Toby's pattern continued all week...drive to West Mobile early in the morning, prayer for the people of Mobile, short drive to work. Each day his heart broke a little more for the people of West Mobile and each evening he came home more excited about what God was teaching him and showing him.

By the second week of prayer and fasting, Toby was convinced that it was time to move to West Mobile. Not completely sold on the idea, I agreed to pray over it and be open. After a few days I began to get a little excited myself...being close to our church, our friends, and Toby's work. It was definitely appealing, but a piece of me didn't want to leave our little house that I had come to love. At the end of the second week, I came to Toby with my response, "If it were up to me, we'd stay here. However, I know that you have spent countless hours with Jesus in the last two weeks, and as the head of our household, I will trust and support whatever decision you make." He was so sweet about controlling his excitement until he knew I was on board, and so we prayed through the weekend. From there, my Jesus took over at lightning speed...

Wednesday, January 25
We met with our realtor, Elaine, to list the house. We gave her pictures of my pretty house, signed the necessary paperwork, and prayed for God to be glorified through this process.

Friday, January 27
Our little house went live on MLS for all the world to see. Now we just wait...

Sunday, January 29
NOON - Our prayer for our house changed from "let it sell quickly" to "let it sell quickly to the perfect buyer." We envisioned "perfect" as a sweet family who loved Jesus, would take good care of our home, and would love on our neighbors.

2:30pm - On my way to the car I noticed a red mustang sitting in front of the house. It was an awkward moment...I see you, you see me, do I pretend you're not there?, you're not driving away...uh... So, being the nosy person that I am, I decided to walk over and say hello. After all, if I were looking for a house, I'd love a chance to chat with the owners. Inside this shiny, red mustang was a sweet, young couple. We'll call them Ben and Kristy. They had just gotten engaged the day before and were driving around looking at houses after church. Kristy commented on our South Coast Church sign in the yard and asked about our pastor...by name. Weird. She then told me that they were actively involved with a church here in Saraland and they knew our pastor's brother, who is on staff at their church. Huh, small world. They were clearly in love with each other and my Jesus and seemed interested in seeing more of the house.

5:30pm - We got a call from Elaine. Ben and Kristy wanted to see the inside!

Tuesday, January 31
I worked until after midnight the night before...cleaning, scrubbing and straightening. God had made it clear that my job in this season was to work on selling our house and I wanted to do it to the best of my ability. Two hours before our first showing I put apples sprinkled with cinnamon in the oven and oh how they smelled delicious! At 3:50 I loaded the kids in the car and off we went. At 5:00 we drove through the neighborhood, only to find that they were still touring our home and had called Ben's dad over to see the place. Elaine told me later that the first time Kristy walked onto my back patio and saw the inscription, she was sold. Our Jesus is so good! They stayed until after 6:00 and prayed with Elaine in the front yard before going home. They promised to call the next day.
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
Toby and I checked our phones every ten minutes...willing it to ring. But Elaine didn't call. There was no word from Ben and Kristy. Honestly, I was bummed. But what are you going to do? You can't force somebody to love your house. We'd been here before. The real estate market is one of those things that we have no control over...only my Jesus does.

Another showing was scheduled for Saturday afternoon, but just a bit before their appointment the buyers cancelled. He had been called into work. The waiting continued...

Sunday, February 5
This is the two year anniversary of when God stopped us in our tracks and called us back to Mobile. A fork in the road for the rest of our days. If you haven't already, I hope you'll take a minute to read about that day here...it was amazing! We went to our Sunday service with an excitement and celebration over all that God had done in two years. We also thought it no coincidence that our house was in limbo again on this very day. He's so fun like that.

1:00pm - Elaine called and, as usual, my heart skipped a beat at the sight of her name on my caller ID. Another showing was scheduled for later that afternoon. Initially I thought it was the couple who had cancelled from the day before, but after making Elaine repeat herself three times I finally understood...it was Ben and Kristy! They wanted to see the house, "just one more time." Ahh, the excitement was crazy. Toby and I did a huge happy dance...and then promptly rushed home to pick up the toys, clothes, and dishes that were littered all over our house. Oh, and we baked some more apples...couldn't hurt. :)

6:00pm - Elaine calls again, "Where would you like to meet to discuss this offer?" NO WAY!! Jesus gave us an offer ON our two year anniversary of the fork in the road and after only one buyer and 10 days on the market! How big is He?!? He's bigger than the real estate market...that's for sure. So we met with Elaine that night, made a counter offer and went home floating in God's faithfulness.

Friday, February 10
Yes, FRIDAY! We heard nothing back all week and I was so frustrated and so anxious. Anyway, just after lunch Toby's phone finally rang. Ben had been really busy with work that week and extended another counter offer. Toby accepted it and it was done!! We had a contract!

The selling of our home is not only a blessing and answered prayer for me and Toby, but it's a beautiful blessing for Ben and Kristy and for our neighbors. We had prayed for God to give our house to someone who loves Him, someone who would continue to love on our neighbors and I know they will. Through this process my Jesus gave a sweet gift of confirmation to Kristy. During their second visit to our home, Kristy and Elaine were standing in the kitchen chatting. Kristy shared that they had set their wedding date for June and she's already picked out the flowers she would carry...white hydrangea. Elaine said, "You mean like those?" as she pointed to the fresh, cut flowers on my kitchen table. I love fresh flowers and made a special trip to Fresh Market to pick the perfect ones for my table. I debated between the hydrangea and a bouquet of mixed flowers. In the end, I remembered carrying white hydrangea in my wedding and thought that was special, so I went with them. Little did I know that my Jesus would use those same flowers as a sweet gift of love for our buyers...He cares about the little things and knows just how to speak to our hearts.

My sweet Jesus laid a move on our hearts and in a month our house was sold. We were forced to watch our house sit on the market for three, long years when we tried to sell it in our own strength and with our plan. But when God says, "Move" you better start packing! And packing we have started. Ben and Kristy want to close by the end of the month. Hooray! But wait...where are we going? We've got three weeks to find a house, close on it, pack, and move. We may be a little worried, but He's not pressed for time. I can't wait to tell you what He's got up His sleeve...

Free stuff

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this," says the Lord of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows." Malachi 3:10

Our pastor has a saying..."You can't out give God." We are here to share that that can't be more true. God has given back to us more in the past year than we have ever given Him...it's almost comical.

From the beginning of our marriage, Toby and I have committed to tithe, a tenth of our income, to the Lord. Despite our financial season, feast or famine, we have been firm in this monthly giving...and God has opened the windows of heaven!

When we moved to Tennessee in 2008, Toby surprised me with a "happy moving" present. The day we pulled into Knoxville, we stopped by the AT&T store and picked up my new iPhone. At the time, he had a company phone, but was always jealous of my toy. A few months later Toby's company took back their phones and we were left to provide our own service. Of course, Toby went straight for an iPhone, but God had told him no. For whatever reason, God didn't want him to have this toy. I'm guessing He knew how much time it would steal. Despite His warnings, Toby marched himself to the store and came home with an iPhone anyway. Well, because my Jesus has a sense of humor, Toby's new phone started malfunctioning a few weeks later. Apple's tech support was baffled, "Man, I don't know what's wrong with your phone. I've never seen that. Send it back, we'll send you another one." Toby didn't make the connection and traded his phone in. Long story short, the new phone also broke with no explanation...and so did the third. Toby finally caught on and begrudgingly settled for a "basic" phone. So, here's the good part...four days before Jake was born in July, Toby walked out on our front porch to find a box sitting there with his name on it. He brought it in, curious, opened it and was shocked at it's contents. A letter..."Dear Mr. Toby, Please accept this iPad 2..." WHAT?!??

He tore into the rest of the package...sure enough, there sat a sealed, brand new, 32 GB iPad 2. He nearly jumped out of his skin. After going back to the letter he learned that his company had mailed out a two question survey back in January. I had opened the mail that day, filled it out and sent it back without a second thought. Out of all the returned entries, company wide, worldwide, they had a drawing and Toby won the iPad! So, Jesus was testing Toby...I asked you not to buy and iPhone and to be obedient, and in this case He had something even cooler waiting in the wings! Woot woot!

Another cool gift...Toby's old boss at work was transferred to China and asked him to come to his house and help him tear down his kids' playset. The people who had bought his house were older and had no need for it. It was a nice, wooden playset...one we never would have spent the money on, but would have loved to have. Toby asked, "Well, what are you going to do with it?" "Uh, I guess we'll just haul it to the dump." Hesitantly Toby asks, "Would you mind if I just took it off your hands?" And just like that a $400 playset was headed to our house...without a dime from our pockets. And as a cherry on top, Toby noticed some railroad ties lying around the plant where he works. After inquiring about them he was told they were up for grabs. The next day he took our trailer to work, gathered up an intern, and loaded them up. Our Haley has enjoyed hours of fun on this sweet gift from Jesus.
And the gifts just keep on coming...a friend that Toby works with recently built a new house and paid an upgrade fee for stainless kitchen appliances. Once they moved in they decided they wanted something a little more upscale. The friend mentioned this to Toby in passing, so Toby inquired, "How much are you asking for the others?" After a brief chat with his wife, he came back and said, "Well, why don't you just pay us the upgrade fee that we paid when we built the house." So, for $650 our kitchen now boasts a new stainless steel dishwasher, range and microwave...and that doesn't even take into account the $240 we've received from selling some of our old appliances. Now, was there a need for new, pretty appliances? No. Do I enjoy cooking for my family on new, pretty appliances instead of the coil top stove we had before? You better believe it. Are you catching on? God doesn't always stick to our needs...sometimes He loves to throw in a bonus.

While we're on the subject of updating our little house, my shower has always grossed me out. Somewhere along the way, a previous owner decided to handicap enable it...minus the necessary skill. The panels didn't cover the sheetrock right, the grout was all but gone, the flooring didn't drain right and black mold grew everywhere. I felt like I needed shower shoes in my own home...gross. When we first moved in we talked about replacing it, but because of the poor construction we concluded that the cost of renovation outweighed the necessity, so we just lived with it. A few months ago the topic came up again with my brother-in-law who owns a marble shop in town. He came out and looked at it, "Oh yeah, we can put in a 19" tub and surround walls...no problem. It'll look good." And with that the ball started rolling. It still cost us a bit, but we got a great "family discount." His work was wonderful and instead of a sense of arrogance and entitlement I would have had if we'd replaced the shower when we moved in, now I step into my shower with a sense of extreme gratitude. And by the way, do you have any idea how deep a 19" tub is...it's glorious!

And the gifts don't stop there...we've had tons of other small "happies" land in our lap. Nearly every week for the past few weeks we've received a random check in the mail...unexpected copay refunds, gifts from old friends, a safety award from work. He is so good and so generous. But you see, He doesn't do all of this just for me or for Toby...He does it for you. Yes, you there. He wants you to know how good He is and that what He's done for me, He would love to do for you, too. There's nothing special or "super spiritual" about us. We're just ordinary people, just like you, who have decided to be obedient in all things and then stood back to watch the rain. I am firmly convinced that the more we want to know Him and the more we freely give...the more He pours out. Our blessings this year are not only financial, they're simply the most visible. Even greater blessings than these include a strengthened marriage, healthy children, financial peace, and Godly, encouraging, life giving relationships. He is so good.

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:8
Go ahead...test Him. He is always faithful and would love nothing more than to pour out blessing upon blessing on you, too. Are you ready to receive it?

The making of our miracle - Part 2

If you haven't had a chance to read the background, please take a minute to do so by clicking here. I want you to see the full scope of how amazing my God is!

Tuesday, June 28: Toby came to me this evening and mentioned that he felt like he should fast for Jake to turn. I had a similar inkling the previous Sunday, but didn't mention it to him. I agreed that would be a good idea. Obviously, being nine months pregnant, fasting food was not wise for me, but after some prayer Jesus led me to fast Facebook. It seems silly, I know, but instead of absent-mindedly reading other people's posts throughout the day, I would use that time to pray for my son. For Toby, the idea was similar. Instead of snacking throughout the day or taking a lunch break, he took that time to pray and read scripture. I had been on a roller coaster emotionally and spiritually, so for those days I clung to this scripture, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting." Matt 17:20-21 Being days away from my due date and my son had made little effort to turn head down, I felt this to be a mountain. And so we fasted and prayed for Tuesday and Wednesday and by Wednesday evening, God had broken through.

As Toby and I laid in the bed Wednesday night, we were praying for Jake as usual but Toby threw in a new twist..."God we will submit to Your will. We will trust You, even if this delivery doesn't turn out like we want." In the natural, I agreed, not wanting to explain my heart to Toby. In my spirit, I was angry. NOOO, THIS is what we have prayed for. I will not entertain an alternative. I will not allow those words, spoken aloud, to damage my faith! Despite my anger, I had to entertain the idea...What if God's will is different than mine? How could that be? Why wouldn't He want me to deliver my children naturally? I don't want to be angry with God on the other side of this birth.

Tuesday, July 5, 11:51pm: I woke up with a strong pain in my pelvis. I was convinced that Jake had finally settled down in my pelvis. The way he had been laying the past few weeks had given me so much hope in that he had not settled down into my pelvis yet, so he was still free to turn. Now, that hope was gone. I got up and went to the restroom and came back to bed and did my hang upside down exercises in hopes of getting him back out. After 4 or 5 minutes I gave up and laid back down. A few minutes later, it was back...sharp pressure. C'mon Jake, please move so I can go back to sleep. After about a minute it went away and I started to get comfortable again. Wait! Could it be? Uhhh...I don't know!?! I never went into labor with Haley, so I had never experienced contractions with her. Is this it? The last two "pains" had been about 10 minutes apart, so I laid there and waited. I didn't want to wake up Toby yet out of fear of panic on his end and false alarm on mine. So I pulled up my Contraction Master app on my iPhone (crazy, I know) and waited. About 10 minutes later, there it was again. I took deep breaths through it for about a minute until it passed. While the contractions were intense, they didn't hurt. It was a crazy feeling. I knew this was it, but it was nothing like Hollywood portrays natural childbirth. We had researched and prayed about this experience...we were believing for a pain free labor and at this point it seemed like we were getting it!

After an hour of this my contractions were about 8-9 minutes apart and lasting about 60 seconds each. This was it, it was time to wake up Toby. My midwife, Cindy, told me that if I were to go into labor and I knew Jake hadn't turned, that I shouldn't labor at home, but go ahead and come in to the hospital. So I woke up Toby and we agreed it was time to call Cindy. I explained where we were and her words are still with me..."I'm so sorry, Carey." I knew exactly what she meant. I was going to have a c-section despite all of my desperate prayers and efforts. Delivering a breech baby vaginally with a previous c-section was risky. As much as I hated the idea, a section would be safer. After I got off the phone with Cindy, I mourned my dream for a few minutes with Toby until my sweet Jesus gave me peace in my heart about it and allowed me to focus on the task at hand. It was time to gather our things, head to the hospital and meet our son!

We checked into the hospital at exactly 3am. They got me settled and hooked up to monitors and then Cindy walked in the room with an unexpected excitement. She said, "Ok, here's what we're going to do. We're going to prep you for the section, anesthesia and all, and then we'll see if the OB will do a version (manually turn him) in the operating room. If he turns, you can delivery him, if not then you'll be ready for the c-section." It sounded good to me. From what I could tell we didn't have anything to loose. Before she left, Cindy checked me and I was 4cm dilated, after only 3 hours of contractions. To be honest, I was a bit proud of that progress. From that point forward my contractions got dramatically closer together. Within an hour they were coming about a minute apart and getting even stronger. The amazing this is, they were completely bearable. They were strong and required my full attention, but I wouldn't describe them as painful. Cindy returned a bit later. Her excitement a little deflated..."He won't do it." And with that, my last hope was gone. We were headed to the operating room.

As I sat on the side of the table receiving my anesthesia, the reality came crashing down. For the brief moment I was allowed to look at Toby, all I could verbalize was, "I don't want this. It wasn't suppose to go like this." Toby was then instructed to sit on the other side of the room, out of my line of vision. Tears began to fall but I fought my grief to be deadly still as they were putting needles in my back. However, my tears hitting the floor concerned my nurse and anesthesiologist and they started to panic, "What's the matter? What's wrong? What hurts?" I couldn't speak. At this point my sweet Cindy was able to step in and explain, "most of it's just disappointment." Her presence in the operating room was a sweet gift from my Jesus.

The surgery began and before long one of the nurses told Toby, "You may want to stand up and look if you want to see them pull him out." She continued, "Remember, he's breech so they'll pull out his bottom first." Toby stood and peered over the drape blocking my view. He watched as they pulled him from my womb. At 5:02am, the surgeon pulled him up by his hips. His head and abdomen hanging down to reveal his cord wrapped, not once, but twice around his tiny neck. Toby asked the surgeon in disbelief, "Was his cord around his neck?" The surgeon quickly dismissed his question, waving his hand as if to say "Don't say that where she can hear you. It will upset her." I vaguely heard the question, but it took a few seconds for those words to sink in. I turned to Toby and said, "Was his cord around his neck?!?" His words were so gentle, "Yeah, it was." At that moment, we heard our tiny son release his first cry. It was absolutely the sweetest sound I had ever heard! In a moment, Abba revealed why He hadn't granted my plea. If Jake had turned head down in my womb, his wrapped cord and the demands of a vaginal labor would have likely choked him to death. To think that we could have so easily lost him...it was enough to do me in. I lost it there on the operating table. The reality was sinking in and my emotions overcame me...thanksgiving pouring out. The anger that I expected was nowhere to be found. I had nothing but shear awe and gratitude that my Jesus did not grant my prayers. Again, Cindy was a wonderful gift in being able to verbalize my emotional breakdown to the medical team.

Jake was examined, wrapped up, and brought to me for my first glance and snuggle. He was perfect. The most beautiful baby boy I'd ever seen. They finished my surgery and wheeled me into recovery. Cindy had taken charge of Jake so he was able to stay in the operating room with me and was allowed to go to the recovery room before making a trip to the nursery. I was able to nurse him there and he did beautifully...an answered prayer.

Hours before I went into labor, Toby pulled our prayer requests off the bathroom mirror. I had written them up weeks earlier and posted them in our bathroom and at my kitchen sink. These are the things we were asking God for:
Jake to be delivered on or before his due date, July 8 - He arrived on July 6.

Jake to turn head down, face down soon and stay down - I did everything in my power to make this happen, but my Jesus knew better.

Labor to begin on its own and to be as pain free as possible - My body began contracting at home and while they were strong, my contractions were not painful.

To know when to go to the hospital - Our phone call to Cindy was all the prompting we needed. We were able to take our time gathering the rest of our things, and have a light-hearted time as we headed to the hospital. We even joked with each other about the amount of stuff we hauled inside. We looked like we were ready for a European vacation.

Little to no medical interventions, including pain medication, episiodomy, c-section and pitocin - I had to surrender this one.

No complications concerning:
Carey's blood pressure - I had preeclamsia with Haley, but my BP stayed perfectly stable the entire time I was in the hospital.

Carey's asthma - There were no problems or concerns with this.

Jake's position or size - My perfect baby boy was 6 lb, 3 oz at birth.

Jake's heart rate - This is a common indicator of problems during a VBAC delivery. Since we didn't VBAC, it wasn't a major factor, but he was deemed healthy from the start.

Jake's breathing - There were no problems or concerns with this.

Uterine rupture - This is the major risk involved with a VBAC. My fear in multiple c-sections was excessive scar tissue from previous sections limiting the number of pregnancies I could carry. Just after this surgery began, the surgeon volunteered, "Wow, you have very little scar tissue." That knowledge was a sweet bonus from my Jesus.

No tearing or stitches needed - With the c-section, this became obsolete.

Jake to breastfeed quickly and easily - Thanks to Cindy, he was able to nurse during recovery, and he did wonderfully. He's done great ever since.

Carey to recover quickly with no postpartum complications - While a section recovery is always difficult, this one has been dramatically easier than Haley's recovery. Not only have I had no complications, but we were able to leave the hospital a day early.

Toby to have confidence and wisdom in all decision making - Toby was a rock through the entire process. Beginning when I woke him after my first hour of labor, he never panicked. He remained calm and light-hearted at all times and was always a rock for me.

So you see, outside of the c-section, Abba answered every one of my requests. Some even beyond what I had hoped for.

Cindy had mentioned weeks before that there were two possibilities for Jake not turning. First, a short cord, which turned out to be the case. Most of his cord was wrapped around his neck. Second, the possibility of a "heart shaped uterus." If Jake had grown up into one side, there would be a septum in the middle preventing him from turning. Because I now had carried two breech babies, Cindy asked the surgeon to look for this. After delivering Jake, the surgeon examined my uterus and concluded that I, indeed, had a bicornuate uterus, even though the OB who delivered Haley noted that it was "normal." Cindy informed me later that if a baby were to implant on the small side, it likely wouldn't survive...the baby wouldn't have enough room to grow and I would have a stillborn, possibly never knowing the cause. As I just googled this word "bicornuate" for its spelling, I stumbled on my first piece of research. It states, "Several studies show that women with a bicornuate uterus have about a 60% success rate in delivering a living child." I have carried to full term and delivered TWO perfectly healthy babies! With the exception of breech presentation, these babies had zero complications either inside or outside the womb. All praise to my God for the life of these children! Yes, He is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord who heals!

"Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
A few short weeks ago, I thought the desire of my heart was to experience a pain free, supernatural childbirth. My sweet Jesus knows me better. He knew that the desire of my heart was for Him to be glorified and for me to bring home a perfect, healthy baby boy.

A few weeks before Jake was born I had a few quiet moments with my Jesus. He said, "I know this man. He will do great things for me." His use of the word "man" caught me off guard. Jake wasn't a man. He was a baby. A "boy" at most, but Abba saw him as a man. "'For I know the plans that I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.'" Jeremiah 29:11 So you see, Abba already has plans for my son...beginning with the day he was born. He will be able to go through his life knowing that God saved his life on day 1. His life has a purpose. I'm just honored to be able to watch it all play out.

At the end of the day, I did not get to experience the supernatural birth I so desperately wanted. About a week before he was born, I surrendered in the quiet places of my spirit, I will trust you. I didn't dare say it outloud, but it was enough to save my son. Thank you Jesus, for knowing what is best for me, better than I do. Thank you for seeing the bigger picture when my vision gets so narrow. Thank you for protecting my son and for the gift that he and Haley are. Their simple existence is proof enough that YOU ARE GOD!!

The making of our miracle - Part 1

From our early dating days in high school, Toby and I knew we wanted to have a big family. In my mind's eye, our children would be about 2 years apart. When Haley was a bit over a year old the window came and went for our next baby to be conceived. God stopped us in our tracks and moved us to Mobile where we were finally in a position to start trying for another baby. In the early morning hours of Toby's birthday, we were thrilled to learn that sweet Jake was on his way. This would put him just under three years behind Haley...good enough for me!

Haley was delivered by C-section due to her breech position and my preeclamsia. The recovery from that experience was horrific and I wanted to do everything in my power to avoid it this time. I started doing research on VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean) and concluded that I was a great candidate. We discussed this at length with my OB during our first prenatal visit, and compromised that I could try for a VBAC as long as I did so under her terms - no laboring at home, immediate epidural upon my arrival at the hospital, and constant internal fetal monitoring. At the time I had hoped for a natural delivery. My OB said that was out of the question, and since I didn't know much about the VBAC world and its risks, I agreed.

Despite some minor setbacks on my end, the pregnancy moved forward with no problems. I began to research and speak with other moms about the possibility of VBAC and my understanding began to change. Not only was a natural VBAC a reasonable option, it was the best option for me. I took a trip back to Tennessee to visit some friends and had a long, God-ordained, chat with Candice, a seasoned mom. She had a c-section and 3 successful VBACs 15 years ago! Each VBAC delivery had been different regarding the level of medical intervention, and the last one was natural. She stated that without a doubt, it was the best experience. My heart began to get heavy over this issue and when I brought it up again with my OB, she had nothing but scare tactics to say to me. With Candice's experiences in the back of my mind, I eventually worked up the courage to look for another OB.

God put several women in my path that led me to a midwife who had performed many successful VBACs recently, one being a good friend from my MOPS group. The idea of a midwife was new to me and a little scary, but since I had zero luck finding another OB who would willingly consider a natural VBAC, I thought she was my best bet. This midwife, Cindy, came highly recommended by two moms who had used her. They boasted that she will pray for you and read scripture over you as you labor. I was blown away...I had to meet her! So, at 30 weeks we changed care providers and started down an eventful path.

About this time, a friend introduced me to a book called Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize. It was a fast read and I devoured it in three days. It tells the story of a mom who had been told she would not be able to conceive or carry a child. Her husband challenged the doctor's diagnosis and believed in faith that they would have biological children. God gave them four babies. The last three were born without pain medication and without pain. The idea seemed crazy to me, but something in my spirit was interested.

Within days of reading this book, an old friend came back into my life. Mindy and I waited tables together in college, and with the exception of one email several years ago, I hadn't spoken to her in seven years. In that one random email, she briefly mentioned that she had delivered her daughter naturally and without pain. She and her husband had believed God for this gift and He had granted it to them. At the time I had no idea what to make it this, so I thought it weird and forgot about it. But now in the wake of reading this book, I was curious about her experience. I contacted her and we set up a phone date where she shared her experiences and how God had indeed given her two babies without pain medication and without pain. Granted there were a few hiccups along the way, but none the less, God had been glorified in her deliveries!

After Toby and I had read the book and I had talked with Mindy, we started praying about this crazy idea of pain free natural childbirth. The more time went on, the more convinced I was that this was a miracle for me. If He could do it for Jackie and He could do it for Mindy, then He could do it for me! I could deliver my son naturally and without pain. My excitement grew with each passing day and I couldn't wait to experience the incredible miracle I had been praying for!

We continued to research natural childbirth with the understanding that knowledge is a great deterrent of fear. And fear is the root of most pain. The more we knew about this process and what to expect, the less we would be afraid of it, so we jumped in with both feet. We meet with the childbirth educator at another local hospital and had two private classes related to natural childbirth and VBACs. This time was such a gift. Not only did God give me another supportive person in Jaime, but she educated us on the physical aspects of how a pain free delivery was medically possible and a reasonable expectation. She explained how the human body produces its own pain killers, stronger than anything cooked up in a vile, and how to use the birth process in your favor to eliminate pain and stress. This was the missing link we wanted. Jackie's book was awesome in teaching us about the spiritual aspect of childbirth, but Jaime tied it together and confirmed our hopes with physical, medical information.

As part of our preparation for our supernatural birth, I spent hours in the Word studying scriptures on pain, fear, miracles, children, childbirth...anything that might relate. I wrote them out with the plan of Toby reading these scriptures over me during labor. I compiled a playlist of praise and worship songs to keep me focused on my Abba's great love and power. We bought portable speakers to hook up to my iPhone to play our music and packed a bag of things we would need during labor.

Our first few check ups with our new midwife, Cindy, were routine. The only concern was that my baby boy was breech. Remember, Haley was breech also, and knowing how rare breech presentation is, I thought it highly unlikely to end up in that boat again by the time we made it to 40 weeks. We discussed the option of a version, manually turning him by pushing on my belly. However, this option was quickly ruled out due to my previous c-section. The risk of my previous incision rupturing was too great, so we dismissed that option.

At 36 weeks, Jake was still breech. I was heartbroken, to say the least. Almost one month before he arrived, I poured out my heart to you and so many of you were gracious enough to pray for us and share encouraging words. I just knew he was going to turn! Our childbirth educator, Jaime, told us that 10% of babies are breech at 35 weeks and only 3% were still breech at 40 weeks. We heard many stories of babies turning during week 39 or even at the last minute, while being prepped for a c-section. I clung to these statistics.

I did everything in my power to help our baby turn. I did my funky, stand on my head exercises. I spent hours on end in the pool, both my sister's legitimate underground pool and our backyard blow up pool. Cindy referred me to a chiropractor who also shared encouraging statistics. The Webster's technique that they used had an 80% success rate and this specific practice boasted a great statistic of only two babies in ten years not turning. That was enough to encourage me to make the 90 minute round trip drive several times each week. Chiropractic medicine was completely new and foreign to me, but God granted me yet another beautiful lover of Jesus for my support team. Dr. Renee was not only kind and encouraging, but she had actually had a supernatural delivery herself! I was amazed at the people God was putting in my path. I was confident God was going to grant me this miracle. My son was going to turn, likely at the last minute, and then He would give me an amazing, pain free childbirth. I couldn't wait to boast His glory!

In the weeks before his delivery, the knowledge of Jake being breech became all consuming. In the stillness of the night, I would convince myself that he was turning and God had awakened me just in time to witness it. I would lie awake for hours before allowing myself to go back to sleep. But morning after morning, I would wake with his head just under my rib cage. I had so many people praying for our miracle and so many encouraging notes and chats. I was on a roller coaster. Some days I was 100% convinced that this was going to happen. I mean, this is how God designed my body to work...why wouldn't He grant it? That had to be His will...natural delivery. Right? Then I would have days of doubt. Depression would sneak in. What if He didn't grant me this prayer? Why wouldn't He? What does that say about Him? Would He withhold this miracle because of my doubts? Would I be able to trust Him afterwards if He didn't give it to me? All of these thoughts constantly plagued my mind, but I didn't dare speak them aloud out of fear those words would damage my faith. And so the roller coaster continued...

During one of those late nights I had just awakened from a dream. In this dream, I saw Jake in my womb...with his cord around his neck. It was clear that this is why he hadn't turned. Turning would tighten his cord and choke him. I woke up in terror! Was this a warning from Abba or was this a threat from Satan? I laid awake for hours debating what to make of this. When sweet Toby woke up to check on me, I shared my dream with him. We agreed that it was a scare tactic from Satan because we were being so aggressive in believing for our miracle. After all, fear doesn't come from my Jesus.

A few days later, Haley and I were running errands and the child who never naps passed out in her car seat. I randomly drove around town and waited in the Wal-Mart parking lot until she woke up. It was now too late to do my shopping so we headed home. During our short drive, I asked her our routine questions...Did you sleep well? Did you have good dreams? But this particular conversation took a different direction...
"Hey sweet girl. Did you have good dreams? What did you dream about."
"Yeah. You, Mommy."
"You dreamed about me? What was I doing?" I was flattered.
Mumble, mumble, mumble...something about Jesus.
"Jesus was there, too?"
"Yeah, He was."
"What were we doing?"
"Jesus was helping you sleep. Jesus is really sweet, Mommy."
I didn't know what to say. Then I heard just as clearly as if Haley were still speaking...I hear your prayers, Carey. And I hear your prayers for baby Jake, too. You have to trust me. You should know that one of the things I pray over Haley nearly every night is that Jesus will come to her in her sleep. That she will know His face and recognize His voice. I pray these things in my spirit as I check on her before we climb into bed and am not sure I had even told Toby about it. But now I knew, they had been answered. This was real...how else would Haley have known I'd been having trouble sleeping?

On several visits Cindy would push on Jake and he would shift a bit. She would say, "I feel like he'd go if we just encouraged him." But then she'd pull her hands back, "but I just can't. I'm not sure why, but I just can't." She explained that there were two reasons why he may not be turning. One, his cord is too short to allow for the shift, but there would be no way to see that on an ultrasound. Or two, my uterus was heart shaped with two chambers at the top and he was stuck in one of the chambers. Even so, I clung to my prayers and I begged all the more for my miracle. My God could overcome either of those obstacles.

As Jake's due date closed in, my emotions went up and down. My faith was strong one day and weak the next. All I knew was that I had poured my heart out for this miracle, for Jake to turn head down and to have a pain free delivery. I was convinced that he wouldn't turn until he was ready to come out. He's going to flip and I will immediately go into labor. I will have one of those amazing, last minute stories. Or would I?