A hard lesson in grace

A hard day...a hard lesson...a good reminder...

This afternoon the kids and I had to leave the house for a few hours, so we took a drive. (More details on that to come later.) After a good hour and we were still not able to return home, sweet Jake was over the car seat. Haley had a movie going, so she was content as could be, but not knowing how long we'd be I knew Jake had to get out of the car. It was a little after 5:00, so I thought we'd grab an early dinner.

Now, I never attempt to eat in a restaurant alone with two children. Any mom with small children knows that is just asking for trouble, but when you're desperate you do what you have to do. So we pulled into a local chicken finger joint. I hauled myself, my 6 month old in carrier, the diaper bag and 3 year old across the parking lot, into the small restaurant, and to an empty table. In a moment of genius I decided to put Jake in a high chair. He's recently mastered sitting up and I figured he'd be happier there than in his car seat...and a happy baby makes for a happy dinner, for everyone.


It turns out that Jake, indeed, liked the high chair. In fact, he liked it so much that he was ecstatic in expressing his excitement...in loud, shrill screams. This squeal is a new skill, so he was thrilled to practice it...over and over. I, on the other hand, was mortified. I do not want to be that mom with out of control kids, disrupting everybody else's meal. But what am I to do? I did everything I could think of...shoved snacks in his mouth, jingled toys in front of his face, even pulled up a cartoon on You Tube on my phone. Oh, he was happy with all my efforts...too happy. I patted his mouth as he screamed in an effort to quiet him, but that just encouraged him on. For once, Haley was sitting in her seat, eating away and being incredibly well behaved.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a young couple sitting next to us watching Jake. I looked over and apologized, but she sweetly laughed and started playing with him. Whew. I continue shoveling in an effort to get us out of there as quickly as possible when an older gentlemen appeared at my side. When I looked up at him he started talking to Jake, "How does such a loud noise come out of such a small body? You are so cute..." he continued and chatted with Haley before saying goodbye.

A few minutes later another gentlemen came to our table. I looked up to him, anticipating another nice compliment about my cute kids. "Will you please do a better job to keep him under control? That noise is really painful." I'm not sure if I replied. I brought my eyes down and they met those of the young woman next to me. I think she was as shocked as I was. I didn't know what to do. Haley and I still had a considerable amount of dinner to finish. I considered going to sit at a table outside, but it was getting cold and I didn't have jackets for the kids. So I shoveled faster and pushed Haley to eat quickly, not wanting to be a bother to anyone else and knowing that eyes were peering at me. After I finished a few more bites, I sacrificed the rest of my salad, asked for a to-go container, boxed up the rest of Haley's food, scrounged to pack up our belongings and loaded my family up to leave. As we walked away from our table, the gentlemen had his back to us, but I was able to make eye contact with his wife. I mouthed, "I'm sorry." She nodded with a "you should be" look on her face and then returned her attention to her food. In the parking lot I did my best to explain the situation to Haley, but she still didn't understand why someone was rude ("mean," in her words) and that we had to leave before we were finished.

Sweet Toby called my cell phone as I pulled out of the parking lot. It just so happened that he was on his way to class and we passed at the red light in front of the restaurant. He had good news, but I couldn't concentrate on it, much less celebrate it. When I told him what had happened at the restaurant, he quickly asked for the man's description. Not wanting to cause a scene and fearful that maybe I just overreacted or was being too sensitive, I hesitated. He was insistent, I described the man, and he said, "I've gotta go" ...click.

About fifteen minutes later my phone rang again. "That man wanted to apologize and says that he didn't mean to upset you." Still hurt, I didn't care, but was touched that Toby took interest in my pain. Here's Toby's side of the story...

As soon as he walked in, he looked around and the young couple that had been sweet to me knew exactly who he was. They whispered to each other and put their heads down. Toby declined an invitation from a friend to join his table and responded, "Thanks man, but I'm not here for food." He found the offender and his wife and helped himself to seat at their table. He began, "First of all, I am very sorry if my family disrupted your evening." At this, the man put the pieces together and started to stutter. Toby is no small fry. He continued, "However, that was my family and I don't appreciate the way you spoke to my wife. She left here very upset and there was no reason for it." The man replied, "Look, I didn't mean to upset her. (His wife added her agreement.) I've had a hard day and a headache..." The man wore a uniform for a local plant...a similar work environment to Toby's job. My sweet husband answered, "I know what kind of job you do, sir, and I understand that days can be tough, but my wife has had a challenging day as well." "Yes, we've raised children and grandchildren." "Good, then you know that sometimes you can't do much to control a six month old. She was doing her best to deal with two kids on her own and she rushed her own dinner so she wouldn't disrupt others. Next time, maybe you could offer to help a mom who's struggling instead of being critical."

As Toby left the restaurant he ran into the young couple in the parking lot. They cheered him on. In a sigh of relief, Toby said, "Man, if I didn't love Jesus, I'd of said a whole lot more." The young guy jumped in, "Hey, I love Jesus and I'd of let him have it!"

I am by no means looking for pity or attempting to make myself a victim. I have no doubt that my baby was a distraction and unpleasant presence for most everyone else in that restaurant. For that, I apologize. But I will always remember this evening as a reminder to show grace to others...even when they're unpleasant. You never know what someone else is going through.

Jesus, when I find myself annoyed by someone else, please help me to be a blessing and not hurtful. Help me to remember how powerful my words are...they can build up or they can easily tear down. Show me how to extend your love, even when it's difficult.

Toby, you will never know what your actions tonight did for my soul. You fought for my honor. You are my hero and I love you all the more!

Free stuff

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this," says the Lord of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows." Malachi 3:10

Our pastor has a saying..."You can't out give God." We are here to share that that can't be more true. God has given back to us more in the past year than we have ever given Him...it's almost comical.

From the beginning of our marriage, Toby and I have committed to tithe, a tenth of our income, to the Lord. Despite our financial season, feast or famine, we have been firm in this monthly giving...and God has opened the windows of heaven!

When we moved to Tennessee in 2008, Toby surprised me with a "happy moving" present. The day we pulled into Knoxville, we stopped by the AT&T store and picked up my new iPhone. At the time, he had a company phone, but was always jealous of my toy. A few months later Toby's company took back their phones and we were left to provide our own service. Of course, Toby went straight for an iPhone, but God had told him no. For whatever reason, God didn't want him to have this toy. I'm guessing He knew how much time it would steal. Despite His warnings, Toby marched himself to the store and came home with an iPhone anyway. Well, because my Jesus has a sense of humor, Toby's new phone started malfunctioning a few weeks later. Apple's tech support was baffled, "Man, I don't know what's wrong with your phone. I've never seen that. Send it back, we'll send you another one." Toby didn't make the connection and traded his phone in. Long story short, the new phone also broke with no explanation...and so did the third. Toby finally caught on and begrudgingly settled for a "basic" phone. So, here's the good part...four days before Jake was born in July, Toby walked out on our front porch to find a box sitting there with his name on it. He brought it in, curious, opened it and was shocked at it's contents. A letter..."Dear Mr. Toby, Please accept this iPad 2..." WHAT?!??

He tore into the rest of the package...sure enough, there sat a sealed, brand new, 32 GB iPad 2. He nearly jumped out of his skin. After going back to the letter he learned that his company had mailed out a two question survey back in January. I had opened the mail that day, filled it out and sent it back without a second thought. Out of all the returned entries, company wide, worldwide, they had a drawing and Toby won the iPad! So, Jesus was testing Toby...I asked you not to buy and iPhone and to be obedient, and in this case He had something even cooler waiting in the wings! Woot woot!

Another cool gift...Toby's old boss at work was transferred to China and asked him to come to his house and help him tear down his kids' playset. The people who had bought his house were older and had no need for it. It was a nice, wooden playset...one we never would have spent the money on, but would have loved to have. Toby asked, "Well, what are you going to do with it?" "Uh, I guess we'll just haul it to the dump." Hesitantly Toby asks, "Would you mind if I just took it off your hands?" And just like that a $400 playset was headed to our house...without a dime from our pockets. And as a cherry on top, Toby noticed some railroad ties lying around the plant where he works. After inquiring about them he was told they were up for grabs. The next day he took our trailer to work, gathered up an intern, and loaded them up. Our Haley has enjoyed hours of fun on this sweet gift from Jesus.
And the gifts just keep on coming...a friend that Toby works with recently built a new house and paid an upgrade fee for stainless kitchen appliances. Once they moved in they decided they wanted something a little more upscale. The friend mentioned this to Toby in passing, so Toby inquired, "How much are you asking for the others?" After a brief chat with his wife, he came back and said, "Well, why don't you just pay us the upgrade fee that we paid when we built the house." So, for $650 our kitchen now boasts a new stainless steel dishwasher, range and microwave...and that doesn't even take into account the $240 we've received from selling some of our old appliances. Now, was there a need for new, pretty appliances? No. Do I enjoy cooking for my family on new, pretty appliances instead of the coil top stove we had before? You better believe it. Are you catching on? God doesn't always stick to our needs...sometimes He loves to throw in a bonus.

While we're on the subject of updating our little house, my shower has always grossed me out. Somewhere along the way, a previous owner decided to handicap enable it...minus the necessary skill. The panels didn't cover the sheetrock right, the grout was all but gone, the flooring didn't drain right and black mold grew everywhere. I felt like I needed shower shoes in my own home...gross. When we first moved in we talked about replacing it, but because of the poor construction we concluded that the cost of renovation outweighed the necessity, so we just lived with it. A few months ago the topic came up again with my brother-in-law who owns a marble shop in town. He came out and looked at it, "Oh yeah, we can put in a 19" tub and surround walls...no problem. It'll look good." And with that the ball started rolling. It still cost us a bit, but we got a great "family discount." His work was wonderful and instead of a sense of arrogance and entitlement I would have had if we'd replaced the shower when we moved in, now I step into my shower with a sense of extreme gratitude. And by the way, do you have any idea how deep a 19" tub is...it's glorious!

And the gifts don't stop there...we've had tons of other small "happies" land in our lap. Nearly every week for the past few weeks we've received a random check in the mail...unexpected copay refunds, gifts from old friends, a safety award from work. He is so good and so generous. But you see, He doesn't do all of this just for me or for Toby...He does it for you. Yes, you there. He wants you to know how good He is and that what He's done for me, He would love to do for you, too. There's nothing special or "super spiritual" about us. We're just ordinary people, just like you, who have decided to be obedient in all things and then stood back to watch the rain. I am firmly convinced that the more we want to know Him and the more we freely give...the more He pours out. Our blessings this year are not only financial, they're simply the most visible. Even greater blessings than these include a strengthened marriage, healthy children, financial peace, and Godly, encouraging, life giving relationships. He is so good.

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:8
Go ahead...test Him. He is always faithful and would love nothing more than to pour out blessing upon blessing on you, too. Are you ready to receive it?

New traditions

As I shared with you last year, Toby and I have adopted a less than traditional approach to Christmas. We hope to teach our children that Christmas is foremost about Jesus and His gift of Himself...presents are secondary. Our goal is that as our children grow up, their behavior and excitement is not focused on material possessions, but rather on Jesus and others.

Haley is now 3 and starting to understand a little more, so we worked hard this Christmas to start some new family traditions. Because this is a different approach than how Toby and I were raised, we're kind of going with the flow and "making it up" as we go along. Sweet Jesus has been good to guide our steps.

My MOPS group held a cookie exchange a few weeks before Christmas and consequently we came home with far more cookies than any one family needs. So, we bought some cute Christmas tins, divided them up and set out to bless our neighbors. I know that one of the reasons God put us in this neighborhood was to develop relationships with our neighbors...I think we get a B...we've done ok, but we could do better. These cookies were a great reminder that it's not about the cookies at all. People are blown away that you simply thought about them.

A few weeks before Christmas we took the kids to a local church for their "Bethlehem experience." They had built a little city inside plywood walls and truly we were transported to another time. As we entered the city, they treated us as if we were traveling to Bethlehem for the census, 2000 years ago. Our tour guide showed us around town, introducing us to the local baker and carpenter, sharing rumors of a special baby that had been born. We experienced the town with all of our senses: feeling the swaddling cloths new mothers used to wrap their babies, smelling the spices commonly available, and tasting the freshly baked bread. At the end the innkeeper excitedly led us to his stable where the Messiah had just been born. When we stepped out the back door, I was sad to see it end. I had to remind myself that it was all just a reenactment, but for the briefest time we got a glimpse into Bethlehem on that fateful night.

On Christmas Eve, we recruited the family to help us reenact our own Christmas story. I found a great script online and edited it to fit the cast we had available. Haley didn't have a speaking part since she can't read yet, but rest assured she'll be stealing the show next year. She did, however, help with the props. She loaned two of her stuffed sheep to Pop, our shepherd. She helped wrap presents in birthday paper for our wise person, adorned with a Burger King crown, to bring Jesus, and she proudly wore a white princess costume to serve as our angel.

My mom and Bob, graciously served as Mary and Joseph.
(Note the "stable animals" in the background.)

In the spirit of giving, after our pageant we each took a minute to share what God had given us this year. Because He is the giver of all good gifts, I wanted us to focus on and give thanks to Him for blessing us beyond measure. These gifts ranged from a deeper relationship with Him to moving cross-country to financial blessings to health, healing and safety. As our kids get older, I hope to incorporate an offering of their talents in this tradition. I have visions of watercolor masterpieces and dance performances in my living room, all in an effort to serve Him with what He's already given us.

In future years I hope to move some of these celebrations to Christmas morning, but since Christmas fell on a Sunday this year we had to rearrange. This year we had the bonus of worshiping our Savior with our church family on Christmas morning. Before heading out to church we started the day just like we did on Haley's birthday...with birthday cake and candles. We sang happy birthday to Jesus and Haley anxiously blew out His candles. She was so excited, she could barely contain herself. And of course, because Jesus lavishes good gifts on us, we opened a few gifts too. For those of you who are curious, Haley's big presents were a baby doll bed and an art easel. I foresee hours of fun.

Haley proudly blowing out Jesus' birthday candles.

So there's our Christmas. We had a wonderful celebration and I pray you did, too. If you have any fun celebration ideas, I'd love to hear them. Please feel free to comment on this post or email me anytime. Merry Christmas!