Closing a chapter

During the months of uncertainty...knowing we were going to move to Mobile, but having no idea when or how...I would often look around our house and imagine packing my things into boxes and loading a U-Haul. As I studied all of our books and knick knacks, imagined the mountains of clothes hanging in our closet, and the comical volume of kitchen paraphernalia I quickly became overwhelmed at the thought. As a result, I pretended like it didn't really have to be done, so I packed nothing...not one box in preparation for our impending move. When sweet Jesus swept in to show us what He had been working on during these months, part of His icing was full relocation...including movers...a gift I do not underestimate or take for granted!

Last Wednesday we made the trip back to Knoxville in preparation for the big move...the day we had been waiting for for almost eight months. When we pulled into our old neighborhood, Toby and I had very different reactions. Toby was instantly homesick and would have relocated the entire neighborhood to Mobile given the chance. He loved that house and community. I really loved our house too, but somehow it felt really strange being back there again...almost like I didn't belong, like I was just visiting. My heart broke when we pulled into the driveway and I heard Haley's sweet voice from the backseat..."home...home." We tried to explain that this was our old home now and that we were going to take our things to the "new house." She didn't seem to understand. As we walked into the house she ran straight for her toys in the living room. They were just where we had left them...where they had always been. Her Ariel doll, teddy bear and rabbit were even still sitting in their toddler seats around her little table. She was so excited to see all of her familiar things, and this confirmed to me just how unsettled she's been these last few weeks. For a two year old, she's handled this move remarkably well, but I recognize there's only so much she can comprehend.

Next we went upstairs and she again made a beeline for her bedroom. It was as if she were being reunited with long, lost friends. She was talking to her stuffed animals, filling them in on all they had missed in the last six weeks. She showed us almost all of her toys, as if we had forgotten what they looked like since we'd been gone. As we left that night to stay with a friend, a part of me was heartbroken to pull her from the house. This would be the last time she would see her baby room like she remembered it...

The movers arrived bright and early Thursday morning. They had driven up from Mobile, and were two of the greatest guys to work with. They were very professional, hard working and efficient. Sweet Jesus even gave Toby several opportunities to share our story and encourage them in their own walk with Him. For insurance reasons, we were not allowed to pack anything...shucks! But we were required to be on the property at all times to oversee the crew.

Toby was wonderful to manage the movers (aka sit on the back porch and read) while I went off gallivanting with my friends. I was thrilled to get to see some of my Boothmakers for a treat of a breakfast at MiMi's Cafe and we made homemade cinnamon rolls in the afternoon. On a side note, I LOVE to bake, but I had never baked any bread treat from scratch like this before, so this was so much fun for me...and a welcome distraction. Thanks to the Pioneer Woman and her blog, these turned out excellent! I can't wait to try them again with a new twist sometime soon.
On Friday I left Haley with a friend and stopped by the house to see how things were going with loading the truck. When I arrived the downstairs was nearly cleared out. Only my window treatments remained as evidence of our time here. As I went upstairs and walked from room to room, taking in the sight of all my belongings packed away in cardboard boxes, I stopped dead in my tracks when I got to Haley's room. A sudden panic came over me as I realized her baby room was gone! I made my way to her rocking chair and allowed myself to relive the past two years...endless hours in this very rocker nursing my tiny baby, her sweet baby pink and white striped walls, her pink name on the wall above her crib, the place where I had changed countless diapers as I listened to her coo. I saw her trying her first bite of rice cereal and taking her first steps across the living room floor. I saw her swinging in her baby swing outside and gaining confidence to go down the slide by herself. It hit me like a ton of bricks that my baby is not a baby anymore. She's two now and learning and doing mountains of new things every day.

It occurred to me that this is a totally natural and normal response...grieving the passing of a child's season. I've been told a million times how fast they grow up. But a piece of me was sad that we don't get to gently transition into the next season. I feel like this move has put a hard and fast wall between baby and big girl and I allowed myself time to grieve the end of that season. I know we will have more babies...God has promised me that, but there's something special about doing it for the first time. All of the uncertainties in being a new mom and discovering all the wonderful things about my new, tiny baby and transitioning into a parent. I will always treasure the two years we lived in Tennessee...for tons of reasons, including my sweet Haley's baby years. (And goodness knows we have plenty of pictures to help me relive it whenever I want!)

As I drove away from our house, for the very last time, it felt as if the door had finally closed. We have known for nearly eight months now that this day was coming and now it was here. My sweet Jesus let me drive away with a supernatural peace...a peace that we had accomplished what we came for in Tennessee...to know Him better and to build friendships that will last a lifetime. Now it was finally time to say goodbye and march into the next season with the greatest confidence that He will guide our steps there too.

Goodbye to our wonderful home in Tennessee...we will always treasure our memories here!