My, my blogger friends...so much to update you on and my apologies for my delay in keeping you all up to speed. Toby and I are rocking along and are thrilled about the path God has put us on. Our lives are full.
Let's take it back a few...years...When we moved back to Alabama from Tennessee, we knew that God had called Toby to go back to school to earn his theology degree and that He wanted us to "work in a church." That was about all the guidance we were given at the time, so we worked at it as best we could. After four or five months, God led us to South Coast Church...the perfect family of believers for our little family. The relationships, encouragement and purpose we have found there are incredible and could only be ordained by sweet Abba's plan. When we first moved back to Mobile we were looking for a pastor job, looking for someone to give us authority. After all, God did say He wanted us to work in a church, so we did everything in our power to make that happen...including cold calling random churches on a Google search asking for a job. While we did get some interesting responses, there was nothing down that road but closed doors. Once we surrendered that our plan wasn't getting us anywhere, a new verse became our focus:
"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 14:11
So, when we landed at South Coast we decided to do it God's way...novel idea. We decided not to pursue a "job" or even a position of influence, but to sit back and let God open doors for us. The church was meeting in an elementary school gym at the time and we started helping wherever we could. We showed up for set up on Saturday nights and cleaned toilets, set out chairs, and scraped goo off the gym floor. After a while, our pastor John asked Toby if he would help collect the offering. Later they asked me to man the first time visitor table, then they asked Toby to help count the offering and eventually to present the welcome chat before the sermon. We never once asked for authority, but actively chose to take the position of servant. We kept our eyes open for any opportunity to help...to take the trash out, to tear down the service on Sunday afternoons, to help with the kids during meetings. And wouldn't you know, God's way works. Over time, Toby and I were asked to take on more and more responsibility and we found such great purpose and thrill in being able to serve in that way. Eventually, we were asked to coordinate the small groups for the church and we have LOVED it. We love getting to know people, calling people into leadership and seeing them stretch themselves beyond what they think they are capable of. We love watching people's lives change. We have seen people exposed to the truth of who God is, some for the first time, have their entire perspective on life shift, and then immediately bring their friends and family to hear the good news. We have been so honored to serve the Lord and the family of South Coast Church.
Most recently we have been given even greater assignments. In the fall of 2012 our pastors, and dear friends, came to have dinner with us one night. We had no idea that would change it all for us. Before they left for the evening, we had been prompted with the next step on our journey. Over the following months, Toby accepted the position of Executive Pastor and was ordained by the church, and I began serving as the church accountant. Keep in mind that Toby is also still working a full time job as an engineer, but our paths and direction were made so clear at this crossroad. God had used nearly 10 years of education, training and experience to prepare us for this next step. Toby has received countless hours of training and experience in running large organizations, developing and growing teams, teaching leadership skills, and motivating others...all necessary skills for an executive pastor. I was a CPA before I chose to stay home when Haley was born. Now all of the skills I learned in bookkeeping, auditing, and management are coming into play for His Kingdom.
We are thrilled to work together for the advancement of the Kingdom of God and are so humbled and honored to walk the path that God has spent years preparing for us. And just so you know, Toby has no plans to leave his engineering job in the near future and only lacks his thesis on his Master's Degree. We are trusting God to provide all that we need (including time management) and are following His guidance one day at a time.
So what about the kids? Our sweet babies, Haley (4) and Jake (1) have always been home with me. It is a gift I will treasure for all of my days. In this season where I am easing back into the "working" world, Abba has been so, so good to all of us. My work schedule is incredibly flexible, and I am free to work whenever I can. God has provided the world's greatest nanny to love on my kids at home two days a week. She adores them, they adore her, they play outside, and go for walks. She even does some laundry and dishes. She is a God-send...literally! This season has been a good transition for the summer when they will both attend a Moms Day Out program three days a week. Haley is thrilled, and I know they will do great. Haley starts big kid school in August. I had to lay down my homeschool world and surrender that God knows me and my family better than I do, and He has led us to the most amazing school. There is still no news to report on the adoption, but thank you to all of you who have prayed and asked about it.
So that's the latest and greatest on our family and for now, here's a little peak into our world...
The Locklar Family | A Day In The Life from Hampton Road Studios on Vimeo.
Thank you to Matt and Ashley Hampton at Hampton Road Studios for capturing this season of our lives so beautifully. This video will be a treasure to me forever!
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Overwhelmed by His great love
We watched the Passion of the Christ movie this past weekend for the first time in years. If you've never seen it, I would strongly urge you to watch it this weekend. It simply makes Jesus' gift so much more tangible.
So often, we tend to romanticize the cross - a clean, muscular Jesus in a spotless white cloth hanging on the cross. This poor representation is so far from the truth. Scripture tells us that they hated Jesus. The torture He endured was far beyond what was necessary for any criminal and beyond what any human could endure alone. I admit that I've had the thought run through my mind over the years, "So, He died. Everybody dies. Ok, He was tortured. Well, soldiers have been tortured for centuries. What's the big deal?" I think the big deal is that He never once opened His mouth. Our human nature is to defend ourselves, but He didn't fight back, He didn't argue about who He was. No amount of words would have persuaded the crowd in His favor. He spent three years telling the people and showing the people who He was. No words, or anger, or fighting would have changed anything on that day. He had told the disciples that no one would take His life from Him. Instead, He would chose to lay it down. This is the image that is so vivid in my mind from the movie. After all of the torture He endured, something our middle class America can not even fathom, He chose to allow these events to take place. He willingly, with all of the strength He had left to muster, crawled onto the cross under His own free will. At this point in the movie, I was thinking, "There's no way any one human could have strength to take another step. Surely, the Roman soldiers will pick Him up and hurl Him onto the cross." They never did. He crawled on His own.
Why did He do this? The whole thing seems so senseless.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
There is so much packed into that one passage of scripture:
Endurance. Jesus not only endured the cross, but He volunteered for it. He endured more than any one human could ever carry, yet He didn't utter a single word in rebellion and He willingly and literally laid His life down.
Joy. Way back in the garden, Abba enjoyed sweet company with Adam and Eve. He laughed with them, He talked with them, He poured out all blessings on them. It is the relationship He intended for us to have. When sin entered the world, He "lost" us in a way. That free communion wasn't there anymore. He was separated from the ones He loves most! Jesus knew that on the other side of the cross, HE WAS GOING TO GET US BACK!! We are the joy that was set before Him. We are the reason He endured the cross. He loves us so much that He willingly endured the suffering for the sole purpose of bringing us back to a perfect relationship with Him! Don't you see? He loves YOU more than life itself. He gave everything He had to give in order to make a way for you to come to Him. He wants nothing more than to love you and pour out good things on you, just like a good Daddy. Leave the past behind, and please let Him love you!
Founder and Perfecter of our faith. He set the example for us. He showed us what it means to love those that hate you, to pray for those who persecute you. And He did it all with grace and love. Because He suffered the way He did, I can fight a little bit harder in my battle. The same strength that sustained Jesus through the cross, is in me now and I have the power to run my race with endurance - I can push a little bit harder!! All of heaven is watching as we go through this world. They are cheering us on with more passion than the Super Bowl. They want us to succeed! They want us to receive Christ's riches blessings! They want us to fight with everything we have, just like Jesus did! And they know the reward that is waiting for us on the other side. For Jesus, His reward is to be seated at the right hand of the Father and to be restored to the people that He loves. For us, we can receive His great healing, forgiveness, peace and FREEDOM for the rest of our days. As a bonus, we get to live with Him forever in perfect, amazing celebration! Now, THAT is worth fighting for!!
So what does it mean to "fight for Jesus," to "run my race"? For me, it means I can give up 20 minutes of sleep in the morning, even when I'm already running low, to allow Him to fill me and start my day off fresh. It means that I can speak calmly and lovingly to my children, even when I want to scream at them and send them out of my sight. It means I can make the hard choices to obey His instructions, even when the rest of the world thinks it's crazy. It means I can trust His leading and be obedient, even when it looks scary or inconvenient.
"Everything you do - do for the glory of God." Colossians 3:17
If I am going to do anything, I should do it with everything I have - I should do it with great excellence. Jesus never slacked off or gave less than His everything. If my words and actions reflect Him (and they do since I give myself the label of "Christ follower") then I should conduct myself as He did - with excellence. Whether it be cleaning my house, working at my job, loving on my kids and my husband, encouraging a friend, setting up for Sunday morning at church, teaching a lesson about Jesus - ANYTHING - Not only should I give it everything I have because it brings Him glory, but I have the power to do that. The spirit that sustained Jesus through His 33 years and His time on the cross sustains me too.
"Truly, truly I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father." John 14:12
Oh sweet Jesus, it is all too much to bear. I want so badly to reflect You well to a lost world. I want them to know who You are and the great love You have for them. To think that Your love for me propelled You through the cross is far beyond what I can comprehend. Thank you that you allowed them to kill you, but that didn't stop you from your ultimate goal - YOU CONQUERED DEATH, so that all men may know that You are God!! Just as You freely laid Your life down, You have the power to take it back up again! Because of this, You are worthy of all praise, worthy of all honor and glory. You are trustworthy and You are faithful. You are the King of Kings and greatly will You be praised!! Thank you for loving me, for choosing me, for wanting to use me. Of all the assignments and accomplishments You will give me during my days here, I want "Jesus follower" to be the greatest title I carry.
So often, we tend to romanticize the cross - a clean, muscular Jesus in a spotless white cloth hanging on the cross. This poor representation is so far from the truth. Scripture tells us that they hated Jesus. The torture He endured was far beyond what was necessary for any criminal and beyond what any human could endure alone. I admit that I've had the thought run through my mind over the years, "So, He died. Everybody dies. Ok, He was tortured. Well, soldiers have been tortured for centuries. What's the big deal?" I think the big deal is that He never once opened His mouth. Our human nature is to defend ourselves, but He didn't fight back, He didn't argue about who He was. No amount of words would have persuaded the crowd in His favor. He spent three years telling the people and showing the people who He was. No words, or anger, or fighting would have changed anything on that day. He had told the disciples that no one would take His life from Him. Instead, He would chose to lay it down. This is the image that is so vivid in my mind from the movie. After all of the torture He endured, something our middle class America can not even fathom, He chose to allow these events to take place. He willingly, with all of the strength He had left to muster, crawled onto the cross under His own free will. At this point in the movie, I was thinking, "There's no way any one human could have strength to take another step. Surely, the Roman soldiers will pick Him up and hurl Him onto the cross." They never did. He crawled on His own.
Why did He do this? The whole thing seems so senseless.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the JOY that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
There is so much packed into that one passage of scripture:
Endurance. Jesus not only endured the cross, but He volunteered for it. He endured more than any one human could ever carry, yet He didn't utter a single word in rebellion and He willingly and literally laid His life down.
Joy. Way back in the garden, Abba enjoyed sweet company with Adam and Eve. He laughed with them, He talked with them, He poured out all blessings on them. It is the relationship He intended for us to have. When sin entered the world, He "lost" us in a way. That free communion wasn't there anymore. He was separated from the ones He loves most! Jesus knew that on the other side of the cross, HE WAS GOING TO GET US BACK!! We are the joy that was set before Him. We are the reason He endured the cross. He loves us so much that He willingly endured the suffering for the sole purpose of bringing us back to a perfect relationship with Him! Don't you see? He loves YOU more than life itself. He gave everything He had to give in order to make a way for you to come to Him. He wants nothing more than to love you and pour out good things on you, just like a good Daddy. Leave the past behind, and please let Him love you!
Founder and Perfecter of our faith. He set the example for us. He showed us what it means to love those that hate you, to pray for those who persecute you. And He did it all with grace and love. Because He suffered the way He did, I can fight a little bit harder in my battle. The same strength that sustained Jesus through the cross, is in me now and I have the power to run my race with endurance - I can push a little bit harder!! All of heaven is watching as we go through this world. They are cheering us on with more passion than the Super Bowl. They want us to succeed! They want us to receive Christ's riches blessings! They want us to fight with everything we have, just like Jesus did! And they know the reward that is waiting for us on the other side. For Jesus, His reward is to be seated at the right hand of the Father and to be restored to the people that He loves. For us, we can receive His great healing, forgiveness, peace and FREEDOM for the rest of our days. As a bonus, we get to live with Him forever in perfect, amazing celebration! Now, THAT is worth fighting for!!
So what does it mean to "fight for Jesus," to "run my race"? For me, it means I can give up 20 minutes of sleep in the morning, even when I'm already running low, to allow Him to fill me and start my day off fresh. It means that I can speak calmly and lovingly to my children, even when I want to scream at them and send them out of my sight. It means I can make the hard choices to obey His instructions, even when the rest of the world thinks it's crazy. It means I can trust His leading and be obedient, even when it looks scary or inconvenient.
"Everything you do - do for the glory of God." Colossians 3:17
If I am going to do anything, I should do it with everything I have - I should do it with great excellence. Jesus never slacked off or gave less than His everything. If my words and actions reflect Him (and they do since I give myself the label of "Christ follower") then I should conduct myself as He did - with excellence. Whether it be cleaning my house, working at my job, loving on my kids and my husband, encouraging a friend, setting up for Sunday morning at church, teaching a lesson about Jesus - ANYTHING - Not only should I give it everything I have because it brings Him glory, but I have the power to do that. The spirit that sustained Jesus through His 33 years and His time on the cross sustains me too.
"Truly, truly I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father." John 14:12
Oh sweet Jesus, it is all too much to bear. I want so badly to reflect You well to a lost world. I want them to know who You are and the great love You have for them. To think that Your love for me propelled You through the cross is far beyond what I can comprehend. Thank you that you allowed them to kill you, but that didn't stop you from your ultimate goal - YOU CONQUERED DEATH, so that all men may know that You are God!! Just as You freely laid Your life down, You have the power to take it back up again! Because of this, You are worthy of all praise, worthy of all honor and glory. You are trustworthy and You are faithful. You are the King of Kings and greatly will You be praised!! Thank you for loving me, for choosing me, for wanting to use me. Of all the assignments and accomplishments You will give me during my days here, I want "Jesus follower" to be the greatest title I carry.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
A far away dream comes near
As long as Toby and I have been together...all the way back to high school, we've dreamed about one day adopting a baby. For me, that's just what it's been...a dream. I've always thought that someday it would be nice to entertain that idea, but for now it still seemed pretty far off. Toby, however, was on another page. A few weeks after Jake was born in July, Toby said, "I think we should adopt our next one." Hmm. We both want to have a big family, but I was fresh off of new baby hormones and not so interested in the idea. I gave him a half-hearted response, "Huh. Sure. Let's talk about it later." And with that the idea of adoption stayed a far away dream.
As the months wore on, Toby was relentless. Every few weeks he would bring up the idea, and when it came up again at the first of the year we were in the throws of selling, buying and moving. Again I brushed him off, "Let's get moved and settled before we launch into another life altering process." So, here we are. We've moved. We're settled. I'm out of excuses...and it came up again. Finally, I agreed to start praying about it. I asked Abba that if adopting a child was really in His plan for our near future then to change my heart and confirm this path. Wouldn't you know, He did just that. As I prayed over this for a few weeks I became more and more certain that this was something we should investigate. Adoption was suddenly in my face everywhere I turned. I got a call out of the blue from a Tennessee friend. They were in the middle of the adoption process and wanted some advice and prayer. On a rare date night out, Toby and I ended up at the movie theater watching October Baby. (Shameless plug - If you haven't seen October Baby, you need, need to see it. It has such great perspective and healing from so many angles. End shameless plug.) Toby and I had endless conversations about the idea and within a matter of weeks adoption went from a "nice idea for later" to me identifying a hole in my heart. Through these weeks of prayer I have become convinced that my baby is out there and I am not whole because he is not home with me. The best way to describe it is that I miss him. One of my babies is missing. Abba has His protective hand on my baby boy until we are able to meet him and bring him home. You see, this isn't about doing some good charity deed. In my heart I know that we are searching for this one child that has been earmarked for our family. I'm already attached to this baby I've never even met.
I suppose Toby's passion for our adoption started years ago. God gave him a vision and in it he saw he and I walking away. I was holding his hand and in his other hand was a two year old little boy. We know that Jake is not the boy he saw. During my weeks of prayer and searching I had a similar vision during worship at church one weekend. I saw my Jesus holding the sweet hand of my little boy. He was about two years old at the time and had the most adorable little face. His eyes were bursting with joy and the sight of him was so real that I felt like I could reach out and touch him. That was my baby. I just know it. Also during this time I was reading through my Bible and a name jumped off the page at me. It stayed in my head for days and I couldn't get away from it. It was my little boy's name. The name Abba gave him means "chance" and "fortunate." Rather fitting, I thought.
Now it's just a matter of following God's leading to the path that will take us to our son. We have contacted several different adoption avenues in Mobile and decided on Children of the World out of Fairhope, Alabama. We had our first lengthy visit with our social worker this past week and are so thrilled to be working with them. The people of this agency truly love the Lord and they love their jobs. They are deeply compassionate and caring people. We have received glowing references and love that they take their birthmothers under their wing and minister to them before and after the adoption. We are now working on our final application for the State of Alabama and are gathering lots of paperwork in preparation for our home study.
A few months back, before I began entertaining the idea of adoption, Jesus gave me specific instructions one Sunday morning. Our pastor was preaching a series on miracles and as he got started that morning, I found myself thinking, "We've seen so many miracles. I wonder where we're going next." Immediately Jesus responded to my spirit, "Adoption. I want you to start the process even before you have the funds sitting in the bank." Hmm...seemed random at the time. So we recognize that adoption is not only a great emotional investment, but it will require a great financial investment as well. In light of this, my Jesus graciously showed me where some of these funds will come from during a 4am feeding with Jake a few weeks ago. It was like a light had gone off in my head and everything clicked perfectly in place. I had been complaining to Toby just days earlier that I felt like I needed somewhere to focus my energy...outside of running our home. I mean, let's face it...you can only get so much satisfaction and sense of accomplishment out of 14 loads of laundry. I also have been dabbling in some new creative outlets and had wondered if maybe I could sell some of my creations. When the goal was extra spending cash it just didn't seem to make sense and the pieces just didn't seem to line up, but now there was a specific goal to strive for. I would use the skills I've been working on and the creativity He's been working to reveal to bring in the funds we would need to support the adoption. And just like that Bezi's Creations was born! Bezi comes from Bezalel in the Bible. God gave Bezalel the supernatural ability to envision and build all of the items for the tabernacle when the Isrealites were wandering the wilderness. This guy has just stuck out to me ever since I studied this with my Boothmakers a few years back. Mind you, I'm a CPA and have never thought myself to be crafty, so any time I come up with anything even remotely unique or cute I claim a "Bezalel moment." So anyway, Bezi's Creations will offer handpainted furniture (a new, super fun hobby) as well as styles and accessories for little ones including bibs and onesies with neck ties or pearls, month by month onesies to capture your baby's first year, and hooded towels great for snuggling up a freshly cleaned baby or wrapping up a toddler after a fun day at the beach or in the pool.
I am so excited for this new season, even though it will be chalked full of stuff to accomplish. My prayer over the last few days has been for God to show me how to manage my time, how to structure my day so that I can spend quality time with Him and my family and still take care of our home, gather the needed adoption papers, and get a business up and running. I tell you, my days of vegging out in front of the TV are long gone. But it's all good. I wouldn't change a thing. He has answered my prayers and so far all systems are running smoothly.
So, will you help us in this? Will you join with Toby and me in prayer that God will guide our steps and give us wisdom and discernment as we walk the road that will take us to our son? Will you pray for protection over our baby and his birthmother? And will you help me get the word out about Bezi's Creations? I have started a FaceBook page and would love for you to "like" it and spread the word by sharing it with your friends. My products will be available for sale on the FaceBook page and also I will have my first sale this coming Saturday. I'm so excited to get things going! Thank you in advance for all of your support in this season. I know my Jesus has some amazing blessings lined up for so many in the coming months. It's going to be an awesome adventure!
As the months wore on, Toby was relentless. Every few weeks he would bring up the idea, and when it came up again at the first of the year we were in the throws of selling, buying and moving. Again I brushed him off, "Let's get moved and settled before we launch into another life altering process." So, here we are. We've moved. We're settled. I'm out of excuses...and it came up again. Finally, I agreed to start praying about it. I asked Abba that if adopting a child was really in His plan for our near future then to change my heart and confirm this path. Wouldn't you know, He did just that. As I prayed over this for a few weeks I became more and more certain that this was something we should investigate. Adoption was suddenly in my face everywhere I turned. I got a call out of the blue from a Tennessee friend. They were in the middle of the adoption process and wanted some advice and prayer. On a rare date night out, Toby and I ended up at the movie theater watching October Baby. (Shameless plug - If you haven't seen October Baby, you need, need to see it. It has such great perspective and healing from so many angles. End shameless plug.) Toby and I had endless conversations about the idea and within a matter of weeks adoption went from a "nice idea for later" to me identifying a hole in my heart. Through these weeks of prayer I have become convinced that my baby is out there and I am not whole because he is not home with me. The best way to describe it is that I miss him. One of my babies is missing. Abba has His protective hand on my baby boy until we are able to meet him and bring him home. You see, this isn't about doing some good charity deed. In my heart I know that we are searching for this one child that has been earmarked for our family. I'm already attached to this baby I've never even met.
I suppose Toby's passion for our adoption started years ago. God gave him a vision and in it he saw he and I walking away. I was holding his hand and in his other hand was a two year old little boy. We know that Jake is not the boy he saw. During my weeks of prayer and searching I had a similar vision during worship at church one weekend. I saw my Jesus holding the sweet hand of my little boy. He was about two years old at the time and had the most adorable little face. His eyes were bursting with joy and the sight of him was so real that I felt like I could reach out and touch him. That was my baby. I just know it. Also during this time I was reading through my Bible and a name jumped off the page at me. It stayed in my head for days and I couldn't get away from it. It was my little boy's name. The name Abba gave him means "chance" and "fortunate." Rather fitting, I thought.
Now it's just a matter of following God's leading to the path that will take us to our son. We have contacted several different adoption avenues in Mobile and decided on Children of the World out of Fairhope, Alabama. We had our first lengthy visit with our social worker this past week and are so thrilled to be working with them. The people of this agency truly love the Lord and they love their jobs. They are deeply compassionate and caring people. We have received glowing references and love that they take their birthmothers under their wing and minister to them before and after the adoption. We are now working on our final application for the State of Alabama and are gathering lots of paperwork in preparation for our home study.
A few months back, before I began entertaining the idea of adoption, Jesus gave me specific instructions one Sunday morning. Our pastor was preaching a series on miracles and as he got started that morning, I found myself thinking, "We've seen so many miracles. I wonder where we're going next." Immediately Jesus responded to my spirit, "Adoption. I want you to start the process even before you have the funds sitting in the bank." Hmm...seemed random at the time. So we recognize that adoption is not only a great emotional investment, but it will require a great financial investment as well. In light of this, my Jesus graciously showed me where some of these funds will come from during a 4am feeding with Jake a few weeks ago. It was like a light had gone off in my head and everything clicked perfectly in place. I had been complaining to Toby just days earlier that I felt like I needed somewhere to focus my energy...outside of running our home. I mean, let's face it...you can only get so much satisfaction and sense of accomplishment out of 14 loads of laundry. I also have been dabbling in some new creative outlets and had wondered if maybe I could sell some of my creations. When the goal was extra spending cash it just didn't seem to make sense and the pieces just didn't seem to line up, but now there was a specific goal to strive for. I would use the skills I've been working on and the creativity He's been working to reveal to bring in the funds we would need to support the adoption. And just like that Bezi's Creations was born! Bezi comes from Bezalel in the Bible. God gave Bezalel the supernatural ability to envision and build all of the items for the tabernacle when the Isrealites were wandering the wilderness. This guy has just stuck out to me ever since I studied this with my Boothmakers a few years back. Mind you, I'm a CPA and have never thought myself to be crafty, so any time I come up with anything even remotely unique or cute I claim a "Bezalel moment." So anyway, Bezi's Creations will offer handpainted furniture (a new, super fun hobby) as well as styles and accessories for little ones including bibs and onesies with neck ties or pearls, month by month onesies to capture your baby's first year, and hooded towels great for snuggling up a freshly cleaned baby or wrapping up a toddler after a fun day at the beach or in the pool.
I am so excited for this new season, even though it will be chalked full of stuff to accomplish. My prayer over the last few days has been for God to show me how to manage my time, how to structure my day so that I can spend quality time with Him and my family and still take care of our home, gather the needed adoption papers, and get a business up and running. I tell you, my days of vegging out in front of the TV are long gone. But it's all good. I wouldn't change a thing. He has answered my prayers and so far all systems are running smoothly.
So, will you help us in this? Will you join with Toby and me in prayer that God will guide our steps and give us wisdom and discernment as we walk the road that will take us to our son? Will you pray for protection over our baby and his birthmother? And will you help me get the word out about Bezi's Creations? I have started a FaceBook page and would love for you to "like" it and spread the word by sharing it with your friends. My products will be available for sale on the FaceBook page and also I will have my first sale this coming Saturday. I'm so excited to get things going! Thank you in advance for all of your support in this season. I know my Jesus has some amazing blessings lined up for so many in the coming months. It's going to be an awesome adventure!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Resolutions...resolved
I can hardly believe that 2011 has come to a close. It's been a whirlwind of a year with so many highlights for our family. Of course, our greatest blessing is the addition of our perfect baby boy and our Haley has transformed from adorable toddler to sweet little girl. My cup runneth over.
I'm usually not one to make resolutions with the new year, but I've been dwelling on this today. I guess I did have a goal to learn to sew this year. After thinking more about it, I think it's really been a desire to be more crafty all around. I'm excited to say, that I think I've achieved this! As I've told you before, I'm a CPA by trade and embody every one of the stereotypes that go along with that profession...I love lists, folders, order, and Excel, and often have a hard time thinking outside the box. Well, until this year. Jesus has been teaching me that I can do all things and that I'm not destined to be defined as left brained. So I put my mind to it, took some great inspiration from Pinterest and here's some of the things I've come up with...
I'm usually not one to make resolutions with the new year, but I've been dwelling on this today. I guess I did have a goal to learn to sew this year. After thinking more about it, I think it's really been a desire to be more crafty all around. I'm excited to say, that I think I've achieved this! As I've told you before, I'm a CPA by trade and embody every one of the stereotypes that go along with that profession...I love lists, folders, order, and Excel, and often have a hard time thinking outside the box. Well, until this year. Jesus has been teaching me that I can do all things and that I'm not destined to be defined as left brained. So I put my mind to it, took some great inspiration from Pinterest and here's some of the things I've come up with...
Jake's nursery including framing Toby's rugby jerseys, painting and
recovering the toy box, and sewing the window treatments
Haley's Wilma Flintstone halloween costume
blue jean quilt
Painting - will hang over our TV to guide our entertainment choices
kids' footprint flower pots for Christmas presents
fingerprint dragonfly flower pot for Christmas present
recovering the toy box, and sewing the window treatments
Haley's Wilma Flintstone halloween costume
blue jean quilt
Painting - will hang over our TV to guide our entertainment choices
kids' footprint flower pots for Christmas presents
fingerprint dragonfly flower pot for Christmas presentThank you, Jesus, for teaching me that I can be creative. I've loved the journey and look forward to another year of creative projects.
Not long after Jake was born I started focusing on another "resolution"...a prayer, really. I was having a really hard time working my day around Jesus and managing all of the day to day responsibilities that fell on my shoulders. My prayer became for Jesus to show me how to give Him an uninterrupted chunk of time when I was sleep deprived, tending the needs of a newborn and educating and entertaining a non-napping three year old. And because He's so good and loves me so much, of course He showed me the way. There are still plenty of days that slip by, filled to the brim with activity, but I've been able to work in sweet time with my Jesus on most days. I long for afternoon nap time. After Jake goes down for his snooze, Haley has about an hour of "quiet time" in her room, leaving me free to get lost with my Jesus. It's not perfect, and sometimes I miss it, but slowly He's guiding my day. I've found that on the days when I'm faithful to use my hour window to focus on Jesus, rather than the waiting dishwasher and piles of laundry, not only is He faithful to meet me there, but He is teaching me with greater revelation and clarity. He is reminding me that if I will make the effort to draw near to Him, He will always draw closer to me. (James 4:8)
So there's a glimpse at my year. My goals for 2012 are still up in the air, but here's what I have so far: to continue to pursue Jesus...to become even closer, to hear His voice more clearly, to memorize more of His words, to focus on Him more easily, and to teach my precious Haley the same. As a wife, I will pray for Toby more consistently and more earnestly...for protection over our marriage, for favor in his career, for wisdom, strength and guidance as he leads our family. As a mom, I will strive to devote my undivided attention to my children on a daily basis and to keep my household responsibilities in perspective. As a friend, I will work to put others first and to keep my schedule free to spend time encouraging and investing in others.
I pray that you have had a full and wonderful year in 2011 and may 2012 be full of incredible blessings!
Not long after Jake was born I started focusing on another "resolution"...a prayer, really. I was having a really hard time working my day around Jesus and managing all of the day to day responsibilities that fell on my shoulders. My prayer became for Jesus to show me how to give Him an uninterrupted chunk of time when I was sleep deprived, tending the needs of a newborn and educating and entertaining a non-napping three year old. And because He's so good and loves me so much, of course He showed me the way. There are still plenty of days that slip by, filled to the brim with activity, but I've been able to work in sweet time with my Jesus on most days. I long for afternoon nap time. After Jake goes down for his snooze, Haley has about an hour of "quiet time" in her room, leaving me free to get lost with my Jesus. It's not perfect, and sometimes I miss it, but slowly He's guiding my day. I've found that on the days when I'm faithful to use my hour window to focus on Jesus, rather than the waiting dishwasher and piles of laundry, not only is He faithful to meet me there, but He is teaching me with greater revelation and clarity. He is reminding me that if I will make the effort to draw near to Him, He will always draw closer to me. (James 4:8)
So there's a glimpse at my year. My goals for 2012 are still up in the air, but here's what I have so far: to continue to pursue Jesus...to become even closer, to hear His voice more clearly, to memorize more of His words, to focus on Him more easily, and to teach my precious Haley the same. As a wife, I will pray for Toby more consistently and more earnestly...for protection over our marriage, for favor in his career, for wisdom, strength and guidance as he leads our family. As a mom, I will strive to devote my undivided attention to my children on a daily basis and to keep my household responsibilities in perspective. As a friend, I will work to put others first and to keep my schedule free to spend time encouraging and investing in others.
I pray that you have had a full and wonderful year in 2011 and may 2012 be full of incredible blessings!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
A mid night encounter and a miracle in progress
As has become custom in the last few weeks, my eyes popped open at 2am this morning, my body exhausted but my mind wide awake. Running non stop through my head were a compilation of songs and scriptures of His pursuit of me..."He is jealous for me...Come back to me, my beloved...more numerous than the sands are Your thoughts toward me..." His pursuit is beautiful, it is endless, and it is worth giving in to...even at the cost of much needed sleep.
I talked with my Jesus for a while, and then begged for sleep to come. When it didn't I awakened enough to write these things in my journal...hoping this documentation would satisfy His longing to spend time with me, but to no avail...He had more to tell me. So as usual, I started asking "Where do you want me to read?" The Psalms are always a good place for me to start during an encounter like this. Being so many to choose from, chapter 1 sounded promising. "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night...And in whatever he does, he prospers." Psalm 1:2-3 So this is me, I want to prosper in all that I do and meditate on His word day and night. Well, we've got the night part covered for now. As I read these few verses over and over, I heard the echo of "130." Out of curiosity I scrolled to Psalm 130 on my iPhone...yep, that's the one...
"Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications." v.1-2
Our greatest prayer in the past few weeks has been for our new son, Jake, set to arrive any time now. As was the case with my first pregnancy, we received news about 10 days ago that Jake is breech...crushing my dreams of an amazing vaginal delivery. We have indeed cried out and many of our friends and family, including many of you, have lifted him up in prayer in the last few weeks. Through this and other trials recently, God has pasted a scripture on our hearts (and bathroom mirror and kitchen sink)..."Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Phil 4:6. This word "supplication" was new to me and I have asked Abba to show me what it means...prayer, request, beg. That was it...beg. If this is truly a great desire, then I will not casually request, but I will beg, without hesitation. Now here it is again in Psalm 130...He hears my begging and He wants me to bear my heart to Him.
"If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared." v.3-4
For the briefest time, I listened to Satan's lie that Abba had not yet answered my prayer to turn my breech baby because my faith was not strong enough and because my works proved too little and unworthy of such a miracle. Here, You tell me that it's not about those things. I will not receive what I deserve based on my works. My God is abundant in grace and mercy and finds joy in bringing me into His family and blessing me, even when my works deserve eternal condemnation. Abba, I still do not understand this great love, but I am forever grateful!
"I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope." v.4
Oh dear, do we know something about waiting! During our six month journey from Knoxville to Mobile, "wait" seemed to be a constant, recurring theme. God taught us so much during that season, including the value of waiting on His timing. It's funny that this would come up again so soon. Without any prompting from me, I had a friend send me a message lately. She had been praying for us and for Jake and the Lord gave her a verse for us..."Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Ps 27:14 This is one of the verses we were parked on for six months. This Hebrew word "wait" means to bind together by twisting; patiently, tarry, to expect. Toby and I have committed to bind ourselves to Him and trust in His word and believe for our miracle and amazing birth! I've had many days of doubt and regret that I've entertained the idea of Nevermind, let's just schedule a c-section and be done with it. But somewhere in my gut, I've known for many, many months that God is going to give us the amazing birth I've prayed for, and He will do it in a way that brings Him ALL the glory...up to and including turning my breech baby at just the last minute. And so, for His glory I will wait.
"My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning." v.6
This is almost comical to me. As I've mentioned many times before, sleep is my best friend. Outside of pregnancy and tiny babies, it is next to impossible to rouse me from a good slumber. It's simply one of the greatest joys I have on this earth, and I don't sacrifice it for much. But for my Jesus, I will (sometimes gladly) surrender it. So I want this, this miracle and miraculous birth and sweet words from my Jesus, more than I want my precious sleep. Proof...I'm typing this at 4:45am...a miracle in itself.
But also on this note, my many mid night wakings lately have led to crazy thoughts. You know that place half way between awake and asleep. You know you're not asleep, but you realize later that you weren't thinking quite straight. That's where I've been most nights between 2 and 4 am over the last few weeks. I will wake up to Jake's playtime and somehow convince myself that he's turned. Perhaps if I don't move, he'll stay that way. But inevitably I have to pee and as soon as I stand and come to consciousness I feel his little head just under my ribcage and my hopes fall flat. So I have strangly come to look forward to these wakings in some hope that maybe, just maybe this will be the night that he turns, and if I stay in just the right position then he won't move again. I told you, not quite thinking straight. But as I was reading and chatting with my Jesus tonight, I began to have these same, familiar thoughts again. I started to dismiss it as false hope, just as I felt a kick at the TOP of my belly! Of course, fearful of moving I laid there for a long while paying close attention to his movements and trying desperately to decipher an arm from a leg from a knee. My hope grew as Abba reminded me that Jake has been spending less and less time with his head in my ribcage over the last few days. Now, where he has been, I'm not sure...but it's not with his head up straight. So I will continue to hold on to this prayer and wait for His timing of our miracle!
"O Israel, hope in the Lord; for with the Lord there is lovingkindness, and with Him is abundant redemption. And He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities." v.7-8
Such irony...this hope means to wait patiently. Lovingkindness includes so many things...mercy, beauty, favor. And He not only offers redemption, but He offers it abundantly! What wonderful news! Abba, I will chose to wait patiently for ALL that You have for me. I will claim Your mercy and beauty and favor over my life and I will continue to believe for our miracle...down to the moment of delivery if necessary. Please give Toby and me an increased measure of faith to walk this out over the next few weeks and give us opportunities to shout Your glories and Your lovingkindness to all who will listen on the other side of this miracle!
*Note, my name truly is Carey, but I have changed the names of my husband and children for their privacy. I apologize for any confusion to those who know us personally.
I talked with my Jesus for a while, and then begged for sleep to come. When it didn't I awakened enough to write these things in my journal...hoping this documentation would satisfy His longing to spend time with me, but to no avail...He had more to tell me. So as usual, I started asking "Where do you want me to read?" The Psalms are always a good place for me to start during an encounter like this. Being so many to choose from, chapter 1 sounded promising. "But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night...And in whatever he does, he prospers." Psalm 1:2-3 So this is me, I want to prosper in all that I do and meditate on His word day and night. Well, we've got the night part covered for now. As I read these few verses over and over, I heard the echo of "130." Out of curiosity I scrolled to Psalm 130 on my iPhone...yep, that's the one...
"Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications." v.1-2
Our greatest prayer in the past few weeks has been for our new son, Jake, set to arrive any time now. As was the case with my first pregnancy, we received news about 10 days ago that Jake is breech...crushing my dreams of an amazing vaginal delivery. We have indeed cried out and many of our friends and family, including many of you, have lifted him up in prayer in the last few weeks. Through this and other trials recently, God has pasted a scripture on our hearts (and bathroom mirror and kitchen sink)..."Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Phil 4:6. This word "supplication" was new to me and I have asked Abba to show me what it means...prayer, request, beg. That was it...beg. If this is truly a great desire, then I will not casually request, but I will beg, without hesitation. Now here it is again in Psalm 130...He hears my begging and He wants me to bear my heart to Him.
"If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared." v.3-4
For the briefest time, I listened to Satan's lie that Abba had not yet answered my prayer to turn my breech baby because my faith was not strong enough and because my works proved too little and unworthy of such a miracle. Here, You tell me that it's not about those things. I will not receive what I deserve based on my works. My God is abundant in grace and mercy and finds joy in bringing me into His family and blessing me, even when my works deserve eternal condemnation. Abba, I still do not understand this great love, but I am forever grateful!
"I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His word do I hope." v.4
Oh dear, do we know something about waiting! During our six month journey from Knoxville to Mobile, "wait" seemed to be a constant, recurring theme. God taught us so much during that season, including the value of waiting on His timing. It's funny that this would come up again so soon. Without any prompting from me, I had a friend send me a message lately. She had been praying for us and for Jake and the Lord gave her a verse for us..."Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Ps 27:14 This is one of the verses we were parked on for six months. This Hebrew word "wait" means to bind together by twisting; patiently, tarry, to expect. Toby and I have committed to bind ourselves to Him and trust in His word and believe for our miracle and amazing birth! I've had many days of doubt and regret that I've entertained the idea of Nevermind, let's just schedule a c-section and be done with it. But somewhere in my gut, I've known for many, many months that God is going to give us the amazing birth I've prayed for, and He will do it in a way that brings Him ALL the glory...up to and including turning my breech baby at just the last minute. And so, for His glory I will wait.
"My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning; Indeed, more than the watchmen for the morning." v.6
This is almost comical to me. As I've mentioned many times before, sleep is my best friend. Outside of pregnancy and tiny babies, it is next to impossible to rouse me from a good slumber. It's simply one of the greatest joys I have on this earth, and I don't sacrifice it for much. But for my Jesus, I will (sometimes gladly) surrender it. So I want this, this miracle and miraculous birth and sweet words from my Jesus, more than I want my precious sleep. Proof...I'm typing this at 4:45am...a miracle in itself.
But also on this note, my many mid night wakings lately have led to crazy thoughts. You know that place half way between awake and asleep. You know you're not asleep, but you realize later that you weren't thinking quite straight. That's where I've been most nights between 2 and 4 am over the last few weeks. I will wake up to Jake's playtime and somehow convince myself that he's turned. Perhaps if I don't move, he'll stay that way. But inevitably I have to pee and as soon as I stand and come to consciousness I feel his little head just under my ribcage and my hopes fall flat. So I have strangly come to look forward to these wakings in some hope that maybe, just maybe this will be the night that he turns, and if I stay in just the right position then he won't move again. I told you, not quite thinking straight. But as I was reading and chatting with my Jesus tonight, I began to have these same, familiar thoughts again. I started to dismiss it as false hope, just as I felt a kick at the TOP of my belly! Of course, fearful of moving I laid there for a long while paying close attention to his movements and trying desperately to decipher an arm from a leg from a knee. My hope grew as Abba reminded me that Jake has been spending less and less time with his head in my ribcage over the last few days. Now, where he has been, I'm not sure...but it's not with his head up straight. So I will continue to hold on to this prayer and wait for His timing of our miracle!
"O Israel, hope in the Lord; for with the Lord there is lovingkindness, and with Him is abundant redemption. And He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities." v.7-8
Such irony...this hope means to wait patiently. Lovingkindness includes so many things...mercy, beauty, favor. And He not only offers redemption, but He offers it abundantly! What wonderful news! Abba, I will chose to wait patiently for ALL that You have for me. I will claim Your mercy and beauty and favor over my life and I will continue to believe for our miracle...down to the moment of delivery if necessary. Please give Toby and me an increased measure of faith to walk this out over the next few weeks and give us opportunities to shout Your glories and Your lovingkindness to all who will listen on the other side of this miracle!
*Note, my name truly is Carey, but I have changed the names of my husband and children for their privacy. I apologize for any confusion to those who know us personally.
Friday, June 17, 2011
My God is bigger than...my car
Toby's parents bought a Toyota 4Runner brand new in 1998. They have always taken very good care of their vehicles and I was shocked when they gave it to us as a wedding present when we got married in 2004. In my mind, this is a wonderful, luxury vehicle...after all, it's a brand new 4Runner! Then I climb into my car and sit on the tacky cloth seat covers that are way too big for my front leather seats, despite the huge tear in the driver's seat. I crank the car to hear the incredibly loud antenna motor running in a diligent effort to raise the antenna that's been stuck in the down position for months. I adjust the air vents to feel the cool air...oh wait, that one's been broken for about a year and got permanently frozen in it's position several years ago after some orange juice splash into it. And what time is it? I'm not sure...the clock hasn't worked in years. BUT, in my mind, this is an awesome car and I am so thrilled to have it! So I guess on occasion I have to remind myself that my luxury car is in fact 13 years old now, but I've been known to proudly boast of God's goodness in that it is paid for and it's never given us any problems...
A few days ago, I picked up Haley from a friend's house and noticed my radio seriously struggling more than usual to get going. Hmm...I briefly thought, Oh well, I guess I'll just be stuck listening to CDs...no biggie. As I pulled out of the driveway, a strange dashboard light caught my eye...it was orange and in the shape of the battery. Ah, that's what's wrong with the radio...the battery is struggling. About that time, I noticed my RPM gauge flopping around, even when I pressed the accelerator. It would either shoot up or lay dead at 0. Now, I'm not ashamed to admit that I know very little about cars. "Very little" = I know how to fill it with gas and windshield wiper fluid and I'm aware that it needs new oil on occasion. Outside of that, I'm clueless, but here...a floppy RPM gauge...nah, that's not right.
About this time we stopped at a red light and two lanes over is a car sitting on top of a wrecker. Having never seen this new sight, Haley starts asking questions. I explained to her that the car on top is broken and won't drive on it's own, so the big truck it taking it to the car shop to get fixed...I failed to see the irony coming my way.
I called Toby who was just beginning a huge lunch with a bunch of guys from work and explained the situation. From my very technical description, he concluded that the problem was likely with the battery or the alternator. He asked if I had planned to make any stops on the way home...of course I had, we've been out of printer ink for over a week and it's killing me! "Go straight home! If you turn the car off, it probably won't start again." Boo. As badly as I wanted that printer ink, I wanted less to be stranded in the Staples parking lot! So off I went, singing and chatting with Haley. It's about a 40 minute drive from my friend's house to home and for the next few minutes, I didn't think anything of my floppy gauges or strange light again...until I left all civilization and felt my car slip into a coast mode. Forcing myself to fight off a huge wave of panic, I pretended that didn't happen...flop goes the speedometer. Oh dear...we have a problem. The road began to take a slight, and I do mean slight slope uphill, but it was just enough to realize I was about to be in huge trouble. I started looking around the road for a place to pull off as I wondered how my brakes might function. Just as I felt the panic start to rise, an office building (literally in the middle of nowhere) appeared on my left. My car was getting slower and slower and pushing the accelerator did no good. I could see the traffic getting tighter in on my bumper behind me. When I had nearly run out of steam, I made a left turn and coasted downhill into the parking lot. Whoa...I'm ok, I'm ok. Haley is oblivious to the near crisis.
My car was still running with the cool air blowing as I called Toby to report our status. I fought the urge to panic and calmly explained our situation, but I felt his panic rising as I described where I was. While we were on the phone, Toby had me turn the car off to see if it would crank again...um, didn't you already tell me not to do that? I chose not to argue but sure enough, it was dead...not even the slightest effort to run, and now I'd lost my a/c in the squelching 93 degree heat...nice.
I got off the phone with Toby and calmly called the Toyota dealership who gave me the number to a wrecker service they use. Surprised by my calm nature over the situation, I made the necessary phone calls and within minutes we had a tow truck heading our way. There were two trucks parked at this office building where I happened to land, but all the lights inside seemed to be out, even though it was mid day. A closer look at the front door revealed an 8x11 sign that read "Closed Wednesday afternoons." Great! As the temperature in my car was quickly rising, I desperately tried the front door in hopes that this Wednesday would be the exception. It was locked. Just as I was getting myself pumped up to sweat out the next 45 minutes waiting for our tow truck, I saw the front door open out of the corner of my eye. As I walked back to the door, an older gentleman held out his hand and said, "Want some crackers and mayonnaise?" I was completely taken off guard, but he was indeed having a snack of saltine crackers with mayonnaise slathered on top...I'd never heard of such. Despite his odd snack choice, his demeanor was warm and friendly and I was quickly put at ease. I declined his "generous" offer and explained why we were camping out in his parking lot. He let us come in to sit in the lobby, with the much appreciated a/c, and quickly offered me some water and gave Haley a chocolate popsicle. By this time, Haley is asking all kinds of questions about where we are and why we're here, but in the end she didn't care because she had ice cream. God is so good.
Our tow truck arrived and he was a crazy nice guy, too. Turns out he has four kids of his own and the youngest is 3, just a bit older than Haley. We loaded up the car seat in the backseat of the tow truck and Haley had a blast watching him load our car on top of his big truck. The driver offered Haley his honey bun from his lunch box. I was really touched by his sacrifice and Haley was super excited about some sugar. All in all the honey bun made for a much more pleasant, and quiet, ride to the dealership.
Haley in the back seat of the tow truck watching the exciting action out the back window.
All through this process I'm thinking in my mind about our car. It's 13 years old and Toby and I have talked about getting a newer car next spring. So I'm trying to run numbers in my head, How much is it worth and how much are we willing to put into this car if we know we want to get rid of it in 9 months or so anyway? Should we just count our losses now and get a newer car now? But we don't have the cash now for a newer car, we'd have to finance it...*wave of nausea* Oh sweet Jesus, I don't need this on my plate at 37 weeks pregnant!
We made it to the dealership and bid our friendly tow truck driver goodbye. The service guy that checked us in said the problem sounds like the alternator. "Ok, so about how much would a new alternator be?" He gave me a figure that was far less than I had imagined in my head...remember, I know zero about car mechanics. At the end of the day, we left the car there for them to repair and Toby picked us up and we headed home. As an important side note...I did learn that the alternator is needed to help get the battery going. Our battery was fine. Don't ask me any more...that's all I know.
While I had hoped to spend the entire afternoon resting my 37 week self on the sofa, it didn't turn out that way. The afternoon's events, while totally unforeseen by me, were totally in the control of my Jesus! First and foremost, I didn't panic...a huge blessing given my history with previous minor car hiccups and my exaggerated hormonal state. Second, we were able to get off the road safely without any problems or causing delays or collisions to any surrounding vehicles. Third, God put us somewhere with a kind man willing to help us and offer a/c, water and chocolate...far more than was asked or expected. Also, our tow truck driver was not the creepy kind that you see in movies...just a nice guy. Haley was such a trooper and even though she was exhausted, she thought we were on some great adventure! The repairs were far less than the horrid number I had cooked up in my head and now my 4Runner is back on it's feet and running great. And lastly, since Toby left work a little early to rescue us, Haley and I got to spend some extra time with him that afternoon. So all in all, thank you Jesus for showing Yourself mighty and in control of an unexpected and undesirable turn of events! You see me all through the day and care about even the smallest of details!
A few days ago, I picked up Haley from a friend's house and noticed my radio seriously struggling more than usual to get going. Hmm...I briefly thought, Oh well, I guess I'll just be stuck listening to CDs...no biggie. As I pulled out of the driveway, a strange dashboard light caught my eye...it was orange and in the shape of the battery. Ah, that's what's wrong with the radio...the battery is struggling. About that time, I noticed my RPM gauge flopping around, even when I pressed the accelerator. It would either shoot up or lay dead at 0. Now, I'm not ashamed to admit that I know very little about cars. "Very little" = I know how to fill it with gas and windshield wiper fluid and I'm aware that it needs new oil on occasion. Outside of that, I'm clueless, but here...a floppy RPM gauge...nah, that's not right.
About this time we stopped at a red light and two lanes over is a car sitting on top of a wrecker. Having never seen this new sight, Haley starts asking questions. I explained to her that the car on top is broken and won't drive on it's own, so the big truck it taking it to the car shop to get fixed...I failed to see the irony coming my way.
I called Toby who was just beginning a huge lunch with a bunch of guys from work and explained the situation. From my very technical description, he concluded that the problem was likely with the battery or the alternator. He asked if I had planned to make any stops on the way home...of course I had, we've been out of printer ink for over a week and it's killing me! "Go straight home! If you turn the car off, it probably won't start again." Boo. As badly as I wanted that printer ink, I wanted less to be stranded in the Staples parking lot! So off I went, singing and chatting with Haley. It's about a 40 minute drive from my friend's house to home and for the next few minutes, I didn't think anything of my floppy gauges or strange light again...until I left all civilization and felt my car slip into a coast mode. Forcing myself to fight off a huge wave of panic, I pretended that didn't happen...flop goes the speedometer. Oh dear...we have a problem. The road began to take a slight, and I do mean slight slope uphill, but it was just enough to realize I was about to be in huge trouble. I started looking around the road for a place to pull off as I wondered how my brakes might function. Just as I felt the panic start to rise, an office building (literally in the middle of nowhere) appeared on my left. My car was getting slower and slower and pushing the accelerator did no good. I could see the traffic getting tighter in on my bumper behind me. When I had nearly run out of steam, I made a left turn and coasted downhill into the parking lot. Whoa...I'm ok, I'm ok. Haley is oblivious to the near crisis.
My car was still running with the cool air blowing as I called Toby to report our status. I fought the urge to panic and calmly explained our situation, but I felt his panic rising as I described where I was. While we were on the phone, Toby had me turn the car off to see if it would crank again...um, didn't you already tell me not to do that? I chose not to argue but sure enough, it was dead...not even the slightest effort to run, and now I'd lost my a/c in the squelching 93 degree heat...nice.
I got off the phone with Toby and calmly called the Toyota dealership who gave me the number to a wrecker service they use. Surprised by my calm nature over the situation, I made the necessary phone calls and within minutes we had a tow truck heading our way. There were two trucks parked at this office building where I happened to land, but all the lights inside seemed to be out, even though it was mid day. A closer look at the front door revealed an 8x11 sign that read "Closed Wednesday afternoons." Great! As the temperature in my car was quickly rising, I desperately tried the front door in hopes that this Wednesday would be the exception. It was locked. Just as I was getting myself pumped up to sweat out the next 45 minutes waiting for our tow truck, I saw the front door open out of the corner of my eye. As I walked back to the door, an older gentleman held out his hand and said, "Want some crackers and mayonnaise?" I was completely taken off guard, but he was indeed having a snack of saltine crackers with mayonnaise slathered on top...I'd never heard of such. Despite his odd snack choice, his demeanor was warm and friendly and I was quickly put at ease. I declined his "generous" offer and explained why we were camping out in his parking lot. He let us come in to sit in the lobby, with the much appreciated a/c, and quickly offered me some water and gave Haley a chocolate popsicle. By this time, Haley is asking all kinds of questions about where we are and why we're here, but in the end she didn't care because she had ice cream. God is so good.
Our tow truck arrived and he was a crazy nice guy, too. Turns out he has four kids of his own and the youngest is 3, just a bit older than Haley. We loaded up the car seat in the backseat of the tow truck and Haley had a blast watching him load our car on top of his big truck. The driver offered Haley his honey bun from his lunch box. I was really touched by his sacrifice and Haley was super excited about some sugar. All in all the honey bun made for a much more pleasant, and quiet, ride to the dealership.
Haley in the back seat of the tow truck watching the exciting action out the back window. All through this process I'm thinking in my mind about our car. It's 13 years old and Toby and I have talked about getting a newer car next spring. So I'm trying to run numbers in my head, How much is it worth and how much are we willing to put into this car if we know we want to get rid of it in 9 months or so anyway? Should we just count our losses now and get a newer car now? But we don't have the cash now for a newer car, we'd have to finance it...*wave of nausea* Oh sweet Jesus, I don't need this on my plate at 37 weeks pregnant!
We made it to the dealership and bid our friendly tow truck driver goodbye. The service guy that checked us in said the problem sounds like the alternator. "Ok, so about how much would a new alternator be?" He gave me a figure that was far less than I had imagined in my head...remember, I know zero about car mechanics. At the end of the day, we left the car there for them to repair and Toby picked us up and we headed home. As an important side note...I did learn that the alternator is needed to help get the battery going. Our battery was fine. Don't ask me any more...that's all I know.
While I had hoped to spend the entire afternoon resting my 37 week self on the sofa, it didn't turn out that way. The afternoon's events, while totally unforeseen by me, were totally in the control of my Jesus! First and foremost, I didn't panic...a huge blessing given my history with previous minor car hiccups and my exaggerated hormonal state. Second, we were able to get off the road safely without any problems or causing delays or collisions to any surrounding vehicles. Third, God put us somewhere with a kind man willing to help us and offer a/c, water and chocolate...far more than was asked or expected. Also, our tow truck driver was not the creepy kind that you see in movies...just a nice guy. Haley was such a trooper and even though she was exhausted, she thought we were on some great adventure! The repairs were far less than the horrid number I had cooked up in my head and now my 4Runner is back on it's feet and running great. And lastly, since Toby left work a little early to rescue us, Haley and I got to spend some extra time with him that afternoon. So all in all, thank you Jesus for showing Yourself mighty and in control of an unexpected and undesirable turn of events! You see me all through the day and care about even the smallest of details!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Needing a miracle for our miracle
Our sweet boy at 35 weeksProfile shot with his hand up by his mouth. He has Haley's little nose.
We were thrilled to learn about our son's arrival last fall and from the very beginning I had a huge goal of delivering him vaginally. Due to preeclampsia and her breech position, Haley was delivered by c-section at 38 weeks. While this wasn't my first choice, her birth came on so quickly that I accepted whatever was necessary to keep both of us safe and healthy.
This time around I wanted it to be different. I started doing lots of research and talking with other moms about a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). In fact, we even changed doctors at 30 weeks because we were not comfortable with our current physician and her experience taking on this higher risk delivery. I knew from the start that there was a chance that my dream wouldn't come true, but I didn't want to throw in the towel before ever giving it a try.
"Why bother?" you say, "Why not just schedule another c-section and be done worrying about it?" I've received this question what seems like a million times! First, my recovery from Haley's delivery was horrible. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I certainly don't want to endure it again myself. Second, while there are risks associated with a VBAC, the recovery is significantly easier than that of major abdominal surgery. Also, this is how God designed my body to work. I want to follow His design as long as medical interference wasn't truly necessary. And I suppose most importantly, Toby and I have a great desire for a big family, with both biological and adopted children. Multiple c-sections would leave me vulnerable to massive scar tissue and ending my ability to carry more children. Of course, there's no way to know how my body would react regarding future surgeries and excessive scar tissue, but I don't want to take that chance if it's not necessary. I understand that not all women share these opinions, and that is perfectly fine, but this is my heart.
For many months now, Toby and I have been believing for a beautiful vaginal delivery, free from all complications. Well, today we were thrown our first curve ball. My midwife was feeling around for the baby's position and she reluctantly shook her head and said, "I think that's the head right there" as she felt just beneath my ribs. I felt the wind knock out of me, but thought maybe she's just wrong. Maybe he's just lying funny. After all, he has been laying low in my belly the whole pregnancy and his heartbeat and hiccups have always felt low. Surely she's just mistaken.
We left her office and headed to get an ultrasound to confirm this guess. The technician looked at my belly and took one glance at the screen and said, "Yep, that baby's breech" almost as if she were proud of herself for figuring it out so quickly. She continued to look him over, head to toe and concluded that he is measuring 5 lb, 6 oz and is perfectly healthy...just laying upside down. While I will continue to praise God for this baby's health, I felt almost as if this were some kind of death sentence...like I were grieving for babies I would never carry. I know that's not very realistic, but I think that's where the sadness came from.
The next few hours were incredibly difficult and I felt like I'd been defeated. All of my prayers and hopes were for nothing and now it's over. While I recognize that a scheduled procedure without my previous medical complications would yield an entirely different result, I was heartbroken. I moved through my remaining errands with sporadic tears, but was comforted by my sweet Haley from the back seat, "It's alright, Mommy. Don't be sad." How do you explain this to a two year old?
Later in the afternoon, I got a message from a friend who shared the story of one of her friends. Their breech baby had turned as she was being prepped for a c-section. She said, "Don't give up on your miracle." Thank you Brandi, those were exactly the words I needed to hear! With each passing minute, I felt my spirits begin to lift. And so I've made a decision. I'm not going to give up on my miracle! We still have three weeks for our son to turn around before we have to schedule a c-section, and that's plenty of time for my Jesus to show His glory! At my midwife's advise I will be doing "exercises" (basically standing on my head) and spending lots of time in the pool to help him turn around. I will also go to my first ever chiropractor appointment next week in an effort to move the process along. In the mean time, I will pray that my God knows my heart and will come through on this miracle, so that all will know that He is God!
Already this afternoon I have felt him trying to turn...my faith is growing and we won't give up yet. Will you pray with us and believe with us, that God will grant us this miracle?
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6
Monday, May 9, 2011
Are you invisible?
A friend shared this clip with our MOPS groups several months ago, and it touched my heart deeply. I've held on to it until the right time to share it with you and I think today is a great day...on the heels of celebrating all that our moms and wives do for our families.
Often we women do so much for our families that seems to go unnoticed...cooking, cleaning, endless loads of laundry, planning for company, packing snacks for a day out with the family...there are so many things that a mom has to do, many of them never receiving recognition. In addition to the chores of a homemaker, a Christian mom has the added duty of raising her children in a way that leads them to the Lord...soothing their fears, teaching them to take their worries to Jesus, not making a horrible face when they try a new look, and repeatedly speaking encouragement when frustration is really what lies on your tongue. It's not the husband's fault that he doesn't comment and reward each sacrifice and day of seamless planning. First of all, he's a man and he's often not going to perceive needs as we do. That's just how we're wired. Also, many of these actions take place in secret...planning things out in our minds as we run errands or choosing our words carefully in the quiet places of our heart. But above all this, these sacrifices and acts of love and service never go unnoticed by the One who matters most. Abba sees it all!
This doesn't just apply to women either. Often men feel like their actions are often overlooked...extra time and effort expended at work, taking the trash out at home, putting aside "down time" to play with the kids. As a wife and mother, I am guilty of not always acknowledging Toby's acts of service and love, even if I do notice them. I often treat them as expected duties and don't offer the gratitude he deserves.
Please take a minute to watch this video and be encouraged. Let's all try to do a better job of verbalizing our appreciation, but in the mean time, know that your actions are never passed by and never made little of by the One who sees them all.
The Invisible Woman - courtesy of You Tube
Often we women do so much for our families that seems to go unnoticed...cooking, cleaning, endless loads of laundry, planning for company, packing snacks for a day out with the family...there are so many things that a mom has to do, many of them never receiving recognition. In addition to the chores of a homemaker, a Christian mom has the added duty of raising her children in a way that leads them to the Lord...soothing their fears, teaching them to take their worries to Jesus, not making a horrible face when they try a new look, and repeatedly speaking encouragement when frustration is really what lies on your tongue. It's not the husband's fault that he doesn't comment and reward each sacrifice and day of seamless planning. First of all, he's a man and he's often not going to perceive needs as we do. That's just how we're wired. Also, many of these actions take place in secret...planning things out in our minds as we run errands or choosing our words carefully in the quiet places of our heart. But above all this, these sacrifices and acts of love and service never go unnoticed by the One who matters most. Abba sees it all!
This doesn't just apply to women either. Often men feel like their actions are often overlooked...extra time and effort expended at work, taking the trash out at home, putting aside "down time" to play with the kids. As a wife and mother, I am guilty of not always acknowledging Toby's acts of service and love, even if I do notice them. I often treat them as expected duties and don't offer the gratitude he deserves.
Please take a minute to watch this video and be encouraged. Let's all try to do a better job of verbalizing our appreciation, but in the mean time, know that your actions are never passed by and never made little of by the One who sees them all.
The Invisible Woman - courtesy of You Tube
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Haley's heart
My heart overflowed yesterday with it's sweetest moment to date...
My daughter, Haley, and I were headed to her room for quiet time and she started pretending there was a crocodile chasing us down the hall, like in her Little Einsteins movie. I played along and we ran fast into her room and I quickly shut the door behind us. We ran and jumped on her bed and I told her that she was safe on the bed...the crocodile couldn't get to her if she was on the bed. I felt the Spirit pushing me...
"Haley, can you say this? 'Do not fear...for I am with you.' " Her sweet voice repeated each phrase. I asked her, "Do you know who said that?" She just looked at me, a little confused. I told her, "Jesus said that!" We've talked a lot lately about how much Jesus loves us and how He's always with us. She started patting her chest and said, "Jesus is in my heart." I think this statement may be a twist on what I had taught her earlier...Jesus talks to us, but we can't hear Him with our ears, we hear Him with our hearts.
"You know what, Haley? Jesus can live in your heart. Do you want Him to?" To which I received an enthusiastic, "YEAH" as she rolled back on her bed. I said, "Ok, repeat after me...Jesus...please come live in my heart...and love me forever...and I will love you forever." I pray that in all of my days, I never forget the sound of those sweet words coming out of her mouth!
I recognize that she's only 2 1/2 and that there is much she doesn't understand, but I also think these little people understand far more than we give them credit for. So as the years roll on, we will continue to worship Jesus, to love well, to read scripture and incorporate it into every aspect of our lives, and I will hold fast to the promise my God made..."Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Prov 22:6)
Thank you, Jesus, for loving Haley so much! I recognize that she is not mine, she is Yours. You have entrusted her to me and Toby to teach her, love her and lead her to You. I pray protection over her sweet heart and blessings over her life as Your remarkable plan for her life gets under way...even now, at 2 years old!!
My daughter, Haley, and I were headed to her room for quiet time and she started pretending there was a crocodile chasing us down the hall, like in her Little Einsteins movie. I played along and we ran fast into her room and I quickly shut the door behind us. We ran and jumped on her bed and I told her that she was safe on the bed...the crocodile couldn't get to her if she was on the bed. I felt the Spirit pushing me...
"Haley, can you say this? 'Do not fear...for I am with you.' " Her sweet voice repeated each phrase. I asked her, "Do you know who said that?" She just looked at me, a little confused. I told her, "Jesus said that!" We've talked a lot lately about how much Jesus loves us and how He's always with us. She started patting her chest and said, "Jesus is in my heart." I think this statement may be a twist on what I had taught her earlier...Jesus talks to us, but we can't hear Him with our ears, we hear Him with our hearts.
"You know what, Haley? Jesus can live in your heart. Do you want Him to?" To which I received an enthusiastic, "YEAH" as she rolled back on her bed. I said, "Ok, repeat after me...Jesus...please come live in my heart...and love me forever...and I will love you forever." I pray that in all of my days, I never forget the sound of those sweet words coming out of her mouth!
I recognize that she's only 2 1/2 and that there is much she doesn't understand, but I also think these little people understand far more than we give them credit for. So as the years roll on, we will continue to worship Jesus, to love well, to read scripture and incorporate it into every aspect of our lives, and I will hold fast to the promise my God made..."Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Prov 22:6)
Thank you, Jesus, for loving Haley so much! I recognize that she is not mine, she is Yours. You have entrusted her to me and Toby to teach her, love her and lead her to You. I pray protection over her sweet heart and blessings over her life as Your remarkable plan for her life gets under way...even now, at 2 years old!!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
WE'RE DEBT FREE!!!
"The borrower is slave to the lender" Proverbs 22:7
We are thrilled, thrilled, thrilled to have reached a HUGE goal for our family! First and foremost, this post is not meant to brag, but to give total glory to Jesus for the work He's done in our hearts, our lives, and our finances over the last few years.
So let me start by filling you in on the details. Early on in our marriage, Toby and I wanted to take some sort of Christian finance course for years - be it Dave Ramsey, Crown Financial, whatever. We just wanted to learn truth in this area and operate our finances from Biblical principles. At this time we were both working during the day and I was either working late nights for tax season or spending hours on end at the library in preparation for the CPA exam. So the timing just never really worked out...the times these classes were offered were not "convenient" for us. I've since learned, that we do what we really want to do and honestly, we just didn't make this as big of a priority as we should have earlier in our marriage.
Fast forward a few years...Toby got transferred to Tennessee and I quit my job to stay home with sweet Haley. Out of desperation for adult interaction, I started attending a moms group at a local church in Knoxville. While I never really clicked with any of the moms, other than the two that invited me, I still felt like I was suppose to go. Turns out that during my second semester in the group the course "Financial Peace University" by Dave Ramsey was offered as a choice. I was thrilled! Now, this was a "bare bones" version because they didn't charge the big fee (good thing, because we were broke) and we didn't get the materials, but we would watch the videos together each week. While Toby and I wanted to go through it together, I figured this was better than nothing, so I jumped on the opportunity. After two or three weeks, every one else in the class seemed to disappear and I was left alone. Several times I was left to watch the video...alone as even the leader went off to do other things. I didn't mind...at least I was getting exposure to this awesome information. Anyway, after two weeks of solitude, the leader asked me, "Do you just want to take the DVDs home a few at a time and watch them with your husband?" What?!? I was floored! So over the next few months, Toby and I watched the entire 13 lesson program...together, in our own time, with a chance to discuss it afterward. We were so grateful for this miracle!
Dave talks a lot about being debt free and now we can totally understand his point. Debt puts you in bondage and ties up your resources. It keeps you from being able to do other things for His kingdom with your finances. For us, we now know that we will serve in the ministry at some point, and God is positioning us to live "comfortably" with little or no income.
So we finished the DVDs in the fall of 2009 and took a good hard look at our financial situation. For the sake of giving God ALL the glory, I will go against all cultural norms and give you real numbers. At the close of 2009, here is what we were faced with:
$ 195,000 - mortgage on our TN house
$ 77,800 - mortgage on our vacant AL rental house
$ 8,300 - Toby's student loans
$ 19,400 - Carey's student loans
=$ 300,500 - total debt
Our monthly debt payments were as follows:
$ 1,400 - mortgage on our TN house
$ 918 - mortgage on our AL rental house
$ 82 - Toby's student loans
$ 173 - Carey's student loans
=$2,573 - total cash going out of our hands to the debtors each month
Now, you can do the math here. Toby had a great job, but once you tack on groceries, utilities, gasoline, etc, etc, etc...things were tight to say the least! However, as hard as those days were, God forced us to learn some really hard lessons. Lessons about stewarding His money well, lessons that we will carry for the rest of our lives. In those days, the choice laid out before me was A - get a job and put Haley in daycare or B - figure out how to stretch a buck. Since it was my heart's desire to be home with my babies, I got busy stretching away. We put Haley in cloth diapers, I made all of her baby food, I learned from a friend how to make my own laundry detergent, I learned all about cutting coupons and planning our meals around what was on sale. We rarely went out to eat and if we did it was to the cheap Mexican place where they would serve us endless free chips and salsa and we could split a $5 quesadilla. Most lunch dates consisted of sandwiches from home in the back end of my 4Runner, backed up to the river. Honestly, those are some of my favorite memories from Tennessee. We also learned that life went along just fine without fancy dinners out, new clothes, luxury cars, or extravagant toys for our daughter. God had blessed us with an incredible amount and we were learning that the "American dream" is not all it's cracked up to be. We were finally content with what we had and were able to take stock of things and start digging out from under our debt. [See the $ Savers tab for details.]
So, how did we get from there to here? Yes, we cut back tremendously in those first few months, but the monumental changes are all tied to the miracles God worked in moving us back to Alabama. In February 2010, God told Toby to quit his job, move us back to Alabama, attend "seminary" and live in our little vacant house. If you haven't heard this story, please take the time to read it...God is SO good! Anyway, after months of no job prospects in Mobile, one finally landed on the scene. With it came full relocation, additional funds for moving and temporary housing expenses, and they bought our TN house from us...for what we paid for it, even though it had declined in value during the two years we lived there. This was our starting point. So that takes care of our TN mortgage and we were able to put some of the extra moving funds toward Toby's student loans and knock them out. That alone was a huge relief...to finally have some breathing room in our finances!
Once we moved into our tiny, vacant rental house (that conveniently God was holding on to for us...haha, the joke's on us!) we refinanced the mortgage to get out from under PMI, cut the loan term to 15 years instead of 30, and significantly reduce the interest rate. Even with reducing the life of the loan, our mortgage payment now is still lower than it was before.
Over the course of the nine months that we've been in Mobile, we have been slowly chipping away at my student loans. Our pastors, John and Tracy, have said a million times, "You can't out-give God." One of the biggest things I admire about Toby is the stance he took at the very beginning of our marriage. He said, "No matter how tough things get, we will always give our tithe." And so we have. Faithfully, with each paycheck we have cheerfully turned over to God what belongs to Him...even though there were days I would day dream about how far that money would go, from my perspective anyway. We kept up our end of the deal when we moved to Mobile and with our first taste of financial freedom we began to offer above our tithe...a huge joy for my heart! Well, I think John and Tracy are right. For months now we have been receiving random checks in the mail...a refund on a utility bill from TN, or an overpayment due to a miscalculation on the closing of our refinance, or a dividend check I hadn't thought about...it seemed like the money just kept coming in! It was crazy! Now, nothing was huge...$40 here, $70 there, but those things add up and we knew where they were coming from. So all of those things combined with Toby's income and freedom from not paying other debtors each month, my student loan balance was falling quickly and yesterday I made the last payment...the payoff amount! It was a day that I never thought I'd see!
So, we still have our mortgage on our little Alabama house, but it's next in line. Again, I tell you all of this not to brag or boast of any wonderful thing we've done, but to point all glory to Jesus! He is the one who put the resources in our hands. He is the one who changed our hearts. He is the one who provided the new, amazing job. He is the one who provided the resources to give us the freedom He wants us to have. He is the one who paid off over $200,000 in debt in 18 months. We are thrilled to have this weight off of our shoulders, but even more so to be in a position to serve Him in whatever capacity He asks because we are not bound by these obligations anymore!
You can do this too. I promise, it can be done! But you must be intentional and you must seek His help. He will guide your heart and give you wisdom to walk it out. If you've overcome this hurdle, I would love to hear your story. Please feel free to post a comment or send me an email at soakinginlife@gmail.com.
We are thrilled, thrilled, thrilled to have reached a HUGE goal for our family! First and foremost, this post is not meant to brag, but to give total glory to Jesus for the work He's done in our hearts, our lives, and our finances over the last few years.
So let me start by filling you in on the details. Early on in our marriage, Toby and I wanted to take some sort of Christian finance course for years - be it Dave Ramsey, Crown Financial, whatever. We just wanted to learn truth in this area and operate our finances from Biblical principles. At this time we were both working during the day and I was either working late nights for tax season or spending hours on end at the library in preparation for the CPA exam. So the timing just never really worked out...the times these classes were offered were not "convenient" for us. I've since learned, that we do what we really want to do and honestly, we just didn't make this as big of a priority as we should have earlier in our marriage.
Fast forward a few years...Toby got transferred to Tennessee and I quit my job to stay home with sweet Haley. Out of desperation for adult interaction, I started attending a moms group at a local church in Knoxville. While I never really clicked with any of the moms, other than the two that invited me, I still felt like I was suppose to go. Turns out that during my second semester in the group the course "Financial Peace University" by Dave Ramsey was offered as a choice. I was thrilled! Now, this was a "bare bones" version because they didn't charge the big fee (good thing, because we were broke) and we didn't get the materials, but we would watch the videos together each week. While Toby and I wanted to go through it together, I figured this was better than nothing, so I jumped on the opportunity. After two or three weeks, every one else in the class seemed to disappear and I was left alone. Several times I was left to watch the video...alone as even the leader went off to do other things. I didn't mind...at least I was getting exposure to this awesome information. Anyway, after two weeks of solitude, the leader asked me, "Do you just want to take the DVDs home a few at a time and watch them with your husband?" What?!? I was floored! So over the next few months, Toby and I watched the entire 13 lesson program...together, in our own time, with a chance to discuss it afterward. We were so grateful for this miracle!
Dave talks a lot about being debt free and now we can totally understand his point. Debt puts you in bondage and ties up your resources. It keeps you from being able to do other things for His kingdom with your finances. For us, we now know that we will serve in the ministry at some point, and God is positioning us to live "comfortably" with little or no income.
So we finished the DVDs in the fall of 2009 and took a good hard look at our financial situation. For the sake of giving God ALL the glory, I will go against all cultural norms and give you real numbers. At the close of 2009, here is what we were faced with:
$ 195,000 - mortgage on our TN house
$ 77,800 - mortgage on our vacant AL rental house
$ 8,300 - Toby's student loans
$ 19,400 - Carey's student loans
=$ 300,500 - total debt
Our monthly debt payments were as follows:
$ 1,400 - mortgage on our TN house
$ 918 - mortgage on our AL rental house
$ 82 - Toby's student loans
$ 173 - Carey's student loans
=$2,573 - total cash going out of our hands to the debtors each month
Now, you can do the math here. Toby had a great job, but once you tack on groceries, utilities, gasoline, etc, etc, etc...things were tight to say the least! However, as hard as those days were, God forced us to learn some really hard lessons. Lessons about stewarding His money well, lessons that we will carry for the rest of our lives. In those days, the choice laid out before me was A - get a job and put Haley in daycare or B - figure out how to stretch a buck. Since it was my heart's desire to be home with my babies, I got busy stretching away. We put Haley in cloth diapers, I made all of her baby food, I learned from a friend how to make my own laundry detergent, I learned all about cutting coupons and planning our meals around what was on sale. We rarely went out to eat and if we did it was to the cheap Mexican place where they would serve us endless free chips and salsa and we could split a $5 quesadilla. Most lunch dates consisted of sandwiches from home in the back end of my 4Runner, backed up to the river. Honestly, those are some of my favorite memories from Tennessee. We also learned that life went along just fine without fancy dinners out, new clothes, luxury cars, or extravagant toys for our daughter. God had blessed us with an incredible amount and we were learning that the "American dream" is not all it's cracked up to be. We were finally content with what we had and were able to take stock of things and start digging out from under our debt. [See the $ Savers tab for details.]
So, how did we get from there to here? Yes, we cut back tremendously in those first few months, but the monumental changes are all tied to the miracles God worked in moving us back to Alabama. In February 2010, God told Toby to quit his job, move us back to Alabama, attend "seminary" and live in our little vacant house. If you haven't heard this story, please take the time to read it...God is SO good! Anyway, after months of no job prospects in Mobile, one finally landed on the scene. With it came full relocation, additional funds for moving and temporary housing expenses, and they bought our TN house from us...for what we paid for it, even though it had declined in value during the two years we lived there. This was our starting point. So that takes care of our TN mortgage and we were able to put some of the extra moving funds toward Toby's student loans and knock them out. That alone was a huge relief...to finally have some breathing room in our finances!
Once we moved into our tiny, vacant rental house (that conveniently God was holding on to for us...haha, the joke's on us!) we refinanced the mortgage to get out from under PMI, cut the loan term to 15 years instead of 30, and significantly reduce the interest rate. Even with reducing the life of the loan, our mortgage payment now is still lower than it was before.
Over the course of the nine months that we've been in Mobile, we have been slowly chipping away at my student loans. Our pastors, John and Tracy, have said a million times, "You can't out-give God." One of the biggest things I admire about Toby is the stance he took at the very beginning of our marriage. He said, "No matter how tough things get, we will always give our tithe." And so we have. Faithfully, with each paycheck we have cheerfully turned over to God what belongs to Him...even though there were days I would day dream about how far that money would go, from my perspective anyway. We kept up our end of the deal when we moved to Mobile and with our first taste of financial freedom we began to offer above our tithe...a huge joy for my heart! Well, I think John and Tracy are right. For months now we have been receiving random checks in the mail...a refund on a utility bill from TN, or an overpayment due to a miscalculation on the closing of our refinance, or a dividend check I hadn't thought about...it seemed like the money just kept coming in! It was crazy! Now, nothing was huge...$40 here, $70 there, but those things add up and we knew where they were coming from. So all of those things combined with Toby's income and freedom from not paying other debtors each month, my student loan balance was falling quickly and yesterday I made the last payment...the payoff amount! It was a day that I never thought I'd see!
So, we still have our mortgage on our little Alabama house, but it's next in line. Again, I tell you all of this not to brag or boast of any wonderful thing we've done, but to point all glory to Jesus! He is the one who put the resources in our hands. He is the one who changed our hearts. He is the one who provided the new, amazing job. He is the one who provided the resources to give us the freedom He wants us to have. He is the one who paid off over $200,000 in debt in 18 months. We are thrilled to have this weight off of our shoulders, but even more so to be in a position to serve Him in whatever capacity He asks because we are not bound by these obligations anymore!
You can do this too. I promise, it can be done! But you must be intentional and you must seek His help. He will guide your heart and give you wisdom to walk it out. If you've overcome this hurdle, I would love to hear your story. Please feel free to post a comment or send me an email at soakinginlife@gmail.com.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
My Jesus is alive...and He is so funny!
Recently I went back to Tennessee to visit friends for two weeks (more to come on my trip later) and I got to stay with my TN bestie and her family. I watched every day as they routinely went to bed at 9pm (a seeming impossibility at my house) and M got up around 5 every morning to spend time with our Jesus before the day got started. Now, I am fully aware that there are people out there that do this, but for some reason that had always seemed like a mythical idea to me...nice, but not practical. So when I got home, I committed to keeping up this early bedtime in hopes of rising before my family to spend time with my sweet Jesus. I knew I would need His help, because my sleep is one of my greatest treasures here on earth! Not much can tear me from my precious sleep.
Day 1 - The alarm went off at 6, Toby groggily asked why I set my alarm, I turned it off and went back to sleep. Nice start! After another few days I gave up on the alarm clock. However, I started waking up every morning before my family. Some days I would roll over and glance at the clock immediately, other days I would lay in that half awake state trying to figure out the time by the light coming in our room. Strangely, it would be 6:10 every morning. Regardless of how early or late I went to bed or how long a laid around, my first glance at the clock every morning would be at 6:10. I thought maybe my body has just gotten into a routine...I should really figure out how to break this. But deep down, I knew there was more to it than just a sleep schedule. Every time I woke before my family, I would think, Hmm I could get up and read...but I'm pregnant and need the rest...but I'll read during Haley's nap time...excuse, excuse, excuse....
So this morning, not having set my alarm, I rolled over and glanced at my clock. You guessed it...it was 6:10. Again, I felt Jesus pulling me to get out of the bed, so I asked, "Are you wanting me to read a verse...6:10 something?" Immediately, I heard "Proverbs." No way...I'm just groggy. So I rolled over in hopes of finding sleep again. After a few minutes my curiosity got to me so I pulled up the Bible app on my iPhone. I am so not kidding...this is what I read...
"How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? 'A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest.' " Proverbs 6:9-10
I couldn't help but laugh! My Jesus is sooo funny! And He knows just how to talk to me. Perhaps the poetic intention of this verse is referring to something else, but because the Bible is alive, today for me, this verse meant GET OUT OF THE BED!
So I worked up some strength, grabbed my Bible and my journal and headed to the living room. Toby hardly noticed my absence. I asked Jesus, Ok what's so important this morning? His sweet response was the exact sentence I've said to Toby a million times in the last 10 days...I just want you to be here with me. My heart melted. My Jesus loves me so much. Today He didn't have anything earth shattering to tell me, but some days He will...if I'm willing to spend time with Him and listen. Today He just wanted me to be with Him. He wanted to love me.
Jesus, you are so sweet and so good. Thank you for being a jealous God. You are jealous for my time and for my affections. You want me to pour myself into You because You know that Your presence is the very best thing You can give me. Thank you for pursuing me...over and over and over, even when I ignore you. Please help me to prioritize my days so that I can rise cheerfully and rested to spend sweet time with you in the coming days and weeks. All my heart...Carey
Day 1 - The alarm went off at 6, Toby groggily asked why I set my alarm, I turned it off and went back to sleep. Nice start! After another few days I gave up on the alarm clock. However, I started waking up every morning before my family. Some days I would roll over and glance at the clock immediately, other days I would lay in that half awake state trying to figure out the time by the light coming in our room. Strangely, it would be 6:10 every morning. Regardless of how early or late I went to bed or how long a laid around, my first glance at the clock every morning would be at 6:10. I thought maybe my body has just gotten into a routine...I should really figure out how to break this. But deep down, I knew there was more to it than just a sleep schedule. Every time I woke before my family, I would think, Hmm I could get up and read...but I'm pregnant and need the rest...but I'll read during Haley's nap time...excuse, excuse, excuse....
So this morning, not having set my alarm, I rolled over and glanced at my clock. You guessed it...it was 6:10. Again, I felt Jesus pulling me to get out of the bed, so I asked, "Are you wanting me to read a verse...6:10 something?" Immediately, I heard "Proverbs." No way...I'm just groggy. So I rolled over in hopes of finding sleep again. After a few minutes my curiosity got to me so I pulled up the Bible app on my iPhone. I am so not kidding...this is what I read...
"How long will you lie down, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? 'A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest.' " Proverbs 6:9-10
I couldn't help but laugh! My Jesus is sooo funny! And He knows just how to talk to me. Perhaps the poetic intention of this verse is referring to something else, but because the Bible is alive, today for me, this verse meant GET OUT OF THE BED!
So I worked up some strength, grabbed my Bible and my journal and headed to the living room. Toby hardly noticed my absence. I asked Jesus, Ok what's so important this morning? His sweet response was the exact sentence I've said to Toby a million times in the last 10 days...I just want you to be here with me. My heart melted. My Jesus loves me so much. Today He didn't have anything earth shattering to tell me, but some days He will...if I'm willing to spend time with Him and listen. Today He just wanted me to be with Him. He wanted to love me.
Jesus, you are so sweet and so good. Thank you for being a jealous God. You are jealous for my time and for my affections. You want me to pour myself into You because You know that Your presence is the very best thing You can give me. Thank you for pursuing me...over and over and over, even when I ignore you. Please help me to prioritize my days so that I can rise cheerfully and rested to spend sweet time with you in the coming days and weeks. All my heart...Carey
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
We finally have a home!
When we moved to Mobile in August of last year, it was clear that our assignment was to visit as many churches as we could...to come out of our corner, to see how the rest of the body loves Jesus. Our intention was not to find a home, but to learn. Knowing that we have been called into the ministry, at some level at some point in time, we acknowledged that once we do get plugged into a church, we will be obligated to be there each Sunday, so now was our chance to visit around and see the rest of the body.
We visited everything from conservative Southern Baptist to Church of Christ to dancing in the isles and speaking tongues charismatic. It was an awesome season...and a hard season. We were stretched and taught in so many ways. We were blessed to learn about how others worship, pray and teach. It was beautiful to see different sections of the body loving my Jesus. It was hard in other ways...not having a home base or anybody who knew our names, and being faced with things we didn't like or understand. In some cases we could immediately put our finger on something and say, "this is not something we want to duplicate." Other situations or teachings stretched our understanding and forced us to dig, research and lean in to the Spirit's leading. As we entered our fourth month of this season, both Toby and I were becoming hungry for a home...a place to plug in, a place to love others and be loved, a place where encounters with the Spirit would be matched with healthy, grounded Biblical teaching. The problem arose that most of the churches we visited were either one extreme or the other. Any that we had visited that displayed some sort of balance were not home...Papa had not given His peace.
As I shared a while ago, along with our church hopping last fall, came a good bit of loneliness and depression. The day after I let all of that anger and mess go, I happened to have my radio tuned to the Christian radio station...a rarity in my world as I am normally held captive by Psalty, the Singing Songbook. Anyway, I caught the tail end of a blip on the radio for South Coast Church. Because I had become accustomed to seeking out new churches over the last few months, I made a mental note to look it up later. At home I pulled up the website and was drawn in by what I read. The mission and vision statement caught my attention..."At SCC we believe the stronger the foundation the further the reach. In order to accomplish the Great Commission given by our Lord Jesus Christ, we must teach people to live by the Word of God, be led by the Spirit of God, and to reach out to others with the love of God." That was it...the balance of Spirit and Truth we've been looking for! (John 4:24) I shared it with Toby that night, and I just couldn't shake it over the next few days.
Please feel free to check out their website to learn more...South Coast Church of Mobile.
So I hear this blip on the radio on Monday. On Tuesday, I was going out of my way to get Haley a Wendy's frosty before making a long trip across town. On our way to Wendy's I noticed a yard sign out of the corner of my eye...South Coast Church. I had to do a double take! We live in a little community just north of Mobile, so I was really surprised to see somebody in our neighborhood that was associated with this church that God had just brought across my radar screen.
On Sunday morning we visited for the first time, totally expectant that God was going to show us something big. We ran into a sweet lady just inside the front door. We told her how we had heard about the church and how we had visited many others in the previous months. Her reply was prophetic..."Well, I think you've found your home." As we found our seats Toby and I looked at each other thinking, that was odd. During the last few days I had searched out a new worship song, but downloaded a different one by mistake..."Your love never fails." I didn't mean to download it, but God's in control of even these little things. I quickly latched on to this new song and listened to it repeatedly throughout the week. So worship started up and what was the first song in the set? Of course, "Your love never fails." It was fairly new then and we hadn't heard it played in a service before...I stood there, stunned. My heart was so overwhelmed and held such a peace that I spent the rest of the worship set literally on my face in the center isle. I felt the months of despair falling off and hope start growing! Could this be our home?
Toby and I walked away from that service with a sense of belonging and an excitement for what God was doing with this body. They were holding a new member type class that evening and I felt compelled to attend...partly out of nosiness, partly out of obedience. Toby stayed home with Haley and I went alone. The pastor spoke about the essentials that a Christian should have in their life and he briefly touched on the foundation and direction of the church. I couldn't argue with one thing that came out of his mouth. We were in complete agreement. He mentioned a womens bible study that would be forming soon and would be led by his wife, so after the meeting I made my way to her. She was busy talking with others, so I ended up talking with another mom I had met that morning. After a 30 minute chat, I discovered that it was her yard sign, 20 miles away, that I had seen earlier that week! We ended our conversation, I had given up on waiting for the pastor's wife, and was getting ready to say goodbye when she opened her arms and pulled me into the sweetest hug. Now, I'm a plenty huggy person myself, so this didn't bother me. What caught me off guard was that she initiated this hug. I melted right there...in the arms of this total stranger! As she embraced me, I felt the Spirit's voice...I know what you need. You will find love here. I walked to my car in an almost out of body experience. That was my first day on that campus and yet I felt like I'd been there for years. In this moment, my soul was more settled than it had been in months. I called Toby from my car..."I think we've found our home."
Toby and I continued to discuss and dream about what kind of ministry God would place us in or what goals and doctrine would be associated with it. After these conversations, it would never fail that our pastor would address the exact issue in his sermon the next Sunday! Toby and I would always glance at each other and exchange an amazed chuckle. This happened, not just once, but at least four or five times. Our God is so good!
In the coming weeks we met with the pastor and his wife, talked with many people in the congregation and leadership, and attended the new member classes. Turns out, this awesome, growing church with God's favor written all over it...it's six months old! Two years ago, this couple was running a very successful aviation company in Tulsa, OK when God asked them to sell their business, return to Mobile (the pastor's hometown) and plant a church...so they did. With their 5 teenagers in tow and great trust and obedience they pulled into Mobile last summer and launched South Coast Church in September 2010. Six months later, we are still seeing lots of new faces every Sunday with an average attendance around 150. I am continually amazed at His faithfulness!
In the months that followed, God has repeatedly brought to mind some wisdom shared with us. Just before we left Tennessee, we met with our pastor and his wife for dinner. While they both shared tons of invaluable advice and wisdom, one statement stands out..."Look for a little church that's just getting started. Get in on the ground floor so you can see all areas of ministry. If you jump on board with a mega church, they're going to put you in charge of left-handed, 7th grade boys and that's all you'll get to see." The accuracy of this statement almost makes me laugh. Our new church home is 6 months old, with one couple running the whole show without pay. I'm not sure how much more "ground floor" we could get! I've found myself telling people, "This is the church we would have planted had we planted it ourselves."
God is good...all the time. I know He had a purpose for the hard months we spent without a home. Some lessons we have already learned, others will come out in due time. But for now, we are thrilled to join forces with this awesome church family and can not wait to see what God has in store for us as a family, for us as a church family, and for the city of Mobile. If you're in the Mobile area and are not settled with a church home, we would love for you to join us! Even if it's strictly out of curiosity...He's not afraid or intimidated by your curiosity, nosiness or questions. C'mon and see what God is doing!
We visited everything from conservative Southern Baptist to Church of Christ to dancing in the isles and speaking tongues charismatic. It was an awesome season...and a hard season. We were stretched and taught in so many ways. We were blessed to learn about how others worship, pray and teach. It was beautiful to see different sections of the body loving my Jesus. It was hard in other ways...not having a home base or anybody who knew our names, and being faced with things we didn't like or understand. In some cases we could immediately put our finger on something and say, "this is not something we want to duplicate." Other situations or teachings stretched our understanding and forced us to dig, research and lean in to the Spirit's leading. As we entered our fourth month of this season, both Toby and I were becoming hungry for a home...a place to plug in, a place to love others and be loved, a place where encounters with the Spirit would be matched with healthy, grounded Biblical teaching. The problem arose that most of the churches we visited were either one extreme or the other. Any that we had visited that displayed some sort of balance were not home...Papa had not given His peace.
As I shared a while ago, along with our church hopping last fall, came a good bit of loneliness and depression. The day after I let all of that anger and mess go, I happened to have my radio tuned to the Christian radio station...a rarity in my world as I am normally held captive by Psalty, the Singing Songbook. Anyway, I caught the tail end of a blip on the radio for South Coast Church. Because I had become accustomed to seeking out new churches over the last few months, I made a mental note to look it up later. At home I pulled up the website and was drawn in by what I read. The mission and vision statement caught my attention..."At SCC we believe the stronger the foundation the further the reach. In order to accomplish the Great Commission given by our Lord Jesus Christ, we must teach people to live by the Word of God, be led by the Spirit of God, and to reach out to others with the love of God." That was it...the balance of Spirit and Truth we've been looking for! (John 4:24) I shared it with Toby that night, and I just couldn't shake it over the next few days.
Please feel free to check out their website to learn more...South Coast Church of Mobile.
So I hear this blip on the radio on Monday. On Tuesday, I was going out of my way to get Haley a Wendy's frosty before making a long trip across town. On our way to Wendy's I noticed a yard sign out of the corner of my eye...South Coast Church. I had to do a double take! We live in a little community just north of Mobile, so I was really surprised to see somebody in our neighborhood that was associated with this church that God had just brought across my radar screen.
On Sunday morning we visited for the first time, totally expectant that God was going to show us something big. We ran into a sweet lady just inside the front door. We told her how we had heard about the church and how we had visited many others in the previous months. Her reply was prophetic..."Well, I think you've found your home." As we found our seats Toby and I looked at each other thinking, that was odd. During the last few days I had searched out a new worship song, but downloaded a different one by mistake..."Your love never fails." I didn't mean to download it, but God's in control of even these little things. I quickly latched on to this new song and listened to it repeatedly throughout the week. So worship started up and what was the first song in the set? Of course, "Your love never fails." It was fairly new then and we hadn't heard it played in a service before...I stood there, stunned. My heart was so overwhelmed and held such a peace that I spent the rest of the worship set literally on my face in the center isle. I felt the months of despair falling off and hope start growing! Could this be our home?
Toby and I walked away from that service with a sense of belonging and an excitement for what God was doing with this body. They were holding a new member type class that evening and I felt compelled to attend...partly out of nosiness, partly out of obedience. Toby stayed home with Haley and I went alone. The pastor spoke about the essentials that a Christian should have in their life and he briefly touched on the foundation and direction of the church. I couldn't argue with one thing that came out of his mouth. We were in complete agreement. He mentioned a womens bible study that would be forming soon and would be led by his wife, so after the meeting I made my way to her. She was busy talking with others, so I ended up talking with another mom I had met that morning. After a 30 minute chat, I discovered that it was her yard sign, 20 miles away, that I had seen earlier that week! We ended our conversation, I had given up on waiting for the pastor's wife, and was getting ready to say goodbye when she opened her arms and pulled me into the sweetest hug. Now, I'm a plenty huggy person myself, so this didn't bother me. What caught me off guard was that she initiated this hug. I melted right there...in the arms of this total stranger! As she embraced me, I felt the Spirit's voice...I know what you need. You will find love here. I walked to my car in an almost out of body experience. That was my first day on that campus and yet I felt like I'd been there for years. In this moment, my soul was more settled than it had been in months. I called Toby from my car..."I think we've found our home."
Toby and I continued to discuss and dream about what kind of ministry God would place us in or what goals and doctrine would be associated with it. After these conversations, it would never fail that our pastor would address the exact issue in his sermon the next Sunday! Toby and I would always glance at each other and exchange an amazed chuckle. This happened, not just once, but at least four or five times. Our God is so good!
In the coming weeks we met with the pastor and his wife, talked with many people in the congregation and leadership, and attended the new member classes. Turns out, this awesome, growing church with God's favor written all over it...it's six months old! Two years ago, this couple was running a very successful aviation company in Tulsa, OK when God asked them to sell their business, return to Mobile (the pastor's hometown) and plant a church...so they did. With their 5 teenagers in tow and great trust and obedience they pulled into Mobile last summer and launched South Coast Church in September 2010. Six months later, we are still seeing lots of new faces every Sunday with an average attendance around 150. I am continually amazed at His faithfulness!
In the months that followed, God has repeatedly brought to mind some wisdom shared with us. Just before we left Tennessee, we met with our pastor and his wife for dinner. While they both shared tons of invaluable advice and wisdom, one statement stands out..."Look for a little church that's just getting started. Get in on the ground floor so you can see all areas of ministry. If you jump on board with a mega church, they're going to put you in charge of left-handed, 7th grade boys and that's all you'll get to see." The accuracy of this statement almost makes me laugh. Our new church home is 6 months old, with one couple running the whole show without pay. I'm not sure how much more "ground floor" we could get! I've found myself telling people, "This is the church we would have planted had we planted it ourselves."
God is good...all the time. I know He had a purpose for the hard months we spent without a home. Some lessons we have already learned, others will come out in due time. But for now, we are thrilled to join forces with this awesome church family and can not wait to see what God has in store for us as a family, for us as a church family, and for the city of Mobile. If you're in the Mobile area and are not settled with a church home, we would love for you to join us! Even if it's strictly out of curiosity...He's not afraid or intimidated by your curiosity, nosiness or questions. C'mon and see what God is doing!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Wishy washy (Judges)
"In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes." Judges 21:25
The book of Judges runs about 350 years from 1400BC-ish to 1043BC-ish, but I can clearly see our American culture and even my own personal behavior interwoven into these scriptures. This brings to mind a mantra from my days with my precious Boothmakers, "For I, the Lord, do not change" (Mal 3:6) and therefore...We the people, do not change! It's almost sad to think that after thousands of years, we people are still making the same mistakes over and over and over...no wonder Satan's still in business. His bag of five tricks still applies and we fall for them all the time!
The Israelites were miraculously released from Egypt after 400 years of oppressive slavery. God maintained them for an entire generation as they wandered, homeless. He handed them city after city for their possession, and now Joshua has gone on to be with the Lord and they were left without a leader. Over and over and over Moses told them in Deut to REMEMBER what the Lord has done for you! Talk about it all the time, tell your children about it, take time each week and several times a year to reflect on the miracles and great mercy God has shown you and offer your thanks and praise for His undeserved love. This attitude of humility and gratitude was sure to keep them on course, but they chose to go their own way instead.
In some ways, this book was painful to read. Israel went in a vicious circle over and over again and could never seem to remain steady. Their command when taking the Promised Land was "you shall not leave alive anything that breathes...so that they may not teach you to do according to all their detestable things which they have done for their gods, so that you would sin against the Lord your God." (Deut 20:16,18) That seems pretty clear, and it's obvious God had good reason for the command He gave. He knew the effect disobedience would have on Israel...it would draw them away from Him, and He knew that HE was what was best for them. After Joshua passes, there was still a lot of land left to be taken, but Israel chose not to finish well. "Manasseh did not take possession..., Ephraim did not drive out..., Zebulun, Asher, Naphtali did not drive out the inhabitants." (Jud 1:27-33) In many cases the Israelites put the Canaanites to forced labor, but this was not their command. They had been commanded to destroy. So why didn't they follow through? I don't know. Maybe they grew compassionate toward the Canaanites, maybe they were unable to rally the military without Joshua, maybe they were simply tired of fighting and didn't want to put forth the effort any more, maybe they thought what they had already accomplished was good enough? Either way, this first generation after Joshua dropped the ball. They did not obey the Lord in battle, they did not obey Moses' commands to remember His goodness, and as a result, "all that generation also were gathered to their fathers; and there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) That statement frightens me...could that be said of my generation?
And so the see saw begins. Because Israel chose to live among the Canaanites instead of destroy them as they were commanded, their self seeking idol worship became appealing and lured in Israel until "the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals, and they forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods from among the gods of the peoples who were around them, and bowed themselves down to them; thus they provoked the Lord to anger." (Jud 2:11-12) The Lord sold them into slavery (Jug 3:8). It took eight years for the oppression to finally get through to Israel. Like the prodigal son, they finally remembered that they have a Father who can help them and the cried out to Him. This "cried out" is za-aq in Hebrew meaning to shriek from anguish or danger, to assemble, to gather together. Mercifully, the Lord raised up a deliverer, the first Judge, Othniel. This "deliverer" is yasha in Hebrew and it means to be open, wide, free, to be safe. This same word is often used to describe God himself in the Psalms (Ps 18:2, 40:17, 70:5, 144:2). So the Spirit of the Lord came on Othniel and he led Israel to victory over their oppressors "and the land had rest forty years" (Jud 3:11). But as soon as Othniel died, the cycle started again...Isreal "did evil in the sight of the Lord" then they cried out (za-aq) then God provided a deliverer (yasha). Over and over and over they repeated this cycle for 350 years! Some stretches of peace were longer than others, but it never fails that they end up back in the cycle.
Somehow, I feel like we're still in this cycle today...as a culture. If you look back through world history, there are periods of great revival and periods of great darkness. Even in our own century you can see the cycle...the "Roaring 20s," the Great Depression, the conservative 50s, the free love 60s and 70s. The question is, where are we in this cycle today? On we on our way toward God or are we pulling away from Him? I think the answer to this varies, depending on your perspective...are you a half empty or half full kind of person? It would be easy to point out the climbing divorce rate, the growing (awareness) of the sex trade, the failing morals of our culture, the number of abortions being performed and say that we have slapped God in the face. In a lot of ways, I agree. Our culture, as a whole, has told God that we are not interested in His "intolerant" ways. However, Toby and I intentionally choose not to immerse ourselves in our country's media, but to rather investigate what God is doing today around the world. God is on the move today, people! Hearts are coming alive for Him all over our planet! Yes, there is great oppression and moral decline to compete with, but people are crying out, they are za-aq, they are shrieking out for God to help them. And He is just as faithful today as He was thousands of years ago. He is showing mercy and bringing life to any and all who call on Him!
So how can we stop this cycle?
Moses told us the keys waaaay back a few generations ago...
REMEMBER
"Give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons." (Deut 4:9)
KNOW AND DO MY WAYS, TEACH THEM TO YOUR CHILDREN
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deut 6:5-9)
HE WILL POUR OUT BLESSINGS FOR THOSE WHO SEEK HIM
"Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments." (Deut 7:9)
As a parent, this hits me square in the face! Not only am I to pursue Christ with everything I have, but I am to teach these things to my children. In the very next verse after Joshua dies, we read "there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) It is critical that we pass on these things to our children, and not just head knowledge and the ability to recite felt board stories. Our children need to know (yada - to ascertain by seeing, familiar friend, kinsmen) the Lord Jesus. They need to be able to recognize His voice and understand His Word for themselves. They need to know who they are...they are sons and daughters of the most High God! They are eligible for great blessings and anointings, and should live a life expecting amazing things from our God. Are we teaching them that? Or are we teaching them happy Bible stories, and that it's rude to be disobedient, and that good Christians go to church on Sundays? What a challenge! About a year ago, I heard a parenting speaker say, "You can't expect your children to be something you're not." In other words, how can I expect Haley to walk in a manner worthy of God's anointing when I don't do that myself? It is up to me to live that way now, to model it for her, and to teach her His ways as she grows. I don't want her to grow up and be a mini-Carey. I want her to grow up and be like Jesus, so that is who I need to be modeling for her!
Today I heard it said, "You will only pass along one of two things to your children...God's promises or your fears." I don't want to communicate my fears or doubts to my children. I want them to see me stand firm in the promises of God and for them to see, with their own two eyes, how our God is faithful to meet those promises! That is what will build their faith. That is what will keep them grounded in our Jesus when they go off to college, and that is what will turn our culture to the greater stage of this cycle. Will we become a nation that cries out...ZA-AQ...will we shriek in anguish for God to come heal our land and make His name famous?!? Or will we continue with the status quo and our box checking religion? We have the power to turn this cycle...will we?
Sweet Jesus, Your endless patience and mercy are beyond anything I can comprehend and we are so unworthy of the outpouring of love You offer to us. Please help us to put ourselves aside, open our eyes to the truth of the state of our culture. Give us a hunger for You and a desire to see You sweep across our nation and our world. Give us the wisdom and the boldness to go after the things that matter to You and pass by the things of no eternal significance. Help us to teach our children about You. Reveal Yourself to them and help us equip them to continue the battle we are beginning now. Thank you for your new mercy every morning...a new chance to do it over and make it better. Thank you for allowing us to work for Your kingdom! Give us the wisdom and the grace to love well all of those You put in our path, so that they will feel Your love and turn to You.
The book of Judges runs about 350 years from 1400BC-ish to 1043BC-ish, but I can clearly see our American culture and even my own personal behavior interwoven into these scriptures. This brings to mind a mantra from my days with my precious Boothmakers, "For I, the Lord, do not change" (Mal 3:6) and therefore...We the people, do not change! It's almost sad to think that after thousands of years, we people are still making the same mistakes over and over and over...no wonder Satan's still in business. His bag of five tricks still applies and we fall for them all the time!
The Israelites were miraculously released from Egypt after 400 years of oppressive slavery. God maintained them for an entire generation as they wandered, homeless. He handed them city after city for their possession, and now Joshua has gone on to be with the Lord and they were left without a leader. Over and over and over Moses told them in Deut to REMEMBER what the Lord has done for you! Talk about it all the time, tell your children about it, take time each week and several times a year to reflect on the miracles and great mercy God has shown you and offer your thanks and praise for His undeserved love. This attitude of humility and gratitude was sure to keep them on course, but they chose to go their own way instead.
In some ways, this book was painful to read. Israel went in a vicious circle over and over again and could never seem to remain steady. Their command when taking the Promised Land was "you shall not leave alive anything that breathes...so that they may not teach you to do according to all their detestable things which they have done for their gods, so that you would sin against the Lord your God." (Deut 20:16,18) That seems pretty clear, and it's obvious God had good reason for the command He gave. He knew the effect disobedience would have on Israel...it would draw them away from Him, and He knew that HE was what was best for them. After Joshua passes, there was still a lot of land left to be taken, but Israel chose not to finish well. "Manasseh did not take possession..., Ephraim did not drive out..., Zebulun, Asher, Naphtali did not drive out the inhabitants." (Jud 1:27-33) In many cases the Israelites put the Canaanites to forced labor, but this was not their command. They had been commanded to destroy. So why didn't they follow through? I don't know. Maybe they grew compassionate toward the Canaanites, maybe they were unable to rally the military without Joshua, maybe they were simply tired of fighting and didn't want to put forth the effort any more, maybe they thought what they had already accomplished was good enough? Either way, this first generation after Joshua dropped the ball. They did not obey the Lord in battle, they did not obey Moses' commands to remember His goodness, and as a result, "all that generation also were gathered to their fathers; and there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) That statement frightens me...could that be said of my generation?
And so the see saw begins. Because Israel chose to live among the Canaanites instead of destroy them as they were commanded, their self seeking idol worship became appealing and lured in Israel until "the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the Lord and served the Baals, and they forsook the Lord, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of the land of Egypt, and followed other gods from among the gods of the peoples who were around them, and bowed themselves down to them; thus they provoked the Lord to anger." (Jud 2:11-12) The Lord sold them into slavery (Jug 3:8). It took eight years for the oppression to finally get through to Israel. Like the prodigal son, they finally remembered that they have a Father who can help them and the cried out to Him. This "cried out" is za-aq in Hebrew meaning to shriek from anguish or danger, to assemble, to gather together. Mercifully, the Lord raised up a deliverer, the first Judge, Othniel. This "deliverer" is yasha in Hebrew and it means to be open, wide, free, to be safe. This same word is often used to describe God himself in the Psalms (Ps 18:2, 40:17, 70:5, 144:2). So the Spirit of the Lord came on Othniel and he led Israel to victory over their oppressors "and the land had rest forty years" (Jud 3:11). But as soon as Othniel died, the cycle started again...Isreal "did evil in the sight of the Lord" then they cried out (za-aq) then God provided a deliverer (yasha). Over and over and over they repeated this cycle for 350 years! Some stretches of peace were longer than others, but it never fails that they end up back in the cycle.
Somehow, I feel like we're still in this cycle today...as a culture. If you look back through world history, there are periods of great revival and periods of great darkness. Even in our own century you can see the cycle...the "Roaring 20s," the Great Depression, the conservative 50s, the free love 60s and 70s. The question is, where are we in this cycle today? On we on our way toward God or are we pulling away from Him? I think the answer to this varies, depending on your perspective...are you a half empty or half full kind of person? It would be easy to point out the climbing divorce rate, the growing (awareness) of the sex trade, the failing morals of our culture, the number of abortions being performed and say that we have slapped God in the face. In a lot of ways, I agree. Our culture, as a whole, has told God that we are not interested in His "intolerant" ways. However, Toby and I intentionally choose not to immerse ourselves in our country's media, but to rather investigate what God is doing today around the world. God is on the move today, people! Hearts are coming alive for Him all over our planet! Yes, there is great oppression and moral decline to compete with, but people are crying out, they are za-aq, they are shrieking out for God to help them. And He is just as faithful today as He was thousands of years ago. He is showing mercy and bringing life to any and all who call on Him!
So how can we stop this cycle?
Moses told us the keys waaaay back a few generations ago...
REMEMBER
"Give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life; but make them known to your sons and your grandsons." (Deut 4:9)
KNOW AND DO MY WAYS, TEACH THEM TO YOUR CHILDREN
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." (Deut 6:5-9)
HE WILL POUR OUT BLESSINGS FOR THOSE WHO SEEK HIM
"Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments." (Deut 7:9)
As a parent, this hits me square in the face! Not only am I to pursue Christ with everything I have, but I am to teach these things to my children. In the very next verse after Joshua dies, we read "there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel." (Jud 2:10) It is critical that we pass on these things to our children, and not just head knowledge and the ability to recite felt board stories. Our children need to know (yada - to ascertain by seeing, familiar friend, kinsmen) the Lord Jesus. They need to be able to recognize His voice and understand His Word for themselves. They need to know who they are...they are sons and daughters of the most High God! They are eligible for great blessings and anointings, and should live a life expecting amazing things from our God. Are we teaching them that? Or are we teaching them happy Bible stories, and that it's rude to be disobedient, and that good Christians go to church on Sundays? What a challenge! About a year ago, I heard a parenting speaker say, "You can't expect your children to be something you're not." In other words, how can I expect Haley to walk in a manner worthy of God's anointing when I don't do that myself? It is up to me to live that way now, to model it for her, and to teach her His ways as she grows. I don't want her to grow up and be a mini-Carey. I want her to grow up and be like Jesus, so that is who I need to be modeling for her!
Today I heard it said, "You will only pass along one of two things to your children...God's promises or your fears." I don't want to communicate my fears or doubts to my children. I want them to see me stand firm in the promises of God and for them to see, with their own two eyes, how our God is faithful to meet those promises! That is what will build their faith. That is what will keep them grounded in our Jesus when they go off to college, and that is what will turn our culture to the greater stage of this cycle. Will we become a nation that cries out...ZA-AQ...will we shriek in anguish for God to come heal our land and make His name famous?!? Or will we continue with the status quo and our box checking religion? We have the power to turn this cycle...will we?
Sweet Jesus, Your endless patience and mercy are beyond anything I can comprehend and we are so unworthy of the outpouring of love You offer to us. Please help us to put ourselves aside, open our eyes to the truth of the state of our culture. Give us a hunger for You and a desire to see You sweep across our nation and our world. Give us the wisdom and the boldness to go after the things that matter to You and pass by the things of no eternal significance. Help us to teach our children about You. Reveal Yourself to them and help us equip them to continue the battle we are beginning now. Thank you for your new mercy every morning...a new chance to do it over and make it better. Thank you for allowing us to work for Your kingdom! Give us the wisdom and the grace to love well all of those You put in our path, so that they will feel Your love and turn to You.
Monday, January 24, 2011
The sandwich generation
A few months ago my mom and I had a chat about our oldest generation. I remember as a child that my Granddaddy, her dad, was around a lot. He would come over for dinner once a week and more times than not made it to my softball games and dance recitals. When I was really little, I remember spreading out on the living room floor and coloring with him for hours and he would read books to me in the kitchen while mom finished cooking supper. I remember that he was around a lot and I had fun with him, but now as an adult I couldn't remember us talking much and I felt like I didn't know what to say to him. When I was nine we moved from Birmingham, where he lived, up to Huntsville and I suppose that's when the distance came. As I continued to grow up and went off to college and got married, my mom talked to him all the time and would give him the updates on what was happening in my life, but I didn't do a very good job of keeping up with him on my own.
Recently, Granddaddy moved in with my mom and as with any new life stage, it's been an adjustment...for everybody. But even in a hard season, God is showing me so many blessings. Because of the miracles God worked last summer, I am able to stay home with Haley and therefore have the flexibility to travel...pretty much whenever we want. With my mom being a CPA and in the throws of tax season, she's finding it difficult to be everywhere she needs to be, so off we went! On Friday, Haley and I took Granddaddy to the VA to get some paperwork done and have his hearing aids adjusted and today we trotted off to Birmingham for a follow up doctor's visit. While I was looking forward to this time with Granddaddy, I have to admit that I was a little nervous about what we would talk about with so much "alone" time. So here's where the great blessings come in...we haven't had one dull moment or awkward silence yet!
Just as most of my life updates have gone through mom to him, most of his life stories have been passed from her to me...but Granddaddy says she gets some of the details confused. I love that! Today we rode an hour and a half to Birmingham and an hour and a half back. He told me all kinds of great stories...how he decided to join the navy during WWII, even though he wasn't 18 yet and details about where he was stationed throughout his service and crazy adventures that happened during that time. My favorite stories, though, were about my grandmother...how they met, adventures of their marriage, the fertility struggles they endured, and her early death. She had been sick for a long time and passed away just after my mom finished first grade. I am named after her and I have, in turn, passed her name on to my Haley. I think carrying her name has always given me a strong connection to her although I obviously never met her, so I love to soak up any story about her I've been able to get my hands on. Even though I know he hasn't always been an old man, it was so neat to travel back in time with him and watch him relive his younger days...by the time he was my age he had served six years in the navy, including active duty in WWII, married his sweetheart, endured several miscarriages with her, and pursued several careers until he finally found a passion in the X-ray business. It was so exciting to watch his face light up as he talked about his sweetheart. She was renting a room from his sister when he met her, and "she was about the right age, so I asked her for a date," he said with a big grin. I asked, "Where did you take her? Do you remember?" "Ah, I think we went to see a movie or something. But it went well cause I asked her for another date!" Six months later they were married. The pictures I've seen of their early years show a young married couple, madly in love and enjoying every minute of life. Those people were not hard of hearing or getting confused easily, but they were just like me and my sweet Toby...just doing life in your 20s and everything that comes along with it.
Granddaddy has always said he wants Haley to know him. I take a picture of Haley everyday (ok, nearly everyday) with my phone and email it out to our family. It's nothing monumental, just us at the grocery store, eating lunch or playing outside, but since we live so far away from most of our family, it helps them to feel like they can watch her grow up. So he gets to see her, but she doesn't get to see him that often...until this twisted blessing. We have spent several days here now and will make several more trips in the coming months and already I can see a sweet relationship blooming between Haley and Granddaddy. On Friday while we waited at the VA, Haley introduced Granddaddy to her favorite pal, Woody. You should know that Haley doesn't share Woody with many people, but she let Granddaddy hold on to him that afternoon and they ended up with a sweet game of hide and seek between the three of them. Granddaddy would tuck Woody into his jacket and Haley would call for him as she searched, then she would giggle with delight! Today at the doctor's office, Haley watched everything he did with curiosity...step on the scales, take his temperature, check his blood pressure...she wanted to know all about it. To watch her stroll into his room and say, "Hey Ganddaddy. What doin?" just melts my heart.
Granddaddy, Haley and Woody playing hide and seek at the VA
Even though these first months of this new season will be an adjustment for Granddaddy, mom and her husband, I am excited about the twisted blessings God has mingled in. I will get to spend more time with mom and help her in whatever way I can, and they can see Haley much more than they normally do. Thank you Jesus, for this season and for helping us to see the blessings you have intermingled with the challenges. Help us to take full advantage of this season and make the most of the relationships You've given us.
Recently, Granddaddy moved in with my mom and as with any new life stage, it's been an adjustment...for everybody. But even in a hard season, God is showing me so many blessings. Because of the miracles God worked last summer, I am able to stay home with Haley and therefore have the flexibility to travel...pretty much whenever we want. With my mom being a CPA and in the throws of tax season, she's finding it difficult to be everywhere she needs to be, so off we went! On Friday, Haley and I took Granddaddy to the VA to get some paperwork done and have his hearing aids adjusted and today we trotted off to Birmingham for a follow up doctor's visit. While I was looking forward to this time with Granddaddy, I have to admit that I was a little nervous about what we would talk about with so much "alone" time. So here's where the great blessings come in...we haven't had one dull moment or awkward silence yet!
Just as most of my life updates have gone through mom to him, most of his life stories have been passed from her to me...but Granddaddy says she gets some of the details confused. I love that! Today we rode an hour and a half to Birmingham and an hour and a half back. He told me all kinds of great stories...how he decided to join the navy during WWII, even though he wasn't 18 yet and details about where he was stationed throughout his service and crazy adventures that happened during that time. My favorite stories, though, were about my grandmother...how they met, adventures of their marriage, the fertility struggles they endured, and her early death. She had been sick for a long time and passed away just after my mom finished first grade. I am named after her and I have, in turn, passed her name on to my Haley. I think carrying her name has always given me a strong connection to her although I obviously never met her, so I love to soak up any story about her I've been able to get my hands on. Even though I know he hasn't always been an old man, it was so neat to travel back in time with him and watch him relive his younger days...by the time he was my age he had served six years in the navy, including active duty in WWII, married his sweetheart, endured several miscarriages with her, and pursued several careers until he finally found a passion in the X-ray business. It was so exciting to watch his face light up as he talked about his sweetheart. She was renting a room from his sister when he met her, and "she was about the right age, so I asked her for a date," he said with a big grin. I asked, "Where did you take her? Do you remember?" "Ah, I think we went to see a movie or something. But it went well cause I asked her for another date!" Six months later they were married. The pictures I've seen of their early years show a young married couple, madly in love and enjoying every minute of life. Those people were not hard of hearing or getting confused easily, but they were just like me and my sweet Toby...just doing life in your 20s and everything that comes along with it.
Granddaddy has always said he wants Haley to know him. I take a picture of Haley everyday (ok, nearly everyday) with my phone and email it out to our family. It's nothing monumental, just us at the grocery store, eating lunch or playing outside, but since we live so far away from most of our family, it helps them to feel like they can watch her grow up. So he gets to see her, but she doesn't get to see him that often...until this twisted blessing. We have spent several days here now and will make several more trips in the coming months and already I can see a sweet relationship blooming between Haley and Granddaddy. On Friday while we waited at the VA, Haley introduced Granddaddy to her favorite pal, Woody. You should know that Haley doesn't share Woody with many people, but she let Granddaddy hold on to him that afternoon and they ended up with a sweet game of hide and seek between the three of them. Granddaddy would tuck Woody into his jacket and Haley would call for him as she searched, then she would giggle with delight! Today at the doctor's office, Haley watched everything he did with curiosity...step on the scales, take his temperature, check his blood pressure...she wanted to know all about it. To watch her stroll into his room and say, "Hey Ganddaddy. What doin?" just melts my heart.
Granddaddy, Haley and Woody playing hide and seek at the VAEven though these first months of this new season will be an adjustment for Granddaddy, mom and her husband, I am excited about the twisted blessings God has mingled in. I will get to spend more time with mom and help her in whatever way I can, and they can see Haley much more than they normally do. Thank you Jesus, for this season and for helping us to see the blessings you have intermingled with the challenges. Help us to take full advantage of this season and make the most of the relationships You've given us.
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